Fantasy Baseball Advice

The Padres finally put their offense on the offensive.  Only here the offensive definition is “causing anger, displeasure or resentment.”  Thanks, Merriam-Webster!  Adrian Gonzalez gets a small boost in value, if ‘small’ meant ‘could there be a better place for him to play?’  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist who gave up his job at JPL to study baseball stats to see the difference between Petco and Fenway.  In Fenway, there’s a giant freakin’ wall 310 feet down the line.  In Petco, there’s a memorial park in left field with a giant Nate Colbert statue that no one’s ever reached.  Wait, that was Kyle Blanks.  Last year, Fenway was 7th for most offense.  Petco was 26th.  I think A-Gon’s Home/Away splits over the last three years say all you need to know.  In 832 home ABs, 112/37/127/.257.  In 927 away ABs, 168/70/192/.310.  Yes, A-Gon can win the MVP in Boston.  I’m not going to belabor (any further) this point.  It’s a huge boon for A-Gon’s value if boon means what I think it does.  Youuuuk gets a small boost in value too now that he’ll be playing 3rd base, eligibility he was about to lose going into 2011.  Anyway, here’s some more recent moves and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

Casey Kelly – The prized piece in the A-Gon trade.  Stephen already went over his Casey Kelly fantasy.  Now that he gets to (eventually) pitch in Petco, his value bumps up, but he still looks at least a year away, if not more.  There’s probably at least three dozen prospects worth looking at before him in dynasty leagues.  There’s a few pitchers in the Padres system alone that are more interesting, in the short term at least.

Kyle Blanks – Looks to be the replacement for Adrian Gonzalez at 1st base and in the lineup, but he “won’t be ready until well after the season starts,” according to the Padres.  When he does return, Blanks could add some power for deep leagues, but his average will be less impressive.  Unless Blanks goes to the plate with David Eckstein in a Baby Bjorn and he tells him what to swing at.

Adam Dunn – Takes his blue ox and heads to the South Side of Chicago.  In related news, the White Sox equipment manager was seen surfing the web for ways to reinforce a wooden bench.  “I’ll tell you what, sonny.  This eHow is the bomb dot com!”  That’s what he said.  Last year, U.S. Cellular Field produced more “You can put it on the board”s than any other stadium.  Wasn’t far off in 2009 and 2008.  Whereas Nationals Park was either average or below average for home runs.  I was going to give Dunn 38 home runs for 2011, this gets him to 40 again.  Don’t think he suddenly becomes a 45-homer guy though.  I mean, he was consistently a 40-homer guy in Great American and that’s a hitter-friendly environment.

Jayson Werth – Signed with the Nats.  Citizens Flank is obviously better for Werth than The House of Strasburg.  Hitting in a lineup with Utley, Howard and Rollins is better than Zimmerman and that guy who plays 1st and that other guy that plays in the outfield.  He has hit well in Nationals Park, he was also facing Nationals pitching.  I was worried Werth would go somewhere to hurt his value and he didn’t disappoint me, which is to say he did.  Zimmerman had 68 runs last year batting third.  Werth had 99 runs batting 5th.  Who’s knocking in Werth in 2011?  Shave some home runs, RBIs, a bunch of runs, some average… Shoot, if he hits 25 home runs and a .275 average with weak runs, I’d be impressed.  Oh, and from a real baseball perspective?  7 years?!

Aaron Harang – Me on December 2nd, “I wouldn’t own Harang in any league unless he pitched in Petco.”  Me on December 3rd, “Score one for the Hodgepadres!”

Jason Varitek – Nooooooo!  Didn’t I just say Saltymochachino was a sleeper?  Why would you sign Varitek?  Ugh.  The good news is Varitek is far from an everyday catcher at this stage in his career, so if Salty can hit his weight on Jupiter than he should see the majority of the ABs.

Hisanori Takahashi – Signed by the Angels.  There’s some rumblings that he’ll be the closer down in Bobby Grichville.  Yeah, you ever see the Sciosciapath make things easy?  Until I hear different from the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles, Rodney will be in the running for saves.

Bobby Jenks – Out as the White Sox closer because the equipment manager can only reinforce so much.  “I’m only one man!”  That’s him again.  Right now, the White Sox closer role is an open audition.  Maybe they can invite Eric Roberts.  He’s always super believable.  Thornton, Santos and Sale are a few possibilities.  In that order.

Ryan Theriot – Heads to the Cardinals.  And I have nothing interesting to say about this.  He’s a 3 homer, 20 steal guy.  If that gives you an erection for longer than ten minutes, you might want to seek out a doctor.

Miguel Tejada – Here’s the by product of Sabean winning a World Series.  He thinks he knows what he’s doing.

Jose Lopez – Damn you, Rockies!  I already wrote a stupid Eric Young Jr. sleeper post.  I’m probably going to still post it.  Or maybe I’ll hold it like I did the Chris Iannetta sleeper post from last year.  Expect that any day now, unless the Rockies sign a different catcher, which they’re wont to do.  They’re wont!  Lopez will probably steal time from Young and Ian Stewart.  Hopefully, he steals more time from Stewart.  Or we can hope Lopez gets hurt in Spring Training.

Shaun Marcum – Blue Kays traded him to the Brewers.  Or, “Zoinks!”  Maybe they thought the Brewers had Greinke.  Beats me.  Either way, Marcum really is getting a sleeper post.  Love this move for his fantasy value.  I really love this move because it came at a time when everyone was ooh’ing and ah’ing over A-Gon so the average fantasy person isn’t going to make much notice of it.  Good stuff all around.  He was a 7.60 K/9 last year in the AL East.  In the NL Central, he can easily go over 8 K/9.  His walks were a minuscule 1.98 per 9.  His xFIP was below 4.  You’re suddenly looking at a fantasy number two starter next year with the chance for more.  All aboard!  Next stop, fantasy value-ville.

Brett Lawrie – Going the other way to socialized medicine is Lawrie.  Stephen went over his Brett Lawrie fantasy already.  Could develop into a 20 homer hitter in the majors and has shown speed already.  He looks like he can be something special and will definitely be on radars for September call-ups in 2011.  I don’t think he breaks camp with the club.

Lance Berkman – Welcome to St. Louis, Guy Who Looks Like He Could Be the Host of Man vs. Food’s Father.  Against righties he should bat between Pujols and Holliday and, well, that’s about all the positives I have for you.  Not to mention, I’m not sure how much of a positive that is since it wasn’t like he became a beast like Tre from Top Chef:  All Stars after he started batting in the Yankee lineup.  Last year, his fly balls went down (literally!), ground balls went up (not literally!), his HR/FB last year was off his career average, but I’m not sure we should expect a huge bounce back.  To quote Cliff’s uncle, Frank Lee, “His skills are declining.”

Yesterday, Matt LaPorta homered in his third straight game.  Who needs LeBron when you got LaPorta?  BTW, I don’t like basketball because I think a 7 foot tall guy making a basket is as difficult as me throwing away something in a garbage can, but I suggest you check out the LeBron documentary.  Was really good.  Total puff piece, but I was on the edge of my feeling castle about to emote.  Hey, Joel Siegel, I’m carrying on the movie and mustache thing!  Maybe LaPorta’s just Pronk II:  Hasta LaPorta Baby.  Maybe the MLP package is finally on.  Maybe he does nothing starting tomorrow.  At your corner infidel, I’d take a flyer on LaPorta for the chance you get a cheap 15 homers.  If he maintains this pace for 3 months, he’ll have Cleveland fans almost forget they traded CC Pitching Factory for him.  Just like Lou Marson and Jason Donald’s play is making them forget about Cliff Lee.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Justin Masterson – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He must’ve decided it was time to step it up since 3,463 Yahoo teams had dropped him.

Frank Herrmann – Got the save yesterday because he was already warming up.  When I saw his last name, it made me think of one of those spray painted, graffiti shirts you and your significant other got when you were fifteen.  I wonder if his wife has an Indians jersey with the last name, Mygirl.

Chase Utley – Will have surgery and miss the next 8 weeks.  The Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten continues to sweep through the NL East.  If you own Utley, you have to DL him and grab a replacement.  And cry.  You should do that too.  Let out your emotions, it’s good for your fantasy soul.  Also, he wasn’t hitting well before the hand injury, so expecting him to return in September at the height of his game is assuming a lot.  As they said in China in the 1400s, assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming.

Placido Polanco – Crapolanco will miss up to a month with discomfort in his left elbow.  Philly fans threw batteries at the doctor who originally said Polanco just needed a cortisone shot.

Jose Reyes – Out of the lineup again yesterday.  This time he said he had pain in his side while the Mets maintain the pain’s in his back.  I saw the replay when he was injured and he was holding his side.  Hopefully it’s still a minor day-to-day thing.  Meanwhile, the Mets really should upgrade their doctors.

Carlos Beltran – Could return next week if he can play consecutive nine inning games this weekend.  Beltran also makes an appearance in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  You can hardly wait.  No, y0u!

Johan Santana – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks as he was outpitched by Livan (7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks).  Sure, he was outpitched by only one extra baserunner, but it’s Johan vs. Livan.  This should’ve been an Andre vs. two jobbers type mismatch.

Jason Varitek – Out for 4-6 weeks with a broken foot.  Or as they say in Boston, “Ya got jammied on the jimmy.”  Actually, no one says that.  Kevin Cash will take over.  Ironically, he is so not money.

Trevor Cahill – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I seem like the only fantasy baseball ‘pert holding out against Cahill, but I just can’t get behind his K-rate.  Sure, he struck out 10 last time out, but it was the Pirates.  This start was vs. the Suckie-O’s.  If you want to grab him, you do what you do.  I would not start him next time out vs. the Yankees.

Travis Wood – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Stephen just went over his Travis Wood fantasy.  Stephen said, “drool worthy” “splits” “small sample size” “dramatic” “LOOGY.”  Man, I could never work for Zagat’s.  Wood’s an okay flyer in NL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t want him to roofie me in mixed leagues.

Josh Bell – This rookie is one Cool Papa!  Here’s what Stephen said, “(Bell was) received in the George Sherrill trade last year, Bell is the future third baseman for the Orioles.  Meaning, 2010 – just waiting for Miguel Tejada and, or, Garrett Atkins to stumble or get hurt. However, don’t let “future …” get into your head.  His upside is .270 to .290 with 20 to 25 homers a season.  Think Adrian Beltre, but without the glove…”  And that’s me quoting Stephen!  That’s pretty right on; I’ll add that he’s young and could stumble this year.  I wouldn’t look at him yet outside of AL-Only and keeper leagues.

Madison Bumgarner – 7 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He looked solid at times and “not so much” at other times.  You know, rookie stuff.  In home starts vs. lefty heavy lineups, I’d give him a shot in mixed leagues.  Otherwise, I’d stick to NL-Only and keeper leagues with him for now.

Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  He’s young and exciting!  Bengie Molina’s fat and boring!  Yeah, and Molina will probably have better numbers than Posey this year.  Cust kayin’.

Dexter Fowler – 3-for-5 and 2 steals.  Booyakasha!  When I say, Dexter, you say Fowler!  Dexter… What?  Too soon?  All right, but it was a nice game and love that Tracy hit him leadoff the past three games.

Carlos Gonzalez – Yesterday, someone in our fantasy baseball forums noticed something I’ve been meaning to say about CarGo.  He always seems to hit a homer and steal a base in the same game.  It’s almost like he wants to get to 20/20 in the same game.

David Aardsma – 1 IP, 2 ER, Kazaam!  Here’s why I think Aardsma was inexplicably brought into a tie game in the 8th inning.  The M’s are in last place on the verge of sweeping the Yankees and Wakamatsu thought if they get the sweep the M’s may not sell off their team and fire him.  In other news, Cliff Lee thinks he’ll be traded by early next week.

Cliff Lee – If I may dream for a moment, imagine him in Metco.  Mmm… The Adverb.  BTW, picture you’re a Mariners fan who was in a coma since March and you just heard the Cliff Lee rumors.  You’d be like, “Trade Lee?  Are you crazy?  We got him, Milton Bradley and Figgy!  We’re going all the way!”  Um, yeah.  Listen, Comatose Mariners fan, you may want to sit down.

Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you.  Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts.   I know, I have the internal scars to prove it.  Oh, Mylanta!  Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA.  I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category.  Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy.  In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA.  He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets.  I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers.  Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt.  A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo.  See how quickly that spiral spun downward?  Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you.  So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him.  His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels.  That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season.  And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason.  If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.

Chris Heisey – Got his first major league hit and homer.  He’s a 15/15 type that needs to have everyday at-bats to have mixed league value.  I think he’s better than Drew Stubbs, but WWDD?  My guess is Dusty will continue to play Stubbs.

J.J. Hardy – Headed for the DL with a bruised left wrist.  If you don’t have DL room, move on/look elsewhere.  Brendan Harris should see most of the time at short.  Harris is good… To avoid.  Twins also called up Matt Tolbert.  And that’s The Tolbert Report.

Kevin Slowey – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Yeah, Charlie Morton pitched better than Slowey last night.  I’m not dropping Slowey, but that’s only because I don’t own him in 12 team leagues or shallower.  If I did, he’d be done-zo.  In deeper leagues, I’m holding him but I’m not starting him next time out.  I’m kinda just hoping for a trip to the Disgraceful List.  How dare you betray my trust, Slowey?  You’re about to get filed away with 2009 James Shields, which might be the best thing for your career.

Bobby Jenks – Got the save yesterday, but Ozzie said they could go to a closer by situation, which is closer by committee for those who have used all of their blanks and M tiles.

Franklin Morales – To the DL.  Manny Corpas and/or Rafael Betancourt should get the saves, in that order.  I’d own both, if I had the room.  Unfortunately, I had a big meal of Blown Save Suckage recently, so no room.

Neftali Feliz – Blew a save.  You ever own the setup man and hope the closer doesn’t blow it because you don’t trust the setup man?  That’s how I feel with Frank Francisco.  I own him, but am petrified of him getting save opportunities.  Sorta how I feel about Juan Gutierrez too.

Mark DeRosa – Called offseason wrist surgery a total failure and he may need another procedure.  The doctor who operated called DeRosa the worst patient ever and said he wants his lollipop back.

Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3 as he hit 8th in the lineup because, well, he sucks.  I did have some concerns about him in the preseason.  Click it, you know you wanna.

Fred Lewis – 2-for-4, now batting .309 on the year with two homers and 3 steals.  Not flashy like my dookie fat gold chain that is just below the frame of my user photo, but Lewis will tortoise you to a 10/17 year.

Russell Branyan – 2 homers yesterday.  Could be the start of something if you need power.  He did hit 22 homers pre-All-Star Break last year.

Carlos Beltran – Ricky from My So Called Life was cleared to jog and do some baseball activities.  You know, like spitting and grabbing his junk.  Considering Beltran was only supposed to miss a few games last June, I’ll believe he’s playing baseball again when I see it in Metco.

Scott Olsen – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Only one of those baserunners was a walk and a few of those singles were of the “Excuse me” variety.  So hold S.O. (<–not a palindrome)

Gaby Sanchez – 1-for-4 with a homer.  Yo Gaby Gaby!  Yeah, he’s been yawnstipating as all get out.

Randy Wells – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Without doing the complex math, I’m going to say he was unlucky here too since he only had 5 baserunners and 3 earned.  I’m buying into Wells getting, um, well.

Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 12 baserunners (6 BBs), 1 K.  Read Wells’ blurb in a mirror.

Troy Glaus – 17 for his last 38 with two homers in two straight games.  Should be owned in all leagues while he’s hot.

Tim Stauffer – Added DL to his RP/SP eligibility as he’s out for 6 weeks with an appendectomy.

Brad Lidge – Said he didn’t like how his arm felt when he threw yesterday.  That’s usually not a good sign.  The Latin 38, Jose Contreras, is the pickup for saves.  Everyone seems fine with grabbing Contreras and maybe he’ll be okay, but he seems to be pitching so far over his head I’m surprised he hasn’t been bringing a ladder out to the mound.

Jimmy Rollins – Expects to be back by next week.  Maybe he can close.

John Ely – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Said I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues before this start.  Now I’d start to look at him in mixed leagues.  In his division and park, he should get some decent matchups.

Josh Beckett – Will miss Friday’s start because of back spasms that were a result of taking swings in the batting cage.  What, was he reading Rick Ankiel’s Wikipedia page?

Daisuke Matsuzaka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  That’s nice, I’m not buying it.

Jason Varitek – You might want to stay away from sharp objects as you read the next two sentences.  Varitek hit his 6th homer on the year yesterday.  Victor Martinez has 3 homers.

Ben Zobrist – 1-for-3 as he bats .268 on the year.  He still hasn’t hit a homer.  Wha’ happened?  The ‘brist have his power circumcised?  It’s not completely surprising to me.  As I said in the rankings, “(Zobrist) was a utility man coming into 2009 and I wouldn’t be surprised if he left 2010 back in that role.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Brad Penny – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks as his defense let him down with 4 unearned runs.  Penny has a 1.70 ERA on the year.  You know when you have one guy who is carrying your whole staff and you just know the bottom is going to fall out but you want to believe so bad.  Yeah, Penny’s that guy for me on multiple teams.

Brett Myers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  So far this year, he’s been consistently better than average.  He seems like a safe bet to get some Ks, keep his team close and at some point beat up a girl.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-4 as he hit his 2nd homer in as many games.  Instead of fireworks, the Astros showcased their new way to celebrate a home run.  A giant dummy in the outfield that bears a striking resemblance to Ed Wade has its eyes pop out and toupee shoots off its head after a homer.

Eric Chavez – Hit his first homer of the year.  It was a called shot.  He called it, “I can’t believe I’m not on the DL.”

With the top ten overall for fantasy baseball here and the top twenty here, we move onto where to draft each positional player. First up is everyone’s favorite position to skip, the catcher. This year is no different than past years — pretty weak. The best that can be said for these twenty is that they are the cream of the crap. Now, I’m all for drafting a catcher late, but somehow I’ve ended up with Brian McCann and Victor Martinez on one of my most important teams the last two years. So, as much as I preach drafting a catcher late, I don’t always practice it. Hey, you have to draft value, no matter the player. If you’d like to take a look at our 2007 Player Rater, it can be found here. Now, your 2008 catchers:

1. Victor Martinez – One and two were real close and I briefly had Russell Martin at number one, but I can’t trust a catcher to run as much as he did last year. Not to mention, Russell slowed down a lot in the 2nd half. Anyway, this is about Martinez and he’s about as solid as you can get in a packed lineup. Projections: 75/25/115/.300

2. Russell Martin – As mentioned above, he slowed down a lot in the 2nd half last year, which means he may try and pace himself more this year and slow down a bit in the 1st half. Not a good thing for someone who’s ranking relies a lot on his steals. Nevertheless, the catching position isn’t great so here’s Russell. Projections: 85/20/90/.290/15

3. Brian McCann – I like him more than Mauer; all right, shoot me. Last year, he struggled with an injury to his hand that he sustained while catching, causing his numbers to look a bit down. He’s still very young (24 in 2008) with time to grow into more power. With Andruw gone and a full year of Tex, McCann’s numbers should get a bit of a plus. Projections: 75/25/105/.285

4. Joe Mauer – Mauer yawnstipates me. Everyone know what yawnstipates means? It’s when you have to yawn, but can’t. Basically, you’re constipated with your yawning. You want to yawn at his numbers, but he manages to do just enough so you can’t yawn. Mauer turned down hernia surgery in the offseason that seemed to be required and opted for rest. He’s yet to prove he can give anything other than average and runs. Average and runs are a great yawnstipator. Projections: 85/15/70/.310/10

5. Jorge Posada – With his lineup, Posada can ground out to 2nd and force in 30 RBIs. There’s little upside here, and the average last year was a blip on the radar, but steady as he goes. Projections: 70/20/90/.270

6. Jason Varitek – He’s basically Posada with facial hair. Projections: 70/20/85/.265

7. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – I tried, but I had to cut and paste that last name. The boy is young and in a hitter’s paradise. This might be a bit of a reach, but it’s the catching position, take a few gambles. Better to look for upside at catcher, than at 1st base. His numbers could exceed Posada’s but he comes with some risk, obviously. Projections: 75/22/85/.285

8. Kenji Johjima – Now you see why Salty was at number six. Folks, your 2008 catchers! Kenji makes me full on yawn. Projections: 60/17/70/.295

9. Ramon Hernandez – Last year he caused you to rah-MOAN. Oofa! But he’s not completely over the hill just yet. Could be a late-round steal on draft day in mixed leagues. Projections: 60/20/85/.275

10. Bengie Molina – The most successful of The Catching Molina Bros. and the only one that should be on a fantasy team. Sorry, Yadir. Projections: 45/20/80/.270

11. Ronnie Paulino – Now things get interesting with some upside. Sure, there’s a chance he’ll bungle a pop-up and get sent to the minors, but, if things work out right, he could give decent numbers. Projections: 60/17/70/.275

12. Carlos Ruiz – More beautiful, beautiful upside. I posted a blog here all about Carlos Ruiz. Suffice it to say, I got high hopes for this sumbitch! Projections: 60/17/70/.275/10

13. Ivan Rodriguez – Here, there’s no upside. Not an ounce of it. Unless he starts juicing again. Weird how his nickname Pudge went from stating the obvious to being sarcastic in four years. Projections: 55/10/65/.285/5

14. Yorvit Torrealba – More upside or as they say in da hood, “Snoops upside your head.” I was worried when it looked like Yorvit might go to the Mets. In Coors, he just might surprise you. Or, at the least, you can do a lot worse in an NL-only league. Projections: 55/12/55/.265/3

15. Johnny Estrada – It could be worse; it could be Paul LoDuca. In the Mets lineup, he should get you some RBIs and runs, but don’t ask for more. Projections: 60/9/70/.285

16. A.J. Pierzynski – Maybe he’ll get into a fight with the Cubs’ Soto. Projections: shit/shit/shit/and more shit. Seriously, if you’re drafting this bozo, you’re in an AL-only league and you know what you’re getting. 60/15/50/.260

17. Paul LoDuca – He says he wants to prove the Mets wrong. I say, how? By hitting 7 homers and twelve doubles. Please. Projections: 50/7/55/.275/3

18. Mike Napoli – There’s some upside here, if Rex Hudler (The Hud!) is right. Cause The Hud sees a thing of beauty. Then again, The Hud would probably draft Garrett Anderson in the second round. Um, well… At least it looks like Napoli’s starting for the Halos. Projections: 45/13/50/.260/7

19. John Buck – John Buck is a rich man’s David Ross. Projections: 40/17/45/.250

20. Michael Barrett – I like Barrett here a lot and considered moving him up. Unfortunately, Barrett’s not even the number one catcher on his team right now. Luckily, Bard is no sure thing. I explained what happened to Barrett once before, but here goes again. In Chicago, he got depantsed by the school bully right in front of the girl he had a crush on. Disgraced, he left town, but it lingered with him for the remainder of the year. Now, he gets some new threads, a new haircut and, at the start of a school year, he can be a new guy. I say Barrett can give as much value as rah-MOAN, if he can put his past behind him and get a starting job. Keep a close eye on how Bard and him shake out, because Barrett can still produce. Projections: 55/17/60/.285, if he plays. Put him in, Black!

1. Jorge Posada
.338/91/20/90/2
At 36, easily his best year since 2003. If you saw this year coming, kudos to you. Maybe you should start your own blog called, “I Lied About Knowing How Well Posada Was Going To Do This Year.” Sixty points above his career average spells one thing: F-L-U-K-E. But if you had Posada, you got tremendous value from someone you thought you might have to replace at some point. This would’ve been my thinking right after the draft, “Maybe I’ll drop Posada and take a chance on Iannetta.” Then after Posada started well, “I guess I can give Posada a month.” Then when he continued to produce, “Well, I’ll hold onto him for a little bit longer. Worse case scenario is I’ll pick up Torrealba.” Chances are you never picked up Torrealba. BTW, as you’ll see, the top catcher this year has the distinction of being nothing more than the cream of the crap.

2. Victor Martinez
.301/78/25/114/0
(See Top Ten 1st Basemen, or don’t. I’ll be fine.)

3. Russell Martin
.293/87/19/87/21
A true throwback to the bygone days of Benito Santiago and vintage Kendall. (I guarantee no one will ever Google “vintage Kendall” so I did. Results are for an old bottle of crappy wine.) Martin faded a bit as the season wore on with only 5 steals post All-Star break. No matter, you got very good value from Martin for where you had to draft him. But if you’re drafting a catcher needing 20+ steals, you’re drafting incorrectly. More than likely Martin’s steals were icing.

4. Brian McCann
.270/51/18/92/0
Guys and doll faces, this is your number #4 catcher (#2 in NL-only). What a crappy position. Isn’t it clear why everyone says ad infinitum not to draft a catcher too high? Position scarcity-schmarcity. You’re better off waiting to the late rounds. As for McCann, he had a couple of play-through-it injuries this year, which drained him of his power during the middle of the year. But catchers are always dinged up, so it’s hardly an excuse.

5. Bengie Molina
.276/38/19/81/0
The number #5 catcher in all of baseball didn’t break 40 runs. This is pathetic. I’ve got an idea. How about steroids are allowed for anyone who is going to play 120 games or more at catcher? It’s such a tough position, they obviously need a little help. It could also add a bit of strategy with the management of a club deciding who they want to put on steroids, “Let’s roll the dice and let Jason Bay catch this year.” Also, it could extend more careers than the DH. I can see it now, “Batting fourth and catching, Barry Bonds.”

6. Joe Mauer
.293/62/7/60/7
Wow, what a year! Aren’t you glad you drafted him with your third round pick? Write this down above your computer, “Don’t draft a catcher before the 12th round.”(Add an exclamation point if you need to shout at yourself to listen.) The scary thing is, you know Mauer has no power. These numbers are more or less what you should be expecting. Maybe 20 points higher in average, but big whoop.

7. Kenji Johjima
.287/52/14/61/0
Do you think Kenji gets more press back home because he plays with Ichiro Suzuki? Or do you think he only gets press of an afterthought nature? Such as this being the coverage in The Japanese Rising Moon paper, “The great Ichiro Suzuki ground out to evil Howie Kendrick in two trips to bat, then he sacrifice himself for team and take fastball off elbow pad. In related news, Kenji Johjima hit home run.”

8. Jason Varitek
.255/57/17/68/1
In the Year of Crappy Catchers, I’m kinda surprised Varitek didn’t finish a bit higher on this list. His average was the killer here. His post All-Star break average was .225. Yeah, that sucks.

9. Ivan Rodriquez
.281/50/11/63/2
Has there ever been anyone skinnier whose nickname implies a fatty? Obviously people started calling him Pudge before steroids testing, but now whenever someone calls him Pudge tell me you don’t find it a little baffling. Sit someone in front of the TV who has never seen Rodriguez and tell them he’s called Pudge. Immediately they wonder if it’s meant sarcastically. Now, I think it might be. Anyway, his numbers are neither here nor there. He ain’t winning leagues for you, that is fo’ sho.

10. Ronny Paulino
.263/56/11/55/2
The only top ten list Paulino should be on is, “Top Ten Players the Average Fan Does Not Know.” Actually, I could have probably put a dozen other names next to Paulino’s stats and no one would’ve known the difference. And if you’re telling me you would have known had I, say, put Pierzynski’s name there, you should go join the “I Knew How Well Posada Was Going To Do” liar’s blog.

As for the rest of the catchers, more crap.