Dustin Ackley was recalled (don’t ask why it’s recalled and not called up, baseball’s arcane at times). Here’s what I said when he was about to get the call a little under a month ago, “Guess what ya’ll we’re gonna talk about the Mariners! Snooze. But we’re talking about the top Mariners prospect! Yawn. But it’s Dustin Ackley and he hit 5 homers and stole 2 bases in Triple-A last year over 237 plate appearances! Burp. So far this year, he’s been better with power and speed — 9 homers and 6 steals through 64 games (updated!).” And that’s me quoting and updating me! Because his home park ends in -co — Petco, Safeco, Metco — his power may take a bit of a hit. His speed isn’t gazelle-like.Please, blog, may I have some more?
At least that’s the creed that Francona and Epstein keep repeating to themselves as they sit in the fetal position on opposite corners of the clubhouse shower. Carl Crawford seems like a nice guy. Something about the name Carl. So innocuous. “Hey, sis, what’s your new boyfriend’s name? Carl? I’m gonna like him on Facebook.” That’s you jibber-jabbering with your family. Because Carl seems like a nice guy could be partially why it’s so sad to see him struggle this much. Doode better not stand too close to the Pesky pole in a lightning storm cause he will get struck. That’s been his luck so far. Franconian measures were taken to get Crawford going by openly mocking him with a lineup switch. That never helps. It’s like when you’re a teenager and your Mom makes an appointment for you to see a dermatologist. Suddenly, you realize you’re not hiding your acne as good as you thought you were. Crawford is really doing nothing wrong other than getting extremely unlucky. That luck will turn around and he’ll suddenly look like the 2nd round pick he was in the preseason. To misquote a cliche, get in now while the gettin’s not good. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Justin Smoak – I just went over my Smoak fantasy. I wrote it riding on the back of a bicycle through downtown Milwaukee while Shirley steered.Please, blog, may I have some more?
A Spanish woman, dressed in black, just pedaled past my house, chanting, “Luis Castillo no es Manny Trillo…Luis Castillo no es Manny Trillo…Luis Castillo… Oh shoot, I ripped my stockings!” It was totally sad. Kinda like when your best buddy, let’s call him Chase Utley, gets old man knee and the Phillies replace him with Luis Castillo. Luis Castillo would be good for my pre-All-Star Game contest where him and Juan Pierre have a home run contest and the gopher ball-happy Rodrigo Lopez is pitching. Just think of how few back’s we’d have to hear from Berman. There’s nothing as far as fantasy goes with Castillo. Even if objects appear closer in the side view, you still can’t see Castillo’s best days. To give you an idea of how terrible he is, the Mets released him. Long story short, he’s useless in any league where there are other starting 2Bs available. This Castillo signing does spell further doom for Utley. You really can’t draft him at this point. Also, my giant ostrich head has been in the sand too long with Howard. No Utley hurts him. I’m dropping him eight spots in the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings to right behind A-Rod. I would still draft him, but you can’t expect 115 RBIs or 95 runs at this point. Well, you can, but people might start to worry about you. Anyway, here’s some more news in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – Will miss 10 days or more with shoulder inflammation. Looks like Jason LaRue’s voodoo doll is finally working. This sounds like Cueto is going to miss at least a few weeks of the season. Obviously, not a great sign, but before we take Cueto to the mattresses for getting injured we should tempurpedic our concern. It’s a long season and he had a 5+ ERA last April and you still drafted him this year. He gets better in the heat, just DL him once the Reds do.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tim Lincecum missed yesterday’s start vs. the Padres (there goes that 14 K start) and gave way to the Giants big-time rookie pitching prospect, Madison Bumgarner. Lincecum should be back by this weekend. A detailed Madison Bumgarner outlook can be found where it says, “Madison Bumgarner outlook.” (Yeah, still haven’t figured out how to naturally link to something. I feel like Buzz Bissinger. Bleh! What are these things you call links? Bleh!Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you can’t find a high risk/high reward outfielder on your waivers right now, you’re just not trying very hard. Sorta on topic, I feel like picking up the latest high risk/high reward hitter is like double dog daring your leaguemates. You think picking up Snider is risky? I just picked up Wladimir Balentien!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aroldis Chapman — A-rold! — defected yesterday. I defect every morning after I eat my bran cereal. No, random italicized voice, defected. As in, he gave the Cuban national team the old switcheroo. He snuck out of a Rotterdam hotel where the team was staying this week. The coach said he checked on him and saw him sleeping. What he actually saw was a mannequin shifting in bed from a wire attached to the bedroom door that was strung over a closet door with a trophy attached. For his escape, Aroldis wishes to thank Ferris Bueller. So why do you care? He’s the best lefty in the world and he can throw 100 MPH. Keepers, clean your ears, cause there’s a new Strasburg in town. Though no one’s sure what town that is. Deep keepers should keep an eye out for when he’s added. Probably a year away, but it depends on the team that signs him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Alexei Ramirez – Sticking with the Cuban theme, good news for Alexei as his finger’s X-rays revealed no fracture. He should return soon. Not soon enough in a league where I’m rocking Everth Cabrera. Steal, son. You’re fast.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m just going to jump right in with this moron, or morron, as he’d spell it. First, a Karabell title, “Euphoric about Eugenio; closers, Bush, mail.” Eugenio who? Velez, the guy who should have one hand tied to the barrel of a bat so all he can do is bunt.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aaron Harang is not a bad pitcher. Actually, he hasn’t even been bad this year. (Okay, he hasn’t been good either.) If I may turn my hat crooked, Harang just had some straight-up bad luck, yo. You want numbers? How about these?Please, blog, may I have some more?