Greetings, friends. I hopped over to the football side of things once last year’s baseball season ended, but now I’m back. And apparently, I am such a disturbed individual that I am doing fantasy baseball mock drafts in early January. And, I am writing about them. And, well, I just wanted to start another sentence with and because it feels so wrong but so right at the same time. Anyway, moving on.

I was fortunate enough to be invited to the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft, and we’re going to recap it here. This mock was for a 15-team, 5×5 roto, with 23 roster spots made up of 9 pitchers (9), 1 spot for each position (8), a second catcher (1), 2 more outfielders (2), one corner infielder (1), one middle infielder (1), and one utility position (1). As long as I did that math correctly, that is 23 spots.

Below, I will provide the results for the first six rounds and a give my thoughts for each round. I’ll do the same for rounds 7-12, 13-18, and 19-23 in subsequent posts. I’ll try to keep it brief. All we really care about are the results here, right? Feel free to tell me how awesome or crappy you think my team is, along with what you think were the best and worst picks of the draft or the different rounds…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Any reasonable man (which, technically, I am not, alas…) would tell you Jake Lamb is not a 2017 sleeper.  Last year, he had a line of 81/29/91/.249/6.  That alone should mean he isn’t a sleeper.  On our Player Rater, he was a top 15 3rd baseman last year.  I’ve seen him drafted after 200 overall already, so some have forgotten about him.  I’m not pointing any fingers, which is difficult because I’m wearing a giant, pointing Hulk Hogan foam finger.  Perhaps Lamb was too closely associated with Passover and, hence, ignored.  I think this is religious mores or less inaccurate.  If you think it has something to do with Lamb’s 2nd half, you’re getting shawarmer.  But his 1st half had us screaming, “Shanks, Lamb!  You’re my gyro!”   When the summer hit, Lamb was baaaahd in August and September, but wasn’t he mint in the sprig?  So mint, he was making others jelly.  All right, I’m gonna eat lunch and come back for the 2nd paragraph.  So, what can we expect from Jake Lamb for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place!  Though, sometimes I get the sense people in the comments aren’t wearing pants, so if that does it for you, there ya go.  Oh, who are we kidding, I’m not wearing pants.  Pants are for conformist sissies!  Pound for pound, the top 20 3rd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball were as good as any other position.  In fact (oh, geez, here goes Grey adding on), Matt Carpenter was the 20th best 2nd baseman and samesies here, and was only the 22nd best 1st baseman, so not much more depth there. This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason.  Now, let’s get this, young money.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s hard to believe it’s almost over, but here we are, the final Friday of the regular season. Some DFS will continue through the MLB playoffs, but that shizz is only for the hardcore degens. You can play a couple bucks in that mess if you want, but I’m all set with 300 similar lineups because there’s four teams to chose from. Friday is typically the biggest night of the week for MLB DFS, it’s when the biggest contests typically run, and this is the last of it, especially with NFL stealing all the Sunday love. So, if you’re going to make a big play, this is your last shot. Hopefully you’ve done well for yourself this season and have a little disposable bankroll to toss out there. If you’re not down for taking a shot at a $100 buy-in tournament, then by all means, join our newly created Razzball League. Taking advantage of DraftKing’s new “Leagues” feature I created this as a place for all us Razzball DFSers to hangout, create contests and play against one another. Anyone can create a contest and there it will appear for all to join. You can create a H2H or a 10 man league, whatever you like, for whatever buy-in you’re comfortable with (even free!). I created a contest for tonight, so hop on in, the more the merrier! This league will continue posting contests through the NFL season as well, so if you’re into that sort of thing, I’ve got you covered. Hope you’ve had a great year and it’s been a pleasure writing for you all season long. Take care, but first, let’s get into some picks for tonight’s slate:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday October 3rd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, was the first time the Cubs have won 100 games since 1935.  Though, in 1994, the Cubs were so gonna win the final 49 games if the strike didn’t happen, giving them 98 wins, then two losses were going to go under review and get reversed.  What?  My crystal ball is very specific.  Why don’t you people believe me?  Kidding, I know you believe me because I can see you in my crystal ball.  Put on some pants that don’t have an elastic band, would you please!  Kyle Hendricks (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (0 walks), 5 Ks, ERA down to 1.99) did his usual magic.  I say let him sit out his final start so he can end the year with a minus-2 ERA, and I bet the Cubs say the same thing as me.  Know why?  I have the best words.  People love my words.  No one has words like me.  Carrying them offensively was Javier Baez (2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 14th homer).  Whenever Hendricks grooves, Baez seems to play himself a little ditty, too.  Must be their Woodstock connection.  If Joan Baez didn’t perform at Woodstock, don’t tell me, for folk’s sake.  Baez is going to be a tough nut to peg (totally a saying) for 2017 fantasy.  He’s made great strides with his strikeouts.  Looks like an easy bet for a 17/17 season if he were to play every day, but 17/17 is just a tad boring compared to 20/20.  By the way, Tad Boring never gets any dates on Tinder.  Also, we’re not sure if Baez will have an everyday job.  Cubs’ playing time can be Maddon’ing.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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I know Grey already touched on the huge Starting Pitching casualties from this weekend, but man I got a swift kick in the nuts losing both Jacob deGrom and Carlos Carrasco for the year, so please forgive me as my wounds are still fresh. I had a ton of stock in Mets pitching this year, I was drafting Thor, deGrom and Steven Matz where ever I could thinking that they would have monster second halves in the weaker NL East, propelling me to multiple Championships through the dog days of the season. We had a few bumps in the road, but for the most part things were clicking, when Thor was off, deGrom was on, when deGrom was off then Matz was on and so on. Things were touch and go there for a few weeks as Noah looked like he was going to hit the DL around the All Star break, Matz was battling the elbow spurs and deGrom was steady, but not dominate. Then the wheels just fell off, everything went to Shizz and now here we are with Thor being the last man standing in the Mets rotation. I would like to initiate an investigation into the cause of bone spurs in the elbows of Mets pitchers, there’s has to be an alternate explanation as to why every single guy in that rotation is dealing with similar ailments. I know that there’s certain Pizzeria’s here in LA that will fly in NY water to make an authentic New York pie, so if we shipped water from the Beartooth Mountains in Wyoming to the Mets clubhouse would that solve the problem? Do we need to start a Go Fund Me page so we don’t lose our stud Mets pitchers to the bone spurred infected New York drinking water? Enough conspiracy theories for today, but I wanted to document it just in case it becomes a “thing” like #JonSnowIsWinter. Noah Syndergaard, $11,600 has a great home matchup vs the Braves tonight and he is back to swinging around his hammer full of K’s with authority. Over his last six games he’s 4-1 with a 1.37 ERA while racking up 42 Ks in 39.2 innings of work, yep I’d say he’s finishing the season strong. With Madison Bumgarner, $12,600 and Clayton Kershaw, $12,600 facing off I think the majority of people will be rostering Madbum due to the Dodgers awful numbers versus LHP. Now that we got Thor locked in, let’s take a look at the rest of the ideal matchups for our DK dominance.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run today to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s not much of a secret, of course; or at least, it’s not an undocumented fact: the Rockies away from Coors can be a bore with the bats. Wanna know an undocumented fact? Harambe might be a more long lasting meme than Crying Jordan when all is said and done. I don’t know how I feel about that, honestly, but #DicksOutForHarambe needs to go. NOW. Or at least, the pics preceding do…because gross. But more to the point, the Rockies and the road are the antithesis of Forrest and Jenny. Ice cream and cyanide? Gingers and souls? Jose Canseco and Grey? All important things to factor here as really, Rockies are generally trashy Mctrashersons on the road, holding down the 6th worst wRC+ while K’ing the 4th most at 23.6%. And with that, we turn to our key bold faced name for the intro: A.J. Cole. Cole’s season debut wasn’t spectacular, but definitely useful as he K’d 8 Orioles over 7 IP. He finished just short of 20 points and that was without a win and in Camden Yards. You intrigued yet? Mmm-hmm, thought so. Throw in the fact he’s only $6,300 and for once, it’s alright to get a Cole in your stocking so let’s roll. Here’s my I’m still pretending summer will last forever taeks for this Saturday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 29th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I looked at the pitching for today’s slate of games on DraftKings and puked a little bit. There are a few good pitchers on the docket, but none who instill confidence in me matched up against their opposition. So, today I would recommend you pick every bat you want, and only then pick your pitching. Go after the biggest names; sure, some will be highly owned, but there won’t be too many lineups with all the studs (only the people who read this column). Pitching, just follow your gut and avoid hitters’ ballparks, and you’ll probably do just fine.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 29th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m being honest here when I say I don’t think you can stop Gary Sanchez.  Someone needs some breaking pitches and chloroform.  It’s a sequel, The Sanchize II:  Homers > Butt Fumbles.  Trivia:  Gary, Indiana is the birthplace of the Jacksons; Gary Sanchez is a Thriller that Ben making balls Beat It, since Imma sing on a song that Michael sung.  Yesterday, Chez Gary went 2-for-3 with his 9th homer in only his 19th game, as he hits .389.  He has 9 homers in 19 games.  Now is when you cackle deliriously.  Paranoid cause you’re a son like Elroy.  You’d be happy as hell if Sanchez was the real deal.  Please, tell me it’s not Maas appeal.  He had 10 homers in 71 games in Triple-A, so I’m all for the hype, but thinking he’s going to be a top 3 catcher in 2017 might be a bit much due to three weeks of play.  There’s no leagues where I wouldn’t own him right now, even if that meant starting him at utility.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Danny Salazar comes off the DL today. I am highly invested in Danny Salazar between being a member of the Tribe faithful, along with owning him on my most important season-long team. I think, if not for the DL stint, he would be priced at least a couple thousand dollars higher on DraftKings today. Believe me, I know how frustrating he can be every once in a while. This time, he’s fresh and ready to go for you and for me.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 22nd to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?