Fantasy Baseball Advice

Corey Hart is out for up to a month with an appendectomy.  My college roommate had an appendectomy and he returned from the hospital in 24 hours and back to drinking Olde E forties with me by Friday, which is what we called Tuesday.  Bill Hall will be recalled (Score one for NL pitchers) and Frank Catalanotto will see time in right field (score one for the Catalanottos).  Good thing the Brewers traded for Gerut.  Who?  Hey, you sound like Ken Macha!  I expect the Hart will go on in September.  If he gives you his biggest month of the season then, it’ll be about 4 homers and 4 steals for the month.  Whoopie!  If Hart’s still on your team, now’s as good a time as any to cut him, unless you have DL room.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – Just hit the DL.  Usually he doesn’t turn into a pumpkin for another twenty games.  Kinsler was in Friday’s Buy/Sell.  Betcha can guess which side of the slash he fell on.

Neftali Feliz – Called up to come out of the bullpen.  Yes, he’s flippin’ awesome.  I know.  But out of the bullpen?  Eh.  If your league’s deep enough, I guess I could see it, but I’m not running out to grab him.

Frank Francisco – Activated and set up C.J. Wilson, who got the save.  Should be about a week until Francisco’s the closer again.  And about a week and a half until he’s back on the DL.

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 2 ER and his 10th win.  Incredible.  Three of my starters together don’t have 10 wins and this schmohawk does.  Feldman who has 58 Ks in 119 2/3 innings.  I hate wins.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2 HRs in his last three games.  If it’s a hot streak, it’s long overdue.

Ian Snell – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, 6 baserunners.  Got the start for the M’s vs. the Rangers.  I don’t mind a pickup of Snell in 12 team leagues, but he gets the Rays then the Yanks in his next two starts.

Chad Billingsley – Left the game with a cramp.  Aw, it’s that time of the month.  He should be ready for his next start.

Casey Blake – Had problems swinging a bat during batting practice, now he’s headed for X-rays on his hand.  Coulda called me, I own X-ray glasses.  Thank you, back of a comic book.

Matt Kemp – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs with a homer from the five hole.  This was his first homer of the year while batting above the 6th spot. (<–Torre supplied that info.)

Scott Downs – To the DL.  What I don’t get is why was Downs the closer anyway?  It’s not like he has some absurd contract cough B.J. Ryan cough.  Jason Frasor takes over the job he should’ve had anyway.  I’d own Frasor in any league.

Scott Rolen – Beaned on the helmet by a pitch.  Phillies fans can’t believe it took that long for the voodoo doll work.  Rolen should be fine.  Phew…  The Reds playoff hopes are counting on him going 120/50/120/.450 and pitching 30 no-hitters in the last two months.

Drew Sutton – 2-for-5, has SS eligibility and 15/15 type appeal.  Do I think he can reach those numbers?  I have my doubts.  But Dusty hit him leadoff all weekend and Dusty is CRAZY enough to keep him there.  Worth a flier in NL-Only leagues, keeper and otherwise.  (Dusty gets crazy in caps, you shouldn’t have to ask.)

Jon Garland – 9 IP, 2 ER vs. Guess who.  The Mets.  C’mon, these are gimmes…  Kinda like starts vs. the Mets.

Miguel Montero – 3-for-5 as he hit cleanup.  Hinch, you don’t hit a catcher cleanup then platoon him with Chris Snyder.  I’m not sure why the D’Backs are forcing Snyder into the lineup every other day or so, but Miguel Montero’s value is taking a hit.  I’m sure Tonya Harding’s available (and cheap) if anyone wants to send her to the desert looking for Snyder.

Ty Wigginton – HR yesterday.  As I mentioned in Friday’s Buy/Sell, he goes from Mr. Wigginton to Dr. Donkowitz in August.  Why?  Beats the shizz out of me.

Ronnie Cedeno – HR yesterday with the Pirates.  All he needed was a change of scenary… And 120 MPH winds blowing out.

Elijah Dukes – Trouble’s back in the town called Malice.  Riggleman says Dukes will get the majority of starts and he should.  Definitely worth a flier in 12 team leagues and deeper.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Unfortunately, he pitched against Brian Bannister, who looked like his brother Bruce.  Would’ve been nice to get the win, but I was just happy to see Shields dominate.  Baby steps, Bob, baby steps.

Mark Buehrle – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Now that’s how you make a correction to your season stats.

Gordon Beckham – I was getting some shizz in our fantasy baseball forums for pushing people to pick up Beckham.  In July, he hit .330 with 3 homers and 3 steals.  That’s kinda good for a guy who has shortstop eligibility.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 7 for his last 17 with two homers.  A’la Cher from Clueless, “AS-drubal!”

Bud Norris – 7 IP, 5 Ks, 4 walks, 2 hits.  That’s the problem.  The walks.  I suppose I’d own him for his next start, but I don’t think he’s going to have a rotation spot for much longer and he’s still a rookie and liable to roofie you.

Kendry Morales – 2 HRs, 6 RBIs.  March Grey told you he was a sleeper.  (Please ignore June Grey that told you to Sell him.  June Grey was phoning it in from a methadone clinic.  It was a dark time.)

Jered Weaver – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 Ks.  Sure would be nice to see him throw a game where he doesn’t give up 4+ earned, but the 11 Ks vs. the Twins is pretty impressive.

Orlando Cabrera – 1-for-3, HR yesterday as he batted 2nd.  He hit near .400 in July. (Ted Williams, “Unfreeze me when you do it over an entire season.”)  I’m not a huge fan of a guy who has light power and diminishing speed, but you can probably do worse at SS.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 2 ER vs. the A’s was a nice matchup and, for the rest of the season, Romero has matchup potential, but I think the Jays will have to begin to limit his innings.

Casey McGehee – Well, lookie what the MI schmohawk cat dragged in.  McGehee hit 2 homers in the last four games and has been playing regularly at 3rd base.

Eugenio Velez – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs.  Not  sure why, but I have a special place in my heart for Velez.  Maybe because he’s a buck thirty soaking wet.  Potatoes to chips, Velez is hitting near .500 over the last week.

Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Did you really just get out-pitched by Barry Zito?  For shamels.

Jake Fox – Of course he hit a homer yesterday, he started.   I’m not what you would call a person who gets involved.  I yell, “Hands free,” to people who are talking on their cellphone while they’re driving, but that’s about the extent of my community involvement.  But if I were, say, a person who takes action, I’d start a campaign to make Jake Fox the catcher.

Victor Martinez – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs as the Red Sox won 18-10.  Without V-Mart, the Red Sox would’ve won 14-10.  Even the Yankees disapprovingly shook their heads mumbling, “Enough’s enough.”

David Ortiz – 0-for-5, 1 RBI.  Ticker Tease!

Clay Buchholz – 4 IP, 7 ER.  When you’re working with a 14 run cushion… Well… You gave him a shot.  It just didn’t work out.  I’d let him figure it out on someone else’s team.

Melky Cabrera – Hit for the cycle yesterday.  The guy who took four minutes to design “Got Melky” t-shirts at Cafepress is ecstatic.

Chris Davis has 42 Ks in 88 ABs.  That’s a pace of about 300 Ks.  Not sure he gets there, but Mark Reynolds should be worried about his strikeout record.  Back when I called Chris Davis a poor man’s Mark Reynolds, everyone and there’s Momma’s boyfriend wanted some Davis action.  Back in June of 2008, when Davis was called up, I said, “(It) doesn’t mean he will strikeout 250 times and hit 50 HRs, but it gives you a bit of an idea of what kind of player he is.”  Actually, he may strikeout 250 times.  And that’s me quoting me linking to me and correcting me!  I’m not saying any of this to push people to trade him away, but I think a lot of people thought they were getting a .300 hitter in Davis.  He’s not.  Average is a bit of a fluky thing, but, with the way Davis is striking out, he’s looking like a .240-.250 hitter.  I still think as the weather heats up the homers will be flying, but check your expectations.  Anyway, here’s what we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Grady Sizemore – Sizemore got caught stealing for the 4th time yesterday in 9 tries.  Last year he only was caught 5 times out of 44 tries.  Grady hasn’t had this much trouble getting to 2nd base since he was a sophomore in high school and was still being ridiculed as Gravy Friesmore. The Cleveland GM Mark Shapiro is one of the more analytical GMs out there – don’t be surprised if they pull the reins in on ol’ Grady, unless he shows he can steal at a 70+% clip.

Eric Bedard – Rudy said this yesterday morning, “Yeah, the Rangers are a bitch to face even when they’re on the road.  That said, you shouldn’t bench Bedard.  Against the Rangers, he’s good for 7+ Ks”.   Rudy must have a way with Canadians because Bedard delivered 7 IP and 7 Ks.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Grand slam yesterday.  Again, this is why you just put a catcher in there and slowly back away.

Nelson Cruz – 3-for-5, 7th homer.  As I’ve said before, I don’t think it stops.

Kenshin Kawakami – He was dropped in my 16 team league.  And he stayed on waivers.  Sometimes the most significant action is the one not taken. – Grey Albright.  (But he might be cribbing that quote and just doesn’t remember.  He’s also talking in 3rd person right now.)

Felipe Lopez – Day-to-day with a sore ankle.  Hmm… Felimpy?

Julian Tavarez – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Yeah, I’m done with Tavarez.  He can save the next 20 games for the Nats (which would take him to about September) and I’m not picking him up again.  Hanrahananan, who also wasn’t great yesterday, might get another shot, but, like most Nats pitchers, if they’re not pitching, they’re the most valuable so Beimel’s looking the best right now.

Jorge Posada – On the DL with a sore hamstring.  Posada was heavily discounted in many drafts this year with the assumption he’d miss a lot of time.  Figure you drafted him thinking he’d get 4-6 weeks vacation.  This is just part of the employment package for a 36-year old catcher…

B.J. Upton – 1-for-4, bringing him to .157 on the season with no homers and 4 RBIs.  Yeah, that’s terrible.  We wouldn’t be surprised if Joe Maddon shot his shoulder up with cortisone next time he gave him an encouraging pat.

Emmanuel Burriss – Webster stole his 8th base yesterday.  It’s not pretty, but it’s three more than Jose Reyes.

Alberto Callaspo – HR yesterday, hitting .379 through 80+ ABs.  This is why I was annoyed last year when the Royals were playing Grudzielanek. (Yes, I needed to look up the spelling.  Cut me some slack!)  So who or what is this Callaspo?  He’s a light power and speed middle infielder who should have a decent average.  Say Callaspolanco.

Roy Oswalt – Bruised finger forced him out of the game.  Said to be day-to-day.  He better have an excuse for giving up all of those runs to the Nats.

Gavin Floyd/Kyle Davies – 5 IP, 6 ER and 4 IP, 6 ER, respectively.  Hope everyone’s already chucked these two turd sandwiches.

Joba Chamberlain – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 12 Ks.  It didn’t start pretty, but it sure did end up that way. With 12 of the last 14 outs coming on strikeouts.

Max Scherzer – Going from Joba to Jobacum, Scherzer threw 6 innings and gave up 2 earned, but he will never win a game.

Jeff Weaver – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Outpitched Scherzer, or did he?  I think Jered Weaver pulled the ol’ Alex P. Keaton tie switching trick and pitched for his big bro.

Brad Ziegler – Pitched a perfect inning of relief yesterday.  Oh, well.  I was looking forward to the TV movie of the week with Freddie Prinze Jr. documenting Ziegler’s “flu.”

Josh Greer/Aaron Cook – Both pitched 8 innings, gave up five hits and one run apiece.  According to Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time two pitchers had near-identical pitching lines.  Actually, they didn’t say that.  But heard in the Elias Sports Bureau office last week was, “For the first time in over a year, Bill in accounting didn’t purposely staple his finger to get out of a board meeting. Instead, he chose to slam his hand into a filing cabinet.”

George Sherrill – The Orioles have been seeking consistency in their pitching and now they have it as their bullpen is as unreliable as their starters. The O’s said they were going to a closer by committee. To get on this closerousel, you need Sherrill, Ray, Johnson and Baez, in that order.

Edinson Volquez – 8 IP, 0 ER.  Against a young, free swinging team, Volquez is your man.  And he still walked four.  As for WWDD?  Or “What Would Dusty Do?”  After the 7th inning, Volquez had already thrown 100 pitches.  Do you bring him out for the 8th inning in a blowout?  Of course Dusty Do!

Adam Wainwright – 5 IP, 7 ER.  He avoided the wrath of Ibanez, Howard, and Utley (not in the lineup) but couldn’t stop the Flyin’ Hawaiian (HR, 3 RBI ) or J-Werth (HR, 4 RBI ).  Still, Wainwright is a must-start everywhere except maybe COL or until LaRussa makes an everyday player out of him.

Curtis Granderson – 9th HR yesterday.  Well, la di da!  Wasn’t he supposed to do this shizz last year?  Guess he never got the memo.  I blame the messenger.

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Was a good matchup for him and he’s good for matchups, so there’s that.

Maggilio Ordonez – Batting .232 on the season.  If Ordonez gets hurt, they should replace him with a guy whose last name is Derson.  Then they can have the Russian Doll Outfield – Granderson, Anderson, Derson.

As Stephen Drew tried to take that step forward in 2009 that fantasy baseball owners craved, he hurt his hamstring.  Wonder what a Drew family vacation is like… “J.D., you wanna go see the world’s largest bottle cap?  It’s supposedly 17 inches in circumference!” “Sure, I’ll go tell Mom and Pop.”  On the way to the Sequoia, two hamstring pulls, a fractured hip and the Mom needs Tommy John surgery.  Pretty sure no one’s giving them joint family coverage.  The MDs in AZ say Drew’s injury shouldn’t knock him out longer than the 15 days.  When you consider he hadn’t even started to hit yet, looks like Drew’ll begin his season mid-May.  All in all, this is a decent buy low guy right now.  If you can trade some spare parts for him (closer-du-jour, extra OF, etc.), he should prove worth stashing.  He’s still talented and he can have a solid three-quarters of a season.  Hopefully, he spent the first quarter on someone else’s team.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:

Brandon Webb – Earliest return date is late-May.  Still a long season so you can’t really sell him short, but with the trouble coming in his right shoulder, I’d be worried this doesn’t become a worst situation before it gets better.

Brian McCann – Headed for Lasik with eye problems.  Maybe he said fudge and Cox made him suck on some soap.  David Ross is filling in for him on the Braves and he hit a HR yesterday.  Ross actually isn’t an awful replacement for fantasy owners either.  You might get some pop and his killer average shouldn’t hurt for only two weeks.  It matters how deep your league is, but I’d also look at Salty, Hundley, Shoppach and Laird, in that order.

Chris Getz – Headed to the DL.  I know what you’re thinking, Gordon Beckham gets his chance!  Yeah, but what matters is what Ozzie Guillen’s thinking.  Ozzie’s thinking Brent Lillibridge and Jayson Nix.  I know what you’re thinking now, what’s Ozzie thinking?!

Jake Peavy – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I know this is no in-depth observation, but he just doesn’t look right.  This is very sad for me.  He’s given up way too many home runs and walks.  I wouldn’t sell him short because he can go on a ten game run where he’s unhittable… Or at least I hope he does.

Justin Upton – HRs in back-to-back games in between numerous flailings at breaking pitches (Jaboo strikes again).  At this point, he should just change his last name to Upside.  Because that’s both his allure and the reason he’s overvalued in every non-keeper league.

Mark Reynolds – 5th homer yesterday.  Guess who else hit his 5th homer yesterday?  Davis.  We got ourselves a hot one, America!

Conor Jackson – 2-for-6.  Got the game winning hit yesterday, which means poopie-squat for fantasy, but it might be the confidence builder he needs.

Cameron Maybin – 0-for-5, batting .189 on the season.   Sleeper pick went comatose the first month of the season.  I’m ready to pull the plug in 12 team leagues.  Potential replacements are Spillborghs, Kubel, Cody Ross, Teahen or Juan Rivera, obviously depends on what is out there.

Clayton Kershaw – 4 2/3, 9 ER.  Walk, tried to get ahead of a hitter resulting in a home run… Rinse and repeat.  From an absolute gem against the Giants where he K’d 13 to back-to-back beatings. He’s too good/erratic to bench.  If you bench him, you’ll miss a gem.

Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs, bringing his season total to 5.  Guess all it took was being on the same team as his little brother, Andy.  (Why haven’t the Yanks signed Mark Teixeira’s little brother to get him off his typical slow start?   Like Cody Ransom or Angel Berroa are better?)  Maybe now he’s a 2nd half of April hitter.  His upside still seems like Jorge Cantu… And his downside too.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 7-for-13 this weekend.  As I said last week, I was giving him one more week.  This was the kind of weekend I was looking for.  He’s earned a bit longer leash.

Kenshin Kawakami – It’s 4 starts now and the control (11 BB in 21.2 IP) + gopheritis (5 in 4 games) has us thinking Atlanta signed some 1/2 price sushi.  The K’s are intriguing but he has to be downgraded to matchup starter vs. start every game.

Manny Parra – 5 IP, 1 ER.  Hey, I’m a fan, but frankly this could’ve been a five earned game just as easily.

Jose Valverde – Got the save but was noticeably limping.  Cuddle Boy, Hawkins should be held for now.

Andy Sonnanstine – 4 IP, 7 ER.  The A’s whooped that trick.

B.J. Upton – 0-for-4, .156 on the season.  While J. Up is all upside, B. Up is not this bad.

Justin Masterson – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Keeping walks down and Ks up.  Hopefully, Dice-K doesn’t take the bullet train back.

Pablo Sandoval - 4-for-4, HR, now batting .292.  Hope everyone held out hope where he was eligible at catcher.  He’s stocky (read: fat) but doesn’t have that much power.  My preseason projections gave him 14 homers and a .300 average.  Still sounds about right.

Jered Weaver – 7 shutout innings leaves him at 2-1 with good ERA, WHIP, solid K rate (almost 8 per 9 IP) and, most importantly, he’s not another Angel pitcher with a broken wing.  Only owned in 87% of ESPN leagues.  Seems to be underrated – maybe because of his brother?

Jordan Zimmermann – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  No weepstakes here so far.  Very impressive start against the Mets.  He won’t obviously stay below a 3 ERA, but while teams try to figure him out, he could coast to a solid 1st half.

Jarrod Washburn – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Looks like someone let my Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell get in their head.

Joakim Soria & Brandon Morrow – Both have sore shoulders that – for now – are just day-to-day.  (Soria + Morrow = Sorrow?)  Morrow seems ready to go for next game where Soria might be due back middle of next week.  Might be worth playing Aardsma and Juan Cruz in deep leagues or if you need saves.

Derrek Lee – Removed because of neck spasms.  When you’re batting .197, you’re snapping your neck from the pitcher to the catcher a lot.

Ross Ohlendorf – Outdueled Peavy to go to 2-2 with a 3.24 ERA.  We really want to root for a guy with such a fun last name to say but his crazy low K rate (10 K in 25 IP) hints at a pitcher who’ll get flogged sooner vs. later and often vs. seldom.

Aaron Laffey – Won his 2nd game this week since being called up from the minors.  He’s far from a K guy but he is throwing a lot of ground balls right now.  Consider him for spot starts but he’s more likely to earn a full-time spot this year on a Razzball staff right now vs. a real fantasy baseball staff (real fantasy baseball staff – is that an oxymoron?)

Armando Galarraga – Now at 3-0 with a 1.85 ERA.  Guess the fact we named him #1 most risky pitcher motivated him or something.  He’s K-ing nearly a guy an inning which is above last years 6.35/9 IP rate.  We haven’t flipped positions on him just yet but getting there.

Shawn Hill – To the 15-day DL.  Hmm… maybe he’s part Drew?

Chris Ray – Sherrill won’t see saves in back-to-back games according to the O’s.  Then again, according to the O’s they have a major league pitching staff.

Adam Jones – 3-for-4, HR and 1st steal of the year.  The steals will come and the power will continue.  He’s not a sell candidate, unless you’re against Prop 420.

In yesterday’s game, Matt Kemp had 2 HRs and 5 RBIs. On the season, he’s batting .383 with 3 HRs, 14 RBIs, 12 Runs and 4 steals.  The 7th spot in the order is killing his value like Daniel Craig killed the Bond series.  Kemp’s a solid choice for NL MVP and I could see him moving to the 1st round next year for fantasy baseball drafts.  He said in the preseason that he wanted to go 40/40.  Can he actually do it?  Like Chris Young, it’s a tall order.  You don’t fall into 40/40 and, in Chavez Ravine, it’s not going to be easy for the 40 homers.  But the fact he wants to steal 40 bases is telling.  Steals are partially about motivation.  Sometimes guys just don’t want to steal (see Krispie Young in ‘08).  Other times, players pile steals on to show they can (Canseco’s 40/40 year).  I doubt Kemp reaches 40 homers, but 30/30 with a .300 average isn’t crackers.  We shall call him Sizemoremore.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Glen Perkins – 8 IP, 1 ER.  You’re talking about a pitching who had a 4.41 ERA last year, but a FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching) rate of 5.14.  That’s pretty bad.  Okay, I’m being generous.  That’s awful.  Yes, he was lucky to only have an ERA of 4.41.  His MOLLY (Mitigating Of Lousy Loathsome Yuck) was 7.  That means he got pretty lucky.  So far this year his MOLLY is 9.9.  His BABIP has been insanely lucky so far, his fly balls are all over the place yet falling into fielders’ gloves.  He’s due for a regression.  If you own him, you’re bound to get Mollywopped.

Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 0 ER.  To answer 95% of the questions off the bat, he’s better than Perkins.  We thought at first that he might be an old-school Joker (BLAM!) but he has a fairly sustainable BABIP, his K/9 could get better and his average against is in line with norms.  His walks are very low (for him), and he’s left a lot of guys on base, so he will see a correction in his future (SMACK!), but his FIP is only 3.86.  You feeling stressed with Baker, Parra and Dice-K?  Might want to try a little R & R. (POW!)

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 1 ER.  He’s matchups material in 12 team and smaller leagues.  He’s very young, so Mike Seaver-sized growing pains should be expected.  6 innings, three earned, four Ks should be his typical line.

Adam Jones – Left with a sore hamstring and bloodshot eyes.

Manny Corpas – Kazaam!  Don’t you just love Clint Hurdle anointing him closer then bringing him into this game?

Edinson Volquez – 6 IP, 1 ER, but gave up 5 walks.  I hate to rain on your fantasy parade, but Volquez is still not pitching well.  You can’t walk 5 guys in 6 innings and win… Unless, of course, you’re playing the Astros.

Cody Ross – 3rd HR.  Could he be this year’s Nady?  Well, if he gets real lucky on average.  He could hit .260 and 25 HRs aka 90% of the outfielders on waivers in 12 team and smaller leagues.

Randy Johnson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, 1 Hit.  Didn’t hurt that no one on the Diamondbacks is currently hitting, but Randy’s still very capable of these games.  Unfortunately, he’s now capable of the 7 run disaster he threw last time out.

Matt Garza – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  It’s becoming a broken record, but he was also a risky pitcher.

Javier Vazquez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks. Since his breaking pitches went up, he also showed up on the risky pitchers post.  But so far JV has been, like ohmigod, straight varsity.

Raul Ibanez – HR and batting .386.  I wasn’t a huge fan of his coming into this year… I mean, I liked him, but he is what he is.  Anyway, one league where my team is doing abysmally, he’s been that team’s one bright spot.  If he can now send a memo to Prince, Reynolds, Bruce and Alexei, that would be swell.

Chris Iannetta – Iannetta answers all Razzball readers who were looking to drop him with a HR yesterday.  Now if he can get 28 more hits this year, he’ll have those 30 HRs you covet.

B.J. Upton – Left with quad tightness.  Looks like he now has an excuse for his lollygagging.

Kyle Davies – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 Ks.  If he gives you that line every time out, you have to be happy.  Not happy happy, but “Hey, it’s Kyle Davies, I’ll take it” happy.

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 2 ER.  Ted Nugent.  Is the answer to, “Who could persuade me to pick him up?”

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – With that last name would it have been too much to go with the standard Jared or even Jarod?  His saving grace so far this year is Teagarden hasn’t been much better.  I’m going to suggest you punt Salty by next Sunday if he doesn’t breakout out of his funk.  The only reason why I’m being so patient is A) He’s a catcher, so if he only hits 15 HRs this year, he’s still worth it.  B) He’s talented in a great home park and in a stacked lineup.  C) No C, but you could break B up into a few parts if you’d like.

Chris Davis – Benched yesterday.  If he ends up the biggest bust of the season, we’re gonna have to get a collection together to fly someone to have a “word” with Bill James about his Davis preseason projections of 107/40/118/.302/8.  I think we should send Mr. Met.  Bill will never expect anything.

Emilio Bonifacio is like that kid in the 80’s movies that seemed like he didn’t belong but, by the end, is holding his own.  At least for one day.  Yes, Bonifacio has 2B eligibility, but the Marlins are playing him at 3rd.  Who knows how long this lasts?  Perhaps as long as Anthony Michael Hall’s career.  It doesn’t hurt that he stole 3 bags and had an inside-the-park homer (I didn’t see this HR, but I assuming he hit it at Dunn).  Just don’t get addicted to him (like Ally Sheedy would).  Today was nice, but he’s still just steals.  Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Felipe Lopez – 2 HRs.  I <3 Felipe.

Jason Motte – 1 IP, 4 ER, Apple Sauce!  How long you think LaRussa’s going to stay loyal to the rookie?  Franklin might’ve been named the closer before the final out of the ninth inning.  Mint!

Jeremy Guthrie – 6 IP, 3 ER.  I like Guthrie and even I had no faith in him for yesterday’s game.  He’s incredibly consistent.  Not quite a quality start after not quite a quality start.  Sounds like a crack, but there’s a place for that.  And that’s how you faintly sing someone’s praises.  After the game, Hank Steinbrenner told Cashman, “Go offer that guy $120 million.”

CC Sabathia – Without Prince Fielder balancing the other side of the bench, Sabathia fell flat on his face.  Hopefully this isn’t a sign he’s getting off to another terrible start like he did last year.

Jorge Posada – HR yesterday.  I don’t think he’s going to be any good this year, but if he’s at all usable, it will be in the early going before age and injuries catch up to him.  (<–kind of a pun!)

Jorge Cantu – 2-4 with a 3 run HR.  Hitting behind Ramirez for the rest of the season can only help.  It’s too early to predict a repeat of his 92/29/95 2008 season, but he’ll be a bigger bargain than most drafted cornermen.

Trevor Hoffman – Was expected on April 11th, but now it’s not happening.  Ken Macha said, “”Will he be ready on the 11th?  Probably not. … I went through this whole thing with Harden.”  Whoa… Whoa!  Is he comparing Hoffman to Harden?  Uh-oh.

Kevin Gregg – Save and an earned run.

Carlos Marmol – Scoreless Hold.  Cust kayin’.

Adam Jones – 3-for-3, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs.  Have I mentioned lately how much I like Jones?

Chris Ray – Opened the 7th inning, gave up 2 runs and recorded only one out.  Let Sherrill free.  No handcuffs for him right now.

Tony Clark – 2 HRs yesterday — respect your elders!  According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this is the first time in a long time two teammates homered from the both sides of the plate in the same game.  (Elias Sports Bureau didn’t actually say that, but here’s something that was overheard yesterday at the Elias Sports Bureau office, “In human resources, Ken put his checkbook on the top of his head and made the same joke about balancing his checkbook six times in one week, which is a new record.)

Chad Tracy – HR yesterday.  Tracy could be an intriguing name or he could just kill Reynolds’ and his value.  Today might instill some confidence in Bob Melvin making dopey decisions to bench Mark Reynolds.  Melvin!

Justin Verlander – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  Can’t say I didn’t warn you about drafting Verlander.

Adam Lind – HR and 6 RBIs yesterday.  As I said in the top 80 outfielder post, “By the end of the year, Lind could be worth owning in all leagues.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Travis Snider – HR yesterday.  Want more?  Click Here –> Snider fantasy baseball

Hiroki Kuroda – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  No knock on Kuroda, but I’d start anyone against the Padres.

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER.  You want a limb?  F-Her wins the Cy Young.  Agreed, he’s not getting support.  But Lincecum had the ‘27 Yankees behind him?  Then again, maybe I should look at who F-Her was facing before starting the superlatives.  The Twins are pathetic.  Cuddyer’s batting number three. That has to be the sorriest excuse for a number… Oh, wait a minute.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 4 ER.  Mike Sweeney was the Mariners’ number three guy.  Okay, they win.  How do you go through an offseason and come out the other end saying, “We’re good. We have Mike Sweeney as our number three hitter.”

Franklin Gutierrez – HR yesterday.  The Big FraGu!  Was batting 2nd.  May as well have been batting 8th since he was being protected by Mike Sweeney.  Sweeney!

Howie Kendrick – He went 2-for-4 with a HR.  There’s now a 33% chance he finishes the year batting .500.

Brandon Webb – 4 IP, 6 ER.  I’ve always been firmly in the Peavy camp when looking at top starters.  Webb seems to go stretches where he’s just okay then other stretches where he’s lights out.  Six earned runs doesn’t usually happen during the lights out stage, but it’s too early to even think about benching him.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – HR yesterday against a lefty.   If he’s starting and hitting against lefties, it could be a great sign going forward.

Alex Rodriguez – Now aiming for a late-April return.

John Lannan – With Brandon Backe, Tim Redding, Greg Smith and Brian Bannister, Lannan could’ve been on the risky pitcher post if he had any value at all.

Adam Wainwright – Would’ve been nice to get the Win, but 9 baserunners in just over 5 innings leaves me glad he was facing the Pirates.  Luckily, he wasn’t facing the Manatee Community College.

Daniel Murphy – HR yesterday.  Just one of those things.  May only hit 13 more this year.  Which would leave him with 14.  That’s math!

Delmon Young – Was benched yesterday.  In the dugout, he was seen on the clubhouse phone talking to the similarly benched, Elijah Dukes.  Young, “Did you finish A People’s History of the United States?”  Dukes, “I just can’t get into Howard Zinn.  He’s too militant.”

Paul Maholm – 6 2/3, 1 ER.  Can’t hurt to have him as a fourth or fifth starter in some deep leagues.

Cliff Lee – 5 IP, 7 ER.  Guest post contributor and frequent commenter, the Baron Von Vulturewins had this to say yesterday about Cliff Lee’s opening day start.  Cliff Lee, “Hello?” Reality, “Yes. Is this Cliff Lee?” Lee, “Yes it is.” Reality, “This is reality calling. I was trying to reach you all of last year.” fin

Aaron Harang – Dusty was prudent with Harang, limiting him to 90 pitches.  Unfortunately, he brought in Harang to relieve him, which only exhausted Aaron as he had to go from the dugout to the bullpen back to the mound.  No word yet on whether Harang had sex with Dusty’s wife or daughter.

Ian Stewart – Sean Connery, “Ee-yan Shtewart is going to get Shecond baysh eligibility.”  On a similar note, Todd Helton is set to star in the new Bond film, “Turn Back The Clock On My Back.”  Helton’s Bond girl would be named, Miss Aja Chair.  Coming this fall, watch as Miss Aja rubs Helton the Rocky Mountain way.  The femme fatale would be Clit Hurdle.