Holy waiver wire! In a season full of devastating losses for the Boston Red Sox, Thursday’s 14-13 extra inning defeat ranks up there as 2012′s most devastatingest. After Alfredo Aceves blew the lead, giving up 5 ER on 6 hits including 2 home runs, the Sox star “slugger” Adrian Gonzalez struck out with a man on base to end the game.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you know that Vapors song, Turning Japanese, is about masturbation? Because when said act is done, a man squints, hence turning Japanese. Things that are offensive aren’t always racist, but, in this case, they are. Too bad The Vapors follow up single, “When I Really Have To Pee, I Dance Like A Cherokee” never climbed the charts. So this morning, Selig, on advice from his toupee, is taking the greatest day, Opening Day, and putting it up against infomercials and a three hour loop of the Emergency Broadcast Network. Why the hell is Opening Day at 3:05 AM Pacific Standard Time, you ask. Because Selig is a f*cking idiot. That asterisk is a U, by the way. In case that wasn’t clear. Way to excite the next generation of baseball fans. Take Opening Day 6,000 miles west and have the two worst teams play. Could we not get the Padres to play the Washington Generals in Cape Horn? Anyway, for fantasy baseball, pick up anyone who may play, especially in H2H leagues. They’re all fair game. If I were you, I’d focus on the hitters. From what I’ve read, Japanese ballparks are smaller….Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2012 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Twins aren’t winning. Twins haven’t won all year, actually. You can look it up. They’re 0-for-2011. But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason. I love that. I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value. Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball. We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC. When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!). With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats. Revere is the player. In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Moustakas was called up! No, he wasn’t! Yeah, he was, random italicized voice, why are you giving me a hard time? Keeping you honest. Since nothing’s changed since last time I went over him but the date, here’s what I said in the offseason, “Last year, he spent time at Double and Triple-A. Not at the same time, that would be some Multiplicity shizz. In 484 ABs, he hit 36 homers and batted .322. As they say in Moustakas’ home country, “Wow.” (He’s from L.A.) Then they would throw a glass into the fireplace and spray some Windex. This past year saw Moustakas named the Texas League Player of the Year, which is more prestigious than the Koo Koo Roo Employee of the Year, but only barely. As his skipper said, “(Moustakas) missed the first 16 games of the season and by midseason he was leading the league in all the categories. And where’s Gilligan?!” And that’s me quoting me! This year, more of the same. In 55 games, 10 home runs. I’ll conservatively give him 40/15/50/.280 in 275 at-bats. He’s a pick up in every league for his eligibility alone. To get all Iliad on you, it’s Moustakas of Troy that launched a thousand homers. It’s also no accident that my iPhone wanted to autocorrect “Moustakas of Troy” into moistened trousers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jorge de la Rosa left the third inning because of elbow soreness. I thought it sounded ominous at the time, but I also thought it might’ve been the older, Hispanic lady riding her bicycle passed my window chanting, “Flores para los muertos.” It turned out it was a combination of both. Jorge’s gonna be sleeping with the pisces for a while as he heads off to get Tommy John surgery. Elsewhere, Rubby de la Rosa was promoted by the Dodgers. Up and down day for the de la Rosas, apparently. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – Had a big day in the doubleheader at Coors. Multiple home runs, RBIs and runs. A ménage à trois of fantasy goodness.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ozzie said that Sergio Santos would be the closer vs. righties. That means Santos is just the closer closer. Or as close to it as we’re gonna get. I don’t know how much I believe this. Just the other day Ozzie said the White Sox had the best bullpen in the American League. And he didn’t add “in opposite world,” at the end of the sentence. I think Sale and Thornton are still in the mix, but it’s old school to go righty vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might. But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was. For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year. When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month. At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF. It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Someone defrost Ted Williams’ head, Jed Lowrie is hitting .516. If Mickey Rooney were playing the part of Dice-K, he’d say Jed is so Lovrie. That’s if we can pull Rooney away from pooping in your neighbor’s chimney. Right now, Lowrie is seasoning up fantasy steaks something delicious, but can this continue? No, of course not. Can he hit .280 with 10 homers? Sure. Can he get to 15 homers? Is the moon made of green cheese?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, Stephen here. Everyone, “Hey, Stephen!” In addition to my Wednesday afternoon look at prospects, through the incredible generosity of Rudy (nice fro!) and Grey (love the stache!), I’m going to write a Sunday post each week about players that are currently performing well in the minors and may get called up sooner than later that could help your fantasy baseball team.Please, blog, may I have some more?