Another week in the books, my fellow pretend baseball heads. The chase for wins continues this week with a stellar group of entries comprised of 9 guys whose combined career starts don’t even equal the other person’s. I can’t even remember what I was doing in 1986 when Jamie Moyer started his first game. Oh… I remember now it was called being a kid and getting dirty and stealing cars. Stuff we all did and never got caught for, boys being boys type stuff. It is kind of weird to imagine the same player being in the fantasy pool from my year one start into fantasy in 1989, til this year. Crazy stuff. He needs to get out of that pool ‘cuz he is going to be all wrinkly. Even if you hate the Rockies, you have to root for Jamie a little, just don’t do it too loud; he frightens easily. So enjoy the week to come and happy fantasy scavenging. (Pitchers and matchups change so please be aware.)
One Start Streamers :
4/25
Kyle Drabek @Bal – Hammel
Luke Hochevar @Cle – Tomlin
Barry Zito @Cin – Arroyo
4/26
Philip Humber vs Bos – Doubront
Rick Porcello vs Sea – Noesi
4/27
Danny Duffy @MIN – Pavano
Jake Westbrook @Mil – TBD
4/28
Randall Delgado vs Pit – Bedard
Two Star Options:
Jamie Moyer (@Pit vs McDonald, NYM vs Dickey) – Moyer will be in Pittsburgh and Denver this week throwing a baseball unfast. I hope he doesn’t wear out his feet peddling his car to the games, he needs his strength.
Lucas Harrell (@Mil vs Greinke, @Cin vs Latos) – I personally think it’s great that the ‘Stros are giving the kid from ET a chance. No word on if they gave his bike with a basket a job in the transportation department.
Bartolo Colon (CHW vs Peavy, @Bal vs Hunter) – 15 straight scoreless innings, and he threw 38 consecutive strikes in his start on Wednesday. That to me is crazy. I can’t do anything 38 times in a row with out the help of visual aides. This is the only piece of actual stat in this article, so you’re welcome.
Henderson Alvarez (@Bal vs Hunter, Sea vs Vargas) – Remember 2 weeks ago when I said it would be his only appearance on this weekly format. Well, the gist of it is I lied, because people still don’t have this guy rostered enough so your stuck listening about him.
Chris Capuano (ATL vs Jurrjens, WAS vs Zimmermann) – Oooh, 2 starts at home, I still think I would take Paul Lynde to block. We come for the K’s and stay for the apuano. Oh wait, damn you phonetics. Somewhere in heaven, Charles Nelson Reilly is jealous of Paul Lynde being mentioned.
Bruce Chen (Tor vs Morrow, @Min vs Liriano) – To me Bruce Chen is like the guy who still buys Zima at the liquor store. You see it as being available in the store, but wonder who ever buys it. Now you know, but you really shouldn’t.
Jason Marquis (Bos vs Lester, KC vs Sanchez) – I ran into Marquis at the Wawa ordering a quesadilla after his start against the Yankees and asked about his 2 start week. He said, “You know me as the b-i-z-m-a-r-q-u-i-s, I go for what I know doin’ a show for human beings, I’m guaranteed to roc,k I make the ladies scream and shout.” “Nobody beats the bizzzz.” Floored, he autographed my 6″ sub in oil and vinegar.
R.A. Dickey (Mia vs Buerhle, @COL vs Moyer) – A knuckleballing New York guy named Dickey, I thought Rudy did away with all that type of riff-raff. If he can keep the ball in the park he will be successful. That dynamite piece of advice brought to you by obviousness and wig-wam socks.
Clayton Richard (Was vs Zimmermann, @SF vs Cain) – My first rule of fantasy streaming is don’t trust a guy with 2 first names. Second rule is always check for an Adam’s apples. Cuz, you never can tell with the advancements in modern medicine. Wait, are we still talking about streaming pitchers?
Jason Vargas (@Det vs Scherzer, @Tor vs Alvarez) – The Hawk and Animal special of the week. This guy is pitching better than I think anyone is giving him credit for. Yeah, he’s a Marginer and is away from home this week, but I say fiddle faddle. Trends come and go, that’s why I am still hanging onto my Jordache jeans.
Brian Wilson is donzo. I called this one about 48 hours prior. You can put it on the beard…. Goodbye! The crizzappy thing for me is I told everyone to pick up Santiago Casilla to replace Wilson, and I picked him up too. I mean, I literally grabbed Casilla while the trainer was looking at Wilson’s arm on Thursday. So, of course, I dropped Casilla when Wilson was supposedly okay on Friday and Rudy grabbed him on Saturday before I could. *shakes fist* Rudy! No one really knows who’ll follow in Wilson’s non-conformist footsteps. He leaves a long shadow that smells of dirty socks. Sergio Romo has been a great MR for a couple years, while Casilla is rumored to be the favorite and Bochy brought him into the 8th in a tie game on Saturday. The mystery of ‘Who replaces Wilson?’ is trapped inside Bochy’s enormous head. To get the answer, you have move Bochy’s head like one of those wooden labyrinth marble mazes and hope the answer comes out his mouth and not one of the other holes. I’d grab Casilla and Romo, in that order. I actually even grabbed Affeldt for situational saves, but I realized I couldn’t speculate that deep — don’t have the bench room, yo — so I lost him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jacoby Ellsbury – That hard C you heard was the crunch of Brignac falling on a crapton of fantasy baseballers’ (<–my mom’s term!) number one outfielder. Doctors are saying Ellsbury has a subluxation, laymen are saying he has a dislocation of the shoulder, my Asian woman neighbor who’s always working on her lawn said, “Potato-potahto, you’re screwed.” For the next six to eight weeks, he’s D’Ellsburied. If he fails to respond to rest, there’s a chance he’ll need season-ending surgery. I say put a cone on his head and shove him in a dog crate. Gotta respond to that kind of rest. If you owned Ellsbury, you should be able to find steals — SAGNOF! — on waivers. His combo on speed, power, runs, RBIs, average… Well, it’s a bitter pill(sbury) to swallow.
Jason Repko – 0-for-3, as he started yesterday in CF for the Sawx. Jason Repko is the answer to the question, “Who is Jason Repko?” “Who’s the thirty-one year old has-been in the outfield?” “This is the Red Sox depth?” and “Wait, what?”
Mike Aviles – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer in as many games after he took over the leadoff spot. In the big picture, I’m not a fan of Aviles, but if you have a slow starting MI photobombing your big picture, I could see working with Aviles. Just don’t be jockin’ Mike Aviles to my dismay.
Cody Ross – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games. No one really likes a Cody, except Kathie Lee, but if he’s hitting there’s that. BTW, with Big Papi, Youk, Ross, Aviles, Shoppach and Repko in the starting lineup yesterday, is it me or does it seem like Theo was secretly replaced by Brian Sabean?
David Wright – Decided to play through the pain and homered on Saturday, and has gone 5-for-9 in his two games back. I don’t know. I’m trying not to be a Mets player hater here, as I’ve been accused of in the past, but here’s my take. I think Wright’s a gamer. He’s shown it in the past. At one point in 2009, he was battling concussion symptoms, lingering groin soreness, a flu and a strain behind his knee all at the same time. And he still got on the field. Can I dig it? Yes, I can. He’s like the “It’s merely a flesh wound” guy. But he still hit 10 homers that year in 144 games. I’d be concerned that he’s playing with a broken pinkie and it’s not healing properly, so it ends up costing his numbers in the long run.
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his first homer. I gotta say, people in the comments talking about dropping Ike Davis after 10 days of games is a bit crazy. If he hits 3 more homers in April (still have half a month!), he’s on pace for 24 homers for the year. Isn’t that kinda what you expected from him?
Brandon Belt – 1-for-3 with a steal with the start. Bochy’s marble must’ve fell out the right hole.
Ryan Vogelsong – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Pirates. In the rankings, I wrote something about how Vogelsong would be a solid spot starter against weaker offenses. And that’s me paraphrasing me!
Matt Moore – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has 9 walks in 13 innings. Did Ollie Perez and Matt Moore make a wish while peeing in the same fountain?
Luke Scott – 1-for-4 with a homer in two straight games. After Luke Scott hit a homer on Saturday, I grabbed him for Sunday’s game. He’s like a slightly less streaky, Carlos Pena. He can hit 8 homers in a month, then a buck twenty-five for another month, then get hurt during his home run trot. April looks like the month he hits 8 homers. Or April powers, bring May sours.
Hector Noesi – There are Noesi starts in MLB, but OAK @ SEA sure isn’t one of the hardest. That said, 8 shutout innings with 6 Ks is pretty sweet. He has potential to be the King of the Marginers. “I name this land, Pineiroton, after one of our forefathers.” That’s Noesi taking the King of the Marginers title a little too seriously.
Edwin Jackson – A complete game victory against the Reds with only 1 ER, 3 baserunners, and 9 Ks. Don’t get too excited. You take the win out of his name and you’re left with ‘Jacked, son.’ In shallow leagues, he’s a 6th SP or streaming candidate.
Omar Infante – 1-for-5 with his 4th homer. Eh, only 4 more than Stanton. I’m not bitter. Nah. I will now down a bottle of NyQuil and operate heavy machinery.
Hanley Ramirez – 7 for his last 9 with a homer. Hey, look what the cat dragged in –> 2010 Hanley.
Heath Bell – Could there be an easier save opp than a 3 run lead at the Crayola Canyon against the Lastros? If there is, let Heath Bell know because he could use it. Lucky for his owners, 2 of the runs were credited as unearned. Wouldn’t handcuff him yet, but I’d be a little more aggressive fishing for waiver saves if I owned him.
Brandon Beachy – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, which comes after Mike Minor went 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks on Saturday. If Leo Mazzone were around, he’d be on the bench rocking back and forth like The Masturbating Bear to the Braves young pitching.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer and he’s batting .345. After the first game of the season, I said some crazy thing like Heyward looks lost. Well, I’m a moron, similarly to Fredi, who insists on batting Heyward 7th. Move Heyward up!
Jonathan Lucroy – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. The other Brewers catcher, Kottaras, has three homers. So Kottaras and Lucroy combined have more homers than Pujols, Stanton, Longoria, Braun and Votto. Gotta love early season outliers.
Mike Leake – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K. This has no basis in fact, but it seems like Leake (which makes beautiful crystal) that he either has a 6 IP, 3 ER game or a 6 IP, 5 ER. That’s, uh, not so, uh, good for mixed leagues. In related news, Aroldis has 8 IP, 3 hits, no walks and 15 Ks on the year. In case you need that told to you with teenaged girl emphasis — 15 Ks!!! In, like, only 8 IP!!! Plenty gnar.
Dayan Viciedo – 1-for-4 yesterday with his second homer in three games. Viciedo is Latin for “I came, I hacked, I homered.”
Jason Kipnis – 3 for his last 7 with 2 homers. Here’s my Jason Kipnis fantasy because I don’t believe in throwing out the baby even after three Opening Days and eight total games for the Indians. Hey, I get it, I’m just as bad. In the my RCL, I’ve made 23 waiver wire moves (pretty much adding and dropping my UTIL guy cause I lost Chisenhall), but, well, go read this post.
Liam Hendriks – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (0 walks), 4 Ks. You know how next to the deli counter there’s a counter for starters who don’t walk or strikeout many guys and have more real world value than fantasy? The Twins order their meat from there.
Matt Carpenter – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and a homer. He’s filling in for Berkman. Carpenter’s minor league numbers look kinda utility-man-ish, so if that’s anything like Omar Infante, he’ll hit 4 homers this week.
Jake Westbrook – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. And if the Twins buy their meat from the Hendriks’ section, the Cards buy their meat from Westbrook/Chris Carpenter section where pitchers are either the type no one wants that the Cards turn into aces or the aces they turn into meat.
Bryan Shaw – Recorded his 2nd save of the year yesterday. Now has more saves than Sean Marshall. David Hernandez and Putz were used the previous day (and were ineffective), but there’s nothing to see here (probably). Shaw may not get a nutter save this year.
Trevor Cahill – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks in Coors. I know no one’s looking at rankings anymore because we’re a whole 9 games into a 162 games season, but I liked Cahill in the preseason. I still do.
Krispie Young – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam & legs, hitting .364. This was his fourth homer… To tie Omar Infante! Since this is really all about me, Krispie is literally the only guy on my RCL team that is hitting. That is all. Literally.
Matt Kemp – 3-for-4 with his 6th homer. In the offseason, Kemp said he wanted to have a 50/50 season. I didn’t realize he meant in April.
Dee Gordon – 2-for-6 with his 6th and 7th steal. He really could steal 70 bases this year, as long as he doesn’t walk too close to a salad bar and someone mistakes him for a string bean.
Brett Myers – Astros are shopping around Myers. Hey, I got an idea. Trade him to the Nats for Lannan. Or the Giants, Marlins, Blue Jays, Red Sox, Rangers, Rays, Diamondbacks, Twins, back to the Astros… Is there any team that doesn’t need a closer?
Kyle Drabek – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. Now has an ERA of 1.42 on the year (okay, that’s through two starts). Small sample size, schmall schample schmize. He’s a former top prospect and you should grab him in case this is the breakout finally for this former-top-prospect-no-longer-a-prospect-maybe-is-showing-signs-of-being-a-top-prospect-again pitcher. I got all hyphenated there, the un-comma.
Brett Lawrie – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his first homer on the year as he bats .306. No amount of hashtags is holding back our enthusiasm for Lawrie.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his third homer. What’s E5 doing at 1st? The answer, my friend, is the blowing from Lind.
Well, here we are in week 3 already, wonder if ML bee will have another opening game just to keep it fresh. The world of two-start pitchers is in full bloom, the rotations are coming together and being set in an orderly fashion. Thank goodness. I needed a abacus, 2 liters of cola and a Snoopy notebook just to get anything close to some sort of semblance for last week’s post. I will be honest with you, there aren’t many great options this week to take advantage of matchups. Every lower end option this week has either one or two really tough outing. My best advice to you, if you have ever read my posts before and are on the fence about a starter, refer to your most readily available betting line. I say it every year and some listen, but others forget to take their ADD medicine and wander off. So enjoy my tidbit of fantasy baseball knowledge as we get to the fellas that will go twice this week. Enjoy the week and good luck! (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)
One Start Streamers:
4/18
Derek Lowe @ Sea – Vargas
Juan Nicasio vs SD – Richard
4/19
Randy Wolf @LAD – Harang
4/20
Lance Lynn @ Pit vs Morton
Edinson Volquez vs PHI – Hamels
Jeanmar Gomez @ Oak – Godfrey
4/21
Jake Westbrook @ Pit – Correia
Two Start Options:
Philip Humber (Bal vs Arrieta, Sea vs Beavan) Of all the guys listed, probably my favorite 2 start streamer of the week. That doesn’t mean you should stop reading here. BTW, where else can you get a Humber twice in a week and not have to pay for it?
Freddy Garcia (Min vs Pavano, @Bos vs Bard) We still like you cause of the hat you wear. So be grateful. I want the old Freddy, with the flowing locks of Jheri-curled sassiness, that’s when I used to use words like smitten and rad. Is a 6 IP, 3 ER pitcher but based on this week’s other choices it could be slim pickens, minus him riding the atomic bomb.
Joe Saunders (Pit vs Bedard, Atl vs Hanson) Love me some of the Colonel. I am a sucker for wily veterans, what can I say, that’s why I got rims on my motorized scooter. Hope for the best, pray for an offensive onslaught by the D-Backs. And by love in the first sentence I mean from a distance.
Jeremy Guthrie (SD vs Luebke, @Mil vs Gallardo) God, I wish he was better. I wanna root for him cause he generally seems like a nice guy and someone that I would probably stop stalking if he just acknowledged me. Jeremy, BTW, your new furniture looks great from the lawn.
Danny Duffy (@Det vs Verlander, Tor vs Romero) Hey, Danny, good job on that last start. Let’s move you up to the AP level of matchups now. As fast as he was added, he will be stamped with a triangle and then separated by color; green, brown, clear. See ya in 3 weeks, I’ll send you a tickler.
Randall Delgado (NYM vs Santana, @Ari vs Kennedy) Let’s temper expectations a little; it was against Houston. Julio Teheran was seen working on his core with Richard Simmons and an ice cream scoop. The scoop could not be reached for comment. Good test for the youngen, after these two you should know what you’re getting and could be a popular pick if you don’t get him now.
Kevin Millwood (Cle vs Masterson, CHW vs Danks) “You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park? That’s Millwood.” That’s me quoting Grey. If Millwood makes 30 starts I may start writing about fantasy synchronized swimming, because he will be a frequenter in this weekly post and I already hate it.
Drew Smyly (@KC vs Chen, Tex vs Lewis) Great lineup…check. At least one decent matchup…check. Named after an emoticon…check. Hey, if he totally sucks, it was fun writing his name like this for awhile, Drew : )
Joe Blanton (@SF vs Bumgarner, @SD vs Bass) For streaming starts this is like a threesome with the 80′s version of Carol Alt and Ma’am from Webster. Hey, no one really wants the details, it still counts. Philly’s O is more like a Y right now with aspirations of being a real vowel someday.
Dillon Gee (@Atl vs Hanson,SF vs Lincecum) A rough matchup week for a guy I tend to like to outperform this year. True story, his facial inventory is causing PS3 to freak out. Should market himself a little better and change his number to 6. Oh well, the bottles are on ice so we have time.
Drew Storen is headed to see Dr. Freeze. Here’s what I said about three weeks ago, “Drew Storen had arm discomfort… About two weeks ago (so that was about five weeks ago now; this is me adding an addendum — Hey! Okay, back to the quote). He hasn’t pitched in a game since March 7th (that’s more than a month ago; okay, maybe I didn’t need to clarify that) and had soreness in his biceps playing catch yesterday (that’s less than a month ago, but more than three weeks ago… Oh, forget. I’m coming out of this quote.)” And that’s me coming out of my quote prematurely! That’s what she said! Wait, huh? My guess is Storen will probably be out for a few months. You don’t go see Dr. Freeze for the lollipops. Unless he’s removing your arm and giving you lollipop appendages. “Hey, guys, stop calling me a Dum-Dum and I’m serious!” We shall see on when Storen will return. I’ve been preaching about Henry Rodriguez for about three weeks too. He’s a wild cat. Yesterday, he came in and seduced me with his filth, but left me sad and alone with the wild. (The preceding was not an excerpt from my soon to be released western novel, “Saddle Up To My Stache.”) If HanK-Rod is still out there, I’d grab him. If Lidge is out there, I’d grab him too. I’m pretty sure Davey will decide on one closer within the next week or so and you’ll be able to drop the guy not getting saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Anibal Sanchez – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. It’s a solid start, so I’m not gonna complain too much, which is obviously leading into me complaining. Now, it’s the first start of the year for Anibal, couldn’t we have been happy with 6 strong innings and not sent him out there to give up two runs in the 7th? Stupid Ozzie! (By the way, I made “Stupid Ozzie” a shortcut on my computer. Now whenever I type “St” it fills in the rest with Stupid Ozzie.)
Giancarlo Stupid Ozzie – Was scratched with knee pain. The Marlins aren’t that concerned, but the Marlins also decided to put a giant sculpture of unicorn vomit in their outfield, so I’m not sure how much we should trust them.
Omar Infante – 2-for-4 with 2 homers, and now has 3 homers on the year. Look at the Infante getting all grown up. Who’s the big boy? You’re the big boy.
Emilio Bonifacio – 3-for-4 with his 4th steal in 5 games. Was actually kinda bummed I didn’t draft Bonifacio on any teams. I was like three Phillie Blunts high on him when I did my rankings. Oh, well, can’t get everyone I suppose, especially when Rudy refused to draft him on any of our teams. *shakes fist* Rudy!
Brandon Phillips – Left yesterday’s game with a hamstring cramp. Doesn’t Midol make something for that?
Jhoulys Chacin – 4 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Worst thing you can do is overreact early on to one start or a few oh-fer’s. With that said, Yo-Lease is a mess. His velocity’s down, his walks are up, he’s probably dealing with an injury…. It’s what got Khalil Greene in the end, the Silent H is too much of a burden! Yo-lease is up, move out!
Dexter Fowler – 0-for-4 yesterday as he was dropped from leadoff to the two hole. The way he’s hitting the two hole may be appropriate figuratively, but he’s literally going to be in the eight hole soon.
Barry Zito – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks as he threw his first shutout since 2003. After the game, Zito celebrated with a dip in the jay-couz. (<–PNSFWUYWAAPPC — Potentially Not Safe For Work Unless You Work At A Porn Production Company)
Daniel Bard – Red Sox reiterated that they want Bard as a starter. We shall see how they feel after Bard’s start on Tuesday vs. the Blue Jays. I’m putting the over/under for runs at 5 and the walks at 4. Anyone want any action?
Alfredo Aceves – Threw a perfect inning to get the save. For now, Red Sox Nation delayed their trip to Lake Tahoe with ‘fredo.
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper could be activated for Tuesday. He’s probably hoping to get in the lineup immediately, so he can get injured again by the weekend.
C.J. Wilson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as he held the heart of the Twins order to… Hmm, where is the heart of the Twins order?
Hector Noesi – 3 IP, 7ER and Yu Darvish (5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks) as they combined to throw more hangers than Joan Crawford.
Brett Gardner – 1-for-1 with a steal. Since he wasn’t very good against lefties, Girardi is using a platoon with Andruw Jones and a Waterpik to get between his braces. Firstly, Gardner still gets in the game and steals a base (the reason you have him). Secondly, this platoon sticks if Gardner doesn’t hit. Last year, he hit .194 in April and .233 vs. lefties, so maybe he’s doing us a favor. Thirdly, the platoon only sticks if the Yankees’ old and wonky lineup stays healthy. Fourthly, there’s no fourthly.
Jake Westbrook – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Zoinks! The Ghost of Dave Duncan left a walkthrough for Jake and his friends to Escape from Great American Ballpark.
David Freese – 2-for-5 and his 2nd homer. I’ll admit that I’m surprised by Freese’s fast start. I thought he was an Ecksteinian (which looks odd, but Ecksteinesque sounded weird in my head) type MVP and he’d go back to being a role player. Now, he’s just looking like he’s on a roll, player!
Chris Sale – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. If you’re joining us late — where you been?! You missed about 20,000 offseason words. I’ll summarize. Yadda Anibal yadda Bruce yadda Anibal yadda Bruce yadda Bumgarner yadda ouch my Bum yadda Anibal and my Chris Sale fantasy.
Hector Santiago – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. Honestly, how long you think this Santiago thing is gonna last? Two weeks? Three weeks? A month? I’m thinking maybe three weeks.
Henderson Alvarez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. Here’s what I said in the past about Alvarez, “Ground ball, pitch-to-contact pitcher who doesn’t strike out a whole lot of hitters. In other words, the complete antithesis to every other Blue Jay pitcher. Not wild, low Ks, kinda boring.” And that’s me quoting me! I’m not a big fan, but he could have match-up potential.
Sergio Santos – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners and the blown save. Red light, Chinese fire drill, pick up Francisco Cordero, get back in the car, buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
Tommy Milone – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 0 Ks. He won’t have any Ks ever, which is usually a than, but no thans. But he will help you with your ratios. Yes, I’d grab him. Yes, right now.
Darwin Barney – 1-for-3 with a homer for The Purple Evolutionist. His best month last year was April. As Darwin will tell you, April is the beginning of all things (or at least baseball).
Bryan LaHair – 2-for-4 and a homer. When you put ‘power upside’ into Google translator, it spits back “Anything but James Loney. God, he annoys me. You should try LaHair in deep leagues. Now where’s my scotch?!” Geez, Google translator sounds a bit testy.
Brian Matusz – 4 IP, 4 ER. How’s that momentum from his spring training going?
Matt Wieters – 4-for-4 with his 2nd home run of the year. Matt Wieters Fact Number #367: He once porked Boog Powell’s daughter while singing “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette.
Frank Francisco – Terry Collins said that Francisco is still dealing with some knee inflammation, but he should be fine. If they need to rest him as the Mets go 162-0, they could turn to Jon Rauch or Miguel Batista, the poet laureate of baseball. When Miguel Batista heard the news, he said, “Francisco’s on an un-mended knee… When Terry needs help, he’ll call me, sí… If Francisco’s on the shelf for a while and not feeling spry, then they’ll call Rauch, especially if that shelf’s high,” then Batista took off his Mets hat that had a feather in it and bowed.
Feels like a 26 weeks and a day since I wrote about two start pitchers. Since we are in the future, do we even still play baseball with bats or do robots run/hit/throw now? So week 1-slash-2 is a weird menagerie of eclectic starters. You have your aces whom everyone and their brother’s brother owns (which technically is still your brother when you get down to it), then you have the stuff that I write about. Guys off the beaten trail, where you go on your first date with that new Missed Connection Craigslist friend. These two start options aren’t for everyone, but for people who like to stream or like to maximize the advantage of H2H and not be forced into limits of innings. I like advantages. It’s like cheating at checkers, though if you really lose at checkers you need to maybe relax on your competitive nature side. Hopefully in week 3 we will get back to some sort of normalcy. So take a look, or even stare aimlessly at the low end (owned in 50% or less) two start pitchers for the first full week of the season. I have to admit some of the guys that are matching up with these cats are total flat out guesses. (Please note that pitchers and matchups change)
One Start Streamers I Like:
Freddy Garcia NYY4/10 @BAL (Chen)
Danny Duffy KC4/10 @Oak vs TBD
Philip Humber CHW4/10 @ Cle (Gomez)
Chris Capuano LAD4/12 vs Pit (Bedard)
Luke Hochevar KC4/13 vs Cle (Lowe)
Clayton Richard SD4/14 vs LAD (Billingsley)
Lance Lynn STL4/15 @ Cubs (Maholm)
Two Start Options:
Chris NarvesonMIL (@Cubs vs Maholm, @Atl vs Beachy) – Officially in the club of guys that I can’t quit on. He is your typical cruising along pitcher than gets AJ Burnett’d and he is out of the game. I don’t know what is better news, that Narvy goes twice in the first week or Omar is playing ODB in a biopic movie. There is no wrong answer here.
Mike LeakeCIN (@STL vs Westbrook, @Was vs Jackson) – I own this guy in almost every league, he is my cross to bear this year. Great walk rate with increasingly better peripheral numbers. Can I be so bold and say I think he will be better than Latos? No? Okay, how about Mario Soto then?
Felix Doubront BOS (@Tor vs Alvarez, TB vs Hellickson) – Typically a 2 start Sawx starter would be all the news and would have it’s own special on the world wide leader, but these aren’t your slightly, younger nephew’s Red Sox. Bullpen is a mess, no chicken and no beer. KFC thought they were ahead of the curve and opening up right next to Fenway too.
Jake Westbrook STL (Cin vs Leake, Cubs vs Volstad) – Ground ball pitchers are what get the non-fake baseballer in me going. From my addiction with Mike Leake above I’ll take a win one lose one scenario here. Oh, but I will root for you if you want to go with Westy.
Ross Detwiler WAS (@NYM vs Gee, @Cin vs Bailey) – Somewhere John Lannan is giving this guy the finger. Something that means nothing, as I was writing this blurb the girl I’m seeing saw Detwiler’s name and said he has the first name of the guy from Friends. Add face palm or shake your head emoticons on your own time, I actually have to deal with this stuff.
Hector Noesi SEA (@Tex vs Darvish, Oak vs Milone) – I asked Hector, “Aren’t you afraid of pitching against Yu Darvish?” His response, “No, estoy pilotando un.winnebago adventurer y me encanta bikinis” Well said my friend, well said.
Luis Mendoza KC (@Oak vs Milone, Cle vs Tomlin) – I’m really starting to like this kid. Yeah, I am older than him so I can call people kid now. Damn, I need to get a new hobby instead of watching young men get all sweaty and collecting the benefits of their stats. Reworked his delivery from years gone by, career K/9 of under 5. Walk the Mendoza line until they tell you to say the alphabet backwards.
Chris Volstad CHC (Mil vs Marcum, @STL vs Westbrook) – Why is it that athletes and people in prison are best fit for the description of a “change of scenery will do him good?” Ironically, I’m writing this from prison. And “by girl I’m seeing…” Never mind… We know what Volsatd is and nobody trusts him so moving on.
Henderson Alvarez TOR (Bos vs Doubront, Bal vs Matusz) – The first and prolly only appearance on the posts for him this year. I see big things in my rearview mirror for this guy. Oh, objects are closer than they appear in that thing, damn. K-rate is the only thing from making him a household name.
