Fantasy Baseball Advice

Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night.  As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers.  Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming.  His own mother doesn’t recognize him.  Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream.  This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy.  Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games.  His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark.  His fly balls are through the roof, literally.  His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark.  The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume.  A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Hello, beautiful.  I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year.  Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson.

Ivan Nova – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  In the minors, he had a 2.86 ERA in 145 IP and around a 7 K/9 rate.  He’s not guaranteed another start, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him face the A’s next week.  It’s not a terrible spot starter for the Yankees or for your fantasy team.  And he would’ve made a great pitcher-catcher combination with Mike Scioscia.

Jeremy Bonderman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Decent enough start, but he’s coming off 3 atrocious games and has a 5.27 ERA on the year.  You want an ulcer?  Ask your girlfriend which friend of yours she would sleep with if you weren’t dating her.  Don’t pickup Bonderman.

Brett Myers – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Gets the win in his first start against his old team.  When asked how it felt to beat the Phillies, he said, “I’ll always love the Phillies but sometimes you have to beat the ones you love.”

Joe Blanton – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Actually outpitched Myers and has 3 decent starts in his last four and goes to Petco next.

James Shields – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Now has back-to-back quality starts, but has a 4.76 ERA on the year and gets the Sawx next.  I’d look elsewhere if you can.

Michael Bourn – 3-for-4, 2 SBs.  That’s now a robust .252 with 1 HR and 27 RBIs to go with the 42 SBs.  Someone is running for presidency of the SAGNOF Foundation when Juan Pierre’s term expires.

Blake DeWitt – 3-for-5 with his 4th homer.  His power and speed are very limited, but he’s hitting over .350 in the last week.

Casey Coleman – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He had an under 5 K/9 in the minor leagues this year.  That’s longhand for blech.

Stephen Strasburg – Headed to the DL with a strained flexor tendon but the Nats’ GM Rizzo wouldn’t rule out Strasburg from pitching again this year.  If I may read between the lines, Ratso is saying, “Please continue to buy tickets with the hope Strasburg will pitch again even though he’s not.  Thank you for your patronage.”

Jordan Zimmerman – J. Z’s coming back again.  He’s got 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one.  This Thursday he returns after putting up a 1.59 ERA in the minors with nearly a K/IP.  Last year, 92 Ks in 91 1/3 IP.  I’d absolutely grab him in all leagues.

Edinson Volquez – 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners.  This is only his 2nd bad start out of 7 this year but his lack of control (more than 6 BB/9 IP) makes him a very risky mixed-league start.  I wouldn’t play Volquez unless it was MLB-sponsored Scrabble.

Alberto Callaspo – 2-for-4 and batting over .400 in the last week.  Also, batting near-.350 in August.  Not going to give you much power or speed, but he’s hitting for average and batting third.

Andres Torres – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer.  Still not clear how Cody Ross is working into the picture, but I’m guessing Torres’ playing time should be relatively safe.  Guillen and Burrell might have some splainin’ to do.

Rich Harden – Came off the DL to throw 6 2/3 hitless innings.  It seems like he always has a great start coming off the DL.  Unfortunately, those have been his only good 5 starts all season.

Jeff Mathis – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks.  Batting .197 on the year.  Has played 5 of the last six games.  Napoli leads the Angels in homers.  Napoli leads the major leagues in homers by catchers.  Napoli sat yesterday.

Jim Edmonds – Pulled from the game with a strained oblique that he injured while swinging.  Same thing once happened to a creepy guy at Hedonism.  Stubbs could see more playing time as a result.  That’s a pretty lukewarm endorsement of Stubbs.

Todd Helton – 4-for-4 as he answers the question, “Is Helton retired?”

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with his 20th steal.  Good to see him run since he just returned from a knee injury.

Ross Ohlendorf – After giving up a walk and a single, he left with a shoulder injury.  Call him Ailindorf.

Jose Tabata – 3-for-4 with his 13th steal as he bats .381 in his last 7 games.  I’m still on the fence with how much I’m going to like Tabata next year.  Feel free to push me one way or the other.

John Lackey/Kyle Lohse – Both have had painful seasons but had great starts.  Of course, it was against Seattle and Pittsburgh respectively.  Those two teams score less than the Chess Club.

Finally, Jacoby Ellsbury hits the DL.  This is probably a DL trip of less than a week.  At least the Sawx hope so.  Was also revealed Mike Cameron will miss a few weeks with a strained abdomen. (Shouldn’t it be a strained abdoman?)  If Cameron needs surgery, he could miss up to two months.  Darnell McDonald was called up.  Darnell McDonald is the answer to the question, “Who is Darnell McDonald?”  Other questions his name could’ve answered were, “Who’s the thirty-one year prospect in the outfield?” “This is the Red Sox depth?” and “Wait, what?”  Old McDonald has some speed…. ei, ei, ei, oh, no, you don’t want him.  Sure, he had the game-tying homer and the game-winning single off the wall, but he’s far from fantasy worthy at this point outside of very deep leagues.  Also called up, Josh Reddick.  Let’s cover him on the other side of the formality, shall we?  C’mon, follow me over this “anyway” sentence.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Reddick – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs.  Here’s what Stephen said last month in the Red Sox minor league review, “Reddick has the potential for more power, especially with a high fly ball rate (49.5%).  With the announcement of Mike Cameron going to be out for a month on April 20th at 11:47 AM EST, Reddick should get a chance.”  Okay, I just got chills.  How did Stephen know that last month?!  He practices voodoo!  Reddick hasn’t done anything special this year in Triple-A.  Hitting .179 and one homer.  The one homer did come in only seven hits.  If you need pop, I’d grab Reddick in deep leagues, especially AL-Only ones.  He could also chip in a few steals.  Right now, he should see time in center while Ellsbury mends, then he could split time with Hermida and/or Drew.  Or he could be the first man off the bench.  Grab now, ask questions later.

Jeremy Hermida – 2-for-3 and a homer.  He’ll also get a boost in playing time.  Hermida was a big favorite of mine before I started the blog.  My PIN number used to be 15628, which was Hermida’s home address where I used to stalk him.  Restraining order and 3 uneventful years later, Hermida’s got some esplaining to do with his bat.  After two homers in two days, he’s worth grabbing if you need some power/RBI help.

Victor Martinez – 3-for-4 as he combined with Tim Wakefield to allow 9 steals.  Two by Vlad, who hasn’t been able to bend his knee since ‘Nam.  That’s just the Red Sox investing in defense.

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and 3 steals.  Left with leg cramping, must be that time of the month.  No word yet on the severity.

Elvis Andrus – 0-for-2, 3 steals as he continues to leadoff.  On one of the steals, Andrus slide into second, realized he forgot his wallet, went back to first and still got into second under the tag.  Oh, and it was a pitch out.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Salty should be back in about a week, barring a setback.  Or setbacchia.  Salty should take over for Teagarden and could save you some of your rotisserie catcher issues.

Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 1 ER and the loss as Frank-Frank continues to suck-suck.

Edinson Volquez – Tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs.  As frequent commenter Clyde Prompto said, “I can’t believe I was combing the internet all day to find out who the suspended player was and it turned out to be Edinson Volquez.  I was intrigued by the initial story, found some exciting possibilities during my research, and was ultimately extremely disappointed in the outcome.  I feel like I just lived through the fantasy baseball equivalent of an episode of Ghost Hunters.”  Volquez was on the DL until late-July anyway, so this really does nothing to his value.  If anything, I kinda like the gumption of an injured player PED’ing his way back from recovery since he can’t lose any additional time.  It’s similar to the prisoners beating up Madoff.  What, you’re going to punish me more?  Please, it’s shank time.

Drew Stubbs – 0-for-5 with no walks and one steal.  If I had to assign a line to Stubbs, that would be it.

Chad Billingsley – 3 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, no walks, no breaking ball and a fastball that wouldn’t even win an oversized SpongeBob at the county fair.  He might be headed for a visit soon to see Dr. Freeze.  He gets the Nats next, so, like a gambler who can’t leave the table even as he loses every hand, I’ll be rolling the dice on his next start.  And I’d fix that mixed metaphor, but I’m too old; I’m too tired; I’m too effin’ annoyed with Billingsley.

Matt Kemp – 2-for-5 as he hit his 6th homer.  He’s been caught stealing 4 times already.  Not sure if anyone’s going to put the brakes on him, but, assuming they don’t, I’m guessing he’s going for 30/30 this year.  And making it.

Rafael Furcal – 2-for-5, 2 steals.  Barring injuries, there’s no reason to think he’s not back.  So when you ask me if you should go with Schmohawk Shortstop Behind Door #3 or Furcal… I’m going Furcal.

Jorge Cantu – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer.  Cantu was terrific last April too, so it could be a guise.  Don’t fall for the perfume and makeup.  Cantu has an Adam’s Apple.

Lance Berkman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs as the Astros scored more runs in this game than all of their other games combined.  Don’t worry, they still have 6 holes in their lineup.

Chris Coghlan – 2-for-4 and a steal.  I don’t like him at all, but he might be finally heating up.  He will hit better than his current .140.

Mike Pelfrey – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  His K-rate prior to 2010 was pretty poor.  Even this year, it’s only a little above his career mark.  His biggest adjustment so far seems to be his ability to avoid the homer ball and leave men on base.  He won’t continue to leave men on base, but he can maintain his small strikeout and homer gains. You’re not looking at a total breakout, but he can be usable as a 4th fantasy starter, especially in Metco.

Jose Reyes – 4-for-5 and a steal.  Thank God, the shipment of Red Bull finally arrived.

Nate McLouth – 1-for-3 as he hit the game winning homer.  McLousy’s always been a very streaky player and he was battling some health issues in training camp.  Might finally be feeling 100%.

Ryan Madson – 1 IP, 3 ER, blown save and has an ERA of 7.71 on the year.  Not sure why it took me so long to realize it, but I think Madson’s a Cuddle Boy.

David Aardsma – Recorded his 6th perfect save.  Member all the people in the preseason who were like, “Grey, your mustache has gone to your head, yo.  Aardsma is crizzap!”  Yeah, they’re off trolling the ESPN message boards now.

Milton Bradley – Left the game with an injury.  Or he left the game to beat the crap out of someone.  No word as of post time.

Vernon Wells – Hit his 7th homer yesterday.  I think he hits 17 and is out for a month with a random injury, but I give up.  He could hit 25 homers this year.

Justin Maxwell – 2-for-5, as he continues to platoon with Willie Harris.  Is Maxwell going to explode?  Get smart!  He does have sneaky 10/25 potential with an every day job.

Mike Gonzalez – To meet with Dr. Freeze.  Hope everyone has their hands on Johnson.  Hmm… Probably could’ve reworded that.

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I’m pretty pissed I don’t own him in any leagues.  Oh, wait.  I own him across more teams than any other player.  Him and…

Chase Headley – 1-for-2 with 3 steals as he hits .358.  I don’t have the time or the energy, but there’s at least three dozen preseason comments of mine about how I refused to pay/reach for a 3rd baseman so I targeted Headley everywhere.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  As long as he keeps pitching like this, he can keep spelling his first name like he lost a Scrabble tile.

Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-4, 2 homers yesterday.  Could be the start of a hot streak.  If someone grew bored of him, grab him off waivers.

Mark Reynolds – 1-for-2, homer and a steal.  See that, Mini Donkey just needed some goading from me.

Kelly Johnson – 3-for-6 as he continues to hit leadoff.  That’s it.  I’m not talking about him again for at least two weeks.  Do what you do.

Chad Qualls – Worked a perfect inning for the save.  I’ve dropped Gutierrez everywhere for Fister. (Then I dropped Fister for Ryota Igarashi during the “It might be K-Rod who took PEDs!” fiasco of  April 20th.)

Justin Masterson – 4 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  You know what?  Against this team, it wasn’t the worst start.  His defense and some wildness let him down.

Kevin Slowey – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I own Slowey on a lot of teams too.  I nearly picked him for the Cy Young.  I don’t think he’s eating the hirame.

Gio Gonzalez – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 5 Ks, 8 baserunners, 5 BBs.  You kinda asked for this if you threw him against the Yankees.

Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 5 Ks.  Porcello went mushaboom, Feist.  I own Porcello on one team, my Razzball team where I’m trying to accumulate the worst stats.

Scott Kazmir – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  You, “Kazmir is so nasty.  I’m so glad I have him.  He’s perhaps my favorite player ever.  I’ll trade you him for Jay Bruce.”  Or at least that’s the ideal you.

Jeff Mathis – To the DL with a fractured wrist, will miss at least 6 weeks.  You know whose time it is now to catch?  Bobby Wilson!  Or maybe that Napoli character.  Yesterday, Scioscia went with Napoli and was nice enough to bat him ninth.  True story, the Angels placed Napoli not Mathis on the All-Star Ballot.  Scioscia was the one that submitted him.  With the game playing at Anaheim this year, I can only assume Scioscia was trying to make the fans happy with Napoli’s inclusion on the ballot and exclusion from every game.

Manny Acosta called into Razzball HQ yesterday. Here’s what he had to say, “Upon returnance, John Smoltz can have closer job back. Upon Soriano’s returnance, he can have setup role. Gonzalez wants eighth inning and lefty specialist role? He have it. I’m not a lefty anyway. I wish only good happenings to Mr. Cox, my family, my team and Jesus Cristo. I request Cox do closer by committee until Smoltz returns, because that is the most democratic. Now put me in the sixth inning, so I can avoid this mess. I wish to chillax. I have myself on one fantasy team, and let me say this, ‘I drop myself.’ Now vote Obama!” There you have it, folks. Razzball’s first big scoop. If that doesn’t make us hotter than baby stew, I don’t know what does. Not only has Acosta dropped himself, but he’s also voting Democrat. Anyway, here’s what else I saw:

Royce Ring – Relieved Acosta. I don’t think he’s going to have much value going forward. He’s a lefty specialist, ya’ll.

Jeff Bennett – Relieved Royce Ring retiring rast Radre (okay, a little forced on the alliteration). I have him on one team. The team I’m hoping sucks. Then again, I have Carlos Silva on that team and he only gave up one run against the Mariners. Then again, it was the Mariners.

Buddy Caryle – If The Kouz would’ve reached, Buddy would’ve joined the closer committee. Officially, the Bravos bullpen is filled with options, which makes the Acosta option weak at best. Wait, Acosta’s calling in again, “I told ya. Not interested in closing. Tooooo stressful. And put five ohs on ‘too.’”

Gavin Floyd – *SPOILER ALERT* He’s still not good. Let me put it this way, if he would’ve got a no-hitter, I still wouldn’t have picked him up in any leagues. He’s not a hidden gem that can replace Gallardo or Hill or Smoltz or any other starter you’ve recently lost.

Aaron Harang – Can’t blame him, he pitched well enough to win. Imagine a world where Harang pitched for the Yankees. Now imagine the Yankees played in Petco. Harang’d win twenty-five and would have already dumped Alyssa Milano like three times. Alas, the Reds score no runs every fifth day.

Ben Francisco – He can do what I thought The Big FraGu could do, but he’s going to be doing it in the same crowded outfield so he may not get enough at-bats. If he does get at-bats, he could get to 15/15 and he’s actually already in Yahoo — woo-hoo! But you don’t necessarily want him just yet, except in the deepest of leagues.

Shawn Hill – *looking for positives* Bunch of rinky-dink hits. *looking at negatives* Needs to be more economical. It’s not like he’s striking people out and he’s barely getting through the fifth.

Jacques Jones – Word he might pop up on the Padres or the Marlins. As Chicago once sang, “Look away, baby, look away.” (BTW, I wish Jones pronounced his first name like that black dude from The Real World: San Diego. That’s it; just felt like saying that.)

Wilfredo Ledezma – He’s already gone in my NL-Only league. Why? Cause he’s now the Padres’ fifth starter. Any Padres starter has value because of their home park. He replaces Germano in the rotation. And he begins dating Alyssa Milano by July.

Brian Bannister – This is closer to the type of pitcher he is, not the April guy who everyone was picking up.

Manny Corpas – Struckout Pujols. Sure, it was in the seventh inning, but I wouldn’t count him out just yet.

Felipe Lopez – Oh-for-five with four strikeouts — that’s razztastic.

Orlando Hudson – O-Dog’s hamstring is barking. He didn’t look good on Monday when he was in the starting lineup so it’s not surprising that he was sitting out yesterday’s game.

Austin Kearns – You’re not roping me in this time, Kearns. No, sir. (But he does go on hot streaks and hits home runs in bunches and he just hit a home run and… Oh, he’s roping me in again. I need a support group. Austin’s Kids? The Kearns Trauma Unit? Second Degree Kearns? I don’t know. Rudy probably will come up with something.)

Jhonny Peralta – I like seeing someone batting .219 in May. They’re due. But he’s not exactly a .300 hitter.

Jason Giambi – I really like seeing someone bat .157. But he’s not exactly a .260 hitter.

Robinson Cano – Also batting .157 (weird!). But he’s not exactly Actually, he is better. So what, he bats .310 the rest of the way? .320?

Scott Olsen – I gotta be honest, I kinda wrote him off this year, but he’s always had talent. Opponents are batting .186 against him, but his K/BB is not good and BB/9 isn’t either. A correction could be coming.

Jonathan Sanchez – He gets the Phillies next. I say, no thank you.

Josh Hamilton – If he can steer clear of injuries and crack-cocaine, he could hit 35 in Texas. But, and this is simply hypothetical, if he were to smoke crack-cocaine, I think his power would remain, but he’d probably show flashes of speed. That’s right, Josh Hamilton’s a 35/20 player if he relapses. Downside, rehab group with Dwight Gooden. Upside, first round selection next year. That’s a coin flip if I’m his agent.

Andruw Jones – Batted second yesterday. All I have to say is, “Ha!”

Blake DeWitt – Now has two home runs in two days. Tonight’s was of the inside the park variety. He doesn’t have much upside.

Santiago Casilla – Now has a save to go with his perfect ERA. Huston Street loses a fibula or some shizz by the All-Star break and he’s closing.

Jeff Mathis – Now in a 3-for-28 slump. In the world of catchers who aren’t owned, I like Dioner Navarro.

Stephen Drew – Fourth home run, should be owned in all leagues. Well, not all leagues, cause there are some that only play with the American League guys.

Ryan Ludwick – Let’s assume LaRussa’s hitting the juice again, but even he has to see Ludwick deserves to be in the starting lineup.

AJ Burnett – How about this line: 6 IP, 10Ks, 9 hits, 5 earned runs. Looked like half the team couldn’t figure him out and the other half couldn’t wait to face him.

Carlos Pena – Almost forty strikeouts. Cust kayin’.

Nate McLouth – Nine home runs?! He’s like Andy Van Slyke’s kid brother. All he needs is a prima donna LF.