I remember as a kid trying to watch Kelly’s Heroes with my dad, and not understanding any of it. I mean, it didn’t have a Wookie. Reading over that Wikipedia synopsis, sounds a lot like Three Kings that came out almost 3 decades later. Nothing original in Hollywood anymore!
But to baseball, Joe Kelly has some heroes of his own. First there’s the Cardinals developmental system that seems to churn out pitching prospects that can throw upper 90′s faster than Hollywood sequel greenlights. Then there’s the Cardinals offense that leads the NL in runs scored by 53. Using his rag-tag unit of pitching coaches, arguably the best catcher in the game Yadier Molina, and an offense ready to give him a lead every game out, can Joe Kelly help you steal the gold in a fantasy title? I tuned into his start yesterday in Pittsburgh to break down how he looks and if he can be a wildcard contributor to your final fantasy push: Please, blog, may I have some more?
You wanted to sell R.A. Dickey, but no one was buying. Seeing last year as a fluke. Said he couldn’t do it again. Said you had too much fruit in your tapioca for even drafting him. They told you go fly a kite with Dickey, but not around children or it would be weird. Then Dickey throws a two-hit shutout yesterday with 6 Ks and you showed them that the only good thing that ever came out of being a naysayer is horse whispering. Or did you? Do you know anything more about Dickey than you did two days ago? He says he’s been dealing with cold weather and a sore back and he’s blaming the WBC. Excuses are like Alcides Escobar, everyone has one and they all smell. Did Dickey’s back suddenly clear up? Because he gave up six earned in his last start. Was the weather in his last start cold and Dickey shrunk up? This shutout was against the Rays, who are now 10 for their last 99 against him. They see Dickey and immediately go limp. Finally, your Dickey looks to be pointing in the right direction, but I wouldn’t start writing his name on your underpants just yet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
Carl Crawford hurt his hammy on Saturday, which opened the door for the Dodgers to make memories. Every Dodger fan is on their portable mobile cellular device texting someone their excitement. Of course, their excitement is about how well Fast & Furious is doing at the box office or how it only took them twenty minutes from downtown to the beach. The 10 was a breeze! But amongst the Angeleno texts I intercepted, there was one about how the Dodgers called up the latest Cuban raftee, Yasiel Puig. You can imagine how excited Dodger fans will be once they realize how good he is and that they’ll be able to see him even if they leave the game by the 7th inning. There will be a chance for Puig to show his tools like Siamese Twins in an adult theater. In Triple-A, he hit 8 homers, stole 13 bases and hit .313 in only 40 games. If he does that in the next 40 games for the Dodgers, he will be the number one call-up for fantasy and there will be no way the Dodgers can send him down. The big question for me is what happens when Crawford and Kemp return. I think there’s a good chance Puig hits a few homers, steals a couple of bases in the next few weeks, then gets sent right back down. Obviously, you have to take a flyer on him in all leagues to see if he sticks. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
They say baseball is a game of inches. When ‘they’ say that, ‘they’ are wearing a plaid jacket and flood pants. They also have adult acne. But if baseball really is a game of inches, the Tigers are packing heat in their lineup like John Holmes. So, for all other teams’ fans, I ask you gently, Tigers, please don’t have good pitching too. I mean, besides Verlander and Scherzer and Fister and Anibal, because that would just be unfair. Yesterday, it appeared they had that with Rick Porcello. He went eight innings with zero earned runs, four baserunners and 11 Ks. After his eleventh K, the sound system played, “Rick’s a Jolly Porcello.” That is the best game I can remember from Porcello, by far, and I use all of his game logs as toilet paper, so I’d remember. I mean, what else am I doing in the john? Answering comments? Well, maybe. Just keep that in mind when you’re asking me who I’d drop. Porcello’s xFIP looks solid and his walks have always been stellar. The one flaw in his game I didn’t like was his ability to K people. So far this year, his K-rate is up and way up after yesterday. If you’re struggling to find a starter, I could see adding Porcello, but there’s risk because he does tend to have huge blow ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
Are you familiar with The Legend of Oso Blanco? It’s the very true story behind Evan Gattis, and it’s a must listen if you haven’t yet heard it. Even if you have, it’s still worth another run through. Atlanta sports radio 680 The Fan was on point with this bit, which should have some appeal among us here at Razzball. Thanks to Deadspin for bringing it to our attention. Anyway, two-starters… Week 9 features nearly a full-slate of action, so there are a shizzload of them to choose from. To help guide your two-start perusing, I’ve slapped together our usual tiered worksheet.
As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Much respect to the mothers. Without my emergence from my mother’s vagina, I wouldn’t be able to bestow on you my fantasy baseball ‘pertness. We are one people and everyone has popped out of a mother’s vagina at one point, unless you’re an alien — I’m looking at you, Andrelton! — and with our emergence from our mother’s vagina — or that Cesarean stuff that I don’t fully understand — I say we should all live together, loving each other, and never speaking of Ike Davis again, cause he sucks. With all that mother loving out of the way, yesterday was about the worst offensive day I’ve seen during a full schedule day for rosterable fantasy hitters. I mean, there were a ton of Brayan Pena’s and Donald Lutz’s doing work, but not a whole lot from guys actually owned. Though, it would be awesome if someone got caught corking their pink bat. Corking a pink bat is like A-Rod growing a mustache. Then the nadir of that offensive dearth (pinnacle of pitching success?) was Chris Sale. He tossed a shutout, one-hitter with 7 Ks vs. the Anathema Angels. Still don’t trust him to stay healthy all season, but it looks pretty likely that he’s going to be pitching well until his arm falls off. Then, if his arm doesn’t fall off perchance, he’s going to be a number one pitcher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball: Please, blog, may I have some more?
As if pitching in the NL West wasn’t advantageous enough, Troy Tulowitzki and Matt Kemp look destined for the DL. Tulo strained his groin – which is too low or too high for a strain depending on your preference (I prefer to strain a pun). Please, blog, may I have some more?
I had high apple pie in the sky hopes for David Robertson, but no one is safe. “There’s a storm a comin’! Jebediah, should I bring the cows into the barn?” “No, Gissley! It wants our closers!” “But I only have Juan Cruz! And I’s not even sure he’s the set-up man” “It doughs’cent matter!” Really, really shocked by Robertson performance yesterday (2/3 IP, 4 ER), but I guess I shouldn’t be. I’ve officially ‘learned’ Closepocalypse on my computer spellchecker. If Soriano is out there in your league, I’d grab him. The Yankees could flip-flop right back to him since he has ‘closer experience.’ You know, pulling the ol’ Robertson is just more comfortable in the 8th inning shtick. At this rate, Fernando Rodney’s going to be the only $12 Salad next month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Sale – This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Network. If you are a closer, just go for an MRI now. You’re pitching with a torn tendon. I repeat, you have a torn tendon. So, Addison Reed might now be the closer on the White Sox, as Sale goes to get an MRI today. Robin Ventura thought a good way to preserve an injured pitcher’s arm was to throw him into high-leverage situations. I say that’s crummy with crackers, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who has a hard time pronouncing the word ‘peculiar.’ If Reed is out there, I’d grab him immediately. If Reed gets the closer job, he has a chance to be a strong Donkeycorn with $12 Salad upside. To all of those who are reading Razzball for the first time, that last sentence wasn’t gibberish. It only sounded like it. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, here we are in week 3 already, wonder if ML bee will have another opening game just to keep it fresh. The world of two-start pitchers is in full bloom, the rotations are coming together and being set in an orderly fashion. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jered Weaver will not make his final start of the year because he doesn’t care about your H2H team. Weaver ends the season with a line of 18-8/2.41/1.01/198. If you throw out three bad starts, his ERA would’ve been 1.72 in 220 innings, but if if’s and but’s were candy and nuts no one would ever leave the bathroom. Verlander’s gonna win the Cy Young, shizz is foregone. Put it in an envelope and hand it to your mail carrier so he can steam it open and check it for cash. Either way, let’s look at what Weaver did this year. Mullet over, if you will. Weaver was better last year. Blunt is as blunt does right there. His K-rate, xFIP and hair were all better. His K-rate this year was right in line with past rates, if you exclude 2010. For now, last year looks like the outlier for Ks. Also, batters made contact with his pitches inside the strike zone at a higher rate than last year and hitters weren’t as fooled by pitches outside the strike zone. In the end, he’s not going to be terrible in 2012; it’s just a repeat of 2011 seems unlikely, unless Superman circles the earth a few hundred times. Please, blog, may I have some more?