Sometimes you ask and you shall receive and in that vein, I begin this month’s Razznasty update. Now I know the two questions you’re asking, what did you ask for and receive? And which vein? First, it’s the main vein, you know the one in the middle…. Secondly, I asked our very own Hippo in the bush Matt Truss to make a push in the standings over the course of June so I could name the next update “Can’t Truss It”. Done and done. I told Mr. Truss-ah Truss that I’d dress as Flavor Flav from this video while I wrote it. Truss, that I held up my end of the bargain, picture me decked out in white tuxedo with top hat and Batman glasses. Unfortunately I can’t share with all of you due to a shortage on the correct cartridges for my vintage Polaroid Sun 600. Sorry boys, and whatever number of girls are reading this year. I believe we were up to five, but we might have lost a few after the Jose Canseco interview. There’s nothing that upsets the ladies more than invasive question about Madonna’s early 90’s sperm brokering. Enough of the bollocks, onto the Razznasty update for June. Dynasty League Baseball at it’s finest.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Throughout my time as a dynasty player, I’ve learned that there’s one thing that’s as inevitable in this format as death and taxes….. turnover. Sometimes it’s simply because a manager no longer likes the format or league. Sometimes it’s a lack of the time element that needs to be applied to properly compete. Other times it’s an incident that disenfranchises owners, and leads them to quit. Well over the last month I’m pretty sure all of these apply to outgoing managers within our Razzball in-house dynasty the Razznasty. There’s been drama, tears, a gang-related shooting, and an arm wrestling tournament in a truck stop. Actually I think I’m confused, all those things happened during my Memorial Day weekend with my in-laws. You know what they say, “sometimes you join the Hell’s Angels, and other times you marry into them”. Moving along, let’s discuss the standings, trades, and wavier claims for the month of May.Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Ree,” opens the front door, walks down the driveway, says hello to my Polish neighbor, Stash, walks to the DQ, gets a Blizzard, eats said Blizzard, walks home, opens the door, says “Dick,” hits the head, not like that, comes back feeling a Blizzard lighter, does some Netflix and chill, shuts it off, says, “You,” brushes teeth, gets into bed, moves arm over Cougs, hears about her splitting headache, rolls over and says, “Lus.” That’s right, in honor of Mookie Betts, I just did the most ridiculous ridiculous call ever. You earned that shizz, you madman! I’d count the ways I love this man, but like a savant Blackjack dealer I can only count up to 21. After his three-homer game yesterday, Betts (3-for-5, 5 RBIs, 10th, 11th, 12th homers) now has those twelve homers to go with eight steals, a .283 average and is on pace for 115 runs and 85 RBIs. Don’t make me do another ridiculous ridiculous call, cause if you want me to, I will. Oh, and with what he’s doing, it’s not even inconceivable that he keeps up this pace. His BABIP (.290) is actually below his career average (he’s getting unlucky!), his fly ball percentage is down (he could be hitting more homers!) and he hasn’t been caught stealing once (so steal more!). You are witnessing the emergence of a perennial first rounder. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Buster Olney tweeted, “Kevin Gausman is pitching tonight probably exactly the way the Orioles hoped on the day they drafted him. Dominant stuff.” Putting aside the unnecessary “probably” — you’ll never win a Twitter Pulitzer with needless hooha! — is this what the Orioles hoped for? Because it’s felt at times like the Orioles were waiting for Gausman to say some sort of secret oath to let him into the rotation and, without Podrick to prompt him, he didn’t know said oath. By the by, I can’t look at Brienne of Tarth and not see Conan O’Brien. Perhaps, it’s me (it’s not). If the Orioles wanted Gausman to pitch probably exactly like this, wouldn’t they have put him in the rotation and left him alone for the last *covers mouth* years? Not to answer, but to knowingly nod while you undress your computer with your eyes. Since I have shares in that facacta noodle-hanger Archer, I watched the better part of Gausman’s start, and he looked better than what the boxscore says, and the boxscore says, “Yum, choco-latte.” It also says 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks in his first start back. Gausman has the stuff to be a number one, but at worse a number two. Not saying he will be this year; that’s just his stuff. He probably exactly should be already, but probably exactly hasn’t been. Still, I would grab him in any leagues where I needed upside. A 8+ K/9, 2.7+ BB/9, 3.75 ERA starter is probably exactly what you’ll get. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re just over two weeks into the regular season now, and perhaps things haven’t gone as well as you hoped for on your fantasy team. You’ve fantasized about taking a hammer to Ian Desmond’s fingers since he doesn’t seem to need them for anything anyway. Waterboarding seems too lenient of a punishment for the pathetic numbers that Miguel Sano has produced for your team thus far. If you’ve been thinking along these lines, then you’ve probably been watching too many mob movies recently. More importantly, it’s just mid-April. No need to panic. Depending on your format, there are likely several interesting players available on the waiver wire to help your team during it’s early season funk. One of those players might be St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Jeremy Hazelbaker (65.9% owned; +57.5% over the past week), who was the most added player in ESPN leagues over the last seven days. The departure of Jason Heyward and an injury to Tommy Pham have finally given the 28-year-old Hazelbaker a chance to play in the big leagues after toiling away in the minors since being drafted by the Red Sox in 2009. He’s made the most of his early opportunity, producing a 7/3/7/2/.394 batting line across 39 plate appearances. Hazelbaker has displayed double digit home run power as well as 30+ steal speed at multiple stops in the minors, so he could just be a late bloomer who needed an opportunity to shine. However, he does tend to strikeout fairly often (25.6% K% this year; 25.4% K% in his minor league career), and his current .424 ISO and .455 BABIP are likely to come crashing down in the near future. Think of Dexter Fowler as an upside comp and Jake Marisnick as a downside one. Ride the wave while it lasts but be ready to cut bait if and when he comes back to Earth.
Here are a couple of other interesting adds/drops in fantasy baseball over the past week:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back campers to the second season of Razzball’s homegrown dynasty baseball league, “The Razznasty”, filled with readers, writers, commenters, and J-FOH. It’s with great pleasure that I ring in the second year of updates. Since we last left you a few teams have changed hands, a commissioner switch took place, a whole lot of trades before the winter trade deadline, and our inaugural 10 round draft comprised of the unkept, free agents, 2015 draftees and internationals. A couple of teams with ownership changes included, J-FOH pulling a Jay-z and retiring for like 5 seconds after winning last year, and then handing the M-I-C to commenter and hip-hop aficionado Nick the Dick. This was then followed by the “Hatest that ever did it” coming out of retirement to manage the first vacancy available. We also welcomed Smokey into the fold, as he stepped in to take over an up and coming squad. Finally this club will have the quality ownership to match it’s competitive roster. In addition to those three changes, we were gifted a real wheeler and dealer by the name of Raskals. An owner, that from his first day in the league, has aggressively built what seems to be a formidable contender.
In our latest installment we’ll discuss a couple of the trades from the deadline, and hear from some of the members of the Razznasty on their takeaways form the draft. Yes there were takeaways, just like the Oscars, but more like the swag from an insurance conference. Yeah another stressball!!! Well here it is Razzball’s 2016 dynasty baseball league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are so close to the top 20 starters you can almost taste it, and it tastes like limoncello. I wonder why that is. From the top 20 outfielders through to this top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball has been like the greatest mini-series ever. Sorta like what I hope the O.J. Simpson show is. By the way, don’t Google O.J. Simpson, major spoilers! In most fantasy leagues, you won’t need to draft guys from this top 100 outfielders, and they’ll be waiver wire pickups. A few of these guys will be drafted by people saying things like, “I’m really loving (fill-in name from this post) as a late sleeper,” then those same people will get to the middle of April and be saying things like, “I can drop (fill-in player’s name), right?” As with other rankings posts, I go over where tiers start and stop and my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t have a long history with Razzball. I either found the site for the first time or became truly interested in them for the first time (I don’t remember which, the latter I think) when I found this old Rudy post on rating different baseball projection systems via Google search heading into the 2013 baseball season. I quickly decided to make Steamer projections my goto, which led me to targeting Anthony Rizzo and Paul Goldschmidt in my 2013 home league (a H2H OBP league) auction. (Goldy had a great year, Rizzo not so much, I only ended up with one of them.. guess which one).
Here’s how I came to write for Razzball…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yoenis Cespedes went 3-for-5 with his 31st homer and, like, his 12th homer in the past week. Doode’s straight combustible heat. Like a fatty steak on the grilling heat. Uh-oh, I feel my rap altar ego, B-Fire, coming on. Cannot stop the blaze. Like a Scottish sheep, I can’t stand here, I gotta graze. Between Monday and Tuesday is a hidden day called Muesday, between Monday and Sunday is all Grey’s days. I watch a Merchant-Ivory period flick with my piece, because I’m strapped and going through a phase. Shh, it’s my Victorian secret. Whomp, there’s another Yoenis hit. Cepedes is so on-lock it’s like he’s got a hundred legs all stuck in tar pits. For my Def Poetry Jam audition tape, this I will submits. I liked About Schmidt, but why Kathy Bates gotta get out of the tub naked with her flabby– Nah, I need to quit. So, on the year, Yoenis has a line of 93/31/92/.298/7 and is nearly top five for all players on our Player Rater, not just top five outfielders, and, for 2016, it’s going to be real hard to knock him down much past the 2nd round. Unless, of course, the Padres get their grubby mitts on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve just never been a Matt Moore guy…
Uber-talented Moore has always gotten praise for his clean mechanics and smooth delivery, plus fastball, and solid slider, but it never materialized into good control and solid numbers. Those horrible, horrible walks… Moore’s K zone looks like a star chart!
After never ranking him favorably the past few years because of a 4.5 walk rate, yes 4.5, I thought the buzz for him off the DL from TJ recovery was too… buzzy. I’m at a loss for words I’m so confused! But I hadn’t seen him pitch since hitting the DL after two starts last year, and maybe a reconstructed elbow can help. “He’s more machine now, than man!” Well let’s hope it helps the horrific walk rate! Here’s how he looked yesterday hosting the Astros, along with ranks for pitchers for the second half:Please, blog, may I have some more?