Fantasy Baseball Advice

Zack Cozart is a pickup in all leagues where you need a middle infidel.  Go, I’ll wait here.  *scratches chin, yawns, covers mustache with two fingers to see what I look like without it, shakes head*  Welcome back!  Cozart hit 17 homers and stole 30 bases last year.  You know who that reminds me of?  No, not you in high school.  Let it go, man.  It reminds me of Danny Espinosa.  Danny has a bit more power and a bit less speed, but tomato-tomato with a different emphasis.  Cozart also comes with the same potential to be an average drain.  Also, Espinosa and Cozart sounds like a promising TNT drama starring Freddy Prinze Jr. and Stifler.  In real baseball (which is played with more crotch scratching, but less crotch grabbing), Cozart’s just okay.  A potential 15/20 guy (over the course of a whole season) at shortstop in fantasy baseball is a yes, please and thank you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – Optioned to Triple-A in hopes that Edinson can rediscover his electric stuff.  I have an idea for his rehab:  don’t let him pitch the first inning.

Dontrelle Willis – Will take Edinson’s spot on Sunday.  For those thinking about picking him up, I have a question for you — What’chu talkin’ about… Willis?!

Jason Heyward – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a long overdue slam & legs.  As I was doing my top 100 for the 2nd half that will be posted next Tuesday, I was contemplating where to put Heyward because I thought he might still be injured.  This game was either a nice sign or Heyward messing with me.  Probably the former, if former means the first one.

Kyle Seager – The guy who sounds like an 80′s sitcom character is going to play the majority of 3rd base for the Mariners.  In related news, Chone Figgins will be out of baseball in less than two years.  Anyone want any action?  So Seager is a high average, just meh power and speed guy.  Kinda like a poor man’s Prado, or I guess that’s a Prado knockoff.  I’m not a huge fan of Prado so you can imagine how I feel about Seager.  It’s just a’ight in AL-Only leagues.

Jason Kendall – It looks like shoulder surgery will force him into retirement.  Much like Pudge, Kendall has moved long ago from an elite fantasy catcher.  But here are some crazy stats for you courtesy of Rudy:  Kendall is 3rd all-time amongst Catchers (80+% of games at catcher) in Hits and Times On Base (behind Pudge and Fisk).  That’s ahead of Berra, Bench, Piazza, Dickey, and Carter.  And his .366 OBP beats all the aforementioned catchers except Piazza.  He’s also 5th all time amongst all hitters in HBP.  But his lack of power puts his Wins Above Replacement lower than those catchers and a few other non-HOF catchers like Munson, Freehan, and Darrell “Big Frames” Porter.  Whew, because a Jason Kendall for HOF advocacy would be as joyless as owning him the past 7 years.  (Note from Grey:  One last time:  Much like a Ken doll, Kendall has no bat.)

Charlie Blackmon – Could miss the rest of the season with a fractured bone in his foot.  What?  This is baseball!  Not football!  (Though if you’re into fantasy football, Chet’s holding a contest where he’s giving away $300.  I’m guessing you’ll get it in unmarked pennies.  Now go check it out.)

Juan Nicasio – 2 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Mr. Obvious, “Nicasio can’t be relied on in any leagues right now.”

Wade Davis – To the 15-day DL with a forearm strain.  Maybe it was trying to be a fivearm.  Hamilton-Burrishly, Alex Cobb and Sonnanstine will now duel over Davis’s open rotation spot.

Lonnie Chisenhall – Was plunked in the face.  Eric Plunk, “You owe me a nickel for using that verb.”  Um, okay.  So this sounds like terrible news.  I’m beginning to think every hitter should wear Great Gazoo helmets.  As soon as I hear more news on Lonnie, I’ll repurpose the information with a bit of humor and let you know.

Josh Reddick – Hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s not.  He’s here now, you need this shizz spoon-fed to you?

Andrew Miller – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 0 Ks.  He got lucky.  Now if you press your luck and start him again, you may get a whammy.

Mike Stanton – Now back-to-back games with a homer as he screamed in the baseball’s face a’la CT, “I will smoke you!”

Brad Hand – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  This comes after two starts where he didn’t get out of the fifth inning.  I’m not calling this start a liar, but I believe the last two starts more.  Also, Clay Hensley could take Hand’s spot in the rotation soon after the All-Star break.

Ben Zobrist – 8 for his last 12 with a home run yesterday.  BenZo looks to be rolling once again.

B.J. Upton – 2-for-4 with his 14th homer — not in this game, that would’ve been a record prior to the steroid era.  He also has 20 steals.  If he could just get his average up to .280, he’d be such a force.  I think I’m going all in on him next year when he’s 27.  Poppycock, you say. Okay, but what the eff is poppycock and why are you saying it?

Rich Harden – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Usually if he stays healthy, he’s dominant but this start was bleh.  Harden, “I can too stay healthy!  Ow!  I juth bit my lip when I said ‘eathy!”

Philip Humber – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Mmm-hmm.

Max Scherzer – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 Ks.  Sonavabench!  Hey, I know that impersonation — it’s Liriano, and I don’t like it.

Matt Garza – 2 IP, 6 ER as the Nats had an extravaGarza.  Watch your toes, everyone.  Garza continues to take steps backwards.  Garza’s xFIP was under 3.00 before this game.  Too bad I don’t freakin’ play in a league with xFIP.  I wish he’d just have an aggressive burp, throw out his back and go to the DL.

Frank Francisco – Recorded no outs and gave up 3 earned runs.  Looks like I don’t have to be embarrassed that I tattooed Rauch’s name on my fantasy baseball team’s neck.

Carlos Villanueva – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  After the break, the Blue Kays get the Yankees, Mariners, Rangers and Orioles respectively.  If Chuck Newtown gets the M’s and O’s, then nom nom.  If he gets the Yanks and Texas, then indigestion.

Cory Luebke - 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I’m flummoxed why I have to beg people to pick up certain pitchers.  BTW, you can’t spell flummoxed without the lox, which Eli Whiteside provides.

Jered Weaver – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  ERA is now at 1.86, WHIP is 0.91.  What a dream, Weaver.  The highest compliment I can give a player is, “Hey, really nice mustache.”  But my 2nd highest compliment is I wish I owned them on every team.

Jose Reyes – To the DL with his bad hamstring.  Get Michael Jackson’s old hyperbaric chamber for Jose Reyes’s hamstring!  He’s supposed to be out for three weeks now.  I hate the Mets.  Why can’t they just say when a player is going to be out for an extended period of time?  Who’s their doctor?  Dr. Rosenrosen?  Mr. Met probably has gigantism and they’re pretending he’s a cute, baseball-headed mascot.

Roger Clemens – I hope I don’t have to put an asterisk on my 1997 fantasy baseball championship.

With ace-of-the-staff years dating back to 2002, Roy Halladay was the franchise.  Well, the Blue Jays front office gave the Blue Jays fans the kanye shrug.  While most pitchers go from good to great or great to mindblowing in the NL, Halladay will have to deal with Citizens Bank.  He doesn’t have much history to go on there, but it obviously favors hitters more than Rogers Centre, where Halladay had a 3.23 career ERA.  I think we can nullify that park disadvantage with all the weaker lineups and the pitchers he’ll get to face.  In his career interleague play, he has a 17-8 record, 3.02 ERA. 1.14 WHIP and 165 Ks in 220 and a third innings.  Sounds like a solid projection for Halladay’s 2010, just add twenty more Ks.  Anyway, here’s some more deals that went down yesterday and what they mean for 2010 fantasy baseball:

Cliff Lee – Heads to the Mariners.  If there’s one place a pitcher shouldn’t mind going, it’s Safeco.  (Safeco, Petco, Metco… Throw out the humidor and just rename the park Coorsco.)  Lee benefited from his move to the NL (though his ERA says different), but it wasn’t like he was languishing in the AL prior to the trade.  With the Indians last year through July, his ERA was 3.14.  His K-rate in the NL last year bumped up his overall strikeouts, so we shouldn’t expect more than a 7 K/9.  Still good for a mid-3 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and 160 Ks with the Mariners.

John Lackey – Heads to Bahston.  Now Boston reporters can misspell his name Larkey and it would be pronounced the same way.  If only his first name were Nomar, then it would sound like no malarkey.  Larkey will be immediately overrated in 2010 fantasy baseball drafts.  He hasn’t been able to get over 200 innings since 2007 and his K-rate has been dropping for a few years now.  For those out there that say he’ll now get more wins, the Angels weren’t exactly a 50 win team and he’s had only 12 and 11 wins the last two years, respectively.  In 2010, I’d put him down for a high-3 ERA, 1.30 WHIP and 130 Ks in 165 innings.

Michael Taylor – When I was deciding who would get a 2010 fantasy baseball rookie post, I looked at Michael Taylor.  He fell short because I couldn’t figure out what value he was going to have on the Phillies.  There was just no room for him in the outfield.  No longer a problem.  Taylor heads to the Jays.  Lind slots into the DH spot and Taylor goes into left.  Or someone can just make Vernon Wells glue.  Taylor will be 24 in a few days  — go to Benihana for your birthday, they give you free pineapple chunks — and he has done all he needs to do in the minors.  Last year split between Double and Triple A, Taylor went 20/21 with a .320/.395/.549 line.  It’s not far fetched to think he could be an early front runner for the 2011 AL ROY award and a 15/15 candidate.  Assuming Taylor’s penciled into the the lead-off spot, I’d give him a projection of 85/12/60/.280/15 with upside from there.  Definitely worth owning in leagues 12 team and deeper.

Phillippe Aumont – Stephen went over the Phillippe Aumont fantasy.  He goes to Philly.  Or, more appropriately, Philli.  (For those keeping score at home, Phils get Halladay, the M’s top pitching prospect, Aumont, and Tyson Gillies — more on him in a second.  M’s get Lee.  Jays get D’Arnaud, Taylor and the Phils top pitching prospect, Kyle Drabek and/or Happ.  As of press time, this wasn’t all entirely clear.)  Aumont will be given the opportunity to make the club as bullpen help, but probably won’t be up until midseason at the earliest.  He has no clear cut path to the Phils closer job yet.  But wait until Lidge pitches.

Tyson Gillies – Elias Sports Bureau said there’s more L’s in this trade than any other trade in the history of baseball.  Actually, they didn’t say that; they’re in the Antilles on vacation.  As mentioned above, Gillies heads to the Phils.  Gillies fantasy prospects were broken down already.  He’s at least a year away unless the Phils are hit by major injuries.

Travis D’Arnaud – Sent from the Phils.  He’s still at least a year or two away, but he could be the catcher of the future for the Jays.  The catcher of the present is…

John Buck – Evidently, they’re replacing a real cowboy (Doc Halladay) with one of the midnight variety.  Buck has some cheap pop and nothing else for AL-Only leagues.

Mike Cameron – Signs with Boston and signals that the Sawx are done waiting for Bay or Holliday.  Then again, they have four competent outfielders when most clubs don’t have two so they could still stuff their cheeks with a few more acorns.  Cameron’s presence will be no present for Jeremy Hermida.  See what I did there?  Hermida’s value takes the biggest hit.  He could end up doing nothing but platooning against tough righties.  That’s assuming J.D. Drew stays healthy and, as they said in China in the 1400s, assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming. Cameron hasn’t stolen 20+ bases since ’06 and at 37 he probably won’t get there again.  He’ll likely bat at the bottom of the order, which will help with RBIs.  He’s a decent 5th outfielder in 12 team leagues for teams that need assurance over upside.

Hideki Matsui – To the Angels.  In his youth, Hideki came to be called Godzilla because of monstrous homers and acne.  Well, he’s still got the acne.  I’d avoid him in fantasy as much for his yawnstipating numbers as for his Utility-only eligibility.

Jason Kendall – Royals get him for two years.  Much like a Ken doll, Kendall has no bat.

But the White Sox were able to go back-to-back-to-back-to-back. That’s quadrupling your pleasure. Or double-double-headed. Which makes you say whoopee for fantasy baseball, right? Seriously, you say whoopee. Yeah, you do. You and Bob Eubanks. But if someone asks you the most romantic place you’ve ever made whoopee, don’t say, “Up the butt.” Now there was something in the middle of this landmark real baseball feat that you should take notice of — Paul Konerko. Nooo! Don’t talk about Konerko again. Sorry, but he has three home runs and a plus-.300 average in August. Buh-buh-buh… Ugh! Most importantly for our purposes, Guillen can’t quit Konerko. That’s right, Konerko’s been getting starts. If you need cheap lumber, cut down your neighbor’s tree, but if you want a cheap power source, try out Konerko. He might be the double-headed pleasure seeker you need. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Troy Percival/Grant Balfour/Dan Wheeler – Percival left the ninth with a knee sprain. Balfour tried to say, “Hey, dudes, I got this one.” Only he didn’t leave to the slow clap as much as the hanging-head-of-shame. I grabbed Wheeler where I had room.

Brad Ziegler - Orel Hershiser laughs maniacally, removing the pin from his Zielger doll.

Aramis Ramirez – HR yesterday, but injured his hip later in the game. He’s day-to-day, which shouldn’t be confused with Soul II Soul.

Jerry Hairston Jr. – Supposed to return for Friday’s game. He sure has got a lot of press lately. Guys, if I may call you that even though there might be chicks here, Hairston’s not really a .343 hitter. Cust kayin’.

Rocco Baldelli – Guess why I’m writing his name. Go ahead. I’ll wait. *scratches nose, itches head, dusts off my framed picture of Michael J. Fox* Baldelli’s injured! Dur.

Jason Kendall – From The Files of the Unfair:  Because of a game started clause, Kendall will earn 4.25 million next year. WTF?!

Chris Iannetta – Yorvit Torrealba has a small tear in his knee. If there was any concern about Iannetta’s playing time, this helps.

Ryan Franklin – Got the save yesterday, but that was just so they didn’t overuse Perez. Never fear, Razzballers.

Brad Penny – Returns to the DL. Nomar, “See, this healthy thing ain’t so easy… Ow! I juth bit my lip when I said eathy. Thee!”

Todd Wellemeyer – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER. Dave Duncan says, “I’ll see your Mazzone and I’ll do it without the rocking back and forth.”

Chris Dickerson – The first cheap steal schmohawk in yesterday’s post went 3-for-5 with two doubles and a triple. Sometimes recently called-up players excel while pitchers try and figure them out. Dickerson might be one of those, so he may have even more value now than later. There will be a Buy/Sell later today as there is every Friday afternoon, and I may just beat my Dick…er, um, what was I saying–erson later today. Tasteful!