In 1906, the Cubs won a major league record 116 games. In 1907 and 1908, the Cubs won back-to-back World Series championships. Anticipating a third championship in 1909, a young, enterprising Chicago man bought up all the toilet paper in Chicago, planning on selling the toilet paper back to the celebrators for twice the amount of money for their ticker tape parade. The Cubs never won again, but it turned out people still needed toilet paper in their everyday life. So, he still sold it back to them at a huge markup. Now, most people would’ve been annoyed with this man, but he was so charming, which later became Charmin. A titan of industry. So, with this in mind, I’ve invested my life savings in toilet paper, and will sell it back to Cubs’ fans this October. I’m gonna make money, y’all! By the way, Cubs could be World Series champs within days of Donald Trump becoming president, that fallout shelter doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. As for Aroldis Chapman, the trade was completed yesterday with him going to the Cubs for a bunch of prospects. This kills Hector Rondon’s value for redraft leagues, since he’ll be pushed into the setup role with Aroldis closing. Whereas in New York, Andrew Miller goes from a top setup man to a top five closer. Now, here’s hoping for an Indians/Cubs World Series so I win either way with all of this TP. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Naquin the Chef looks determined without being ruthless. Something heroic in his manner. There’s a courage about him. Comes across so calm. Acts like he has a dream. Full of passion. Well, you know why. Knock homers out of the box all the time. Pitches know his repertoire, big fly. Yeah, straight up, Naquin mess your whole team up. It’s for real though, ball connect with stick, ditto. We could trade places, ball lifted run around the bases. Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.” I almost didn’t write the title of the Naquin the Chef song, Infatuated Redfaces, but then I was like, “There’s a team named Redskins and a mascot named Chief Wahoo, I think I’m all right.” Yesterday, Tyler Naquin kept it going with the insane run he’s been on — 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with two homers (11, 12). He now has six homers in the last ten games. That’s six homers in July to go with his six homers in June. As I said back in spring training when I saw Naquin play, he had a nice stroke against righties, but looked kinda gnarly vs. lefties. Looks like a 17/17 player that needs to platoon. Right now, his power’s way above that, but will likely come down to earth at some point. Of course, I’d still own him now. Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If your fantasy portfolio is anything like mine, it probably means that there’s some work to be done to ensure you’re sitting at the top of the standings at the end of the season. Sure, there have been some good calls along the way. Drafting Mookie Betts looks like it’ll work out just fine. That late round SAGNOF pick of Jonathan Villar is making you look like Nostradamus right about now. But it hasn’t exactly been all sunshine and katydids for your fake teams. That Stanton/Upton/Heyward monster outfield that you assembled on draft day has put up some scary numbers this year (and not in a good way). Perhaps you decided to go the two ace route since a Harvey/Archer combo was just too good to pass up back in March. And just like that, you went from feeling like Nostradamus to Nostradumbass. Fantasy can be so cruel sometimes. The point is that things don’t always go according to plan. Fortunately, there’s still plenty of time to turn things around, and plenty of widely available players with which to do so. The purpose of this article is to identify some of those players who have the potential to provide significant fantasy value in the second half of the season as well as a few of the expendable players who might be burning holes in your roster.
Today, we’re going to look at some hitters of interest while focusing on pitchers in the near future. Without further ado, here are some potential second half treasures on the hitting side who are widely available in ESPN leagues (ownership percentage in parentheses):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Craig Biggio. It’s a sloppy, imperfect comparison, but that’s who Alex Bregman looks like. I watched three minutes of video of him. So, that’s like saying there’s smoke emitting from every New York City manhole because underneath are old Filipino women making hot pretzels, who then transport them to the above ground vendors, because you found an old Filipino woman underneath one manhole cover making pretzels. Luke, small is your sample size, said Yoda. Now, if you buy into the Biggio comparison, which you should because Filipino women are making pretzels below New York City manholes, Biggio had three homers, six steals and hit .211 in his first 50 games. Ya know, Hall of Famer, Craig Biggio. Biggio was older then than (stutterer!) Bregman is now, if you were looking for an excuse. Rookies sure are fun, right? They mostly cause ulcers. They. Mostly. Cause. Ulcers. TMCU, for short. So, Bregman is crazy talented, he could be up soon, I would own him, but, for this year, I’d keep my expectations in Slovakia, or even Czech. For further reading, Prospector Ralph has him number one on the top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wade Davis hit the DL with a forearm strain. Brooks Pounders was called up in a corresponding move. Brooks Pounders is also my favorite AVN starlet. This sounds ominous for Davis, a forearm strain is not good for pitchers. A precursor for Tommy John surgery, they say. They also chew Copenhagen and call everyone kid. The one bright spot in this dark, gloomy sky is the backdating of the DL stint. Maybe, just maybe, Davis will return right after the All-Star break, when he’s eligible. Yes, he could only miss seven games from now. That skywriter is trailing smoke behind him, writing, “Hope Davis.” But maybe he ran out of fuel and was gonna write, “Hope Davis Will You Marry Me?” In Davis’s place, Joakim Soria or Kelvin Herrera will replace him. Kelvin is much better, so why ‘You must be Joakim’ at all? That hard-to-quantify, harder even to justify outside of your own front office, closer experience. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, Razzball Nation, you know it’s your favorite white boy, right? I owe you this one. I’ve been patiently waiting for Gregory Polanco to explode on. You can pfft if you want but his ankles were rolled on. It feels like Polanco has been hot for so long. If you thinking he’s gonna fall off, you’re so wrong. Take some Marte and Polanc and you mix them up in a pot, sprinkle a ‘little Hurdle not knowing who to bat where,’ and what you got? You got the realest and illest batters, juggernauts of this fantasy shizz like it or not! Seriously, I’ve been waiting all season to feature Polanco in a lede. Yesterday, he rained some of his own fireworks on the 4th of who-lie (that’s how I pronounce it), knocking out two home runs (2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homers), and you might remember from my preseason rankings, this little beaut, “Two quick things: Yes, I’m aware that Polanco is ranked insanely high in my rankings vs. other people’s rankings. And, yes, I’m going to own Polanco on every team. Confession Alert! I had Polanco in the top 20 overall prior to seeing where others ranked him and moved him down a round. I could’ve moved him down six rounds and still had him higher than everyone. Polanco feels like an Arenado situation from last year. By that I mean, I will say something to another fantasy baseball ‘pert like, “Do you like Polanco?” They’ll reply, “Yeah, I love him.” I’ll follow up with, “Then why do you have him ranked 110 overall?” They’ll answer, “I don’t know.” Then my head will explode.” And that’s me mic dropping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
At some point soon, the Yankees have to say to themselves, “Are we this stupid of an organization? We have a guy that is doing The Mashed Potato in the minors. Look at this…” Then a pile of balls that Aaron Judge hit are piled on the table, but instead of balls, they now look like mashed potatoes with stitches weaving throughout. “No, we didn’t have Lyle’s mom from accountant make a very long string of maraschino cherry stems tied together with her mouth. Those are baseballs with stitches that have been mashed by Judge.” One younger exec picks at a piece of mashed potato-baseball. “Stop picking at your food and eat it!” The young exec puts a piece of gummy baseball into his mouth. “I was kidding, you fool, it’s a baseball! You don’t eat that!” This has to happen soon. Aaron Judge is not getting any younger. Unlike me, I was 35 last year, and am 27 this year. Right now, he’s 24 years old and crushing pink cookies in Triple-A. The Yanks are nine games back and Tokyo drifting. No one on their team is young. Best move for them is to trade everyone or start benching guys to play Judge. Oh, and why do we care? Because Judge has Giancarlo-type power. He could hit 15 homers in a month. Fo’reallies. I have him stashed in one 12-team league, and I’d stash him in any league where I needed power. His time is nigh! Which sounds like something a Nazi would say, but it just means near. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The sixth inning of every home Clayton Kershaw start isn’t going to be the same. No longer will Angelenos be filing in as if it’s the first, suddenly realizing that Kershaw is pitching, but now they will be stuck talking about everything but baseball for the entirety of the game and not simply 95% of it. “Ma, can I keep score on the back of my headshot?” “We’re not here to see the game, Timmy, we’re here to run into commercial directors. This is where Stew’s mom got him that Tropicana commercial. You want to pay my bills, don’t you?” “Sorry, ma.” Like the oral sex scene in The World According to Garp, it’s a devastating blow losing Kershaw for any amount of time. He was diagnosed with a herniated disc, but won’t require surgery. The Dodgers are hoping he’s back (poor choice of words) from the DL right after the All-Star Game. I’d pray with you, but I’m using my hands to clap for not drafting a pitcher in the 1st round. The Dodgers did pick up Bud Norris in a trade to fill in. Won’t see any fall off there! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sometimes it is hard to go for the highest price pitcher of the day. Today, the highest price is $13K for Madison Bumgarner, and we don’t even get to use his hitting stats. However, on a day against the weak offense of the rivals across the bay, there is no reason to avoid the big horse tonight. He is as safe as they come, with no doubts in my mind about his ability to give you at least seven strong innings with a win. Oftentimes, picking a pitcher like this leads to “weaker” hitters; on any given day, those weaker hitters can outperform the best of them. Given that MadBum is the safest, lowest risk guy on the board, having to take a few chances on hitters is totally worth the price.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 4th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Noah Syndergaard admitted to having an elbow bone spur after denying it multiple times. Terry Collins said, “No one would know our business if it wasn’t for giving the PR job to a puppy dog! Ruff ruff! Come here, Fido, I wanna spank you with a rolled up newspaper!” This is the 2nd Mets’ starter in two days with elbow spurs. I look forward to the opening round of the playoffs when all of the Mets’ starters are wearing Iron Mike Sharpe elbow pads to hold their arms together. Or they hire John Cusack to marionette their starters. So, this is obviously not good news from Syndergaard, but it’s also not the end of his season. He could opt for surgery if he’s in pain, but he says he’s not in pain (though, he also said he didn’t have elbow spurs up until yesterday). Jon Lester has pitched through elbow spurs for the last five years. It’s not uncommon for starters to power through. Would I look to sell Syndergaard low? No. If you can get a healthy, similar starter, then sure, why not? No reason to panic. Unless Syndergaard starts wearing cowboy boots on his elbow. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?