Fantasy Baseball Advice

The Mets infirmary added a new member yesterday with Johan Santana complaining of elbow soreness.  M-E-S-S… Mess, Mess, Mess…  I can’t remember another team that has been this Kotchman-bitten.  Now pitching for the New York Mets… Angel Pagan.  He will also lead-off.  I don’t think in spring training when the Mets promised no September collapse they anticipated a June collapse.  Johan Santana may need surgery.  Or maybe he can return.  If you were the Mets, would you press your luck and hope for no whammy?  I mean this is more common sense than ‘pert sense.  Don’t do anything drastic until we hear more, but, as with anything Mets related this season, plan for the worse.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jeff Francoeur – Ligament tear in his thumb.  Frenchy’s toast?  This free swinger says to ball gag that thought.  Francoeur thinks he can continue to play.  It may be financially motivated… Oh, who are we kidding?  No one owns him.

Billy Wagner – Will stay with the Mets.  Anyone wanna take bets that he’ll be examined by a doctor for an injury by next Thursday?

Chris Davis – I mentioned him briefly in the September call ups post-a-ma-thingie yesterday.  He’ll get opportunities to be better than earlier in the year.  Can Davis provide you with some pop?  Um, yeah.  He can hit 10 homers in September alone.  Will he?  Sorry, the Magic Eight Ball’s in the shop.  He’s worth a flier if you need power.  Hank Blalock’s value will probably take the biggest hit with the Davis recall, but Blalock was hurting his own value anyway.

Pablo Sandoval – Left yesterday’s game in the 3rd with a tight calf.   If he were on the Mets, he’d be out for the year, which is to say he’s day-to-day.

Freddy Sanchez – Could be headed to the DL with a sore shoulder.  The same sore shoulder I could’ve told the Giants front office about prior to them trading away Tim Alderson for Sanchez.

Ryan Howard – 2 HRs yesterday and 7 homers in the last ten games.  The first homer was an opposite field shot where he was jammed and had no business hitting it out.  Somewhere, Frank Howard is requesting a paternity test.

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 2 unearned runs, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Against the Mets lineup, the two unearned runs were probably a ticker shock to some.

Jose Contreras – 2 2/3 IP, 6 unearned runs.  Hey, Cliff, that’s not a ticker shock, this is a ticker shock.  Contreras heads to the bullpen and Peavy will probably take his Saturday start.

Gordon Beckham – HR yesterday.  He has been going through the usual rookie difficulties recently as he hits near .150 in the last week or so (<– now that’s some exact calculations!).  But he still has a few homers this month and 8 on the year.  I can’t wait to see where February Grey is going to rank him for 2010.  If I had to take a guess, I’d say around 150 with a blurb talking about how Beckham can outperform that draft spot.  Just as I was writing that, February Grey peeked his head in my office to say, “You don’t know me at all.”

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks and 4 flippin’ walks.  How about someone sign up Yovani, Kershaw and Scherzer for Be A Twinkie Fantasy Camp hosted by control freak, Brad Radke?

Scott Baker – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Now has a 12-7 record and hasn’t lost in almost two months though his ERA is at 4.47.  That immediately sent me looking up one thing — Run Support.  He has the 11th best in the majors with over 8 runs/game.  Cust kayin’.

Jason Frasor – Hasn’t pitched in almost a week and is being bothered by shoulder tendinitis, which may speed up Downs’s save chances.

Ben Zobrist – Hit his 4th homer in the last six games.  Kiss your imaginary girlfriend goodbye, cause I’m about to blow your mind.  At 2nd base, Zobrist has been more valuable this year than Kinsler.

Jason Marquis – 8 IP, 1 ER.  Sure, it was vs. the Giants, but Marquis has a 3.47 ERA on the year.  Incredible.

Roy Halladay – 6 IP, 7 ER.  After the game, Halladay was seen mumbling, “I coulda been in the NL.”

Randy Ruiz – Hit his 4th homer in 46 ABs since his call-up.  He’ll be exploited at some point but until then he can give you some pop.

Jason Giambi – Giambi sat down with his family to discuss his future, but they were unable to come to a decision.  Later that night, Giambi fell asleep on the couch.  In his dreams, the dwarf hooker from the movie, Orphan, greeted him with a pamphlet.  That pamphlet’s title, Choose Your Own Career Path.  Inside, there were two options.  1. Retire  2. Before you fade into oblivion, latch onto a team and become a pinch hitter.  Giambi woke in a sweat.  His wife asked if he had to do number two and Giambi rapidly nodded, he did.

Carlos Quentin returned to play yesterday after taking a two month sabbatical for a foot thingiemaboo-boo.  So he DH’d right? Nuh-uh.  Oh, Jim Thome? Nope, Ozzie Guillen in his infinitesimal wisdom DH’d Josh Fields in the nine hole.  It’s almost like Ozzie’s daring Quentin to stay healthy.  Why not give him a hot foot with an M-80?  So what can we expect from Quentin for the rest of the season?  Best case scenario, has him playing 5 games a week and hitting well (as he did in his rehab assignment).  Maybe 15 homers, good RBIs and a .270 average.  He’s not going to come without risk.  At any point, I’m expecting word that he’ll be out for the year.  How’s that for a ringing endorsement?  So through one game, Quentin’s 1-for-4 and healthy.  Now give us forty-five more games.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Now has an sub-2.50 ERA at home.  No one tell him his home is a hitter’s park.

Frank Francisco – Headed to the DL with pneumonia (the P’s silent).  C.J. Wilson will take over again.  Is it me or has C.J. Wilson been the closer for more of the year than Frank-Frank?  Francisco is supposed to return this Sunday as long as he battles pneumonia better than Jim Backus.  You are still larger than the cactus…

Nelson Cruz – Didn’t play Monday because of his fractured finger.  The Rangers said he’d be able to get back in the lineup.  The Rangers lied.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes a more serious issue than was originally let on, at least that’s what my thought bubble says.

Jonathan Papelbon – Complained of stomach pain and was vomiting.  Perhaps he saw a video of his own dancing.  If he misses any time, Saito should get vulture saves.  I’d expect Papelbon to be back by Wednesday at the latest.

John Smoltz – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Has alternated between good start and terrible start since he was activated.  I’d see if he continues that trend and pitches well next time out while he was parked on my bench.

Jed Lowrie – 0-for-3 and batted ninth.  T-minus two days and counting until I cut him from my teams.  To paraphrase Meg Ryan talking to Goose, “Hit for me now or I will lose you forever.”

David Murphy – 2-for-4, HR yesterday.  If you have the luxury of only playing him when he plays, he can be valuable.  Shoot, at this point he’s hitting better than Josh Hamilton.

Jason Schmidt – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners.  Finally, an NL West starter I can’t get behind.  He’s been out too long and his fastball was pretty bleh.  In an NL-Only league?  Sure.  Everywhere else?  You can do better/safer/less-Schmidty.

George Sherrill – Supposed to be traded from the Orioles.  I think Jim Johnson would step in if Sherrill moves onto a better place.  Baez may also enter the picture.  Hopefully Orioles fans don’t abandon the franchise if they lose Sherrill and Oscar Salazar in the same week.

Darin Erstad – Headed to the DL.  Hopefully you got him out of your weekly lineups about six years ago.

Vladimir Guerrero – Scioscia said, “Vlad would be limited to DH duties when he returns.”  I asked, “Why wasn’t he only DH’ing to begin with?”  Scioscia said, “The same reason I don’t play Wood.”  I said, “Oh.”

Ted Lilly – 4 IP, 7 ER.  A lefty vs. the Phillies shouldn’t have looked like any major league team vs. Sidney Ponson.  Lilly’s knee must still be bothering him.  He might end up on the DL.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks.  Good to see the Braves call him back up from the minors. (I know why he was demoted; it’s called being facetious. And this is called exposition.)

Yunel Escobar – 2-for-3, Batting .500 since the All-Star break with two homers while alternating between the fifth and six hole.

David Hernandez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners.  Don’t pick him up.  But he’s thrown three decent– Don’t pick him up.

Nick Markakis – Now has two homers in his last four games.  Sparkakis!

Felipe Lopez – 4-for-4 while leading off.  He wasn’t originally supposed to start because he couldn’t get to the game in time, so I removed him from my lineups.  Then the game was delayed and he started.  Sonavabench!

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  Impressive home start from a pitcher I highlighted in the 2nd half pitcher post.

Kevin Millwood – 6 IP, 2 ER.  If you had the cojones to start Millwood at home vs. the Sawx, then you deserved the Win.

Tim Stauffer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks.  HodgePadre worth owning in 12 team leagues and deeper.

Nick Blackburn – 5 IP, 7 ER, As I said after his last start, which was a complete game, “There’s so many pitchers each week that are potential spot starters, even in deep leagues, that I just don’t want any part of a guy that has 51 Ks in just over 116 innings.” And that’s me quoting me!

Justin Morneau – 3-for-5, 2 HRs as the Twins and A’s combined for 8 home runs.  Did Oakland install a dehumidifier?

Jason Giambi – Hit the Disgraceful List as the A’s admitted that Giambi wasn’t the ballplayer they had the first time around.  They blamed his lack of backne.

Daric Barton – HR yesterday.  Pick him up in all AL-Only leagues and 12 team leagues and deeper if you need a corner man.  He may not do much more than he’s done so far in the major leagues (170 games – 78/13/56/.239/3), but he shouldn’t kill you on average and has decent power.  If he hits, he will probably keep the job even when Giambi returns.

Matt Holliday – 4-for-5, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs with his grand slam just clearing the outfield fence.  Now has 3 homers since the break.  Maybe he realized he needs to play well to be a trade target and get the eff out of Oaktown.  He should get to 20+ homers and a .300 average.  So when you’re going into the break with 8 homers (or Wright +3), there is some room for improvement.

Jonathan Sanchez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  Johnny Vander Meer’s family can now stop following around the Giants.

On Sunday, Akinori Iwamura was carted off the field. (No, it wasn’t some sorta Japanese custom when a player makes an out.)  So Reid Brignac may get some short-term value if the Rays play him.  Right now, they don’t seem committed to that plan.  And, frankly, I can see why.  He hasn’t exactly been tearing it up in Triple A.  The Rays should go to Ben Zobrist aka The Best Home Run Hitter In The World With The Last Name Zobrist.  With shortstop eligibility and potentially 2nd base, Zobrist will have value getting everyday at-bats.  Much has been made of Zobrist’s out-of-the-blue power surge.  The only explanation that seems to be out there is that he worked in the offseason with Jaime Cevallos, The Swing Mechanic.  (Turns out he helped Little Jake Current too!)  Honestly, I don’t think it matters much for Ben Zobrist since he already has shortstop eligibility.  It’s worth a flier to see if the power continues.  Just don’t cut anyone too worthwhile for that flier, including Little Jake Current — he’s got power to all fields!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Troy Percival – Hit the DL and made J.P. Izzywheelfourson the closer.  I grabbed Nelson and Wheeler anywhere I could.  This could easily become Isringhausen’s… Or Balfour’s… Or Howell’s.  Unlike the Nats ‘pen, the guy who wins the Rays raffle will have value so it’s worth grabbing one and praying it ends up being your guy.  The Rays used Izzy last on Saturday like he was a closer, though it was a non-save situation.  If you don’t have room in 12 team leagues and shallower, I’d cut Percy.  The next game he may be closing is the Hall of Famers vs. Non-Hall of Famers Game, which would take place during the All-Star Game festivites, if I had my way.  Like you wouldn’t pay to see Lee Smith try to prove his case against Gary Carter.  Would have to be better than watching Kenny Mayne throw like a girl.  (I’m still holding out hope for the Fattest Guy With No Power Home Run Derby too.  C’mon, Sandoval vs. Billy Butler!  Or everyone’s (soon-to-be) favorite contest, Worst Strikeout Pitcher Faces Off Against Chris Davis!  C’mon, Joel Pineiro!)

Jesus Guzman – Word out of the Tenderloin is Ishikawa isn’t long for the every day job.  Makes sensei.  He is Sucki-san.  If Guzman somehow pulls himself into an every day job, could be huge in ESPN leagues where he’s inexplicably a shortstop.  Though Guzman did not play on Sunday.  *shakes fist* Bochy!

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 3 HRs in the last seven games.  I know, Padres hitters are yawnstipating, but the Kouz is hot.

Dexter Fowler – 7-for-15 in his 4 games and batting leadoff.  Has been as good recently as Ian Stewart’s been bad.

Brad Lidge – Hey, whaddya know?  Another blown save!  He has a 9.19 ERA on the year.  Philly says there will be no closer change.  I say yet.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 2 ER, which should’ve been one because of a misplay in the outfield.  This was a heartbreaking no decision (for me).

Matt Lindstrom – He embarrassed himself and his family on Saturday then came in on Sunday and retired two guys and walked three before being relieved by Kiko Calero.  Kiko’s pitching the best in the Marlins bullpen, but Nunez hasn’t been awful… Okay, he’s been just all right.  I think Nunez gets the first chance when Lindstrom’s replaced, but it might be Calero.  If you’re a save vulture, you should be grabbing one of them now, because Lindstrom doesn’t seem long for the closer role.

Kelly Johnson – HRs in back-to-back games.  He’s sitting at .252 on the year, he can get up to .280 within a few weeks.

Joe Mauer – Another game, another homer.  I heard Selena Roberts was seen digging through his trash.

Manny Delcarmen – Been lights out so far in middle relief.  Rumors are swirling that he might be headed to the Nats to be their closer with Nick Johnson headed to the Sawx, pushing Big Crapi to the bench.  I don’t think the Sawx have the cojones to bench Papi, they’d have to convince him to go to the Disgraceful List.  In deep leagues, Delcarmen should be owned, though some Mr. B’s probably already have him.

Daniel Murphy, Angel Pagan, Gary Sheffield, Jeremy Reed, Ramon Castro, Ramon Martinez – Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 New York Mets!

Adam Jones – Hit his 10th homer yesterday while stealing his 4th bag.  Should cruise to 25/15, then Jamaica.

Alexei Ramirez – 2 HRs this weekend.  Mazel tov!

Mark Buehrle – Only Mark Buehrle could give up only one run after surrendering 12 hits while striking out only 3.  Cust kayin’.

Joel Hanrahan – Picked up the save with a perfect inning.  Apparently, he’s the closer again.

Adam Dunn – 2 HRs, 6 RBIs.  That’s not a donkey, this is a donkey.

Emmanuel Burriss – The Giants also announced they would be putting Frandsen into a platoon with Burriss.  Burriss has speed; Frandsen offers nothing.

Pablo Sandoval – Sat out yesterday with elbow trouble and will go for tests on Monday.   I hope they test his cholesterol.

Chris Iannetta – Hit the DL with a hamstring strain.   Jessica Alba and Joe Torre hybrid, Yorvit Torrealba, will have some short-term value in deep leagues.  For catchers that could be available in some leagues, I’d go Snyder, Salty, Torrealba or Diaz, in that order.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-4 yesterday, 3 HRs in the last 6 games.  Someone’s in the Way Back Machine.

Josh Outman – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, Zero Ks.  When you don’t strikeout one Diamondback, I’m not buying.

Jason Giambi – Second straight game with a homer.  For those in shallow leagues, he hits them in bunches.  Some would say in “cycles.”

Barry Zito – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Glad the old baked Zito showed up just as I added him.

Fred Lewis – Two games, two home runs.  I wish he’d just get to 15/15 in a month then I could drop him, but that’s not how these things work.  Except for Mark Reynolds.

Derrek Lee – Missed Sunday’s game with an undisclosed illness.  I thought it was called Suckitis.

Francisco Rodriguez – Might be the first time I’ve mentioned him in roundup.  (I tend not to mention guys that are doing what they’re supposed to be.)  K-Rod is suffering from back spasms, so the Mets are inserting Putz into their opening.  K-Rod said he’s feeling much better after being medicated.  In other news, K-Rod’s addicted to painkillers.  Sounds like he’ll be back by the end of the week at the latest.

Brandon Phillips – Hairline fracture on thumbkin.  Phillips said, “I told (the Reds) I don’t want to go on the DL.”  Um, okay.  And then you sit out yesterday’s game?  This sounds worse than the Reds are letting on.

Joey Votto – Ear infection had him benched on Sunday after hitting 2 homers on Saturday.  I totally feel for Votto.  Last time I had an ear infection, I rolled around for days crying.  Then again, I was 6 months old.

Brandon McCarthy – 9 IP, 0 ER and 6 Ks.  Solid game, but he’s way too unpredictable to pick up in mixed leagues.   As for this game, maybe McCarthy thought he was facing the Reds.

This was, as they say in Italy, an Experto Callaspo AL-Only draft.  What AL-Only means to me? Thanks for asking, random italicized voice.  It means I probably won’t have one pitcher that I would usually have in a mixed league.  I contemplated about how I wanted to go about this draft.  It’s good to have a game plan, ya know?  So I decided, since I don’t really like AL pitchers, I would get solid pitchers anyway.  Zoinks!  I figured that solid pitchers would be at a premium and if I got my share, I’d be in good shape.  Also, from my knowledge of other ‘pert drafts, no one drafts starters early, so while they’re zigging, I decided to zag.  “Knowing your opponents’ weaknesses is half the duel,” Aaron Burr.  When you see my pitchers, you’ll see I didn’t really get that many great ones, but for AL-Only I have a top three pitching staff going into the season.  Then there’s the strategy I employed for hitters.  I decided to punt catchers, of course, and up the middle.  Punting the MIs was because I knew who I wanted late and I knew guys like Alexei Ramirez would go way early (He went in the 2nd round.)  Okay, before I get to my thoughts I jotted down during the AL-Only draft, here’s my co-conspirators:

Fantasy Baseball Dugout
The Fantasy Man
Fantasy Sports Commissioner Training Institute
Rotohelp
Sporting News
ProFantasy Baseball
Roto Central
Advanced Fantasy Baseball
Fantasy Sports R Us
Fantasy Baseball Sherpa
Fanball

Here’s my team:

C:  Taylor Teagarden (19)
1B: Carlos Pena (3)
2B: Asdrubal Cabrera (15)
SS: Jed Lowrie (11)
3B: Brandon Wood (12)
MI: Wilson Betemit (23)
CI:  Jason Giambi (10)
OF: Carlos Quentin (1)
OF: Carl Crawford (2)
OF: Vernon Wells (5)
OF: Franklin Gutierrez (14)
OF: Brett Gardner (16)
UT: DeWayne Wise (25)
P:  James Shields (4)
P:  Joba Chamberlain (6)
P:  John Danks (7)
P:  Brad Ziegler (8)
P:  Brandon Lyon (9)
P:  Anthony Reyes (13)
P:  Dan Wheeler (17)
P:  Kevin Millwood (18)
P:  Rafael Betancourt (22)
Bench: Melky Cabrera (20), Wladimir Balentien (21), Matt Thornton (24), Jeremy Sowers (26), Damaso Marte (27)

Notes I jotted down during the draft:

ROUND 1 & 2 – I get Carlos N Carl with my first two picks.  Yuck.  Seriously, I hate AL-Only.  I have no idea where all the good players have gone, but I think it’s into the NL. (To make matters worst, I drafted the first five rounds, then we needed to do it over because something was wrong with the draft room. (I once loved you, CBS!  Nevermore.)  Then, to make matters even worse, our do over was supposed to be a shot by shot remake of the original, but someone decided to make it an adaptation.  At one point, one of the ‘perts asked another ‘pert if they could see they were giving them the middle finger.  Fun times!)

ROUND 3 – I wanted lots of power from my corners.  That became a pipe dream when Aubrey Huff was drafted ahead of me in the 3rd (!) round.  Drafting Carlos Pena in the third round is a tragic-comedy.

ROUND 4 – James Shields. It was between him and Liriano.  And I got to draft both at one point, but that was the first AL-Only ‘pert draft that we will never speak of again.  Actually, I’m pleased with Shields.

ROUND 5 – Vernon Wells.  This is barely an endorsement of Wells, but he was the last outfielder that’s halfway reliable and he’s supposed to be healthy by April.  Of course, that will turn into June any day now.

ROUND 6 – Joba Chamberlain.  This is really all I needed for my AL-Only staff and the next guy is gluttony at its worst.

ROUND 7 – John Danks.  Hey, Gluttony, good to see you.  Okay, before you call me out for this. Here’s the guys that were taken after him that I could’ve had:

Kevin Slowey – I want Danks over him.  You do too.
Nick Swisher – Okay, but doesn’t have a secure job and will bat .240.
Mike Jacobs – I already drafted the Latin Jacobs.
Orlando Cabrera – Eh.
Denard Span – Blah.
Frank Francisco – Solid pick.
Scott Baker – On the risky pitcher list.
Troy Percival – Too early for him.
Fausto Carmona – Danks is twice the pitcher of Carmona.
Carlos Gomez – Great pick, but because of Crawford I couldn’t have made it.
Gavin Floyd then Joe Saunders then Crapolanco… You get my point.

ROUND 10 – Jason Giambi.  Carlos Pena’s baby daddy.

ROUND 11 & 12 – Jed Lowrie and Brandon Wood.  A) They have the superfecta of eligibility, which is crucial for a single league.  B) They have upside.  C) Would you really have wanted Crapolanco and Orlando Cabrera over these two?  D) As T.J. Lavin would say, “They are both killing it in spring training.”  (Speaking of T.J. Lavin, The Challenge is back in two weeks.  I can’t wait.)

ROUND 13 – Anthony Reyes. This could be the steal of the draft.  Or a guy I drop by May.  Stay tuned!

ROUND 14 – The Big FraGu.  At this point in the draft, there wasn’t even a lot of guys who had starting jobs let alone one that could go 15/15.  Granted, my average is in the dumpster at this point.

ROUND 15 – As…DRUBAL!  I almost took him in the 10th round, but I quickly saw where everyone else’s team stood with middle infielders and I realized I could wait.  This is Grey.  This is Grey on his toes.  (BTW, it’s really sad when you get this excited about Asdrubal Cabrera.  It’s AL-Only.  Small victories.)

ROUND 19 – Taylor Teagarden.  Honestly, I don’t know what his playing time will be like, but if he hits 10 HRs, I win with this pick.  Not to mention, he’s a better defender, so he could see 250+ ABs.  Think Napoli last year.

ROUND 21 – We like to Wladdy… We like to Wladdy…

ROUND 23 – Wilson Betemit.  I think he hits 15 HRs in a super-utility role.  Or flat-out takes over for Josh Fields.  Or I drop him and fill-in my MI spot with someone else.  At this point, Punto, Bobby Crosby and Zobrist were being drafted so this pick is really no harm, no foul.

ROUND 26 – Jeremy Sowers.  For this late in the draft to get a starter on a good team– Oh, who am I kidding?  I’ll probably drop him by April 7th.

Manny Acosta called into Razzball HQ yesterday. Here’s what he had to say, “Upon returnance, John Smoltz can have closer job back. Upon Soriano’s returnance, he can have setup role. Gonzalez wants eighth inning and lefty specialist role? He have it. I’m not a lefty anyway. I wish only good happenings to Mr. Cox, my family, my team and Jesus Cristo. I request Cox do closer by committee until Smoltz returns, because that is the most democratic. Now put me in the sixth inning, so I can avoid this mess. I wish to chillax. I have myself on one fantasy team, and let me say this, ‘I drop myself.’ Now vote Obama!” There you have it, folks. Razzball’s first big scoop. If that doesn’t make us hotter than baby stew, I don’t know what does. Not only has Acosta dropped himself, but he’s also voting Democrat. Anyway, here’s what else I saw:

Royce Ring – Relieved Acosta. I don’t think he’s going to have much value going forward. He’s a lefty specialist, ya’ll.

Jeff Bennett – Relieved Royce Ring retiring rast Radre (okay, a little forced on the alliteration). I have him on one team. The team I’m hoping sucks. Then again, I have Carlos Silva on that team and he only gave up one run against the Mariners. Then again, it was the Mariners.

Buddy Caryle – If The Kouz would’ve reached, Buddy would’ve joined the closer committee. Officially, the Bravos bullpen is filled with options, which makes the Acosta option weak at best. Wait, Acosta’s calling in again, “I told ya. Not interested in closing. Tooooo stressful. And put five ohs on ‘too.’”

Gavin Floyd – *SPOILER ALERT* He’s still not good. Let me put it this way, if he would’ve got a no-hitter, I still wouldn’t have picked him up in any leagues. He’s not a hidden gem that can replace Gallardo or Hill or Smoltz or any other starter you’ve recently lost.

Aaron Harang – Can’t blame him, he pitched well enough to win. Imagine a world where Harang pitched for the Yankees. Now imagine the Yankees played in Petco. Harang’d win twenty-five and would have already dumped Alyssa Milano like three times. Alas, the Reds score no runs every fifth day.

Ben Francisco – He can do what I thought The Big FraGu could do, but he’s going to be doing it in the same crowded outfield so he may not get enough at-bats. If he does get at-bats, he could get to 15/15 and he’s actually already in Yahoo — woo-hoo! But you don’t necessarily want him just yet, except in the deepest of leagues.

Shawn Hill – *looking for positives* Bunch of rinky-dink hits. *looking at negatives* Needs to be more economical. It’s not like he’s striking people out and he’s barely getting through the fifth.

Jacques Jones – Word he might pop up on the Padres or the Marlins. As Chicago once sang, “Look away, baby, look away.” (BTW, I wish Jones pronounced his first name like that black dude from The Real World: San Diego. That’s it; just felt like saying that.)

Wilfredo Ledezma – He’s already gone in my NL-Only league. Why? Cause he’s now the Padres’ fifth starter. Any Padres starter has value because of their home park. He replaces Germano in the rotation. And he begins dating Alyssa Milano by July.

Brian Bannister – This is closer to the type of pitcher he is, not the April guy who everyone was picking up.

Manny Corpas – Struckout Pujols. Sure, it was in the seventh inning, but I wouldn’t count him out just yet.

Felipe Lopez – Oh-for-five with four strikeouts — that’s razztastic.

Orlando Hudson – O-Dog’s hamstring is barking. He didn’t look good on Monday when he was in the starting lineup so it’s not surprising that he was sitting out yesterday’s game.

Austin Kearns – You’re not roping me in this time, Kearns. No, sir. (But he does go on hot streaks and hits home runs in bunches and he just hit a home run and… Oh, he’s roping me in again. I need a support group. Austin’s Kids? The Kearns Trauma Unit? Second Degree Kearns? I don’t know. Rudy probably will come up with something.)

Jhonny Peralta – I like seeing someone batting .219 in May. They’re due. But he’s not exactly a .300 hitter.

Jason Giambi – I really like seeing someone bat .157. But he’s not exactly a .260 hitter.

Robinson Cano – Also batting .157 (weird!). But he’s not exactly Actually, he is better. So what, he bats .310 the rest of the way? .320?

Scott Olsen – I gotta be honest, I kinda wrote him off this year, but he’s always had talent. Opponents are batting .186 against him, but his K/BB is not good and BB/9 isn’t either. A correction could be coming.

Jonathan Sanchez – He gets the Phillies next. I say, no thank you.

Josh Hamilton – If he can steer clear of injuries and crack-cocaine, he could hit 35 in Texas. But, and this is simply hypothetical, if he were to smoke crack-cocaine, I think his power would remain, but he’d probably show flashes of speed. That’s right, Josh Hamilton’s a 35/20 player if he relapses. Downside, rehab group with Dwight Gooden. Upside, first round selection next year. That’s a coin flip if I’m his agent.

Andruw Jones – Batted second yesterday. All I have to say is, “Ha!”

Blake DeWitt – Now has two home runs in two days. Tonight’s was of the inside the park variety. He doesn’t have much upside.

Santiago Casilla – Now has a save to go with his perfect ERA. Huston Street loses a fibula or some shizz by the All-Star break and he’s closing.

Jeff Mathis – Now in a 3-for-28 slump. In the world of catchers who aren’t owned, I like Dioner Navarro.

Stephen Drew – Fourth home run, should be owned in all leagues. Well, not all leagues, cause there are some that only play with the American League guys.

Ryan Ludwick – Let’s assume LaRussa’s hitting the juice again, but even he has to see Ludwick deserves to be in the starting lineup.

AJ Burnett – How about this line: 6 IP, 10Ks, 9 hits, 5 earned runs. Looked like half the team couldn’t figure him out and the other half couldn’t wait to face him.

Carlos Pena – Almost forty strikeouts. Cust kayin’.

Nate McLouth – Nine home runs?! He’s like Andy Van Slyke’s kid brother. All he needs is a prima donna LF.