Fantasy Baseball Advice

Yesterday, Joakim Soria lost the closer job yesterday to Aaron Crow.  Yeah, and pigeons fly.  Wait, they do.  Wait II, The Return of Wait, maybe that makes sense.  Yeah, I think it does.  Thank you, left side of the brain for working with the right side.  Glad you’re talking again.  You guys rock!  The ax falling on The Mexicutioner was a long time coming.  He only had one save in May and had given up 7 runs in 9 1/3 IP.  He wasn’t much better in April.  In June, he could get the job back.  Your deity of choice knows that Aaron Crow isn’t really all that great but he is the guy for right now.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alfonso Soriano – With yesterday’s game with a strained quad.  He’ll probably go to the DL by the time you read this, assuming you dinnit stay up to read this at 12:26 AM PST when it was posted.  (BTW, Didn’t and I went our separate ways.  It’s now dinnit or bust.  Don’t, you’re on notice!)

Tony Campana – Yesterday, he had 4 steals (on only one hit!).  I’d like to introduce Campana to my right clickie finger that picks players off waivers.  In the minors, he showed bonkers speed. Or sponkers, if you enjoy portmanteaus.  Not just fast, but crazy.  One year, 48 steals in 131 games and 20 times caught stealing.  Tony Campana runs like he just sniffed a mountain of coke and killed some cockroaches.  With Byrd still recouping, Soriano likely headed to the DL and the Cubs needing a spark plug, I picked up Campana wherever I could.  He’s probably nothing but a short term SAGNOF’er, but member what Jason Bourgeois did a month ago?  Yeah, you do.  Now come here and let me pinch your cheeks!

Kelly Johnson – 4-for-6 and 2 homers yesterday.  Now has 4 homers and 6 steals while batting .190– Oh no, he doesn’t.  That’s what he had on May 13th when I told you to buy him.  He now has 9 homers, 8 steals and raised his average 52 points.

Justin Upton – 5-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs, his 10th home run and 10th steal.  I own him in a few leagues, so this is partially selfish of me, but I’d love for him to have his star mitzvah this year.  Say 35 homers, 20 steals and a .280 average while becoming a first round draft pick for next year.  That would be nice.  (BTW, I can neither confirm or deny this, but Vin Scully checked in on the Arizona game and said Justin Upton was 5-for-5 with a home run when Upton was 4-for-4 with no home run.  Then Upton hit a home run 15 minutes later.)

Juan Miranda – 0-for-4 while the Diamondbacks scored 15 runs.  Ticker tease!

Jose Reyes – Out for 3-7 days with the death of his grandmother.  As someone who was raised by their abuelita, I feel for Reyes, but, well, my fantasy team kinda needs him.  Oh, man, I’m a bad person.

Ike Davis – Still having pain in his ankle.  A Met having an injury setback?  That is uber crazy.  Yeah, I said uber.  Deal with it!

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Put eleven baserunners in six innings and only one earned run into Fangraphs Database and you get the error message, “Does not compute.”

Pablo Sandoval – Sounds like he’s about a week and a half away.  Or at least that’s the rumor why the Giants clubhouse manager went to Costco for a 128-count Chipwich box.

Brandon Crawford – 1-for-3 with his first steal after hitting a granny in the first game of his career. (That better not had been Jose Reyes’s granny!)  He has very, very modest power and speed (like 7/7 over the course of a season).  To give you of an idea of how deep the league needs to be to grab him, he’s available in one of my NL-Only leagues.

Eric Patterson – 2-for-5 and has led off two of the last three games!  *small voice*  But he’s hitting .189.  *big voice*  He’s stolen 2 bases in those starts!  *small voice*  He doesn’t play every day.  Okay, I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues or deeper leagues for a short term boost on speed.  To put it in New Jersey terms, you pass through Patterson, you don’t stay there.

Logan Forsythe – Here’s another NL-Only shout out.  He’s playing every day for the Padres, though you’d think if Forsythe was in SoCal, he’d be saying hello to the Angels.  He doesn’t have much power and Petco will suppress that further.  “Stop smothering me, Petco!  I mean, mothering.  Actually, I don’t.”  Forsythe has five homer power and teen speed.  Think a poor man’s Bartlett, i.e. the cupboards are Barelett.

Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Other than the mollywhopping he took at the hands of the Angels, he’s been decent if a bit yawnstipating with Ks.

Mike Napoli – 3-for-6, 5 RBIs and two more homers to bring his total to 10.  When he seeks revenge on you for dropping him, he does it swiftly and decisively.

Jayson Nix – Him and brother, Laynce, hit homers yesterday.  Today, their brother, Jaymes, drinks himself into a stupor for being the black sheep of the family.

Eric Young Jr. – Another day, another steal.  Okay, I’m not talking about him again until Friday’s Buy.

Francisco Liriano – To the DL when the MRI revealed shoulder inflammation.  The MRI also revealed it was glad it didn’t draft him.

Phil Hughes – Could be back by July.  Yanks said they won’t push him.  Put him near traffic and I’ll give him a little shove.

Raul Ibanez – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer in the last week.  Frequent commenter, Hans, mentioned Ibanez’s recent hot streak in the comments (appropriate!).  I was going to talk about Ibanez yesterday, because he has been crazy hot, it’s just so hard to generate excitement about him and unless you ask, “Between him or Cuddyer,” I’m probably going to say the other guy.

Nick Blackburn – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I love corrections to schmohawks.  Schadenfreude!

Danny Espinosa – Hit his 8th homer yesterday and has 4 steals on the season.  When he ends the season with a .250 average, 20 homers and 10 steals, you’re gonna wonder why you dropped him.

Mike Morse – Another day, another home run.  You’re waiting way too long to pick him up.  You, “Who me?”  Yeah, you.

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 16th home run.  Could Bruce sneak into the first round next year?  Nah, probably not.  But he’s moving into the 2nd.

Hanley Ramirez – Out again with what he described as “the worst (pain) he has ever felt.”  I betcha there’s quite a few of his fantasy owners that would like to help Hanley continue to break his personal pain threshold record.

Hunter Pence – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th home run.  Pence is one of those players that stays exactly on pace for his end of the year stats all year long.  Minute he starts to fall off pace, he’ll hit a home run or steal a base.

Torii Hunter – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and two home runs.  One for each I.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-5 with his 2nd home run in as many days.  It’s the smart move to keep him in the lineup.  Still waiting for the Sciosciapath to make the not smart move.

Fernando Rodney – Got the save yesterday.  Walden gave up two runs the day before and threw 37 pitches, so this is probably nothing, but — and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but — I still grabbed Rodney in leagues where I need saves.  In May, Walden has a 5.54 ERA, 1.77 WHIP; Rodney hasn’t given up a run in the past week.  (Yeah, I’m cherrypicking stats, but whatever.  It’s my blog.  Start your own blog and cherrypick your own numbers.)

Jon Lester – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I wouldn’t press the panic button, but two of his last three starts have been duds.

Kyle McClellan – 4 IP, 7 ER.  See Nick Blackburn or 7 and a 1/4 inches above.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-4 with the ever-tasty slam and legs.  A Pujols by any other name would smell foul.

Bartolo Colon – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  A doctor in Boca Raton is claiming he used stem cells to fix Colon’s arm and make him an effective pitcher once again.  The doctor says he used Colon’s own fat cells to repair the elbow.  Now the elbow is working like new but it can no longer fit into any of his shirts.

Scott Rolen says he’s going to try to avoid the DL because of his hamstring.  Dusty said, “Too bad he can’t pitch because they don’t use their legs.  Except in soccer.”  It doesn’t sound too promising for Rolen.  Injuries are old hat for Rolen.  He makes everyone else besides Glass Chipper seem healthy.   On top of the injury, Rolen was hitting .182 in July with zero homers.  If I owned him, I’d hope he went to the DL, so I can store him on my DL while grabbing another player.  Either way, I’d start making other plans because a Rolen that’s playing injured isn’t an exciting hitter to have on your team.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Drew Stubbs – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th steal to go along with his 13 homers.  He’s batting .500 over the last week and has been valuable the whole year, even with the ridiculous amount of strikeouts.  Would’ve been a good player to fingercuff.

Jonny Gomes – 3-for-4, 3 Runs and his 2nd home run in the last three games.  The Reds are 2nd in the majors with home, er, homers and top five in hitting overall.  If you want to know how the Blue Jays would be if they were in the NL Central, look no further.

Dexter Fowler – Didn’t start in yesterday’s game and was seen icing his knee.  Who does he think he is, Duff Goldman?

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  You’re feeling a little silly if back in May you named your kid, Ubaldo.

Troy Tulowitzki – Could return as soon as next Wednesday.  I was trying to acquire him last week, but wasn’t able to.  Maybe you give it a whirlski?

Mike Stanton – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer.  Still only batting .235 on the year, but watching him hit makes me think he can be a 30 homer guy as early as next year.  Yes, at 21.  Could be a great one for a long time.

Brandon Inge – Out for 4-6 weeks with a broken pinkie.  Inky, Blinky and Clyde are said to be fine.  The other day I was just thinking to myself that I can’t believe I have Inge on a team considering how yawnstipating he’s been this year.  Way to kick me in the ass to look for something better on waivers.  Now if only Chone Figgins would get knocked out for 6 weeks too.

Roy Oswalt – Says he’ll make his next start.  To read between the words, he’s saying, “God, yes, I’m healthy, now someone please trade for me.”

Wade Davis – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has back-to-back quality starts after rumors started flying that Hellickson would be called up to replace him.  Guess he needed Hellickson to light a fire under him.  (<–sorta pun!  You know, fire under him… Hellickson… Yeah, if you have to explain it, you probably shouldn’t bother.)  On a more serious note, Davis has been terrible this year.  An under 6 K/9, around a 4 BB/9.  Really uninspiring numbers.  Will be hard to recommend him next year if he doesn’t step up his game.

Evan Longoria – 3-for-5 with his 14th steal to go along with his 13 homers.  Wait, I know this one!  That’s David Wright!  Pretty cool impersonation.  Okay, Victorino’s out-homering you, how about you start hitting some home runs?  Thank you.

Yunel Escobar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in two games.  After the game, he dedicated today’s home run to ‘the Cox that said I don’t care.’  Yes, you should pick up Yunel.  Never underestimate a talented, unmotivated guy who’s suddenly motivated.  See contract years of Beltre and brief moments of sanity by Milton Bradley.

Daniel Hudson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has 10 Ks in 10 2/3 innings, but he’s giving up far too many baserunners.  If this wasn’t the M’s in Safeco (the worst home hitting team in the majors), I’d consider it a bigger step in the right direction.  BTW, Daniel’s middle name is Clairborne.  Hehe…  Dork!

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs with his 12th home run.  See what he’s doing now?  He’s roping you in for next year.  I can see it already.  Random fantasy ‘pert, “Blah blah blah A-Ram’s 2nd half numbers blah blah blah.”

Carlos Silva – 1 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners.  I think if I were selling my soul, I would’ve asked to be good for the whole season instead of just the 1st half.

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 21st homer as Ian Stewart also went yard for his 12th homer.  Winning Daily Double Donkey Day tickets can now be redeemed.

Scott Baker – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 13 baserunners, 1 K.  Nice that Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome is pitching friendly for the visitors.  Just swell.  Bravo on a terrific season, Baker.  Please take a lap around the puma cage at your local zoo.

Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-6 with 2 homers.  How funny will it be if Soberera misses out on the Triple Crown because Bautista leads the league in homers?

Brennan Boesch – 1-for-7.  He was in last week’s Sell.  Yup.

Nelson Cruz – 3-for-6, 4 RBIs with his 12th homer and 11th steal.  Personally, I’m just happy any day he’s healthy.  All you have to do is show up in the Rangers lineup and you get a few RBIs and Runs.  Well, except for…

Chris Davis – 0-for-7.  Ticker two seasons!  When can we just lump him in with Chris Shelton?  I’m not bluffin’ on Davis’ nothin’.

Chris Johnson – 3-for-5 with his first career homer.  Now has a four game hitting streak, and he’s playing every day.  I wouldn’t go near him yet in anything but deep leagues, but he’s worth watching.

Jon Rauch – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Now back-to-back Kazaams!

Justin Morneau – Will miss another week of games due to his concussion, but the Twins aren’t sure as Gardenhire said, “No one knows.  The doctors can only guess too.”  If I had known guessing was all that was involved, I would’ve stuck the course with pre-med.  Another thing I wish someone told me.

Ryan Sweeney – Tough blow for the A’s as they lose their number three hitter to season-ending surgery.  He was on pace for 2 homers, 0 steals and 50 RBIs.  Okay, all kidding aside, but was he on pace to be the worst three hitter in the history of the game?

Chris Capuano – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. a Dreadless Pirate lineup.  I see you moving your cursor towards picking up Capuano.  Stop and back away from your computer.  Go splash some coffee on your face.  You’re sleepwalking.

Prince Fielder – 1-for-4 with his third homer in 3 games.  Last week I traded for Fielder in a league where I needed power.  I sent Berkman and The Adverb for Chubb Rock and Ben Sheets.  Not exactly a humdinger.  Really a needs trade.  I needs me some power and the other guy needs him some pitching.  First time I’ve owned Sheets in probably four years.  If it wasn’t a 20 team league, I would’ve dropped him.  I benched him yesterday, if you’re keeping score during this roundup.

Madison Bumgarner – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Doesn’t his name sound made up?  Like it’s a gag name Bart Simpson would have Moe announce to the bar.

Manny Ramirez – Headed for another MRI and might need to go back to the DL.  Don’t even tell me Vladimir Shpunt is a quack.

James McDonald – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He should be able to strikeout around 8 K/9, but he had a 4+ ERA in the minors this year.  I wouldn’t expect him to do better in La La Land.  Could be a decent gamble in H2H and NL-Only leagues, but I’d hold off for now in roto mixed leagues.

Jose Reyes – 2-for-5 as the Mets announced Reyes is only a few days away from returning.

Mike Pelfrey – 1 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  As I said three weeks ago, “I just popped a zit in the mirror and spelled out, “You can probably do better than Pelfrey.””  And that’s me quoting my zit!

Jayson Nix – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs while Jason Donald went 2-for-5 with 2 RBIs as they battle it out to see who sits when Asdrubal returns.  You can stack Nix vs. Donald right up there with some of the classic battles of all-time like Ali vs. Frazier or Sam vs. Frasier.

Since breaking Pink’s heart, Corey Hart has been living the surreal life.  He has 19 homers already with his career high being 24.  He has 61 RBIs, his career high is 91.  He has an Amish beard, his career high was scruff.  The Brewers are talking of trading their 80′s pop icon.  Say you, say me, are they crazy?  No, actually, those talking heads are making sense.  Yes, I’m talking to you owner of a Corey Hart.  (Oh, Corey Hart and your endless punsabilities.)  Hart’s HR/FB is way above his career high and the RBIs are a product of dumb luck.  His speed hasn’t really shown up this year, though it could.  But if it doesn’t, he’s giving all his fantasy value in power, something he can’t be counted on.  Not to mention, Corey Hart has never been the model of consistency.  In 2009, he was injured.  In 2008, he had 15 homers and a .289 average pre-All-Star break.  After the break, he hit .239 and 5 homers.  It’s nice you think you have Hart for a career year, but you really have Hart for a career 1st half.  Don’t trade him for a half ounce bag of oregano and three Phillie Blunts, but I’d see what you can get.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Corey Patterson – Looking for a guy that can give you an 0-for-35?  Look no further!  For a limited time only, Patterson might be a worthwhile fantasy add for steals.  SAGNOF!

Andres Torres – Since I’m in a SAGNOF-y type mood, I figure I’d point out a guy that probably should’ve been owned for the last two months.  As the habitually tardy like to say, better late than never.

Coco Crisp – It’s true, I’m cuckoo for SAGNOF this week.  As Fonzie’s horse would say, what the ayyyyyy?

Dexter Fowler – Maybe we rename this post, Buys Ain’t Got No Face.

Travis Snider – The name sounds familiar but I can’t seem to place– Oh, Travis Snider!  Right, the guy who pulled a Kotchman with a sprained wrist.  Wrist injuries are never good for hitters, but Snider is starting to come around and could return soon after the All-Star break.  Worth a DL flyer.

Sean Rodriguez – If you’re just getting around to adding Sean-Rod right now, where ya been?  Working in a missionary in Africa?  Well, ain’t you the saint!  Ooh, St. What’s Your Name wants to add Sean-Rod now.  How nice!

Jayson Nix – I think his recent power exploits had more to do with Arlington, but if you’re dire for some lightning in your MI bottle, I’d take a flyer.

Jonathan Niese – Three straight solid starts and his K-rate looks mighty pretty, unlike his face which resembles Rocky Dennis.

Bronson Arroyo – With Arroyo, you don’t need to mullet over (hehe).  If you need a guy who can help you in ratios, here you are.

Madison Bumgarner – I just know that once I recommend him he’s going to explode in your face.  I’m sorry, but his starts so far have made it impossible for me to dissuade any longer.  At least his favorable park should make the inevitable roofie go down a little easier.

Daniel Hudson – In 17 games this year in Triple-A, he gave up 13 homers.  Sure, the park was pro-hitters, but it’s not like the White Sox play in Petco or Metco or Safeco or any sorta -co.  If you take the brand new Hudson out for a spin, its most promising feature is his K-rate.  He had 108 Ks in 93 1/3 IP in the Triple-A this year.  I’d buy that for a dollar! (But probably not for $2 or in shallow mixed leagues.)

Vicente Padilla – At home, his ERA is 3.05 ERA and he has more Ks than innings pitched.  And if you write a postcard to Vicente telling him you own him in fantasy, he’ll write you back, “Thank you, and may your future be as bright as the sun.”

Jordan Zimmermann – Had a very nice K-rate in his rookie season and is worth the stash if you have the DL room.  He could return by August.  The Nationals fans can now prepare their “You can’t spell Nationals without two N’s” signs as J.Z. works his concert tour around the minor leagues.

SELL

John Lackey – Owned in 97% of ESPN leagues.  He has a 5 K/9, a 4.40 ERA and a 4.85 xFIP.  This isn’t a Sell as much as a “I can’t believe you own him.”  I dropped him in a 15 team league and didn’t look back.  Shame on you, you’re selling your soul for Wins.

Ichiro Suzuki – It’s no secret my feelings for Ichiro.  If you’re new to Razzball — Hey! — So I’ll Cliff Note this for you, I don’t like Ichiro.  I think his regular baseball ability clouds people of his fantasy value, though after a few years talking only about fantasy, I’m not sure I can even judge regular baseball anymore.  What’s fielding?  He has a good arm?  I do not understand your strange language.  Ichiro doesn’t steal as much in the 2nd half of the year and that’s his only major plus right now besides average.  As the M’s dismantle the March 2010 Mariners Dynasty, his Runs may become hard to come by too.  Don’t move Ichiro for a complimentary audience ticket to a taping of Supermarket Sweep, but I’d look at offers.

Mat Latos – Latos will be limited and he’s pitching over his head.  Probably about two weeks late on this sell.  I apologize for that.  I’m only human… Okay, I’m a cyborg, but my programmer’s really good and says I’m so human-like it’s uncanny.  Thank you, programmer.  May I have more oil?

In the clubhouse after last night’s game, the Nats watched as ESPN reported Strasburg wasn’t pitching until Friday so there was nothing to talk about.  Nothing to say about Adam Dunn.  Nothing to say about that Zimmerman guy.  Josh Will-something… They couldn’t even remember his name.  The team stopped watching the highlights, upset they were nothing but Anthony Edwards to Strasburg’s Clooney.  Knowing something had to be done, Dunn left the clubhouse as he always had – by reaching up, removing the ceiling and climbing out.  Then he jumped on the back of a blue ox and circled the globe until time rewound to before the game.  Dunn then went out and hit his 18th, 19th and 20th homers while rocking a .280 average on the year.  Now after the game, ESPN reported Dunn hit 3 homers, specifying it came just two days prior to Strasburg’s next start.  Dunn shrugged, it was a start as he ripped the blue ox’s leg off and had dinner.  Hee-haw!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Desmond – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Now has 6 homers and 6 steals on the year.  Ever heard of the slow boat to China?  Yeah, Desmond’s on the slow boat to 12/12.

Todd Helton – Placed on the DL with a sore back.  He needs his Bond girl, Miss Aja Chair.

Brad Eldred – 3-for-4, 3 Runs.  Was called up in the wake of Helton’s old age.  Eldred has monster power and a poor average.  In NL-Only leagues, I’d grab him for the chance at lightning in a bottle.  I’d say grab him in mixed leagues too, but he may not see all the playing time over Giambi.  Depends how quickly Giambi’s defense and fragility (<–hey, it’s Italian!) expose themselves.

Dexter Fowler – A three-run homer as he showed that Fowler power.

Chris Iannetta – 3 games, 3 homers.  As if it needs to be said, but this is not good for Miguel Olivo.

Matt Garza – Picked up the save.  Soriano had pitched four days in a row so Maddon opted for Garza on his throw day.  Or maybe Maddon owns Hellickson in a keeper and wants to see Garza get hurt.  Hard to say.

David Price – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Hopefully he doesn’t need to close out Sunday’s game.

Marc Rzepczynski – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks in The RZE’s return from a fractured finger.  Shame on a finga!  The consonant monger had a great K-rate in the minors and is worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Delmon Young – Hit his 10th homer yesterday while suffering a sprained wrist.  Delmon said his wrist should be F-I-N-E, fine.  He spelled it out gangsta-style.

Orlando Hudson – 3-for-4 with a homer.  I yawned while I typed his name.

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his third homer in two games.  Think it’s safe to get him back in the lineup now.

Josh Johnson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Now leads the majors with a 1.70 ERA.  C’mon, Marlins, trade him for some prospects, you know you wanna.

Mike Stanton – 2nd game in a row with a homer.  Definitely can mollywhop with the best of them, but he can be a drain on average for this year.

Dan Uggla – 3-for-3 as he hits .285 on the year.  Bet you’re glad you avoided him in March with his terrible average.

Casey Kotchman – 2 homers yesterday as he emphatically answered the question, “Is Casey Kotchman retired, playing 1st for the M’s or in the minors?”

Doug Fister – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K as the Fister/Johnson battery made Mariner fans wince.

Chad Qualls – I see your confidence Kirk Gibson and I raise you an inning thrown and three runs given up.

Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.  Hey, at least he didn’t need 149 pitches.

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Whoever the pitching coach was in Triple-A who fixed Scherzer, he might think about applying for a job in the big leagues.

Buster Posey – 4-for-4, 6 RBIs and two homers.  Let’s hope he doesn’t work out with Wieters in the offseason.

Andres Torres – 2-for-5 with his 5th homer.  He also has 17 steals.  Incredibly, Torres is headed for a 10/30 year.  That is all… But that should be enough.

Carlos Lee – For the 2nd straight day, Lee and his “I’m too old for this shizz” brother in arms, Berkman homered.

Jayson Nix – Now with his 5th homer in 5 games.  Maybe Nix hired Marcus Giles as his strength and conditioning coach.

Matt Holliday – 4-for-5, 4 Runs, 2 RBIs and 2 more homers in Coors.  Hey, I know that one… 2007 Matt Holliday, right?  Cool impersonation!

Jake Peavy – To the DL and off to see Dr. Freeze, but this doesn’t affect anyone who reads Razzball because I told you to avoid Peavy this year.  What?  You didn’t listen?  Aw, that’s a sad story.  Here’s a tissue.  Taking over for Peavy, will be D-Hud.  To see my Daniel Hudson fantasy, click that thingamabobber.

Carlos Quentin – Could be out until Friday with a sore knee.  His knee obviously doesn’t own him in fantasy.

Aaron Hill – Was out with a stomach virus.  Interestingly enough, his owners haven’t been able to stomach him all year.

Martin Prado – 2 homers yesterday, now has 10 homers on the year with a .336 average and 61 Runs.  Yeah, he’s going to be overrated next year.

Matt Diaz – Hit a homer.  Sure, it was off Gimme Moyer, but, more importantly, what is Gimme?  *taps finger, cracks neck, yawns*  He’s a lefty!  Diaz eats lefties for breakfast.

Shane Victorino – Hit his 13th homer yesterday to keep pace with Ryan Howard, who hit his 16th.  Now if Howard had 17 steals to match Victorino, they’d be close in fantasy value.

Bronson Arroyo – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  In 303 1/3 innings over the last three years, he has a 3.06 ERA in the 2nd half.  Okay, that’s the last time I’m mentioning it (until he pitches well again).

Jonathan Niese – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I could make the case that Niese is having a better season than Pelfrey.  If I were to make that case, I’d talk about K-rate and xFIP.  That’s if I were to make that case.

Sean Gallagher – Pirates received Gallagher for cash.  The unconfirmed cash figure was seventeen dollars, but the Pirates had a Has-Been Prospect coupon.  If you’re going to pick up Gallagher, you better put on a raincoat because he can get messy when he takes a mallet to your team’s ERA/WHIP.

Jake Peavy was walking off the field before the trainers even got to him.  On a scale of bad signs, that’s around a 9.  That’s on a scale of 1 to 8.  The good news is it’s not his arm.  It’s his dorsi muscle.  Peavy’s a dolphin?  Put down your noisemakers, it’s not that good of news.  To paraphrase Ludacris, “Peavy back bad, Peavy not good… Peavy back don’t do stuff that yo’ back do… (Repeat chorus 17 times.)”  Daniel Hudson, rocking a 3.47 ERA in a hitters’ park in the minors, could get the call if Peavy needs a DL stint.  You know that guy you see when you search for Tim Hudson on the waiver wire?  That’s him!  He has more than a K/IP in the minors, though his control is iffy at times.  He’s worth a pick up in AL-Only or deep mixed keeper leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Aaron Harang – Headed to the DL with back spasms.  Dusty said, “If he dies, he dies,” while wrapped in a Reds flag.

Yovani Gallardo – To the DL with an oblique strain.  Won’t be back until the end of the month as YoGa tries to get stretched out.  Namaste.

Brad Penny – I faintly remember him pitching this year.  He was good, wasn’t he?  He was shut down during a simulated game, experiencing more soreness.  Can’t Dave Duncan rub his hands together and touch the pain?

Felipe Lopez – 2-for-5 with a homer as he hits near .450 in the last week.  Or “For Fiddy,” if you’re sending a care package to the G-Unit.

Ryan Franklin – 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Ouch… Wait, what?  Oh.  Ow.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4 with a homer.  All he does is hit (when he’s first called up then disappears into oblivion).

Delmon Young – 3-for-3.  Now hitting over .400 in July after a .320 June.  Know what would be nice?  If he were batting higher than 8th.

Carl Pavano – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks.  That, sir, is no line from a man with a mustache.  Shave immediately!

Joe Mauer – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer.  His homer totals from 2005 to 2009 were:  9, 13, 7, 9, 28.  Does one number look off?  Yeah, well how come you didn’t listen when February Grey told you that?

Clayton Richard – 6 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Thursday’s afternoon post was going to be about how Clay-T Richard, along with a bunch of other SPs, were pitching over their head.  Consider this a preview.

Mat Latos – Here’s Bud Black for the last three months.  Latos won’t be limited, won’t be limited, won’t be limited, then yesterday he said he’d probably be limited.

Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-4 with 2 homers after he took the better part of June off.  I missed your touch, Black Keys.

Jayson Nix – Hit his 4th homer in the last four games.  If you’re struggling to catch a spark at MI, I’d grab Nix and ride the heat.

Johan Santana – 9 IP, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks and a homer.  This year Johan has one homer every 30 ABs.  Jason Bay has a homer every 50 ABs.  Cust kayin’.

Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 as he returned to action.  He was running hard, not favoring any side (back?) pain.

Matt Diaz – 3-for-5.  It’s Dye-as.  Lefty killer.  Anyone who’s read this site for a long time knows that I’ve always liked Diaz as a platoon outfielder. (Play him against his strong side, sit vs. weak side.  Rinse, repeat.)

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  For a while, it was touch and go while it looked like Brian Moehler was ghost riding the Wandwagon, but now it looks like he’s back.

Carlos Lee – Hit a homer yesterday along with Lance Berkman.  Must’ve been throwback night at The Juicebox.  Did Jeff Bagwell throw out the first pitch underhanded because of a hurt shoulder?

Jeff Niemann – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He shouldn’t be pitching this well.  If you’ve heard that before, it’s because I’ve written it before.

Kosuke Fukudome – Hit his 2nd homer in 2 games.  Here’s what I wrote yesterday, “…he gets crazy hot for a week or two at a time.”  And that’s me copying and pasting me!

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and 2 homers.  Too bad anyone in their right mind has either dropped or benched him by now.

Aaron Heilman – 1 IP, 2 ER.  I’d say Kazaam!, but Kirk Gibson went into a press conference the other day fist pumping and said, “I have no idea who the closer is.  Maybe it’s Qualls, maybe it’s that lady in the front row of all the games that had me sign her breast.  These things haven’t been decided yet.”  I think Qualls gets first look, then Front Row Lady.

Alex Rodriguez – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  On pace for 120 RBIs, less than 30 homers and like no steals.  Feels like he still hasn’t had one crazy hot streak, so he can easily bump up his numbers to 35 homers and 10 steals.  In other words, same shizz, different year.

Jose Guillen – Left the game with an injury, probably will head to the DL.  Maybe the Royals can now trade him for Mike Jacobs.

Wilson Betemit – 3-for-4 and his 4th homer in 19 games.  The Royals are playing him, as they should.  You should consider it too.

Jhoulys Chacin – 3 IP, 4 ER in middle relief as he makes room for de la Rosa, who’s due back this Friday.  In NL-Only leagues and deep keepers, I’d hold Yo-lease with his nasty K/9.

Chris Iannetta – Now has 3 homers in his last six games.  Unfortunately, those six games are separated by 11 days.  From the files of Sad, But True:  Iannetta has only one less homer than Wieters.

Seth Smith – 3-for-4 with his 12th homer.  Putting together a nice year as long as you sit him vs. lefties.  Ooh, I know!  Trade Matt Diaz to the Rockies and let him platoon with Smith.

Vicente Padilla – After a typical start, after a 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks start.

Matt Kemp – 2-for-5 with a home run and two steals.  Or as it’s more commonly known, a slam & legs.

Alex Rios – 1-for-3 with a home run.  I told you to sell him at the very end of May.  In June, 2 homers and 5 steals with a .297 average.  In July, 1 homer and 1 steal with a .176 average.  So 3 homers and 6 steals with a .280 average.  I think we can agree there’s guys with less name value giving you the same.

Madison Bumgarner – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Brewers who have only scored three runs in the last three games.  Mad-Bum’s pitching better than I thought he would.  I’d absolutely grab him in mixed leagues, but you run the risk of getting roofied at any point.

Miguel Cabrera – Hit his 21st homer as he took a late hit off The Sauce.  Alfredo, that is.

Armando Galarraga – Sent to the minors.  I wonder if he’ll drive his Corvette.

Felix Pie – 2-for-6 in his return to the lineup.  So what’s to like about Pie?  Well, the weird guy in the overalls at The Home Depot is not the only one who’s toolsy.  Pie is a speed and power combo guy.  He’s just not quite that powerful or that, um, speedful.  In AL-Only and deep mixed leagues, I’d take a flyer.

Chris Tillman – Should replace the DL’d Millwood.  Tillman started 4 games earlier this year and gave up 14 earned runs in 15 innings with his worst start coming in San Fran.  I wouldn’t pick up Tillman with your team.

Nick Markakis – 5 HRs, 2 SBs on the year.  Evidently, he’s a hypochondriakakis and gleaned from Luke Scott and Brian Roberts that hitting HRs and stealing bases leads to injuries.

Kevin Youkilis – Left the game with ankle pain after clearing the plate with his foot.  The last Red Sox that got hurt clearing the plate was Sam Horn who pulled his abdomen partaking in a pie-eating contest.