Fantasy Baseball Advice

Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time.  The line for last week was 3.52 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 74 Ks and 9 wins in 110 IP.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 24th

Joe Blanton – Goes against the Mets, who I’m sure would like to be spoilers though I’m not sure if they’re up to the task.  More accurately, the Mets are probably hoping they don’t have any injuries in the final week-plus that ruins their next season too.

Jhoulys Chacin – He’s only given up 4 earned runs in his last 38 IP.  Um, that’s good.  Why is he not owned?  Is it because no one can pronounce his name?  It’s Yo-lease.  Easy enough.  Now own him.

James McDonald – Has a 0.90 ERA in his last three starts and goes against the Astros.  That’s a yes and please. With a side order of crispy bacon.

Chris Young – Not without it’s caveats but, if you have caveats, brush your teeth more, Young’s in Petco.

Saturday, September 25th

Jeremy Bonderman – Starting him here has a lot to do with how much the Twins are rolling over in the last week. So far, it doesn’t look like they are.

Derek Holland – If the Rangers have clinched by this point, I’d skip this start.

Bud Norris – I’ve been recommending him in every borderline starter post and he hasn’t failed me yet with three straight wins.  He gets the Pirates here.

Travis Wood – All bets are off for this start if the Reds have clinched, which they probably will.  As Communism proved, Reds are nothing without motivation.

Sunday, September 26th

Homer Bailey – See Wood, Travis or 1/8th of an inch above.

Fausto Carmona – He hasn’t been blown up since mid-August (though that was against the Royals who he gets in this start, so tread carefully).

J.A. Happ – Gets the Pirates.  You need more?

Paul Maholm – Gets the Astros.  Can we get a 1-0 game here?  That would be pretty flippin’ suh-weet.

Clayton Richard – Hodgepadre in Petco and he gets a team that will probably already be in the playoffs.  That’s about as tasty as they come.

Monday, September 27th

Carlos Carrasco – Has a 2-something ERA in September and goes against a guy (Armando G.) who has an 6-something ERA in the same time frame.

Marc Rzepcynski – Goes against the Yankees so this is only a possibility if the Yanks have clinch by this point.

Tim Stauffer – In Petco and the Padres are battling for a playoff spot going against a team that packed it in four months ago.

Tuesday, September 28th

Edinson Volquez – There’s a case to be made to not start a pitcher on a team that will have probably clinched.  In fact, I’ve made that case.  But Volquez has been great, goes against the Astros and is battling to be a part of the playoff rotation.

Randy Wolf – Goes to Metco and has a 0.78 ERA in his last three starts.  Ah, ooooooh….

Wednesday, September 29th

Joe Blanton – If the Phils have clinched by this point, I’d try and look elsewhere.

Madison Bumgarner – Giants should still be battling for a playoff spot, so this start vs. the Diamondbacks is fair.

Jhoulys Chacin – See recommendation above about what Jhoulys has done recently.

Ian Kennedy – This could be a tough matchup if the Giants are fighting for their playoff lives.

James McDonald – Goes against Wainwright, which isn’t terrific, but McDonald’s been solid as mentioned about 27 lines ago.

Thursday, September 30th

Jeremy Bonderman – I really dislike Bonderman so it must be the final week to recommend him twice.  Or not.  Your call!

Chris Volstad – Against the Pirates seems like an easy matchup, but Volstad’s pretty iffy, or it’s ugly iffy since he’s not always pretty.

Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night.  As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers.  Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming.  His own mother doesn’t recognize him.  Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream.  This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy.  Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games.  His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark.  His fly balls are through the roof, literally.  His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark.  The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume.  A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Hello, beautiful.  I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year.  Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson.

Ivan Nova – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  In the minors, he had a 2.86 ERA in 145 IP and around a 7 K/9 rate.  He’s not guaranteed another start, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him face the A’s next week.  It’s not a terrible spot starter for the Yankees or for your fantasy team.  And he would’ve made a great pitcher-catcher combination with Mike Scioscia.

Jeremy Bonderman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Decent enough start, but he’s coming off 3 atrocious games and has a 5.27 ERA on the year.  You want an ulcer?  Ask your girlfriend which friend of yours she would sleep with if you weren’t dating her.  Don’t pickup Bonderman.

Brett Myers – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Gets the win in his first start against his old team.  When asked how it felt to beat the Phillies, he said, “I’ll always love the Phillies but sometimes you have to beat the ones you love.”

Joe Blanton – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Actually outpitched Myers and has 3 decent starts in his last four and goes to Petco next.

James Shields – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Now has back-to-back quality starts, but has a 4.76 ERA on the year and gets the Sawx next.  I’d look elsewhere if you can.

Michael Bourn – 3-for-4, 2 SBs.  That’s now a robust .252 with 1 HR and 27 RBIs to go with the 42 SBs.  Someone is running for presidency of the SAGNOF Foundation when Juan Pierre’s term expires.

Blake DeWitt – 3-for-5 with his 4th homer.  His power and speed are very limited, but he’s hitting over .350 in the last week.

Casey Coleman – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He had an under 5 K/9 in the minor leagues this year.  That’s longhand for blech.

Stephen Strasburg – Headed to the DL with a strained flexor tendon but the Nats’ GM Rizzo wouldn’t rule out Strasburg from pitching again this year.  If I may read between the lines, Ratso is saying, “Please continue to buy tickets with the hope Strasburg will pitch again even though he’s not.  Thank you for your patronage.”

Jordan Zimmerman – J. Z’s coming back again.  He’s got 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one.  This Thursday he returns after putting up a 1.59 ERA in the minors with nearly a K/IP.  Last year, 92 Ks in 91 1/3 IP.  I’d absolutely grab him in all leagues.

Edinson Volquez – 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners.  This is only his 2nd bad start out of 7 this year but his lack of control (more than 6 BB/9 IP) makes him a very risky mixed-league start.  I wouldn’t play Volquez unless it was MLB-sponsored Scrabble.

Alberto Callaspo – 2-for-4 and batting over .400 in the last week.  Also, batting near-.350 in August.  Not going to give you much power or speed, but he’s hitting for average and batting third.

Andres Torres – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer.  Still not clear how Cody Ross is working into the picture, but I’m guessing Torres’ playing time should be relatively safe.  Guillen and Burrell might have some splainin’ to do.

Rich Harden – Came off the DL to throw 6 2/3 hitless innings.  It seems like he always has a great start coming off the DL.  Unfortunately, those have been his only good 5 starts all season.

Jeff Mathis – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks.  Batting .197 on the year.  Has played 5 of the last six games.  Napoli leads the Angels in homers.  Napoli leads the major leagues in homers by catchers.  Napoli sat yesterday.

Jim Edmonds – Pulled from the game with a strained oblique that he injured while swinging.  Same thing once happened to a creepy guy at Hedonism.  Stubbs could see more playing time as a result.  That’s a pretty lukewarm endorsement of Stubbs.

Todd Helton – 4-for-4 as he answers the question, “Is Helton retired?”

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with his 20th steal.  Good to see him run since he just returned from a knee injury.

Ross Ohlendorf – After giving up a walk and a single, he left with a shoulder injury.  Call him Ailindorf.

Jose Tabata – 3-for-4 with his 13th steal as he bats .381 in his last 7 games.  I’m still on the fence with how much I’m going to like Tabata next year.  Feel free to push me one way or the other.

John Lackey/Kyle Lohse – Both have had painful seasons but had great starts.  Of course, it was against Seattle and Pittsburgh respectively.  Those two teams score less than the Chess Club.

Interleague is over and we are sprinting to the All-Star break, trade deadline and fantasy football drafts because, who are we kidding, the best part of fantasy is the draft. Soccer is still well on Smokey’s plate. As if you’re not watching and getting excited. It’s not for everyone, I can’t blame people for not liking it or force them to watch. There just aren’t enough stats in soccer to peak the fantasy end of it. Baseball has 20 x 20 leagues, what’s more entertaining than playing in a league that you can’t check via the box score in newspaper? (Yeah, they still exist, I had to check.) Week 13 brings us right up against the birth of this great country. Have at the unlucky week 13 fantasy baseball two start hurlers:

Jake Westbrook (Tor vs. Romero) (Oak vs. Gonzalez)
Just mulling around waiting/hoping to get traded. Been semi-effective. A peripheral nightmare, so expect to be wooed and then not even a peck on the cheek when you drop him off.

Jeremy Bonderman (@Min vs. Liriano) (Sea vs. Lee)
This guy gets $12 million, holy hell. Always a good swing and miss guy. Horrible matchups this week. Avoid for me this week.

Randy Wells (Pit vs. Maholm) (Cin Vs Cueto)
Not good Randy, not good at all. Anything worse than playing for your hometown team and sucking?  Guess missing your bus home would suck too. But then if it’s your hometown team it wouldn’t suck as bad, I suppose.  Gets Pittsburgh in first start – hooray. Another peripheral disaster.

Jason Hammel (@ SD vs. LeBlanc) (SF vs. Cain)
In the highlights as the guy following Ubaldo in the rotation. Gets Petco and is a better pitcher at home so it sounds even better. Previous shellacking by the Sox. Three previous were 0 ER. Good value pick.

Bud Norris (@ Mil vs. Parra) (@ SD vs. Correia)
Back from the dead. 2 decent matchups, and a whole mess of sleeper hype to cloud what could go wrong. Houston continues to suck and blow his confidence. He is a ping pong ball up and down like Homer Bailey.

Brett Myers (@ MiL VS Gallardo) (@ SD vs. Leblanc)
A horse this year so far. Would have about 5 more wins for another team. Lowest ERA since ’06. Gets a tough matchup in Gallardo, who is as legit as they come. Hasn’t given up more than 4 ER in a start all year.

R.A. Dickey (@ Fla vs. Nolasco) (@ Was vs. Strasburg)
Yeah, uh, R.A. Dickey has 6 wins. 6 consecutive to boot. Runs into some tough matchups. Robert Alan is hot right now so ride the train, just maybe not this week.

Manny Parra (Hou vs. Norris) (@ StL vs. Carpenter)
Think he is staying in the rotation for a while, and is great stuff wise. Just not polished at all. Great K potential, though I hate that word.

Kyle Kendrick (@ Cin vs. Cueto) (@ Pit vs. Maholm)
His home/away splits are crazy, Bruce Banner even said damn. Gets the Pie Rats and is 3-0 career vs. the ‘Natti. Looks like a call to the bookie is in order. Jump all over it, best low end add this week. 2 wins and 10 k’s.

Wade LeBlanc (Col vs. Hammel) (Hou vs. Myers)
Home cooking just like Grandma’s. Gives up way too many hits for my liking. Two home starts makes me forget that he didn’t call me on my birthday. No K’s and a propensity to go only 5 innings sucks out loud.

Dustin Nippert/Matt Harrison (@ LAA vs. Pineiro) (ChW vs. Buehrle)
It is still up in the air if both get one or 2 starts. Team is scorching the ball right now, and runs and pills are good. Both guys offer about the same amount fantasy-wise.

Alexei has a new comrade with Dayan Viciedo being called up by the White Sox.  He’s the Latin 20, Cuban defector that has 240 pounds of baby fat, if, in fact, he is a baby.  As I said back last November, “What I’d really like to see is a major leaguer go to Cuba to play.  Kevin Youkilis grows out his beard another five inches, jumps in a raft and paddles to Havana.  He tears up the Cuban Leagues on a steady diet of fastballs and plantains.”  Wait, that quote had nothing to do with Dayan.  Oh, here’s the quote, “In his first year of the minors at Double-A, he had a .317 OBP with 89 Ks to 23 walks.  He can probably have success with this approach, because he do what he do.  His line drive percentages went up in the 2nd half of the year, showing he was making better contact.”  And that’s me quoting me!  This year in Triple-A, he made progress.  In 238 ABs, 30/14/34/.290/1.  His Ks are still out of control with 52 in 62 games.  Because of his position eligibility (3rd base, Serch), I grabbed him in a few leagues.  I’d expect decent power (15 homers) and a mediocre average (.250) with little to no speed.  On rookie 3rd basemen pickups, he’s below Pedro Alvarez for right now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Buehrle – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Pirates.  That’s nice, now do it against a major league team.

John Ely – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks as he was pitchslapped by Bronson Arroyo.  Wait, wasn’t Torre supposed to skip Ely for two weeks?  You’re the Hall of Fame manager, Torre?  Don’t listen to me telling you to start him!  Well, you and Ely had a good run.  You can put your photos in a scrapbook and drop him to waivers now.

Joey Votto – 2-for-4 with his 14th home run and he’s Canadian so you know he can quote Bob and Doug McKenzie.

Bronson Arroyo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  But don’t just go to the homepage, staring at it while you wait for the new post.  You’ll end up looking like our 7th Vice President, John C. Calhoun.

Ryan Spilborghs – Hit his 7th homer as he got the start vs. a lefty, but homered off a righty.  Weird!  Spilborghs is a decent enough pickup in deep leagues while he’s hitting, but you need to be able to sit him when he’s not playing.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Ubaldo never sleeps, better slip him an Ambien.

Ian Stewart – Trouble in the Mini Mini Donkey stable.  Mora’s started for two straight days.  Well, that’s actually the good news because Mora’s crizzap.  I’m hoping Stewart gets things started again in the upcoming homestand, if not then I’m the Native American watching someone litter.  Or a Na’vi.  What an allegory!

Adam Dunn – Speaking of Donkeys, Big Donkey just hit his 16th homer and he’s hitting .288.  Aren’t you glad you avoided him because of the whole average drain thing?  Donkeys have a word for people like you, “Human.”

Geovany Soto – 2-for-3 with a .417 OBP and scored the winning run.  Nice that the Cubs could squeeze out the victory without Koyie Hill’s big bat.  Phew, huh?

Randy Wells – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  This comes after the Cubs tried to change his pregame routine.  Guess the whole chanting, “I suck,” followed by ramming his head into the locker wasn’t working.  I love Wells long time, but this is only one start in a slew of crapfests.  Would like to see one more before giving him another chance.

Jeremy Bonderman – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I’d look about a dozen places before picking up Bonderman, but he does get the Mets in Metco next, so there’s that.

Chipper Jones – Announced he might retire after this season.  Is he beta-trialing an osteoporosis drug?

Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  In 92 1/3 IP, he has 41 Ks and 34 BBs.  If he keeps this up, the Fangraphs database is going to commit hari-kari.

James Shields – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks with a 4.55 ERA on the year.  Nice to see he’s completely unownable like I thought he would be in the preseason.  As the German rappers say, schadenfreude, snitches!

Aaron Heilman – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Maybe we should just start blaming the Diamondbacks closer spot.

Marco Scutaro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs.  Now batting near .450 over the last week.  If you need average or Runs, MARCO… Scutaro…

Neil Walker – 2-for-4 with his second homer.  He’s batting .289 and has 2 steals.  In mixed leagues, that’s pretty yawnstipating.  In NL-Only leagues, that’s fire.

R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Doesn’t he sound like a place where you’d buy mittens?  Come down to R.A. Dickey’s and with every purchase we’ll throw in a free pair of mittens!  *in a fast voice*  Free mittens are subject to individual R.A. Dickey store policy.  Dickey’s a 35-year-old knuckler.  You think he’d find someone to do that for him.  Sure, 35 is only 23 in knuckleballer years, but you have to be real desperate to pickup a knuckleballer.  The pitch is too unpredictable for even the pitcher.  At any moment, he can blow up your ratios.  As they told you in parochial school, keep your hands off that Dickey.

Jason Bay – Out of the starting lineup with a charley horse.  What’s a charley horse with only 4 homers?  A Jackass.

Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings.  He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells.  (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife.  Don’t shoot the messenger!)  So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted?  The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May?  Come on, this is baseball.  It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level.  Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL.  So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability.  Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down.  So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday.  Can you hear that?  It’s my heart going pitter patter.  Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.

Ricky Nolasco – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks in Metco.  God forbid Nolasco were to put together an entire freakin’ year pitching how he’s capable.  Maybe if I’m ever in a freakin’ league with a xFIP category, I’ll draft Nolasco.

Brandon Morrow – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees.  Even more encouraging was the one walk he issued after only giving up 2 the game before.

Brad Penny – Out for another month or two.  Can’t Dave Duncan rub his hands together and touch the injury or some shizz?

David Freese – Is on ice.  Out until Friday with an ankle sprain.  This would never happen to my neighbor.  She has cankles.

Colby Rasmus – Left the game with tightness in his calf.  If he had four teats, he could be a cow.

Orlando Hudson – Likely headed to the DL.  It’s the hoosegow for the Hudson.

Doug Fister – On the DL with a sore shoulder.  Maybe he hurt it when he was pitching so far over his head.

Dontrelle Willis – Six scoreless on Saturday.  Seemed like every time he got himself in any trouble a lefty came up and he dominates lefties.  I’d wait to see at least two more starts from Willis before considering him.

Josh Hamilton – Should return on Monday after having a cortisone injection in his knee.  I wonder if he helped the doctor find his vein.

Matt Capps – 2/3 IP, 3 ER and another Cappsizing.  Riggleman said Capps will remain the closer, but if you’re trolling for saves — troll on, troller! — Clippard is the first pickup, though he’s probably owned already.  If you’re real desperate for saves, I won’t stand in your way of grabbing Drew Storen.

Scott Rolen – Hit his 14th homer.  Sonavabench!  Why must guys who aren’t starting come into the game and hit a home run?  Rhetorical!

Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4, hitting over .500 in the last week and one freedom fly.

Hisanori Takahashi – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER and has been about as tasty as Kashi.  Member about two weeks ago when I said he’s getting by with a funky delivery that people aren’t familiar with?  Yeah, that’s over.

Nick Hundley – Home run yesterday as he bats .306 on the year.  He has a .380 BABIP, which is obscene for him.  He has very little pop and he’s around a .260 hitter.  I’d prefer about 20 other catchers over him.

Chase Headley – 4-for-5, 2 runs.  How do you hit cleanup, go 4-for-5 and not get any RBIs?  Headley might need to be added to the definition of yawnstipating.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 9 baserunners, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  Damn, he was rocked!

Michael Wuertz – Got the save vs. the Twins because the A’s want Bailey to be rested for the upcoming series vs. the Angels.  There was no explanation for why Ryan Sweeney was hitting third.

Jack Cust – 3-for-4 and 7 for his last 13.  Cust is streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90′s.  Unlike Boone’s hair, he’s on a good type of streak right now.

Lou Marson – Hit his first homer of the year.  The Indians should not only leave Carlos Santana down in the minors, but they might want to trade him. /sarcasm

Carlos Quentin – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs.  I swear, when I saw he had 2 hits, I looked to see if this was his first multiple hit game of the year.  Not a good sign.

Randy Wells – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  All the stats point to Wells being better than he has been, but you can’t afford to start him right now outside of NL-Only leagues.  All’s not Wells.

John Jaso – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs, a steal and a home run as the DH, hitting leadoff.  This was the first time a DH hit leadoff since 1983 when Billy Martin turned in a lineup card on a cocktail napkin.  John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt has little power and hits for a decent average.  For those reading from the beginning of this post and not skipping around willy-nilly, I’d take Jaso over Hundley.

Carlos Pena – The star of Friday’s Buy/Sell hit his 9th homer yesterday.  Where we putting the over/under for his homers this month?  8?  Not sure if I’d take the over or under.  Damn, those oddmakers are good!

Brad Lincoln – Pirates are calling up their top pitching prospect for Wednesday’s start.  First, let’s see what Stephen said in his Pirates Minor League Review, “Lincoln works a low-to-mid 90’s fastball, a power curve, and a changeup.  He keeps most of his pitches near the strike zone, which is both a plus and a negative – he gives up too many homers, especially when the ball is in the upper half of the zone.  If there’s one bone to pick, he’s never thrown a fastball at Grey’s big, stupid head.”  Hmm… That last sentence must’ve slipped by me.  Lincoln’s a fantasy number two to three starter in his prime, which he is not right now.  I’d grab him in keepers and NL-Only leagues, but he’s not worth bothering with in mixed leagues right now.  Best case scenario for this year in mixed leagues, he could have matchups appeal if he catches big league hitters by surprise.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-6 as the Angels had 18 hits and 9 runs.  Ticker tease!

Mike Napoli – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs, his 9th homer and one almost head nod from Scioscia.

Hideki Matsui – 2-for-5 with his 9th homer as he hits near .500 over the last week.  For the first time in a while, Matsui is hitting some flies that have nothing to do with the porn stashed under his bed.

Adam Everett – Designated for assignment.  Leyland said, “”We just didn’t see anything happening (offensively) with Adam.”  Um, did they ever see, read or hear anything about Adam Everett that would’ve led them to believe otherwise?  This opens a spot for Danny Worth, who looks like a young Adam Everett, so there’s that.

Jeremy Bonderman – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Hey, there’s the Blunderman we all recognize.

Manny Parra – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Anyone who’s read Razzball for a while knows the love I have for Parra.  He’s so tantalizing with his Ks!  Unfortunately, everything else is a mess.  I mean, c’mon, he has a 1.71 WHIP.

Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5, has two steals on the year.  In other news, Josh Willingham has 5 steals.  In other other news, Jason Kendall has 5 steals.  Matt Stairs has 2 steals!  Matt Stairs doesn’t have legs, he has feet glued onto two beer coolers.