Yesterday, Shawn Tolleson went zero innings and gave up five earned for the blown save.  Why is there blood dripping down the back of my leg?  OH GOD, TOLLESON, WHAT HAVE YAO REEKED?!  Yao is totally a medieval word for you, by the way.  Yao Ming was medieval for “You mean?”  Rather popular question in the olden days.  Any hoo!  Jesus, Tolleson, I wish I owned Jesus Tolleson, the Dominican League 2nd baseman from the Punta Cana Putas, instead of you.  That was egregious, my man.  At least buy me dinner before touching up my nethers with an iron maiden.   Someone tase me so I forget about it.  I immediately grabbed Sam Dyson and Keone Kela, wherever I could.  It’s not completely clear who would be next, but Dyson has been used as the 8th inning setup man recently, so he’d be my first choice.  If Tolleson looks wonky in one more game, he might no longer be the closer.  Or as Elvis Costello would say, “Tolleson, I know the M’s are killing you, but my aim for SAGNOF is true.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here!  Look at me, throwing shade like a lamp in the shape of Nolan Ryan’s arm.  That makes sense…if you don’t think about it!  That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, my clever t-shirt will say that too and every time I open a fortune cookie, it will say that.  How can I arrange my life so this happens?  I need a personal assistant.  “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….”  That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant.  Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that I have uber-sexy feelings for.  Last year, I featured Saunders, Lorenzo Cain, Adam Eaton, Joc Pederson, Souza, Khris Davis, Fowler and Domonic Brown, because Tehol and I shared a towel and I got an earworm.  Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.   Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Austin Jackson signed with the White Sox to rid the world of any hope for Avisail Garcia.  “We will trade you Avisail for Jered Weaver wearing a Trout jersey.”  That’s Avisail pretending to be the White Sox GM and attempting to trade himself to the Angels.  Jackson should see action (BAM!) every day in the outfield in south Chicago and steal some bases.  On a related note, in the last two weeks, the White Sox have signed Austin Jackson and Jimmy Rollins, knocking out Avisail and any chance for Tim Anderson.  In other words, Brian Sabean is now GM’ing the White Sox.  “Guys, can we get a check on Mark Buehrle’s availability?”  That’s Sabean sneaking in to be the White Sox GM.  For 2016, I’ll give Austin Jackson the projections of 58/7/52/.258/15, and added him to the top 80 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball, updated my top 500 and Fantasy Baseball War Room while deleting Avisail, who looks like he’s not shaking the Avifail label unless he’s traded.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

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Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post…Max Rieper, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Kansas City Royals!

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We are so close to the top 20 starters you can almost taste it, and it tastes like limoncello.  I wonder why that is.  From the top 20 outfielders through to this top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball has been like the greatest mini-series ever.  Sorta like what I hope the O.J. Simpson show is.  By the way, don’t Google O.J. Simpson, major spoilers!  In most fantasy leagues, you won’t need to draft guys from this top 100 outfielders, and they’ll be waiver wire pickups.  A few of these guys will be drafted by people saying things like, “I’m really loving (fill-in name from this post) as a late sleeper,” then those same people will get to the middle of April and be saying things like, “I can drop (fill-in player’s name), right?”  As with other rankings posts, I go over where tiers start and stop and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Harvey did a 180 on his 180.  This weekend he announced that he’s not pitching past 180 innings.  Come rain, come shine, come playoffs.  Then, when met with a huge backlash, he reverted course to say he will not pitch past 180 innings in the regular season, so he can pitch in the playoffs.  Somewhere, Nolan Ryan is cackling like a mad man (though, after he cackles, his arm falls off and he needs to Crazy Glue it back on).  I don’t have anything personally against Harvey’s decision, but, to announce it yourself, it comes off like a selfish decision.  PR 101, have the team announce it.  And, don’t, whatever you do, have your agent announce anything, especially while Boras is wearing that horned costume with the pitchfork.  Or maybe I just saw a picture doctored by a Mets fan.  This is not at all surprising.  He’s coming off of Tommy John surgery.  He should be shut down at some point.  Glad to hear he’s pitching in the playoffs, those innings won’t count towards his innings count for next year.  Of course, I’m being sarcastic.  None of this bodes well for how much I’ll like Harvey next year, since I prefer pitchers to get babied, but I guess this won’t be an issue if the Mets are bounced early in the playoffs.  Let’s go Dodgers!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Some of the trade rumors I’ve seen are just plain funny.  Craig Kimbrel to the Yankees?  Wait, what!?  Really?  I’m not denying it as a possibility but I am thinking it might be a little overboard to acquire a premier closer when you probably only need a solid bullpen guy because you already have TWO premier closers.  The list of closers and strong middle relievers available is so long this year.  One thing’s for sure, there are going to be some strong bullpens vying for postseason play.  Here’s the lowdown on closers and some other relievers who could be dealt in the upcoming weeks, starting with some of the players most likely to be traded and ending in with those much less likely to be.

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I went out on my annual mid-season man-date with Grey this past Friday. What a day! Sandwiches at the wine shop, facial hair products at the beauty supply store, and coffee at some weird fancy hipsteresque spot. I think the guy at the coffee spot wanted to kill the two of us because we were harassing him for not having any alternative sweeteners for my diabetic arse. No matter what we said to him, he just kept responding with, we only have our raw organic fair trade artisanal sugar syrup. He was Mets-front-office annoying. You might be asking yourself why am I telling you all this. Well, at Grey’s suggestion, I have added in the DL players to gain some perspective into what they are worth compared to the healthy players for the rest of the season. Earlier in the year I left them out to get more players on the list, as I was figuring out how I wanted to take on the rankings. Like many of you know, this list got dropped on my lap right before the season started and I have been learning on the fly how to approach this. This is FOH’s list!

Note: I mentioned in the RCL Update this week that I would be out on vacation. The Big Magoo handled the Creeper of the Week, and I will be in and out of the comments today. I’ll also be getting some help from my co-workers so we don’t leave you guys… and girls hanging. VinWins! will be covering the RCL Update for me on Tuesday. Thanks guys for helping me while I’m out. *hugs screen*

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What do numbers call their father? Data. Thank you, Highlights. You taught me so much with the juxtaposition of Goofus and Gallant, and you’ve entertained me for thirty years. One copy, that is well worn, sits on the back of my toilet as my salvation, especially when Cougs forgets to restock the toilet paper. Why am I thinking about data right now? Because I just spent two hours (more like ten minutes) looking for something. I was trying to find what a hitter does after hitting the longest home run of their career, then sorting by guys that do it before their 24th birthday. Alas, I couldn’t find anything. Elias Sports Bureau probably knows but they’re a bunch of baseball nerds. We’re fantasy nerds. Huge difference, we have imaginary friends cooler than their real friends! My hypothesis I was aiming for is if a guy, who was once a well-regarded prospect is called up at a very young age, it might take a bit of time for them to acclimate themselves. Then, once they were comfortable, they’d show power, hit the longest home run of their career and take off from there. At this point, it’s just conjecture, but it makes reasonable sense in a case study of one. So, who was this well-regarded prospect that just hit the longest home run of his career this week? Nick Castellanos. My Spidey sense says Castellanos might finally be breaking out. Breaking out from what, you’re likely thinking. Well, not from chocolate. From being a schmohawk. Plus, my Spidey sense is strong since this is on the web. Like Castellanos’s relatives throw glasses into the fireplace, he was thrown into the fire at an insanely young age, and is only 23 years old now. It’s a little early for 2016 sleepers, but Castellanos was a guy that was pegged as someone that could hit for a solid average with some power. I’m intrigued, y’all! In keepers, I could see going after him now for next year, and just grabbing him in redraft mixed leagues. Castellanos you later! Thanks again, Highlights! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“I don’t know what my face is doing right now.” “It looks like you ate a full Tony Luke’s cheesesteak and forgot to swallow.” “No. I mean, I did, but I took the sub out of mouth and put it in my glove compartment for later. But this is something else. Feel my cheeks, they’re, like, pushed up.” “You get that f**kin’ Botox?” “No! I’m a 45-year-old construction worker with bad knees. Why would I get Botox?” “Then what’s wrong with your cheeks? You’re freaking me out!” “Wait, I know what it is. I’m…I’m smiling and I’m a Phillies fan. This is better than the day Charlie Manuel stopped at our job site to use our Porta-Potty!” Yesterday, Aaron Nola looked great — 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, and Phillies fans, or Phans, have something to smile about. I watched a portion of the game and he looked like he could be an ace. Love, love, lurve the control and mid-90’s fastball. At worst, he’s a number three. I was pretty jazzed at what I saw. Whenever you have a guy that has great command and can strike out people, there’s a chance for wonderful. With that said (hold on to the starboard, Grey’s turning around!), he’s a rookie and there will be some Growing Pains, and not the good kind of boners. I would absolutely own him, but in shallower leagues I’d be careful of roofies. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?