Trevor Plouffe is returning from the DL and that’s big news because it’s big news. If you would’ve jumped out of a DeLorean back in March and told me I’d actually be writing a lede for Trevor Plouffe, let alone just a lede because he’s returning from the DL, I would’ve told you there’s no way Plouffe would warrant a lede and this is the information you bring back from the future?Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s not easy to give up 11 runs in 4 innings. You have to have the faith of your manager, first of all. Second of all, why does Jon Lester have the faith of his manager? Or anyone, for that matter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There once was a boy who went by the name of Grey. Grey didn’t always pay his bar tab. Grey didn’t always change his underwear. He didn’t like the theater. He never ate fortune cookies, though he did read the fortune.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s not the Year of the Tiger, but don’t tell Doug Fister that. And don’t ask Mr. Fister to sing Kyrie, because that song kills kittens. Fact! He just followed up a strong start @BAL with a dominating performance against the T & T Angels: 8 IP, 10K, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is always painful, but it’s also necessary. What follows is a look back at my preseason prospect rankings — a self audit, if you will. To be clear, this isn’t a re-ranking or anything, but it should suffice to remind all of you that I am mostly stupid. Please keep in mind that these guys are very early in their careers, and there is plenty of time for each to either figure it out, or get figured out. Anyway, let’s cut to it:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?
“That guy looks vaguely familiar.” ”Which guy?” ”That guy on the mound.” ”The Chris Tillman fella?” ”Yeah.” ”Did he used to serve us coffee at the Blue Danube?” ”I don’t think so. That guy’s name was Ronnie. And he had dreads.” ”But he was white.” ”Yeah, Ronnie was a white guy with dreads.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Heath Bell looked like garbage on Sunday, Frank Francisco returned serve with three of his own runs. It was like watching a tennis match between Jon Lovitz and that guy from Felicity. Rather than getting the hook by his manager, Frank-Frank was ejected for arguing balls and strikes. The ump should’ve told him, “With your stuff, I wouldn’t have the balls to throw strikes either.” Jon Rauch is next in line here, but, before the ink can dry on his neck, he could lose the job too. Though, I would grab him, in the non-sexual way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ike Davis – Sat out yesterday with flu-like symptoms. Like. Oh. My. Gahd. I hopes it’s not Valley Fever.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jesus Montero isn’t trying to break your heart. Since arriving on the godforsaken Seattle Mariners, Jesus performed the miracle of allowing King Felix to dominate while throwing pitches as fast as Jamie Moyer, who he resurrected from the dead. He also tried to turn Chone Figgins into a useful player, but realized that was never his destiny.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Evan Longoria is out for 6 to 8 weeks. Let’s look on the bright side. According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Longoria has been less valuable than Encarnacion and Aviles at 3rd base. On the less bright side, those guys have been really, really good. Okay, that bright side argument didn’t play out so well. Let’s try again. On the bright side, I told everyone to draft Longoria and drafted him myself, so you can point at me and say how screwed I am. On the less bright side, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance you listened to me and drafted Longoria too. Okay, last try. In the 6 weeks he will miss, Longoria would’ve gave you around 8 homers and 30 RBIs with a .300 average. You can get that off waivers from Pedro Alvarez or Chris Davis (if all those coins I just dumped into a wishing well mean anything). Did I just try to convince myself that Pedro Alvarez was going to give me the same stats as Longoria? Wow, glad I haven’t convinced myself anything dangerous like I can fly or I can heal Longoria’s torn hammy by kidnapping him and taking him to St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s a saying in Arizona, “Just when you get really good at your job, your career hits a wall and a Mexican comes along and takes the job from you.” The only difference in Krispie Young‘s case is that Gerardo Parra is Venezuelan. Krispie was literally the only one hitting on one of my teams and now… I’m crying into my soup, because the soup was bland and my tears are salty. I’m resourceful. But that’s one sonavawrench thrown into my team’s plans! As of press (post?Please, blog, may I have some more?