Some rejected titles for this post were, “Adam’s Appendix Is Dunn,” “Dunn’s Appendix Chooses Worst Of Three Outcomes,” and “Dunn Develops Killer App.” First Holliday, now Adam Dunn with a busted appendix. I heard if the doctor gets cold during the surgery, he’s going to snuggle inside Dunn like Luke did with his tauntaun. Big Donkey only needs 5 days to heal because he already had an axe scar in that area they could re-use. The turnaround time is so quick now on these surgeries that you have to wonder why it took the Twins so many years to remove their appendix (Nick Punto). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Quentin – 4-for-6, 3 RBIs, 2 Runs and his 2nd homer. He’s now hitting .500 on the year. If he can stay healthy, he can have a huge year. Though that if is the size of Dunn’s appendix. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Playoffs. More like payouts. That’s what I am looking for right now. I know foosball starts on Sunday and I am pretty geeked up, but when there is money on the table I’m excited. I feel like Jimmy Conway after the Lufthansa heist. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the real second half. Not that 4 game H2H sprint where you lose to the last place team cause he had 3 guys carry his week, one of them named Molina. I am back from my much needed vacation funded by Razzball. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The week that was showed us that Carlos Zambrano has issues, no big trades yet and LeBron is going to the Knicks. Or I wish anyways. It’s stealing all the headlines right now in the sports world, that and the underpants gnomes. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Virginia is renaming a city for Stephen Strasburg. An old Yankee reliever is renaming himself Myke Stanton so he shows up again in Google. It’s a brand new day, Sting. You stink POO-holes, however you spell your name. Hanley, don’t wanna run out a pop-up? Have a good life! Change came, nephew. The mollywhopping, pony stick carrying, Mike Stanton is in town. No homers though. Sad trombone. 3-for-5 and a rope to right in his fourth at-bat. He looked fast down the line and absolutely gigantic. Like Frank Thomas big. Maybe it was the 3-D glasses I was wearing. Rudy and I were speaking about Stanton. We agreed. He could hit 15-20 homers and .280. Or he could hit .220. It’s rookie nookie, you gotta decide if it’s worth the blisters. Now for Big Baby Jesus, Stephen Strasburg. He had his last tune up tonight against minor league hitters… Oh, wait, that was the Pirates. My bad. Strasburg was introduced, “Last name: Ever. First name: Greatest.” For a nifty trick, in the 2nd inning he threw a 98 MPH fastball and also caught it. He looked flat-out dominating at times. Towards the end of the game, he really started heating up — maybe he put his arm in the microwave for 15 seconds on both sides — and he looked unhittable. He did after all strikeout 14 hitters. And he homered three times. Once off himself. At other times, he looked like a rookie making mistakes. I mean, he did give up a homer to Delwyn “I Don’t Even Know How To Spell My First Name” Young. I think there’s going to be a bunch of 6 inning, 2-3 earned run, 8-10 K games and some wins. Fantastic, for sure. He could win the Rookie of the Year over Heyward. But you didn’t just back into owning 1999 Pedro. Not yet at least. Maybe next year. Yesterday, one of our three girl readers got Sabathia, Dunn and Ervin for Strasburg. That’s tremendous value for Big Baby Jesus. I’d explore how hyped he is in your league too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cameron Maybin – Will sit in favor of Stanton. That’s so Maybin! Oh, wait. No, it’s not. In NL-Only keeper leagues, I would hold onto Maybin. Elsewhere… Well, if you worried your team can’t continue without Maybin, you have bigger fish to fry. Marlin pun! Kinda! Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s finally here. The Strasburg watch is finally over as the second coming of fantasy Jesus is here. I saw him in the cave on Sunday getting limber for his 2 awaited starts. I am tempering expectations, since he is going to be on a innings limit. Please, blog, may I have some more?
No, there’s probably no cast in Andre’s future. I’m not even sure they make casts small enough for the pinkie finger. That was Pingping‘s downfall, that and the chain smoking. After Andre Ethier broke a bone in his pinkie, he said something was seriously wrong. Seriously? You got a boo-boo on your pinkie! What, you can’t make shadow animals now? When he found out what it was, he said that it’s the leverage point of his swing and it would prevent him from holding the bat the way he normally does. Who’s leverage point is their freakin’ pinkie?! This is like the pea under the princess’s mattress. His biggest concern is probably how he can stick his pinkie out while drinking tea. Ethier could be out for a few weeks or he can play through it. So he’s damned if he does or a half dozen of the other… Or however that cliché goes. If it is his leverage point, you don’t want him playing through it. If he doesn’t play through it, he could be out at least a few weeks. And here I thought the only time Ethier and the word pinkie would be associated would be from this picture. Draw your own conclusions, but I’m guessing he’s in Key West. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chad Billingsley – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. What every pitcher needs, a trip to Petco. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jorge Posada’s going to hit 161 home runs (accounting for one rainout, of course), Granderson’s going to win the MVP and Big Papi still sucks. Oh, and Beckett’s record will be 0-25-1. Yes, a tie. My crystal ball doesn’t lie, don’t second guess it. Spring has sprung and baseball’s back. It’s a good time to be alive. The flowers smell different, don’t they? They smell like hot dogs. Right now, I feel like putting some endangered Chilean sea bass on the grill, an Olde English in an oversized cozy and kicking back for the next six months while the sounds of baseball dance in my head. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Joel Hanrahan had 2 saves yesterday in the Nationals’ sweep of Colorado 6-3, 6-3 as they decided to emulate a successful tennis player instead of a successful golfer for a change (hitting below par). Hanrahan set a new Nationals record for most saves in a doubleheader, series, week, and month. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aaron Harang is not a bad pitcher. Actually, he hasn’t even been bad this year. (Okay, he hasn’t been good either.) If I may turn my hat crooked, Harang just had some straight-up bad luck, yo. You want numbers? How about these? Please, blog, may I have some more?