Gerrit Cole has an injured arm, possibly elbow spurs.  I love this scenario:  a pitcher throws like garbage for weeks then the team announces he’s hurt.  Love, love, love.  This is my favorite.  Five innings, five runs, but it’s likely nothing, just a bad start.  Cut to five weeks later of terrible starts.  “Oh, yeah, he’s got a torn tendon/elbow spur/missing forearm due to lost baggage.  Oops!  We should’ve sent him to a doctor six starts ago.  Our bad!”  Here’s what I said after his last start, “I don’t know what’s going on with Cole, but I’d guess injury or dead arm.”  And that’s me quoting me!  How is it that I can guess there’s a problem but a major league team can’t figure shizz out?  That should never be possible.  I couldn’t even pass Bio 101, and a MLB team has a staff of doctors.  Seriously, how does this happen?  I want answers!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At Stephen Strasburg‘s summer DL rental, the driveway is an inverted W and he timeshares with Ryan Zimmerman.  The Nationals said Strasburg’s elbow issue is not structural.  Yeah, it’s deconstructed like a Cobb salad at some overpriced restaurant.  I’m sure Strasburg is totally fine and it’s completely coincidental that he has a 10.19 ERA in August.  Totally unrelated, guys and five girl readers, totally unrelated.  Strasburg feels like the kind of pitcher that we can never rely on for more than 150 IP.  In five years, he’s thrown 200+ IP once and he’s 28 years old.  Oh, and ‘member how Strasburg was supposed to bounce back this year?  He currently has the worst ERA of his career.  Yeah, great.  In my fantasy team news, because who doesn’t love someone talking about their fantasy team, Strasburg hit the DL about an hour after my weekly Scout league locked.  The same league where I was in first a week ago before Strasburg went to Coors and Lackey went to the DL.  The same league where I’m now in 2nd.  The same league where I needed Strasburg to start twice this week and Lackey was set to face the Padres.  The same league that ends at the end of August.  The same league that just made me cry.  I need a tissue, you karmic bullies!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Carlos Correa (4-for-8, 4 runs, 4 RBIs) hit two homers across the doubleheader (three in last three games), making it look easy like North Korea during the ‘imaginary’ Olympics that are being aired in North Korea.  “It looks like the U.S.A. is going to take 1st place…”  Bad editing splice job, 20 second lag, bad voiceover, “And North Korea just edges out 1st place!  Wow, this will be…” Bad editing splice job, obvious voiceover, “North Korea’s one billionth medal win.”   By the way, are you as surprised as me that during Olympic competitions you haven’t see any of this:  “Okay, Argentina will now be serving for the win.  Whoa, I think the Spanish coach just unleashed a nest of mosquitos!  He’s Zika’ing them out!”  Seriously, no one is Zika’ing out their opponents.  So, Carlos Correa found some of his footing yesterday that he showed last August/September.  Wait, is he only an August and September player?  Septacular!  Now he’s going to get to 25+ HRs on the year and be overdrafted again next year.  We need a bad editing splice job to remove his 2nd half stats for next preseason.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Devon Travis hit two home runs Friday night including one to lead off the ballgame and a heroic, Olympic-sized tie-breaking shot in the ninth inning to give the Jays the lead. Clearly, Travis just wanted to get back to his hotel room so he could catch the Opening Ceremony in Rio. Speaking of which, that ceremony was really…something, wasn’t it? When you watch four hours of the Olympics and not a single event is played. Hmm, I think I might be burned out on the games already and the torch was just lit. At least Gisele was there. According to my sources, Tom Brady would have held the flag for the U.S.A. but he’s busy at training camp. Devon Travis, however, was busy leading off his third straight game for Toronto. The second year infielder is batting .313 over the past week with three homers, 4 runs, and 5 RBI, including that game-saving shot Friday night. It’s Devon Providence! Let’s call him Christ the Redeemer. Remember last April when he hit .325 with 6 home runs? I do. The dude can get hot in a hurry, and batting in this stacked Blue Jays line up could mean big things for your fantasy team. He is slashing .290/.332/.479 with nine homers in 217 at-bats to date, and Travis is currently available in about 70% of fantasy leagues and he’s feeling the Olympic spirit. I’d grab him if you need a middle infielder who plays for Canada but bleeds for the red, white and blue.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who am I kidding? Jameson is meant to be savored, sip by delicious sip, not shot like some two bit well whiskey. Jameson on the rocks is more like it. Hopefully we don’t see any of Jameson on the ropes tonight though. Tonight is a bit of a weird night as far as pitching is concerned on DraftKings. There’s the big two and then every other pitchers is under $9,800. So, the question is do you pony up for one of the top two or do you cheap out and pay up for bats? My choice will be to drop down and Jameson Taillon will be my main guy. Jameson checks in at a mere $7,800 and has some of the highest upside of the bunch. The Reds are bottom five in all of baseball in team OPS and just traded away their biggest power threat in Jay Bruce. The Pirates are at home, something I always like in my top arm, and to boot, PNC Park is known to suppress lefty power, so Mr. Votto will likely have to settle for taking a walk to get aboard. Walking guys is not something Taillon has been apt to do this year, which is a trait I always adore in a pitcher. Across AAA and the majors, a span of 18 starts, Taillon has a 1.0 walk-rate. I’ll take that and an 8.0 K-rate all day for $7,800. Let’s take a look at some other picks that will have us sipping our finest whiskey in celebration tonight:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 8th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Indians traded Clint Frazier, Justus Sheffield, Ben Heller and J.P. Feyereisen for Andrew Miller.  A regular Thanksgiving bounty to the Yankees as the Indians received SAGNOF and smallpox.  Hopefully, the Indians don’t have reservations later about those prospects they sent for Miller and want them back like, um, a regretful trade partner.  For a second this weekend, it appeared that the Indians traded for Miller and Jonathan Lucroy, but Lucroy vetoed the trade.  Looks like Milwaukee is a bunch of Brewer-givers.  Will say this, it was a bold trade by Cleveland vs. sitting around Indian-style as they did all offseason.  So, Miller becomes the de facto closer in Cleveland, and remains a top five closer in fantasy.  Cody Allen gets his value boinked on the head and it’s now seeing stars.  Mean’s while, in New York, Dellin Betances becomes the 9th inning man for the Yankees and, taking over setup, is their newly acquired, Tyler Clippard.  That’s right, the Yankee Clippard!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The White Sox were due to wear throwback jerseys on Saturday, and Chris Sale didn’t want to wear them.  The White Sox refused to relent, so Sale took it upon himself to do something.  Cut to, ahem, ten minutes later and Sale was sent home for throwing a temper tantrum and cutting up all the throwback uniforms.  The most surprising thing in this story:  the White Sox clubhouse had a pair of lefty scissors.  After Sale cut up the White Sox 1976 uniforms, Chet Lemon weighed in, saying, “It was a tough uniform to rock.  The guys on the 1983 team thought they had a reviled uniform.  At least in 1983, you could strut around like a peacock, which they called Paciorek’ing, due to the grace of teammate Tom Paciorek.  In 1976, they dressed me up like a lawn jockey.  That shizz was offensive!”  For his antics, Chris Sale was suspended for five games by the White Sox.  That’s the last time he tries to introduce a cutter without talking to the pitching coach.  Now, if the Red Sox trade for Sale, their top two starters could help win back the casual Jewish Red Sox fan who checked out after Youk and Theo left. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If only baseball were as easy as the surface stats tell us. Player A has great peripherals and a pretty ERA. Player B has numbers more hideous than the elephant man, lock him away in the dungeon and let us never speak of him again. It’s all too easy to look at the season long numbers on a player and simply throw him out the proverbial window…or literal window if they really screwed you in your league. But of course, you’re here because baseball isn’t that easy and you’re a straight masochist. With that, enter Anibal Sanchez. Come in close and get a whiff of that stat line…whew! You don’t put up a 6.60 ERA over nearly 90 innings without doing a lot wrong. But even the worst pitchers can put things together for a good stretch and Anibal is far and away not the worst pitcher in baseball so he has that going for him. Know what else he has going for him? He just came off of a 10 K, 2 BB performance against the Twins. I know, I know, they’re the Twins, but its more common for a nice little groove of good pitching than it is to have an ace-like outing and then completely fade the next go. I’m not stumping for Sanchez for anything outside of tourneys but at $4,800, he’ll sure make your dollar stretch for a Coors day. But enough about bad pitchers have good days, let’s talk about good players and good plays. Here’s my Sunday fun day hot taeks for this Sunday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 25th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s gonna be a lot of haters out there about Jose De Leon.  It’s the times we live in.  His great-great-great-great grandfather was the original body-shamer.  Ponce De Leon set out about five hundred and fifty years ago looking for the Fountain of Youth because, his words, “my old bitty needs to go bye-bye if she continues to sag in the FUPA area.”  He was also the originator of the common 1500s phrase, “Ponce upon a time you looked good, girl.”  A phrase that has rightfully disappeared from common speech before any more women were hurt by vernacular manslaughter, so to speak.  As for Jose De Leon, he’s got the youth thing for days, but he’s not quite as young as Julio Urias, which I’m gonna say is a good thing in this case, because Urias is so raw he may as well be carrying botulism.  De Leon, 23 years old, is destroying Triple-A on the current — 13.8 K/9, 3.06 ERA — which is more or less same-same what he’s been doing for the last two years.  Even more importantly, the Dodgers have an immediate need with their rotation a M.A.S.H. unit, a Jamie-Farr-kin joke.  I’d grab De Leon now in most leagues for his impending arrival.  And, yes, even if Chris Archer’s in Dodger Blue, De Leon should be up. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Naquin the Chef looks determined without being ruthless.  Something heroic in his manner.  There’s a courage about him.  Comes across so calm.  Acts like he has a dream.  Full of passion.  Well, you know why.  Knock homers out of the box all the time.  Pitches know his repertoire, big fly.  Yeah, straight up, Naquin mess your whole team up.  It’s for real though, ball connect with stick, ditto.  We could trade places, ball lifted run around the bases.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.”  I almost didn’t write the title of the Naquin the Chef song, Infatuated Redfaces, but then I was like, “There’s a team named Redskins and a mascot named Chief Wahoo, I think I’m all right.”  Yesterday, Tyler Naquin kept it going with the insane run he’s been on — 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with two homers (11, 12).  He now has six homers in the last ten games.  That’s six homers in July to go with his six homers in June.  As I said back in spring training when I saw Naquin play, he had a nice stroke against righties, but looked kinda gnarly vs. lefties.  Looks like a 17/17 player that needs to platoon.  Right now, his power’s way above that, but will likely come down to earth at some point.  Of course, I’d still own him now.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?