Fantasy Baseball Advice

Joel Hanrahan had 2 saves yesterday in the Nationals’ sweep of Colorado 6-3, 6-3 as they decided to emulate a successful tennis player instead of a successful golfer for a change (hitting below par). Hanrahan set a new Nationals record for most saves in a doubleheader, series, week, and month. On a related topic, Chad ‘Rip-Cord’ Cordero spent the day ironing his hat brim. One of the stars of the game was Emilio Bonifacio, who went 4-for-10 in the doubleheader. I mentioned him yesterday for fantasy baseball hittters to pickup, but I feel like he might need to get flogged a little into your collective minds, because I’m not feeling the love. He is the lightning fast, leadoff man/second baseman for the Nats. This schmohawk could steal as many bases in the last two months as Roberts did in the 1st half. What, you say you don’t like players whose last name you can’t pronounce? SAGNOF! SAGNOF! Saves/Steals Ain’t Got No Face! Felipe Lopez was dropped by the Nats to show their commitment to Bonifacio. Now show yours. The other star of the twin bill was Lastings Milledge, who went 5-for-9 with 2 HRs. Now has four HRs in August. He could continue his hot hitting. Luckily the Nats bring in less than 1,000 fans per game or that would be a lot of high fives. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Schoeneweis – With Wagner out, the question was who would step in his shoes. Schoeneweis entered the ninth and promptly blew the save. Looks like the Mets found a Wagner replacement. Now to find a closer.

Aaron Heilman – 2/3 of an inning and the gift win. Don’t worry, he’ll balance it out with a loss when he’s inserted into the closer role.

Jody Gerut – Another HR yesterday. Okay, this the last time I’m mentioning him.

Chase Headley – 2 HRs in last two games. In the one league where I had Headley, I got bored of him and the Padres’ offense so I picked up Andy LaRoche. What invariably happens when you drop someone? They get hot.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 6 ER. I told you last week, “Last year, (Ubaldo) had a solid July then got progressively worse as the year went on. Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.” And that’s me quoting me!

Justin Duchscherer – 5 IP, 4 ER. Member that correction I warned you about? The one where I said Duchscherer is going to fall back to earth? Yup and uh-huh.

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 2 ER. Mazel Tov. You’re a man now!

Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 1 ER. Evidently, Alyssa Milano’s advice to breath through his eyeballs helped. That and the blow job.

Jeff Francis – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER also known as the ‘Colorado Rockies Quality Start.’ Throw Francis in the Snell Bag of starters who were useful last year, but currently are not.

Chris Volstad – 6 IP, 0 ER. While his name makes him sound like a cocky little douche like Josh Beckett, he’s actually a sinker ball pitcher. Go figure.

AJ Burnett – Despite a 4.50 ERA and pitching for the Jays, Burnett pitched a so-so game to net his 14th win. That’s worth 9 wins in America. Ask Johan.

Dan Uggla – 0-for-4. .179 since July 1st. It’s a long, bumpy road back to a .250 career average.

Brian Giles – Might be traded to the Red Sox. Could be interesting to see him hit some walks off The Green Monster.

Jim Leyland – Suggested newly appointed closer, Joel Zumaya, go to an instructional league this winter to learn to be a closer. If that makes no sense to you, welcome to my brain. Hopefully the instructional league is somewhere without forest fires or Guitar Hero. Leyland volunteered to visit him in hopes that the Caribbean Duty-Free stores have nice discounts on Marlboro Reds.

Manny Ramirez – HR yesterday. The league is investigating the circumstances surrounding the Red Sox-Dodgers trade of Manny Ramirez. When asked about his departure from the Red Sox, Manny responded “By plane.”

Aaron Harang is not a bad pitcher. Actually, he hasn’t even been bad this year. (Okay, he hasn’t been good either.) If I may turn my hat crooked, Harang just had some straight-up bad luck, yo. You want numbers? How about these? His BABIP .335, that’s bad luck. His K/9 is around 8. That’s very solid. Three year ERA, 3.77. He’s at 4.33. So that should come down. He’s a workhorse, so that’s a lot of IP with good numbers. Going forward, Harang should have good numbers across the board minus wins; those I can’t guarantee. But chasing wins is a losing man’s game. (Hey, that was a pretty clever turn of a phrase. If I had an internet page of quotes like Oscar Wilde or Mitch Hedberg, that would be 17th. 16th would be, “Can I get an Amen, Sherman Hemsley?” and 18th would be “Dance With Me here, Orleans.” But I digress.) So what do you do with this Harang-a-tang of info? You go trade for him, that’s what you do. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball players to buy or sell:

BUY

Robinson Cano – On my gravestone it will say, “I told you I was ill” and my legacy will be pimping Cano for two months straight.

Jo-Jo Reyes – Someone mentioned in the comments yesterday that they haven’t heard anything about him. Reyes has really gone under the radar for me. I only mentioned to pick him up here, here, here, here, here. The first mention was a day after his first start of ‘08. If you guys (and possibly one or two girls, but highly doubtful) want, change your fantasy baseball password to what I use, “GreyIsFortified” and I’ll do your drops and adds.

Chase Headley – Kouzmanoff has done a lot of nothing since last year. Now he’s supposedly suffering from a sore back.

Jeff Francis – Very serviceable coming into this year until he was completely derailed in his quest to match Snell in a game of onedownmanship. His next game is against the Royals. If he pitches well, he’ll be a hot add. You’ve been warned. Or as they say in knitting circles, you’ve been yarned.

Jeff Baker – Rudy liked him coming into the year, then he fell out of favor (Baker, not Rudy). Rudy’s adding him all over the place again.

Kory Casto – On most days, he’s starting in place of Wily Mo Pena; I like Casto in NL-Only leagues. But remember, “Person who dance with Nats is easily bored.”

Jeff Keppinger – I wait with bated breath to start him in a NL-Only league. (BTW, it is bated, not baited. Check yo’self, fool.) Keppy’s about a week away from coming back.

Mike Aviles – Seems like people are falling over themselves to add this dude. I can understand it. As I’ve said many times before, when you’re dealing with MI, CI, UT or fifth starters, you want to take a gamble. There’s no point in fielding a boring, safe guy. (That’s not to say there’s no point in fielding a productive, safe guy. There is a difference. Figuring out the difference was my minor at The Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.)

Eric Byrnes – Nope, I don’t like him, but I feel like no one likes him at this point. If everyone’s zigging, why aren’t you zagging? Would be worth seeing how cheaply you can grab Byrnes. I’d think you can get him for next to nothing and he could prove a valuable fifth outfielder in the 2nd half of the year.

Josh Willingham – It says he’s owned in 93% of all ESPN leagues. Now I’m assuming 99% of ESPN leagues are drafted in March then the owners never look at their team again. If this is not the case and people have been holding onto Willingham and wasting a lineup spot all of this time, you are going to make me blow a blood vessel. Now everyone who dropped Willingham, you can go get him again.

SELL

Jake Peavy – I love Peavy, but as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m selling. Call me conservative, but I can’t wrap my mind around pitchers with recent arm troubles.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – See Headley, Chase or about three and two-thirds of an inch above.

Hiroki Kuroda – He wasn’t that bad when he was in there, but now he has shoulder tendinitis. Punt.

J.D. Drew – With my hands in my pockets, I stood next to J.D. Drew as he talked to Manny. I waited for an introduction. They laughed about Youkilis’s party out on The Cape. Apparently, Manny read from his journal of poems that he wrote while in left field. They laughed and I punched Drew in the mouth.

Joe Saunders – I think he’s already been on a Sell List. Hmm… Well, here he is again, because he’s keeping up this unsustainable start!

Aaron Cook – Full disclosure, I’ve had him in a mixed ten team league for two months and have reaped a lot of his benefits. I know he’s not really this good; everyone knows this. This isn’t a “sell” as much as a “be glad for what you got and be ready to drop.”

Joe Nathan – I could’ve put Mariano Rivera here instead of Taipei Slinklo or any other top closer. (I could’ve even put Beanie McDougalston, but that’s a made up name.) Because at the end of the year, when everything’s said and done, do you ever look in the mirror and say, “I am so glad I had Taipei Slinklo. And damn my hair looks good,” or do you say, “I’m glad I traded Joe Nathan for Harang. And damn my hair looks good?” You tell me. Tell me!

Giving invaluable advice is what we do and all you do is sit there eating your cranberry bran muffin and reading it. Over a hundred of you subscribe to the feed, over 2,000 of you stop by daily. As Juan Encarncion might say, “I can’t see you, but I know you’re there.” Without you, it wouldn’t be half the fun. Okay, maybe it would be half the fun, but definitely not three-quarters of the fun. So to repay me, I’m letting you help me with my keeper team.

Caveats you must know:

It’s a NL-only ten team, five player max keeper, standard $260 budget. Scoring categories are: Offensively — Home Runs, OBP, Runs, RBIs, Sbs, Total Bases. Pitching – ERA, Innings, Strikeouts Minus Walks, Saves, Wins, WHIP. I refuse to pay more than $30 for any single player and no more than $100 total on my pitching staff. It’s my oldest keeper league and the winner gets close to two grand, so, ya know, pay attention. Onto the keeper letter to you:

You,

First off, great reading of my site! In the last two years, I’ve traded away Jose Reyes, Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Shane Victorino and Hanley Ramirez for nothing. There might be more numbskulled moves, but I’m drunk trying to dull the pain of past blunders. Guess you can also see why I’m soliciting advice. Can’t do much worse! So going into 2008, I have few options. Not “a” few, just few. For $29, I’m keeping Matt Holliday. This is a bargain in our league, or any for that matter. Plus, he falls below my imaginary Mason-Dixon $30 line. Now for the cream of the rest of my crap:

Pedro Martinez at $11. I think he’s got 130 inning/10 wins/ 3.35/good Ks-BB/good WHIP. This seems like a no-brainer to me for $11, but I have my doubts and may wait until spring training’s assessment of the number three man on the Mets.

Jose Valverde at $10. I wish I was able to convince myself not to keep him, but at $10 I’m having a hard time. He’s a nightmare when he explodes, Berkman’s all but said he’s not welcome and I don’t like paying $10 for any closer. I think he could get 35 saves and decent peripherals, but I’m not sold.

Jeff Francis at $12. I don’t think there’s an argument available that could convince me to keep Francis for $12. Believe I can toss him back and not pay more than $10 if I want him again, which I’m not totally against.

Yorvit Torreabla at $5. I’ve sung my praises already for Torreabla. Probably had nice things to say because I’m trying to convince myself he’s worth $5. I’ll probably keep him since I’d like to have catching squared by the draft because the next “great” NL catcher available at the draft may be LoDuca. LoNoThankYou.

Kevin Frandsen at $5. He intrigues me. In little September time as Durham got the bench, Frandsen hit 5 homers and stole 4 bases. Unfortunately, his minors’ numbers say to expect less and he has a lot of minors’ numbers, since he’ll be 26 in May. Still for $5; I might take a flier. Any Giants fans out there that could shed some light on this slap hitter with no speed?

John Patterson at $5. I think I can get him back for close to $5. There you have it; my team sucks.

Yours,
Me

P.S. When’s Bo Bice’s new album coming out? Can’t wait!

Going through this list really depressed me. If anyone has any thoughts, please comment below.