The other day I was feeling tired but not tired like I could sleep but tired like I wanted to lie in bed and have Rudy read me a bedtime story. So here’s what Rudy read to me, “Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Neftali Feliz was the best closer in the major leagues. Then there was a buzzing noise. This buzzing noise meant something. You don’t get a buzzing noise like that, just buzzing and buzzing, without it meaning something. If there’s a buzzing noise, somebody’s making a buzzing noise, and the only reason for making a buzzing noise that I know of is because you’re a save vulture about to pick up Darren Oliver.” “Rudy, why do the save vultures want Darren Oliver?” “The only reason for being a save vulture that I know of is for stealing saves from closer carcasses and right now Neftali is a carcass for the next two weeks.” “But, Rudy, I own Neftali Feliz in a lot of leagues. In fact, he’s been my best pitcher in a lot of those leagues.” Long pause. “Grey, I’m going to read you a different story. I call this one, ‘Arthur Rhodes Will Steal Some Situational Saves from Darren Oliver.’” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball this weekend:
Ryan Madson – Jose Contreras, the Phillies closer and AARP Man of the Month of April, is headed to the DL. I’d grab Madson everywhere (shoot, I think I already owned him in some leagues), but keep it in mind that he is a Cuddle Boy. Speaking of which, can he enter the ninth inning with James Ingram’s Just Once playing? That would be so awesome. On the Jumbotron, a montage of the last scenes from The Last American Virgin could be playing, but instead of the kid paying for an abortion and driving home crying, it’s the Philliebot.Please, blog, may I have some more?