Jamey Wright

Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 104 Comments

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Friends, neighbors and Razzballians, this is the last Closer Look of the season.  Sure, I’ll talk about closers during the roundups in the last month, but no more rankings that become dated usually about an hour after I post them.  The sadness!  The grief!  The inconsequence of it all!  Since our last look at all the closers, the loss of Brian Wilson — not The Beach Boy, we lost him 25 years ago to the purple pills — is the biggest news from last month to now that isn’t weather related.  I’d say we also lost Jon Rauch, but I’m not sure he was ever the closer and he’s seven-three so you can’t really lose him.  Just look up.  Bobby Parnell finally took over for Izzy after his momentous 300th save that was reported all across the globe (in a small blurb under a classified ad for a used couch.)  Jason Motte got a vote of confidence from his manager then a vote of no confidence, which I’m sure will flip-slop at least five more times in September.  Jordan Walden fatigued, needs a nap.  Huston Street got hurt — shocker!  Leo Nunez did his usual late-season dive.  Finally, Gregg gaggs yet aggain, but he’s been like that for years and it’s never changed his job security.  He’s the Teflon Closer.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 75 Comments

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I was like, “Yo, Grey, you gotta do a Closer Look, like, last week so everyone knows what is the haps on closers!”  Then I was like, “After the trading deadline, which I went over in Toto, not a whole lot changes.”  Then I was like, “What is “the haps?”  The happenings?  Then say that.  And ‘in Toto?’  Are you talking in code for ‘in Total Douchebag?’”  It’s a constant struggle with myself to give you the best product, and, when I don’t give you the best product, it’s usually me blabbering about how it’s a constant struggle to give you the best product.  Incredibly, in the last month there’s only been three closer changes.  Capps to Nathan, Bastardo to Madson, which only happened because Madson was briefly injured last month when I did the last Closer Look, and D-ork to the Brewers, making Izzy the closer, which has been well documented on this site, and by ‘this site’ I mean the one you’re reading right now, not the porn window you have open underneath it.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 88 Comments

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Ryan Madson hit the DL and some Bastardo took over, Broxton is a bastardo and Guerra is getting saves since Kuo can’t watch Lifetime without crying — assuming there are Dodger saves, Rauch was named the closer and Frank2 started getting all the saves, Lyon is out for the season and Melancon looks terrible, La Russa changed closers three times since you started reading this run-on sentence, Jordan Walden has been taking pointers from Fernando Rodney and Kevin Gregg actually moved up the ranks.  Brain Freezes, your saves are cheap, but your headaches are senseless.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 177 Comments

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The questions have started about Heath Bell getting traded.  I think there’s a good chance it happens.  Well, Hair Lip, there goes his value! Not so fast, random italicized voice.  I guess you have all the answers! Actually, I have questions.  What if he’s traded to the Cards or Angels?  What if Huston Street gets hurt and the Rockies grab Bell?  What if the Mariners gain a few games on the Rangers and become buyers?  What if your boss replaces you with a coyote that was raised by humans and can flip burgers better than you?  Do you see what I’m saying here?  Don’t sell Bell short because of trade rumors.  Lots of things can happen.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hosmer’s Odyssey Might Not Be Epic This Year

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 297 Comments

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As I was sipping from my high-priced stemware that also happens to feature Star Wars characters, I got to thinking about how lucky I was to grab Eric Hosmer in one league.  I patted myself on the back and took a dive onto my water bed.  As the posturepedic waves crashed over me, I slept.  A few hours later, I woke in a panic.  Water was dripping from my forehead.  Was there a leak in my bed?  No.  I was sweating, worried I fell for the hype machine like when I bought 10 Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for the incredibly low price of $9.  (On a baseball card side note, I was one of those schmohawks thinking baseball cards are only going to appreciate in value.  They are going to be so rare!  Ooh, a Mark McGwire 1987 card!  Better hold on to that one!  Wally Joyner has some pop!  Stock up!  Randy Velarde is the next Bucky Dent!  Put that one in a sleeve!  Now you can buy 200 cards for a nickel.  Alas…)  Is Hosmer going to be great with a side order of splendiferous?  Probably, friend, assuming splendiferous is a word.  But he’s a rookie.  A 2007 Ryan Braun rookie season is crazy rare.  Most rookie seasons are pretty just a’ight.  Some solid streaks, some funky streaks where it looks like they’re playing in a burlap sack.  In ESPN, Hosmer went from 1% to over 90% owned in a week.  Since 40% of ESPN leagues are filled with abandoned owners, that tells me 130% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term) are excited about Hosmer.  That’s your chance to sell high, you savvy fantasy owner you.  Obviously, in keepers, you hold tight.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Justin Turner – I’d have no interest in him if he didn’t have 2nd base eligibility.  How’s that for a hard sell?  Or is it a hard Buy?  Or maybe it’s a soft Buy…

Elliot Johnson – He sounds like a Vice President candidate from the early 1900s.  Elliot Johnson is a firm believer in woman suffrage.   Hopefully Nucky backs him.  It feels like the middle of the Rays infield is a black hole for upside.  Hey, is that Reid Brignac floating past the Russian space station?  Way to reach your potential!  Johnson has decent speed (~25 speed potential over a full season) and some light power.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 148 Comments

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It’s good to be past the trading deadline.  The closers that kept their job feel woobie-safe.  Pull down the Murphy bed, Qualls is here to stay! You might be right, random italicized voice.  Don’t forget, closers still find a way to lose their job.  In the past week, Downs is down, Jenks looks jenky, Frank-Frank is a baby sneeze away from another stint on the DL, I fully expect Lindstrom to get back in the closer picture within two weeks and Nathan seems about as safe as they come and yet, he’s still just a closer.  Look at the ground with your forward facing eyes and put some drops in the eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, don’t settle in.  Sleep is the cousin of death.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 204 Comments

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In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss trading for closers.  Now before people think my battleship has sunk, I’m not saying to pay top dollar for closers.  But with us heading into July, it should be pretty clear how badly you need saves.  Luckily, saves are one of the categories (steals are another) where you can make up ground quickfast.  If you’re ten or more saves behind a pack of people and can gain three or more points with an additional closer or two, then you should be thinking about trading for a couple.   I’d look to trade one player from your strengths for two closers.  Think Shields for two donkey-corns.  Or a donkey-corn and a brain freeze.  It really depends on your strengths and weaknesses.  And since saves do come in bunches, if you’re finding yourself picking up plenty of ground in saves, then in August, you can trade away a closer or two for a different piece.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 213 Comments

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In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss the value of middle relievers.  I’m a big Mr. B.  Depending on the team, I have various combinations of MRs.  On one team, I have C.J. Wilson still.  (Notched a Save and a Win in a doubleheader the other day — natch!)  On another team, I’m rocking Dan Meyer.  On another, Rafael Soriano.  Besides having a guy that could take over the closing duties, middle relievers help lower your starters’ ratios.  Mark DiFelice + James Shields = 7-4/3.01/1.15/74 or Jake Peavy, 5-5/3.67/1.13/84.  That’s right, the Frankenpitcher of Jark DiShields is beating the pure breed Jake Peavy.  So how’s dem apples?  Delicious!  Now in some cases, you just can’t hold a MR.  Whether you’re besieged by injuries, need to handcuff one of your closers or need a bench hitter, sometimes it’s just not feasible.  As much as I like MRs, they are invariably the first ones I drop on my teams when I need help somewhere else.  Luckily, there’s always one available on waivers.  If it’s not Jark DiShields, you can own Kiko Garzero or C.J.

Please, blog, may I have some more?