Devin Mesoraco was diagnosed with a torn labrum in his shoulder after missing most of last year with a torn labrum in his hip. My Latin may be off, but I believe tearing two labrums means severe vagina pain. The last thing he’ll want to do is be squatting. Devin Mesoraco now has more torn labrums than Nadia Comaneci. This torn labrum finally gives Mesoraco an alibi to his ugly. If he were going to get a torn labrum of somewhere, I would’ve thought it was his most prominent feature, his sunken eyes. Uncle Fester called, he wants his face back! Tucker Barnhart (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .298) will take over the catcher duties for Mesoraco. Barnhart has 3-homer power, so he’s not recommended outside of leagues that are Cousteau deep. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“‘I need a bouncy C. Not a bouncy castle!’ Billy Beane screams into his headset, when an intern interrupts him and his daughter, practicing her guitar, while they are both on a treadmill. The intern tells Beane that Jesse Hahn has a blister. The intern turns and it’s Jonah Hill. Fat Jonah, not “He doesn’t look right skinny” Jonah. Beane then looks at the camera to establish empathy and says, “Get me Sean Manaea.” Only he adds three extra syllables to Manaea’s naeame. And…scene!” The producer smiles, “That’s a great pitch. If only Manaea looks that good. High-five!” So, Manaea has been called up to start on Friday. He’s looked downright fantastic thus far. Upleft fantastic too. He’s a six-five Samoan, but he doesn’t weight 475 pounds. He could be the Rookie of the Year; his stuff is that TNT with SVU reruns. I also think there’s more downside here than, say, Berrios. He’s had moments where his command leaves him, and he becomes a 5+ IP, 4 ER guy. His delivery looks to me like he could get wild very easily. Wide range of possibility here, could be a #1 or could be a #4-5 that you only own in AL-Only leagues. Of course, I’m taking the flyer in all leagues for the chance he comes up and wows upsides our fantasy heads. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let me assure those of you who came here to read a fantasy baseball article that you’re in the right place. While the title might conjure up images of Brock Lesnar’s new submission hold (“He has the Brock Lock applied – it’s all over!”) or the latest late night item on your local home shopping network (“Get the Brock Lock for just $19.95”), it actually refers to this week’s waiver wire darling, the Boston Red Sox newly anointed starting left fielder Brock Holt (72.1% owned; +57.3% over the past week). Holt has truly been locked in during the first week of the season, producing a .412/.444/.882 triple slash line including 2 home runs and 8 RBI across his first 18 plate appearances. So the Brock Lock doesn’t refer to a submission hold or a crappy “as seen on tv” gimmick, but a hot schmotato! The good news is that Holt is 2B/3B/OF eligible in most formats, and might even have SS eligibility in a few. He has no split issues to worry about, and actually has a higher career OPS against left-handed pitching (.753) than right-handed pitching (.700). His solid plate discipline has led to solid batting averages of .281 and .280 in the previous two seasons. The bad news is that while he has enough speed to steal a base (21 steals in 289 career games), he’s unlikely to swipe more than a dozen or so bags across a full season. Those two homers that he hit last week represent a quarter of his career total in MLB. I’d be willing to bet that his current 100% HR/FB will come down a smidge, and that homers will be a bit tougher to come by in the future if his 15.4% FB% doesn’t rise significantly. Expect a .280ish average with 6-8 homers and 10-12 steals from Holt if he reaches 500 PA. Definitely useful, particularly considering his positional versatility, but far from indispensable.
Here are a couple of other interesting adds/drops in fantasy baseball over the past week:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Rangers called up their super-prospect, Nomar Mazara (3-for-4 and a solo homer). That’s super *prospect*, Hillary Clinton fans. Don’t worry, not the word that is also a title of an Arnie, Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura movie. How is that trifecta not in more movies? I wanna see ACJ in everything! This Mazara call up is happening a lot faster than I thought it would. As the Story one did and the Max Kepler one and the Mallex Smith one (which I’ll go over in the post) and others. Maybe clubs read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I started to read it, got to the first chapter, “Put first things first,” skipped to the third chapter about being proactive, grew bored and never finished it. Feels like the days of Super Twos and June call-ups are behind us, right? Not answer, but to ruminate. I gave you a Nomar Mazara prospect post back in November of last year where I said, “He won’t struggle to hit .220. He won’t be a liability anywhere. He kinda reminds me of a young Matt Holliday, though from the other side of the dish. I watched some of his YouTube highlights and he doesn’t struggle to hit balls a long way, but also doesn’t look like a fat turd that can’t make it to first. I’m no scout, but watching him makes me think this is what scouts call sexy. I’ve seen him compared to Miguel Cabrera. Okay, no one is Miguel Cabrera until they are Miguel Cabrera, if you catch my drift, but Mazara doesn’t look like a guy that is going to disappoint. .280 with 30 homers a season for many years, that’s what he profiles as.” And that’s me quoting me! I grabbed him in every league where he was available. For now, he’s just filling in for Shin-Soo Choo, who is out four to six weeks with a strained calf, but I could see Mazara staying up and producing. Think Stephen Piscotty-type numbers, 20 HRs, .275, and a few steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Moogly-boogly! It’s been a long winter. The Buy/Sell Column’s back asking, “Did you miss me?!” During the offseason, while you were diddling and thinking about how your middle school nickname was Bracecrotch, I, The Buy/Sell Column was re-reenacting scenes from The Act of Killing with puppets in a staged production on the western tip of Alaska because I’M HARDCORE! You want some Rip Taylor-wannabe, throwing confetti at your feet or you want a Buy/Sell Column that be cutting puppets’ necks with chicken wire while bundled up in fur coats because it was frickin’ cold in Alaska during the winter!? Like Jose Altuve trying to get the Cocoa Puffs, you want the latter! I’m eating puppet stuffing like I’m George “The Animal” Steele just to prove how crazy I am! Okay, enough of the hubbub on the tomfoolery, I’m in on Domingo Santana. Like all the way in. Like Michael, Sonny, Tom Hagen and Vito — all the way in. Like an Asian man wearing dark sunglasses indoors, pushing his chips into the middle of a table — all the way in! Like Gilligan in quicksand — all the way in! The Brewers are awful, this is not a lie. But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — Miller Park is a great park to hit in. The Brewers offense is not entirely as bad as their pitching. Domingo is a 25 HR, 10 SB guy. Let’s see, that’s better than Hunter Pence. Better than Kole Calhoun. Shoot, that’s better than Matt Kemp. Does Domingo have more risk than those guys? Yeah, word, you betcha. He also has more upside. Right now, Domingo is owned in 33% of ESPN leagues, that’s goofy. Don’t want my word for it? Then stare into Grey’s eyes on his little avatar photo until you see yourself. Now ask yourself if there’s a reason you haven’t picked up Domingo yet, and if there’s no answer, then grab him! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As many of you know, I was invited into the NL-Only Tout Wars live draft this past weekend that took place at the SiriusXM building in New York. The draft started at 10 AM EST on Sunday. I include EST because I roll like Rodney-O, Joe Cooley and Tupac on PST. EST is for grandmothers named Ester who die in the middle of spelling their name. I flew in the day before, which meant I would still be on Tupac time. I tell you this because I knew it would be a struggle to get up and to the building by 10 AM, so I stayed at a hotel that was literally — yes, I’m literally using the word literally — a block away from Sirius. I set my alarm clock on my iPhone — “Siri, could you wake me at 8:15 AM, I want to be a winner?” “Googling Steak Me restaurants for 8:15 dinner.” I told the hotel I needed a wake up call; I even set my in-room alarm clock. I was prepared to wake up late even with all of these safeguards. Well, I woke up on time. Actually, early. I did the three S’s and, at around 9:15 AM, with 45 minutes to spare, I ducked into a Starbucks right outside my hotel. I only needed to walk about 500 feet. I didn’t need 45 minutes for that even if I was lugging my suitcase. After dillying and dallying for about 30 minutes in the ‘Bucks, I headed over to Sirius. Well, that is, I got to about 100 feet away from the front door of my draft when I saw there was a half marathon running down the middle of the street that I needed to cross. I asked the policeman, “Can I cross here? I only need to go to that building that we are directly across from.” “Sorry, pal, you need to go up ten blocks to the subway and cross underneath the street.” DAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I threw my suitcase up in my arms and began to run ten blocks against a marathon and then ten blocks back. Good times! Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars recap, it’s a 12 team NL-Only, 4 OF, two catcher, one UTIL and one swingman league:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*balloons fall from the ceiling, sirens go off* Oh my God, what did I win? Little ol’ me was the winner of the “Only Person To Put Dustin Garneau In A Headline?!” *more sirens, more balloons* I’m also the winner of the first person ever to mention Dustin Garneau in a lede?! *yet more balloons, yet more sirens* Okay, what is it now? I’m the first person to mention Dustin Garneau three times in one lede? Great, can we kill the sirens? My neighbors are gonna get annoyed. What do I win anyway? Dustin Garneau on my fantasy team? That’s the worst prize ever! So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an NL Only league that was hosted by Scott White at CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than Amanda Bynes. This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I must say, I don’t believe in curses, hexes, jinxes or whatever you may call it, but this season is rapidly descending into a Euripides level of despair for me. As I look at my various rosters being struck with injuries and my place in the standings perpetually falling, I’m already looking ahead to next season. With another round of injuries comes another round of drinks. Misery loves company, right?
Jeremy Hellickson, D-Backs: A strained left hamstring forced the club to shelve Hellickson for a time, as the right-hander was placed on the 15-day disabled list retroactive to August 19. The 28-year-old has had an up an down season, and I’ve been bamboozled by his strong 10.6 percent swinging strike rate not translating to a better strikeout rate. His SwStr% is tied for 25th out of 88 qualified starters, however his 7.47 K/9 ranks 38th and 19.1 percent K% comes in at 50th. I’ve been holding out hope Hellboy could get his K-rate to match his whiffs, but for now we’ll have to wait at least until the first week of September to see him back in action.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was able to pick up Pedro Alvarez (2-for-4, 19th homer) for the batty call yesterday, which is kinda silly since he has four homers in the last week, and now I don’t see how I can drop him. Wouldn’t be the first time a batty call turned into living with each other for a few years, until the fighting becomes too much for each us. But we’re not brave enough to leave, so we bitterly sleep with our backs to each other, and when Pedro falls asleep before me, I pull out my iPad, lower the volume so he can’t hear the sites I’m visiting and I excite my “Josh Reddick” until my “Marcus Semien” arrives and I cry myself to sleep. Or something along those lines! *giggles awkwardly, coughs, clears throat* So, yes, that’s a vote for Pedro (just don’t get married to him). Seriously, he’s hitting .252 with 19 homers, how is he only owned in 50% of leagues? Not to answer, but to judge others. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hip-hop as an art form, and culture, is built on the ability to battle. One must show and prove their true mastery of the craft before being considered amongst the B-Boy Illuminati. Doesn’t matter if you’re a breaker, DJ, producer, or Emcee, your battle skills are essential to staking your claim as elite. In this grand tradition many great rap battles have popped off on wax and led to some highly publicized, and in one instance, deadly beef. If you’re wondering what beef is, go ask B.I.G. Pretty sure he’s an expert on the subject…. Any pooh…….In today’s post I discuss 3 of my favorite rap battles and two that were completely lopsided. Don’t worry there sizzle chest I promise we’ll discuss the Two Start Pitchers for Week 20 as well. After all Fantasy baseball is the reason we’re here, right? Speaking of which, can you believe we’ve already had 20 weeks of baseball? Heck this is the 19th two start pitched post of 2015. How have I not run out of ideas yet? Magic mushrooms is the answer!!! I eat an 8th before I write. Makes the words feel like friends in my head. So go ahead and get to know my friends.Please, blog, may I have some more?