Fantasy Baseball Advice

We fill out the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball.  These players are only eligible at DH aka Utility.  Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters.  They don’t allow enough flexibility.  For example, what if you had Travis Hafner clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Jose Bautista?  You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists.  These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball.  As with past rankings posts, this top 10 for 2011 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2011 projections will be included.  Anyway, here’s the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball:

1. Adam Lind – This is the first tier.  Lind is the only one in this tier.  I call this tier, “Lind will bounce back, check his eligibility in your league.”  Went over Lind’s projections in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball.  (Note: Has 11 games at 1st base and 16 games in the outfield.)

2. Vladimir Guerrero – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Ortiz.  I call this tier, “These guys will tempt you to draft them.  Don’t.  Okay, draft Vlad if he has outfield eligibility in your league.”  Went over Vlad’s projections in the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball.  (Note: He only has 19 games in the outfield.)

3. David Ortiz – Big Popup’s HR/FB% went from 17.2% in 2007 to 14.8% in 2008 to 13.4% in 2009 to 19.0% in 2010, which was actually near his career norm.  So that means at 34 years old, Ortiz stopped the career slide and reverted back to his old ways or it means he had one last good year and will go back to the career slide this year.  I’m guessing on the latter.  2011 Projections:  80/27/100/.255

4. Luke Scott – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Matsui.  I call this tier, “Don’t draft these guys under any circumstances.”  I don’t mind picking Scott off of waivers when he’s on one of his hot streaks.  If you draft him and keep him on your team, you probably autodrafted.  You’re also not reading this so I can say whatever I want.  I was the one who used your Seven Samurai Criterion Collection DVD as a coaster.  That’s for not even knowing Kurosawa until the Barenaked Ladies mentioned him in one of their songs.  Scott’s projections are in the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball. (Note: Scott has 19 games at 1st base and 14 games in the outfield.)

5. Hideki Matsui – I worry about you and your fantasy baseball team if you even consider drafting Matsui.  If he’s on the board and you’re considering drafting him, go for an upside pick.  2011 Projections:  50/18/70/.270  (Note:  Matsui has 18 games in the outfield.)

6. Jim Thome – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of the list.  I call this tier, “Now would be a good time for the AL to revert back to the pitcher hitting.”  People convince themselves Thome is a good bet on draft day.  “Hey, he hits 25 homers!  That’s better than a flyer on some guy who I’m not even sure is getting playing time.”  That’s you.  And that’s incorrect logic.  If, say, Reid Brignac is not getting playing time when you draft and Thome is, you’re still better with Brignac because when it’s the day before the season starts and Brignac is suddenly the starter, guess whose value shoots up?  Thome’s value never goes anywhere.  Ever.  It’s like this, do you buy a penny stock of Atari hoping they regain their past glory even though they haven’t done anything new in 20 years and their factory is three Chinese men passing around a porn magazine or do you buy a penny stock of a hot shot new company that may or may not burst onto scene?  Go with the hot shot.  2011 Projections:  50/22/60/.255

7. Jack Cust – Another Atari.  Cust kayin’.  2011 Projections:  60/20/70/.235

8. Travis Hafner – More like ColecoVision.  2011 Projections:  45/15/55/.265

9. Dan Johnson – I could see telling people to pick Johnson off waivers during the season, but unless he has 1st base eligibility in your league (14 games) and your league is an AL-Only league, there’s no reason to draft him.  2011 Projections:  60/15/70/.245

10. Jake Fox – I almost put Nick Johnson here, but I was afraid if I ranked Johnson, he would read it, get excited and throw out his back.  As for Jake, I still have the “Unathletic like a Fox!” t-shirts.  As soon as he hits, they hit the market.  2011 Projections:  30/10/40/.245

Mike Pelfrey went from totally chic to totally geek in the matter of 4 starts.  Last night, he dropped a 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER bomb and now he’s staring at nickels.  Pardon the wavy lines as we jump in The Way Back Machine and see what I said in April, “His K-rate prior to 2010 was pretty poor.  Even this year, it’s only a little above his career mark.  His biggest adjustment so far seems to be his ability to avoid the homer ball and leave men on base.  He can be usable as a 4th fantasy starter, especially in Metco.”  And that’s me copying and pasting me!  Nothing’s really changed other than he’s no longer leaving men on base, his homers have gone up (literally) and his lack of Ks are catching up to him.  Hmm… Maybe some stuff has changed.  He had a 1.98 ERA at Metco prior to last night, so that’s still a nice matchup start, but Pelfrey is no longer a must own.  At 109 IP on the year and only 67 Ks, he’s a notch below Jon Garland in K-rate.  I just popped a zit in the mirror and spelled out, “You can probably do better than Pelfrey.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jose Reyes – Supposed to return on Tuesday.  I really want to believe this, but the Met doctors are a joke.  Did they go to that med school Steve Guttenberg went in Bad Medicine?

Shin-Soo Choo – Thumb-Soo Blue now might need surgery and could be out for the season.  Is this all a ploy for him to avoid his army service time?  We must have a commenter in Canada who could take him in.  Volunteers?

Mike Gonzalez – Won’t return until after the All-Star break.  As previously mentioned, Alfredo will continue to get saves now and when Mike G. first returns.  From there, I imagine names will go into Juan Samuel’s hat and he’ll pull one out.  Hey, New ERA’s now the closer! Um, that’s the tag.

Jake Fox – 3-for-5 and now has 2 homers in his last two starts.  Not starting every day, but I’d grab him now in AL-Only leagues and watch closely how his playing time shakes out for mixed leagues.  Hey, New ERA’s now starting at 1st base! Still the tag, Juan.

Chase Utley – Saying he won’t need the full 8 weeks of recovery time.  I believe Utley can return early.  Still, a hand issue that won’t have him on the field until late-August isn’t something you should go out of your way to acquire.

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Braves.  It’s one thing to face Halladay, but I can’t even imagine how difficult it must’ve been for the Braves with Russia still occupying Georgia.

Cliff Lee – Supposedly, the Phillies were scouting The Adverb.  I wonder if the scout went to Vegas, got himself a hooker and some blow while pretending to scout Cliff Lee because HE WAS JUST ON THEIR TEAM!  Whoa, Cap’n Caps, easy.  SORRY.

Russell Branyan – Now has three homers since joining the Mariners.  Had 31 homers last year and has 13 now.  You do the math!

Jose Valverde – 1 IP, 2 ER, Kazaam!

Jonathan Sanchez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Man, that WHIP is messy.  What a slob!  No wonder he goes by Filthy Sanchez.  According to me.  But we’ll pretend he goes by that on every site on the interwebs.

Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-4 and batting .269.  Maybe he’s uncomfortable carrying around those extra 75 pounds.  Let’s get him and the Sandovals on Losing It With Jillian.  I’d love to see Sandoval’s family all try to lose weight together.  “Mama, did you put extra mayonnaise on my lard sandwich?”  Mama Sandoval looks guilty then, “No.”

Buster Posey - 2-for-4 with his third homer.  All he does is hit homers (once a week).

Tom Gorzelanny – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’ve seen better starts, but let’s be clear about something.  Gorzelanny isn’t an ace.  He’s a number five fantasy starter.  He still has a 3.31 ERA on the year and is worth starting in favorable matchups.

Ian Kennedy – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Member when I said to lose him in last week’s Buy/Sell?  Yup.

Adam LaRoche – Hit his 13th homer yesterday in the Diamondbacks’ 83rd game.  LaRoche meet 2nd half of the 162 game schedule, 2nd half say wassup to LaRoche.

Krispie Young – 2-for-3, 2 steals while hitting leadoff.  Now has 15 homers and 16 steals on the year.  Yeah, Krispie’s been better than your other outfielders.  Yup, even that one.

Kosuke Fukudome – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer.  Keep in mind his playing time is very iffy right now but he gets crazy hot for a week or two at a time.  This game might’ve be the start of something.  Either way, the choice is yours.  Doo, da, dippity.

Geovany Soto – 3-for-4, 2 Runs and 2 RBIs.  Somehow the Cubs pulled out the win with Koyie Hill on the bench.

Alexei Ramirez – Now has two homers in two games while hitting over .400 in the last week.  Definitely worth owning though I’m not sure where his steals have been this year.  Did they have visa issues?

Carlos Quentin – Hit 2 homers yesterday.  Frequent commenter, Steve, summed up the thoughts of current Quentin owners yesterday when he said, “Oh, Quentin, I am so glad I drafted you/dropped you/picked you up/dropped you again/picked you back up.”

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Hasn’t allowed more than 2 runs in a start in over a month.  Yeah, you should own him.

Bobby Jenks – Pitched in the 8th inning of 7-1 game.  I know what you’re thinking, “What’s Ozzie thinking?”  Good question.  Ozzie supposedly wants Jenks to get some action before being the closer again because he was away on bereavement leave.  And Ozzie wants to confuse fantasy owners.  That too.  I’d grab Thornton if he’s available.

Dayan Viciedo – Hit his first major league homer.  Worth monitoring in AL-Only leagues (as if you don’t have enough to do!), but his playing time has been sporadic.

Mark Teixeira – Hit his 14th homer yesterday.  PABST (Post All-Star Break Stats Teixeira) getting a jump on the All-Star break so I guess this was a premature jacking.

Jayson Nix – 2 homers in yesterday’s game.  Jaymes Nix got drunk and called Laynce to ask him how come he can’t be more like Jayson.

Matt Garza – 3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  Of course I sat Garza when he pitched well last week in Fenway and started him yesterday for this crizzap at home.  Of course, I did!  When I yell obscenities at telemarketers, I call them Garza.

Eric Patterson – 2 homers and now has 6 homers on the year.  Not quite as bonkers as it sounds… Okay, it’s a little bonkers, but he hit 14 homers in Triple-A one year and 12 homers in Triple-A last year.  For those desperate for anything at MI, you could probably do worse.

Matt LaPorta – LaPo hit another homer yesterday then was removed with a head bruise from his collision with Andrus.  After the bump on the head, LaPorta thought he was Ginger from Gilligan’s Island.

Joey Votto – Hit 2 homers.  Yeah, but Omar Infante can play 4 positions.

Erik Bedard – Was due to pitch on Tuesday, but he’s dealing with a stiff shoulder.  We’re actually lucky this happened.  If Bedard came back while Ben Sheets was healthy, that would’ve caused a major shift in the Time VORP Continuum.

Jimmy Rollins went 0-for-4 in his return from the DL.  After the game, Charlie Manuel said… Actually, no one’s sure because he was chewing a piece of straw at the time.  I wouldn’t just yet start blowing your vuvuzela at your TV set that’s broadcasting the Philly game expecting an explosive 2nd half from Rollins.  J-Roll lost 16 steals from 2008 to 2009 and is now 31-years-old and on a bad set of wheels.  He’s in a great place to succeed — the Philly lineup and hitter-friendly Citizens Flank.  In a half a season, you may only get 10/15 with a .270 average.  It’s nice, but this isn’t your slightly older brother’s NL MVP anymore.  This is a guy that is one poor 2nd half away from plummeting in the shortstop rankings.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jamie Moyer – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He attributes his success to how well he prepares for each opponent.  Here he is checking the Indians’ scouting report.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Rays.  Has a WHIP of 0.95 and a 2.93 ERA.  He’s real and he’s spectacular.  Now I’m more concerned about the Padres actually battling for the NL West and putting too many innings on Latos’ arm.  Please don’t do that, I wanna own him next year.

Jose Bautista – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  I wonder if Aaron Hill watches him, muttering, “I was the toast of Toronto!”

Brett Cecil – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I wouldn’t read too much into this if it hadn’t come right after a 5 earned in 6 inning game vs. the Padres.  Cecil could be going through a tired arm.

Matt Wieters – 1-for-3 with a home run.  A Matt Wieters Fact:  After Matt Wieters last home run, he went 0-for-16.

Jake Fox – Orioles made their first move for the pennant chase, trading for Jake Fox.  Now if they can get their hands on 9 hitters, 5 starters, a bullpen, a closer and a manager, they could be unstoppable.  I’m the first one to go caca-cuckoo for Jake Fox, but he needs an every day job and needs to hit.  So for now the “Unathletic Like A Fox” t-shirts are still on the shelf.

Mike Gonzalez – Threw a scoreless inning as he started his rehab.  The O’s are looking for the closer role to be ‘A Mike G. Joint’ before the All-Star break.

Roy Oswalt – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks and a no decision.  Is it me or has this been his line every time out?  No, it’s not me.  It has.

Angel Pagan – 4-for-6, 3 Runs and 4 RBIs.  Are you an angel?  Are you a pagan?  A devil worshiping angel?  And neither names are pronounced as they seem?  It’s all very confusing.  What is not confusing is he’s the Metropolitans’ best hitter.  Can’t bench Pagan for Beltran.  Cannot do it.  People need to show up at Metco with “Benchy Frenchy” signs.  Take some initiative, Mets fans.  You’re our only hope.

Jose Reyes – 3-for-6 with his 18th steal.  Hmm… Let’s see, I’d like him to have 27 steals by the All-Star break.  Make it happen.  Oh, bee tee dubya, Reyes has the same number of RBIs as Jason Bay.  Zoinks!

Justin Verlander – 2 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks.  I recognize this line from somewhere.  I know!  It’s one of his April lines.  June to Verlander, come in Verlander.

Brennan Boesch – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer.  I’m waiting for the bottom to drop out with Boesch, but I’m enjoying him on a few teams in the meantime, which I guess makes it happytime.

Andy Oliver – Will take over Porcello’s rotation spot for the time being.  Oliver is only 14 starts into his pro career, rocking a 8+ K/9, 3.61 ERA and 1.28 WHIP at Double-A Erie, which makes it scary that the Tigers are promoting him already.  It’s one way to kill a prospect’s confidence.  Another way is to hide “You suck” notes in their locker and sign them, “Love, Mom.”  With his Ks, I’d grab him in deep H2H leagues and AL-Only leagues for a chance at lightning in a bottle.  Or if you feel like it’s a last ditch effort to save an already declining team, add Oliver and the always precocious, Brian Bonsall.

Nelson Cruz – 0-for-3 as he returned from the DL.  I just hope this doesn’t now mean it’s Vlad or Hamilton’s turn to get injured.  Please let the Texas scales of injury tip towards Matt Treanor.

Julio Borbon – Hit his 2nd homer of the year.  Otherwise known as one more homer than Ian Kinsler.

Tommy Hunter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Hard to recommend him outside of deep leagues because of his K-rate, but he’s pitching well and had a good July last year.  Or so I read yesterday.  Hey, wait, I wrote that yesterday too.  Weird!

Brian McCann – Hit his 8th homer yesterday.  Let me guess, his eyes are better?  Stupid McCann with his stupid eyes.

Tommy Hanson – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER, 14 baserunners, 0 Ks, now has a 4.17 ERA on the year.  I was criticized pretty heavily in the preseason when I said I was avoiding Hanson in all of my leagues (also in that tier of avoidance:  Vazquez and Scherzer).  Luckily, those critics are back tweeting funny karaoke stories with Matthew Berry.

Carlos Quentin – 2-for-4 with a three-run homer.  And this preseason sleeper of mine hasn’t looked as good.  He really is more talented than what he’s shown, but he has been severely disappointing.  (Hey, who said has been?)  Maybe this is the start of something.  Though I wouldn’t hold my breath.  You could die.

Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Geez, Baker, make up your freakin’ mind.  You turning your season around or aren’t you?  Very frustrating.  (BTW, I saw A. Burnett gave up two runs in middle relief for the Twins and for a second I was like, “Damn, A.J. Burnett is now giving up runs for the Twins on his day off?”)

Jhoulys Chacin – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Sawx.  Sonavabench!

Huston Street – Was activated from the DL, but Matt Belisle got his 2nd career save as Tracy made a point about not rushing Street back into a pressure situation.  This has to be one of the sillier things a manager does.  He’s been a closer his whole career, it’s three outs, just throw Street.  I wouldn’t grab Belisle unless you’re crazy desperate for saves.  I wouldn’t drop Corpas either because who knows how long Street’s going to be nursing from Tracy’s teet.

Matt Kemp – Hit his 12th homer, but no one was on base because he was batting seventh.  TORRE!!!

Bronson Arroyo – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K.  His lack of strikeouts is obvious, but he’s a 2nd half beast that’s turned it on already.

Coco Crisp – Returned from the DL early and hit his first homer of the year.  Oh, snap! *soft voice* Crackle, pop.

Jason Vargas – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  There’s a lot of smoke mirrors going on with Vargas, but his ballpark does end in -co.

Trevor Hoffman – Ken Macha said Hoffman could reclaim the closer role.  Then Axford asked why.  Then Macha said cuz.  Then Axford went out and got his fifth straight save.

Carlos Silva – Start is being pushed until Saturday due to a hamstring injury.  Silva told the media, “This is very disappointing because for many years I’ve shown nothing but love for everything associated with ham.”

Anibal Sanchez – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I wonder if Anibal and Gaby have ever been on a double date with two girls named, Bill and Kevin.

The 27-year-old, no-name rookie, Daniel Nava, came out of nowhere, hitting a grand slam on the first major league pitch he saw.  This all came after not making his college team, working as their equipment manager, finally playing college ball, going undrafted in the major league draft then being cut by the Chico Outlaws, which I believe is the minor league affiliate for Chico’s Bail Bonds.  Even his ESPN player photo makes it seem like he was in the Witness Protection Program.  Shoot, maybe he is.  If so, I hope Hermida starts his car for him.  Eventually, Nava caught on with the Outlaws, impressed the Sawx and the rest is history.  Nava is old for a rookie and his success at the majors may be short-lived, but he showed a good eye in the minors with modest pop.  He could be a flash-in-the-pan, but he’s worth grabbing in AL-Only leagues and monitoring in mixed leagues.  He may get bumped when Ellsbury returns and then it’s back to egg noodles and ketchup.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Josh Beckett – Played catch from 90 feet.  Guess when he returns he’s going to pitch from 2nd base.

Stephen Strasburg – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 8 Ks.  Gave up only 2 hits, one of them was him getting Pronk’d in the 2nd inning.  As I’ve been saying, his hype is over his value right now.  On a related note, I wonder what the Nats TV ratings look like when Strasburg leaves the game.  Probably a similar ratings plunge to when LC left The Hills.  Who are you, Kristin Cavallari?  I know Heidi Montag.  I know Brody Jenner.  I even know Justin Bobby.  I do not know, Kristin Cavallari.

Austin Jackson – Left the game with back spasms.  Could be a few days of no action Jackson.

Troy Tulowitzki – Out with a strained groin.  Or as they call in the Tulo household, a strained pipski.  Could be back by Tuesday.

Edinson Volquez – Barring any setbacks or an effective test for HGH, Volquez should be back just after the All-Star Break.  Definitely worth stashing if you have DL room.

Zack Greinke – 9 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks and zero opportunities for the Royals bullpen to screw things up.

Joey Votto – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  Now has 13 homers and 7 steals while batting .306.  Having exactly the kind of season you’d want from him and he hasn’t even had any prolonged hot streaks.  He’s going to be a good one for a long time.

Billy Butler – 4-for-5 with his 6th homer.  Or 3 homers per moob.

Garrett Jones – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer in two games.  In the preseason, I told you to skip Butler and grab Robot Jones later on.  Right now, Robot has 10 homers and 5 steals while batting .274.  Since Butler couldn’t steal 5 bases in a slow pitch softball league, Jones has been more valuable, even if Butler has the bigger name recognition.

Raul Ibanez – Homer yesterday and now hitting .350 over the last week.  Ibanez, “Hello, Corner, I think I’m going to turn you.”  Corner, “About time.”

Jake Fox – Designated for assignment.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with all of these “Unathletic like a Fox” shirts.

Jorge Posada – Two games, two grand slams as the Yankees scored 22 runs in their three game sweep of the Astros.  Now the Orioles and the Astros have something to talk about on their date.

Delmon Young – 1-for-3 with his 8th homer and 3rd in the last week.  It feels like forever and 3 days ago when Young was a big-time prospect, but he’s still only 24 years old.  Grab while hot.

Kevin Slowey – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Hey, Slowey, here’s a crazy thought, instead of giving up hits to everyone, how about you walk a few people?

Kris Medlen – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Still hasn’t touched 100 pitches in a game, but has now thrown 5 solid starts in his last six.  Really should be owned everywhere…. Actually should’ve been owned for the last month.

Troy Glaus – 4-for-5, 2 homers.  I get the feeling people are waiting for the other shoe to drop with Glaus, but the only thing that really stood in his way was his health.  If he’s healthy, there’s no reason why he can’t hit 30 homers and .260.  Playing first could be the answer to his health woes.  Hey, maybe the Braves can let Glass Chipper simultaneously play first too.  It’s the WebMD defensive shift.

Tyler Colvin – 0-for-3.  Piniella said he wants to play Colvin more.  Steve Stone said, “Yeah, I thought so.”

Ted Lilly – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Took a no-hitter into the 9th inning as Cubs fans’ brains were clouded with Pappas & beer.  Unfortunately, Pierre pulled a Joyce and singled up the middle.  Lilly has been terrific since he’s returned from the DL.  Hopefully, that jinxes him because I don’t own him anywhere.

Gavin Floyd – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  He was mentioned in the post of pitchers who should be better.  Hey, look at that.  He was.

Alcides Escobar – Wait a second… Are my eyes seeing right?  Alcides Escobar has stolen a base in each of the last two games.  Do you believe in miracles?!  Yes!

Prince Fielder – 2 homers, supposedly.  I think it was Corey Hart wearing a Professor Klump Halloween costume.

Colby Lewis – 8 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks as he wowed the crowd in this heated Brewers/Rangers rivalry.  Interleague fail.

Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 15th home run.  Owning Hamilton is like holding your breath for 6 months.  Honestly, I’ve been trying not to talk too much about Hamilton this year because I own him on more teams than I want to admit and I don’t want to jinx him.  Just give me 500 ABs, Hamilton.  Please.

Julio Borbon – 2-for-5 while hitting 2nd and batting .500 over the last week.  He’s not racking up the steals, but he could steal 4 bases in a game any day now and be off and running.  Literally.

Mike Stanton – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd steal.  I think he could be a fantasy first rounder as soon as 2012.  This guy is ridiculously huge and he has speed.  He’s so big the television cameras film him at the plate like Al from The Naked Gun.  You know, the guy who’s head is out of the frame.

Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-3, 2 steals after appearing in Friday’s Buy/Sell, but you knew that already because you read the site.

Jeff Niemann – 6 IP, 5 ER.  Mmm… Sweet, sweet regression.

Jeff Suppan – Signed on with the Cardinals as Dave Duncan takes on his toughest challenge yet.

Chad Qualls – 1/3 IP, 2 ER.  Someone put him out of his misery.  Or put him in Misery by tying him to a bed and breaking his ankles.

Krispie Young – 3-for-5 and 2 Krispie flies.  Now has 12 homers on the year while hitting a respectable (for him) .277.  According to ESPN’s Player Rater, he’s had top 15 value for all outfielders so far.  I could see him putting it together and walking away with a 30/30 season.

Aubrey Huff – 2-for-4, 2 homers, batting .303 with 10 homers on the year.  Looking like a poor man’s Glaus a.k.a. matte.

Ryan Spilborghs – 3-for-5, 2 homers, hitting almost .700 over the last week as Seth Smith loses time even against righties.  Maybe Seth Smith slept with the Rockie manager’s daughter, Tracy Tracy.

I’m bitter.  I dropped Brennan Boesch in one league on Wednesday night for Russell Branyan.  Branyan DNP yesterday.  Boesch hit a homer off CC.  All my ex-classmates at the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston are going get on my case.  That’s Waiver Wire 101, man!  I’m chagrined. The problem is someone like Branyan will continue to play after Carlos Guillen comes back.  For one, they don’t play on the same team.  I can’t say the same about Boesch.  I mean, I can, but it would be a lie.  Boesch can hit; I like the little meister.  If Guillen has a setback, I’ll want to own Boesch from H-to-T.  Or if the Tigers make Guillen the backup, I’m all in on Boesch, but I’m going on the assumption that he won’t have everyday playing time when Guillen returns.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Justin Verlander – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Imagine if he ever got his April act together.  But then maybe his September pitching would be a holy eff bomb.  Not sure.  Something to think about while your significant other is talking about their day.

Scott Sizemore – 0-for-3, Lost in the haze of Gordon Beckham’s awfulness is this guy.  Who knew a meth’d out Tom Sizemore would be the most reliable Sizemore this year?

Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks as he got Greinke’d.  The next sentence will be typed with my tears.  I can’t buy a Win.

Michael Saunders – 2-for-4 with a home run.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  Now go to the Razzball homepage and don’t blink for five hours.

Chone Figgins – 0-for-3, batting .185 on the year.  The good news is it’ll be easy to go back to hating this schmohawk next year.

Zack Greinke – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks as he finally got his first win.  Just like the Royals to fire their manager after a Win.  How dare you raise our fan’s expectations!

Alfredo Simon – Recorded his 5th save yesterday.  Now has more saves than Broxton.  Zoinks!

Corey Patterson – 2-for-4 with a homer from the leadoff spot.  He was hitting in the minors when he was called up and he’s capable of getting hot for a week or two at a time.  In the big picture, Patterson is not a good hitter, so if you want in, you get in now.  You’ll need to get out soon though.  To put it in New Jersey terms, you pass through Patterson, you don’t stay there.

Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-5, 6 RBIs and 2 homers.  Now has 8 homers in only 27 games since he missed just over a week with injuries.  “If he stays healthy, he appears to be headed for a huge season,” Mr. Obvious says.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 6 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I blame the weather.  No, I blame Coors.  No, I blame Ryan Zimmerman.  Actually, I blame Chacin and the fact he’s a rookie.  Inconsistency is to be expected when you play with rookie fire.  And Jhoulys is Aztec for fire.  No, that’s not true.  I don’t know what a Jhoulys is.  Could mean pants.

Huston Street – Supposed to be a week away from returning, but Huston Street is paved with a lot of injury setbacks, so keep your excitement in check.

Hank Blalock – Scott Boras is telling anyone that will listen that Blalock can still play in the majors and he wants in now.  Though, it’s probably Boras’s assistant; can’t imagine S.B. has time to worry about Blalock.  Put Teixeira on hold, Blalock is on the line!  Riiiiight.  Blalock did hit last year and should be capable of producing in the majors, but he needs an everyday job.  I’m not adding him anywhere.  If you’re in a very deep league, I could see it.  Like an 18 team league that only uses Scott Boras clients.

Bud Norris – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Wait, was he pitching against the Astros?  Norris has upside, but he’s far too inconsistent to trust in mixed leagues at this point.

Hunter Pence – 1-for-4, as he hit his 5th homer and his third in four games. Your time to buy low is 4 PM, three days ago.

Jorge Cantu – 0-for-4 as he bats .146 in May.  Member when I told you to sell him at the end of April?  Member all of the people who commented that Cantu can keep this up?  Wha’ happened?

Jake Fox – 3-for-5 as he got his 2nd straight start after only getting one start in the previous two weeks.  I realize Landon Powell is awesome and all on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Josh Donaldson is related to Colby, but can’t someone figure out how to play Jake Fox every day?  He has catcher eligibility!

Mat Latos – 9 IP, 1 hit, zero walks, 6 Ks.  The only player to get a hit was Eli Whiteside, who I would think looks like Hyman Roth if I didn’t know any better.  The good news on Latos, he’s cut his walks dramatically so far this year, which was a bugaboo last year.  It’still early, but he has a 0.97 WHIP on the year.  A very nice sign.  BTW, the “s” I saved in “It’still,” I’m passing that on to you.  You’re welcome.

Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks and now has a 2.66 ERA and 1.07 WHIP on the year.  I’d be thrilled if he stays on this course all year.  Okay, a Win would be nice, but if I wanted Wins I’d own Tyler Clippard.

Mark DeRosa – Could be headed to the DL.  If it happens, John Bowker will get his third chance to fail in three years.  If only the very forgiving Giants had Jake Fox…

Brad Lidge – The MRI showed no problems with his right elbow.  After the test, Lidge said he felt so good he could go for another three MRIs.