Between trade deadline deals and prospect call-ups, I am so super jacked right now, I could jackhammer a road with my excitement!  Is it weird that I’m picturing a mural of Giancarlo on the ground while I jackhammer said road with my excitement?  “Hey, move that traffic cone!  Giancarlo’s birthmark is further down and to the right!”  That’s me directing city workers as they put my Giancarlo mural on my block.  So, with Dexter Fowler hitting the DL with a forearm strain, the Card called up Harrison Bader.  I’m kicking myself for going Willie Calhoun over Harrison Bader two weeks ago in NL-Only FAAB.  Real bad call by me.  Now, I got Willie Calhoun, who sounds like someone in Alcatraz, and I’m kicking rocks.  Why do we care?  Bader has 19 HRs, 9 SBs and a .297 average in Triple-A, and Prospector Ralph put him 36th overall on his top 100 fantasy baseball prospect list.  I attempted to add him everywhere, even in ESPN leagues where he’s not in their system yet.  Oops, guess they didn’t see him coming.  Apparently, they don’t put the ESP in ESPN.  Bader’s overall profile looks to be a 20-ish homers, 12ish steals, .275-ish average.  His -ish looks Fowler-ish, and I’m chicken-lickin’.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The highest rated two-start starter on the Streamonator who is owned in less than 70% of RCLs is, gulp, John Lackey. The ‘nator likes him at a $13.90 value for his starts against the Chicago White Sox at home and the Milwaukee Brewers on the road (does anyone one else close one eye and grimace every time they write Milwaukee and wait to see if spell check flags it or not?). Here is the full list of players Streamonator gave a positive value who are owned in less than 70% of RCLs:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I wish I knew more about Street Fighter so I could come up with better Ryu puns or references. My knowledge of SF (do people abbreviate it like that?) ends at knowing it was fighting video game I had growing up that wasn’t as good as Mortal Kombat (hot take alert). And for the record, yes, I know Hyun-Jin Ryu pronounces his name differently. Give me a break, and go with it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Thank Godley I didn’t spend any time last night thinking up Zack Godley puns. The Diamondbacks inexplicably sent him to the minors the other day. Inexplicably, I say! Stop trying to justify it to me! Yeah, his 4.78 K/9 vs. BB/9 (there has to be a better way to write that) isn’t great, but still! 2.39 ERA! Five straight quality starts! This is an outrage. I want to speak to a manager!

Ok, so he was apparently sent down temporarily as they recover from a 14-inning dance-off with the Pirates. He’ll be back. At least, he better be. He does, however, have to stay in the minors for 10 days now. So, no Godley-ness for a couple weeks. The Dbacks called up Silvino Bracho to take his roster spot, so at least they gave us a fun name to say. Silvino Bracho. Silvino Bracho. Silllll veeeee noooo braaaa chOOO.

Anyway, as the headline suggests (or tried to suggest), we are here to talk about Dinelson Lamet and not Godley. We have only seen Lamet for two starts in the bigs so far, and this week we are going to get two more. So, do we take the gamble and roll with the young starter from San Diego for two starts this week? Let’s take a look…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Does anyone remember when Vince Vaughn was funny? It was a time long ago in a land far, far away, your wife was still dating guys wearing Armani Exchange shirts, and George W. Bush was using words like strategrey. It was long before the abortion that was True Detective Season 2, or Couples Retreat, and sometime between Swingers, and The Breakup. In that wrinkle in time Vince Vaughn ruled the box office, and the douchy part of our soul where things like Ed Hardy t-shirts, mirror selfies, and Criss Angel performances still roam free. So where am I going with this awkwardly constructed analogy? I’ll hurry up and get to the point, today’s subject Vince Velasquez has much in common with his big screen brother in initials, way beyond his first name and banal use of the word “Bae-be”. He too started his career with a bang, and universal love during his brief stay in Houston, and then the early season dominance in 2016. And much like Mr. Vaughn, Velasquez took on the task of leading man in the drama that is the Philadelphia Phillies 2017, but unfortunately he just hasn’t been able to recapture the magic. Maybe Velasquez’s nightmare seems less like a heroin dream, and more like a string of poor performances. But the effect is still the same, you just don’t view their latest release with the same excitement you used to. So when I was tasked with covering Velasquez this week by our fearless leader Grey Albright, it felt like a choir singing to me. Perhaps it was the angelic voice of Mr. Albright, perhaps it was my paycheck. Either way, when Grey Albright comes to you and asks “Can you see what’s happin’ with this young brother”, you A. wonder when he became a member of 5% Nation, B. you profile Vince Velasquez. So to the God Grey Albright this is for you…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Has there been any “sleeper” more hyped this season than Charlie Morton? It seems like we’re constantly being reminded of the spike in velocity, the swing and miss stuff, the combination of swinging strikes, and groundball rate. Knowing all this I was dying to profile Morton and see what all the noise is about. Speaking of Noise, my Pittsburgh scout, and favorite right testicle Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, has a basket full of hot takes on Morton, that mostly consist of different ways to say Charlie Morton sucks. Perhaps Noisey is right, perhaps all the lemmings in the fantasy industry are right. Much like the ATLiens that raised me to be an emotionally well adjusted gangster, I just stay in the middle and drop bombs, mostly in the toilet. I stay regular ladies and gents. Let’s take a closer look at this “new and improved” Charlie Morton, and see if it’s in fact a new recipe, or the same re-packed garbage.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Aloha from Clearwater Beach, Florida. I will be relaxing at the beach in this 90-degree weather today. I promise, I’m not trying to rub it in. The weather is starting to warm up as we approach summer, which means the balls will start flying out at a higher rate than they already are this season. Today’s lede has done a great job limiting home runs this season and I’m excited to see him deal today. I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised how good Eduardo Rodriguez has pitched this season. Rodriguez looks to make it 6 quality starts in a row today and he has a stellar matchup against a team with the 3rd highest K rate vs. left handed pitching. If you haven’t noticed I like using lefties in DFS, especially when the teams they are facing struggle at the plate against lefties. John Farrell has no problem letting Rodriguez eclipse 100 pitches as he’s done it on several occasions this season already. There appears to be no pitch limit for E-Rod, so if he gets off to a hot start today we could see a high K total in the box score. Today’s game is being played at O.co, which is smack dab middle of the road in home runs per game this season. Eduardo’s price tag is $17,600, which I consider a steal for his upside. Plug him into your lineups and lets win some money today!

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Justin Smoak isn’t simply the hottest hitter in all of baseball.  No!  There’s more!  He’s hitting near-.400 in the last week with four homers.  But wait, there’s more!  Justin Smoak is the world’s first liquid smoke for a fantasy team.  Put Justin Smoak on your fantasy team and it instantly adds an unmistakable Smoak flavor.  Sick of bland boeuf Welington, try Justin Smoak!  Once you taste Justin Smoak, you’re gonna be like, “Now I know why those crazy Canadians measure everything in meat’ers!”  This Eve is not covering her naughty bits with a fig leaf, she’s wearing Smoak’d beef!  Justin Smoak adds such flavor to a fatty piece of old beef it now becomes lean and fresh, leaving our Spanish customers saying, “Si, newy!”  I don’t want to Bragg about our Liquid Aminos, but Justin Smoak can be added to real-live cows and they take on the unmistakeable smell of an ashtray!  All of this for the low, low price of a waiver wire pickup!  Justin Smoak is too good not to try!  (Awaiting FDA approval.)  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Is there anything better than baseball on a rainy Saturday afternoon? You can’t do any yard work, you know, because it’s pouring, so you settle into your favorite chair, crack a beer, and you’re whisked away to a place much warmer, and much sunnier. Here I sit, beer in hand, ready to watch this week’s test subject Royals righty Nate Karns vs the first place Baltimore Orioles. The journeymen starter is on his 4th organization in five seasons, and there’s two ways to look at this. Either Karns can’t keep a job, or he’s highly “in-demand” by multiple teams throughout the league. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, never good enough to lock-down a rotation spot, but also good enough to find opportunity year after year. So far Karns has been a good fit in Kansas City, making his 7th start today vs. a surprisingly mediocre Orioles offense, one that ranks in the bottom half of MLB in nearly every offensive category. So the home matchup vs. Baltimore is a good one, even if it’s a first place club he’s facing…. Here’s what I saw on Saturday.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s up amigos?! Let me first say that if you’re reading this, thanks. I really appreciate the support, especially when we’re all recovering from too many Mother’s Day Mimosas. What!? Surely I’m not the only one that enjoys a little champagne and citrus juice occasionally, right? I’ll let you in on another Honcho secret: I like mine fruity! No comments please. Anyway, I’m back for another week of streaming fun and I’ve vacuumed out the sidecar on my new, American made motorbike. Won’t you join me? I love adventures, especially the kind that make you feel like you’re living on the edge. Like the time I challenged a few skateboard Yolo teens to a dance off after they made fun of my favorite pair of white New Balance shoes and sweet fanny pack. I’m straight savage at times. Kind of like now, when I recommend using Alex Meyer on the road against the Mets. Look, his numbers are far from sexy, but he tossed an absolute gem Sunday vs the Tigers (3 H, ER & 7 Ks) and I’m in love with his 98 mph fastball. If we’re being honest, the Mets offense has been underrated all season, despite the injuries. This suggestion probably seems crazy, but who cares! The Stream-o-Nator loves him in this start and I’m standing by my man, I mean…… robot. Maybe it’s their .166 ISO vs RHP, which ranks 17th in the league that the SON loves? Or perhaps the .314 wOBA and .406 SLG% which rank 19th & 20th respectively are making the bot all hot and bothered. Who knows, but what we can conclude is that the Mets are slightly below average against right-handers this season and that’s good enough for me. Also, he’s available in 99% of standard ESPN leagues, so he’s waiting to be scooped off the wire. Remember friends, the arms and bats I’m suggesting below are all owned in less than 50% of standard ESPN leagues and more importantly – are supplied with the assistance from the Stream-o-Nator and the Hitter-Tron. If you like what you see, take a leap of faith and purchase a subscription to any of the Razzball tools. You’ll thank me later.

Please, blog, may I have some more?