Spare me while I talk about my team for a moment. I almost missed out on my head to head playoffs. Another team grabbed the final spot one week before the postseason was to begin. Oh no, it was that mean old Mr.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jason Bourgeois
The Pirates announced the time is nigh for Starling Marte. The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jason Bourgeois was traded to Royals with Humberto Quintero. Fun fact: Did you know Humberto Quintero weighs exactly a quarter more than Humberto Quadtero? When the trade was announced, Bourgeois said he’d once and for all bring down the tyrannical rule of the Royals and restore a society where Lorenzo Cain lost 75 to 100 at-bats and The Guido Playing 2nd Base lost 100 at-bats. Bourgeois insists that a free market system for steals is essential to their success. Then Bourgeois doffed his powdered wig and asked Yuniesky Betancourt to bring him some unpasteurized cheese. Chop, chop, Piss Boy! This trade doesn’t flat out kill Cain…Sugar!’s value. It sure doesn’t help it. As I mentioned to someone in the comments right after this trade went down, Cain…Sugar!
Please, blog, may I have some more?Even if you draft one or two outfielders in the top 100 (which you should), you’ll still need to identify some late bargains. The top 20, 40, 60 and 80 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball can be found under the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. This is by no means all the outfielders I’d draft for one of my teams. This is a list of guys that will go after the top 200 and could provide some healthy returns. Where applicable, click on the player’s name to read more about them and to see their 2012 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Bryce Harper – More of a keeper pick. Not yet a stud, but should be a stud for many years to come, assuming the league doesn’t disallow every home run he hits because of too much pine tar under his eyes.
Please, blog, may I have some more?We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2012 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Scott Rolen is out for the season. It’s time to go gorilla! I don’t even know what that means. Random Italicized Voice, no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative! If you got some risk to burn in deeper leagues at corner infidel, get in on Juan Francisco. I talked a bit yesterday about how I’m gonna go caca-cuckoo on Francisco next year if he has a starting job. I’m gonna be like a cyclops wearing a monocle. Why a cyclops wearing a monocle? Good question. A cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. BTW, Yonder and Francisco have complementary hat tilts. Just something I thought you should know.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s trade deadline time, a full baseball weekend, and Grey is at a crawfish festival asking ladies whether he has any chum in his moustache. Anyway, the Indians spoiled the Yanks and Sawx plans by nabbing Ubaldo for a bunch of prospects including their top two pitching prospects (Drew Pomeranz and Alex White).
Please, blog, may I have some more?While balancing a book on their head, the Blue Jays were poised to call up Brett Lawrie just when he fractured his hand. That’s worst timing than the guy down at your local Chuckles nightclub doing an open mic set. But flip our Supreme Buddha In Funny Poses day calender two months later and the hand is healed. In two weeks at Triple-A since his return, he’s hitting near .350 with a homer. Or as Lawrie would say on Twitter #yabuddy. “You want to convey your emotional state while giving the most information possible, all in under 140 characters.” That’s Lawrie explaining Twitter to his Grammie. Lawrie should be up in the next two weeks. So you have to decide if a .300 hitter with good power and speed at 2nd base is worth sitting on your bench until his call up. #yabuddy Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Hideki Matsui – Hello, time travelers from 2004. You are not in 2004 anymore. You are in 2011. Hideki Matsui is just hitting again. Though that is not Madonna on your radio, that is Lady Gaga.
Please, blog, may I have some more?I’ve given much love to Desmond Jennings already on this blog, and since what I’ve previously wrote still works, indulge me for a second, “Desmond’s time is nigh, a word that only sounds negative. DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey and Swiper the Fox all wrapped in one! (What, not street enough?) If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s me quoting me! In 2010, he swiped 37 bags with a .362 OBP in Triple-A. In only 57 games in Triple-A this year, 9 homers and 10 steals. Somebody gag Sam Fuld, put a gorilla suit on him and send him to Africa. We want Jennings. *fast-herpes-medication-side-effect-voice* Fuld should be benched any day now for Jennings’ call-up. Or in the next week or so. It’s worth the flyer for upside. If conditions persist for longer than 48 hours, call your doctor. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Dee Gordon – Gordon is so fast he just ran into Kitchen Stadium, spit on Michael Symon’s head, buffed it and ran out without Alton even noticing. I see no reason why you shouldn’t own Gordon everywhere for a few weeks to see if he not only sticks but steals some bases. For more on my Dee Gordon fantasy, see that link. I wrote it while picking out all the strawberry Dippin’ Dots from the Banana Split mix.
Please, blog, may I have some more?News comes that Dustin Pedroia might need surgery on his knee that could sideline him for at least a month. Knee surgery sounds like something that sidelines people for multiple months, even Sparky Anklebiters. Though sometimes Sparky Anklebiters can get so amped with leave-it-all-on-the-fieldness that they lose sight of the big picture and rush back too soon. You know, they try to chew through the cone around their head and don’t heal properly. We know you’re scrappy, Dustin, stop biting on your paw! If he rushes and comes back in July, then he could miss a few more weeks with a setback. Basically, what I’m saying is, you want him to just get sidelined for two months and come back healthy in August. It’s not like what he was giving you now can’t be replaced. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Anthony Rizzo – The San Diego Padres have something to be excited about. No, Tony Gwynn didn’t announce he’s becoming a competitive eater. No, they didn’t put a giant afro on the Western Metal Supply Co.
Please, blog, may I have some more?