Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time.  The line for last week was 3.52 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 74 Ks and 9 wins in 110 IP.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 24th

Joe Blanton – Goes against the Mets, who I’m sure would like to be spoilers though I’m not sure if they’re up to the task.  More accurately, the Mets are probably hoping they don’t have any injuries in the final week-plus that ruins their next season too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night.  As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers.  Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming.  His own mother doesn’t recognize him.  Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream.  This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy.  Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games.  His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark.  His fly balls are through the roof, literally.  His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark.  The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume.  A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Hello, beautiful.  I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year.  Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alexei has a new comrade with Dayan Viciedo being called up by the White Sox.  He’s the Latin 20, Cuban defector that has 240 pounds of baby fat, if, in fact, he is a baby.  As I said back last November, “What I’d really like to see is a major leaguer go to Cuba to play.  Kevin Youkilis grows out his beard another five inches, jumps in a raft and paddles to Havana.  He tears up the Cuban Leagues on a steady diet of fastballs and plantains.”  Wait, that quote had nothing to do with Dayan.  Oh, here’s the quote, “In his first year of the minors at Double-A, he had a .317 OBP with 89 Ks to 23 walks.  He can probably have success with this approach, because he do what he do.  His line drive percentages went up in the 2nd half of the year, showing he was making better contact.”  And that’s me quoting me!  This year in Triple-A, he made progress.  In 238 ABs, 30/14/34/.290/1.  His Ks are still out of control with 52 in 62 games.  Because of his position eligibility (3rd base, Serch), I grabbed him in a few leagues.  I’d expect decent power (15 homers) and a mediocre average (.250) with little to no speed.  On rookie 3rd basemen pickups, he’s below Pedro Alvarez for right now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Buehrle – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings.  He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells.  (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife.  Don’t shoot the messenger!)  So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted?  The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May?  Come on, this is baseball.  It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level.  Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL.  So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability.  Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down.  So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday.  Can you hear that?  It’s my heart going pitter patter.  Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hisanori Takahashi had a nearly identical line last night as his last start; 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  A) I’m chalking it up to his histrionic delivery.  All of it.  You baffle people who haven’t seen you when you throw the ball between your legs and shake your tukis afterwards.  B) Did I just say tukis?  Hey, I’m Eli Whiteside!  C) He could continue to baffle people for a good couple of months.  D) He plays in Metco.  E) I can’t believe there was a D let alone an E.  F) A long long way to run.  G) He gets the Padres next.  H) He’s in the NL on a team that can win some games.  Why not own him?  Seriously, grab him now.  I) Am writing this.  J) Buhner.  K)  There’s no K, there’s never a K.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and a home run.  Thank you, Lord.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tommy Hanson‘s line yesterday was one and two-thirds innings and eight earned runs.  Yes, you’ve been Pwnson’d.  Hanson said he felt dizzy during the game, I’m sure his owners can sympathize.  Hanson has an ERA of 4.18 on the year and back to back bad starts.  Try and put a pine tree air freshener on that and it still stinks.  Going into this year, I steered clear of Hanson.  I was legitimately worried about his innings pitched jump from ’08 to ’09.  So sell fast right now?  Not so fast, Paulo.  I’m going under the assumption that you don’t own him because you listened to me in the preseason.  Hanson has a tremendous K-rate and his walks have been fine.  Even yesterday it was an ill-timed homer to Votto that did him in.  Do I think Hanson could still be a risk because of his innings last year?  Yup, you betcha.  But I’d buy him for 50 cents on the dollar.  It depends how cheap you can swindle his dramatized owner.  It takes alligator blood to check raise to the bed wetter.  Anyway, here’s what else saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brooks Conrad – If you didn’t see the end of the Braves game, you should try to catch the Brooks Conrad homer.  Unlike Nix.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With 2 HRs yesterday, Adam Lind now has 36/11/43/.313 on the year.  I know, Cody Ross has looked good for stretches.   Even Aaron Rowand has had a week or two here and there.  But why are people asking me if Adam Lind should be sold off or worse dropped?  You don’t want 85/27/100/.285?  I know he was as boring as dog balls for the month of May.  Well, he’s batting near-.500 in June.  He’s shoved into the middle of the Blue Jays lineup like a Jenga piece no one will touch.  Heart.

Please, blog, may I have some more?