Charlie Manuel confirmed Cole Hamels would have his next start skipped after an MRI showed he had shoulder inflammation. But Manuel was wearing a wooden barrel being held up by suspenders so it made it difficult to pay attention to what he was saying. Manuel then said, “When I ask for a straw, I don’t want a drinking straw. Drinking straws are for 13-year-old girls!” You know what would’ve been nice? If Hamels settled all this MRI shizz before I had to set my weekly fantasy lineup. Yes, this is all about me. Here’s hoping Hamels only needs to miss one start and then can come back at full strength. Though for a club that can afford to rest him and coast into the playoffs, it seems like a pipe dream. But what about my H2H playoffs?! Have I mentioned recently how much I hate H2H? You got your marbles on the line and teams are resting their best marbles for the playoffs. Marbles! BTW, no one knows what that means, but it’s provocative. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 14 Ks. From Rudy, “My DVR still has The Golden Girls from when my parents visited. Oh, Estelle Getty, your delivery is prettier than Roy Halladay’s.”
Casper Wells – Has now homered in four straight games. Casper was one of those cases where I saw him hit a homer and disregarded it, figuring he wouldn’t hit another one immediately. Then disregarded the 2nd and 3rd homers too. After four in a row, it’s hard to disregard. He’s really not this good, I promise you. But, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s hitting the cover off the ball so you may as well grab him to see how long it can continue. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Morneau is set to return from the disabled list today. We’ll be good if he hits 17 homers in his first at-bat back. Supposing he doesn’t do that, even if supposing makes a supp out of you and me, can Morneau help your team? Please, blog, may I have some more?
While balancing a book on their head, the Blue Jays were poised to call up Brett Lawrie just when he fractured his hand. That’s worst timing than the guy down at your local Chuckles nightclub doing an open mic set. But flip our Supreme Buddha In Funny Poses day calender two months later and the hand is healed. In two weeks at Triple-A since his return, he’s hitting near .350 with a homer. Or as Lawrie would say on Twitter #yabuddy. “You want to convey your emotional state while giving the most information possible, all in under 140 characters.” That’s Lawrie explaining Twitter to his Grammie. Lawrie should be up in the next two weeks. So you have to decide if a .300 hitter with good power and speed at 2nd base is worth sitting on your bench until his call up. #yabuddy Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Hideki Matsui – Hello, time travelers from 2004. You are not in 2004 anymore. You are in 2011. Hideki Matsui is just hitting again. Though that is not Madonna on your radio, that is Lady Gaga. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jeff Niemann has always been a sell in your eyes. The light, the heat… Your eyes. The low K-rate, the walks… Your eyes. The luck with homers per fly balls, the tough division… Your eyes. So why am I saying Niemann’s a buy? Am I sniffing the devil’s dandruff and just need to talk while I rub my gums? Am I going through my blue period filled with self-loathing and blueberries? Nay, horsey. Niemann’s cut his walks, hasn’t been getting lucky this year and his low K-rate is still low. Okay, so it’s not all peaches and cream. But the Rays are also about to go against the A’s, M’s (or the AM’s as in their bats are asleep) and peasant Royals for a few weeks. He might get the Blue Jays in the middle of that run, but you can pay that bridge toll when you get an E-Z Pass, or whatever that cliche is. I’m not Niemann’s biggest fan, but for the next month he should look good… In your eyes. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – Actually pretty surprised all that Noo Yawk hype hasn’t raised Hughes over the 50% ownership mark. Ya’ll must be still basking in your dirty water dogs and Jeter’s 3,000 hit. “During Jeter’s tremendous accomplishment, when no one was looking, I chipped off a piece of the Pesci pole. Now it’s framed above the coke spoon I used with Dale Berra.”
James McDonald – Some smarter-than-thou commenter pointed out to me that McDonald has 23 Ks in his last 24 1/3 innings while lowering his ERA from 4.86 to 4.15 in the last month. We have the best commenters (except Lance Berkman; he only wants to talk about himself). Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to week 12, please wipe your feet before you enter. For most leagues this week is the halfway point. Peripheral stats are darn near impossible to make up this late in the season, but the impossible is what fuels fantasy fires. Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is almost the end of the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings. With these top 80 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball, there’s a few names that I’m really gunning for on my teams… My deeper teams. On last year’s top 80, there was one guy who truly emerged (Mat Latos) and a few who kinda did (Filthy Sanchez, Trevor Cahill and Brandon Morrow), so I imagine a lot of you won’t need most of the names on this list. But humor me. There’s tiers and projections mentioned for everyone. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2011 fantasy baseball:
61. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Desmond Jennings will be called up by the Rays on Wednesday. I’m as excited about owning Jennings as the next guy, assuming the ‘next guy’ is excited about owning Jennings. But where’s he playing? Is he gonna Tonya Harding Carl Crawford? Okay, but he needs a Jeff Gillooly. Who’s his Jeff Gillooly? Are you Gillooly’ing? Sorry to burst your Gillooly bubble, but, you sir, are no Gillooly. Jennings should see spot starts and steal bases, but you obviously can’t start him every day because the Rays won’t be. So if you can alternate him and out in daily leagues, go for it. Or go 4 it, if you’re a 13-year-old who only understands text messages. In 2009, he had 11 homers and 52 steals. This year, 3 homers and 37 steals. He’s Carl Crawford as soon as next year, so if you’re in a keeper, he’s a must own. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Hawpe – Will be the Rays’ DH vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract. No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series. Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn. Say goodbye to Mannywood? Could be. If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER). Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him. If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save. Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo. Of course not, why would Kuo be used? He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out. Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon. Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Jim Edmonds was a trending topic on Twitter, I figured he died. Turns out he was just taking the Casino Bus to Cincy, though that might be a riverboat. Edmonds will continue to be a part-timer, gaining no value. Maybe one day he’ll garner 25% of a HOF vote and the interwebs will go abuzz with the travesty of it all. But Jim Rice is in! This is worst than season two of Lost! Chris Dickerson goes to the Brewers, but you knew that. You have the internet or you wouldn’t be reading this. Dickerson is currently on the DL. I like him. In a career 401 ABs, Chris Dickerson has 8 homers and 19 steals with a .277 average and a .369 OBP. In Triple-A this year, he had 3 homers and 6 steals in 43 ABs. I say the Brewers should play him, but I don’t make those decisions. Who is playing? Lorenzo Cain. In 331 ABs in Triple-A, Cain had 26 steals and a .402 OBP with a .317 average. Yes, and thank you. Carlos Gomez is due back at some point too, but he’s not good at, you know, baseball. My guess is Cain and Dickerson, when healthy, will see some sort of platoon. I’d grab Cain right now for speed, then wait to see how this dumbo pot gets stirred. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – If you thought his playing time would be squeezed by just sucking on the suckhole, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Edmonds will definitely take time from Stubbs. Heisey’s a better batter too (say that fast 45 times). BTW, Stubbs and Carlos Gomez should be on the same team. Unfortunately, it’s a track team, not a baseball one. Please, blog, may I have some more?