We all need a little wonder, so let me pose a question to you after this clunky intro. Was Matt Cain‘s perfect game the best one game pitching performance in major league history? I pose that question to you, young prematurely balding man, not to answer. Remember, I can’t hear you, unless you scream louder than 200 decibels. I pose this to you to put awe in your heart. A piece of childhood shoved right into your aorta. I’m saying, remove your short-sleeved button down shirt, and let me touch your heart with my question. A 14 K perfect game is kinda hard to top. I mean, I liked Pedro Martinez body slamming Don Zimmer as much as the next man, but the only pitcher to have 14 Ks in a perfect game was Sandy Koufax and he was coming off a Shabbos. Yesterday, was pure shock and “Aw crap, why don’t I have him on one single team?! I love Matt Cain! Bumgarner, you better throw a 15 K perfecto next time out!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Belt – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer in as many games. There’s gonna be some hot schmotatos mentioned further down this post, even a hot thotato, but Belt is an immediate pick up. If he’s clicking, he could be a top twelve 1st baseman, like fo’ reals fo’ reals. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh, the Memorial Day weekend is here, subtle rejoice. It is officially the start to the season of way too tight Affliction t-shirts that are monikered in glitter and shirts that are sold in the three-pack variety. What could be better than that, I’ll tell you what. Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Heath Bell looked like garbage on Sunday, Frank Francisco returned serve with three of his own runs. It was like watching a tennis match between Jon Lovitz and that guy from Felicity. Rather than getting the hook by his manager, Frank-Frank was ejected for arguing balls and strikes. The ump should’ve told him, “With your stuff, I wouldn’t have the balls to throw strikes either.” Jon Rauch is next in line here, but, before the ink can dry on his neck, he could lose the job too. Though, I would grab him, in the non-sexual way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ike Davis – Sat out yesterday with flu-like symptoms. Like. Oh. My. Gahd. I hopes it’s not Valley Fever. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Will Middlebrooks was called up to step between his brother, Donnybrook, Bobby Valentine and Youuuuuuuuuk. Youuuuuuuuuk said, “Ow, my back hurts, I need the DL,” Valentine said, “Just wrap yourself in lavash, that makes everything better.” Donnybrook erupted in a public place because of needling from Sawx fans and Will Middlebrooks hits a lot of homers in the minors. Hello, Will, you be staying for dinner? I’ve prepared a nice spot at the corner spot. Please disregard the Rays embossed flatware that I have there; it was for someone else. This year in 23 games in Triple-A, Middlebrooks hit 9 homers and stole three bases. Last year, he hit 18 in Double-A in 96 games and 7 in 17 games in the low minors. Yesterday, he went 2-for-3 and stole a base. He strikes out way too much currently with little to no walks for him to come close to putting up a good average over the long haul. But long hauls are why you pay movers on Craigslist. You’re looking at short term if you lost Longoria and, for that, I say grab him in AL-Only and deep mixed leagues. If you’re in a league where you can grab Alvarez or Chris Davis, then I’d go with them right now. And, no, I never thought I’d be saying that a month ago. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Beckett – Beckett will only miss one start due to his lat soreness. Lat’s all, folks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Nolan Reimold has started this season like I thought he’d start the 2009 season. And the 2010 season. And the 2011 season. See a pattern? If not, I suggest answering C on all standardized tests and lowering your safety school expectations. It feels like Reimold’s been sleeping on his post-hyper’dom since Branch Rickey was just a twig. He has 25-ish homer power and 10-ish steal speed. If he gets on one, he hits 30 homers and steals 15 and is a top 25 outfielder. If he hits his head on his post-hyper-ness, you drop him. In my Nolan Reimold fantasy from January, I gave him the line of 65/24/80/.250/10. Don’t wanna trust January Grey because he’s been known to hit the bottle? ZiPS updated their projections for Reimold to 65/22/68/.260/10. So don’t trust me. But you gotta trust someone in this life. You can’t go it alone. Cause when you let people in, the world opens up to you. I think the preceding was a speech given by Patrick Dempsey in an 80′s movie that was followed by a slow clap. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Santiago Casilla – You know what he possibly gives you this year? 35 saves. Know what, say, Brett Myers gives you? 25 saves. We’re Cust kayin’ here, but Casilla should be owned. Please, blog, may I have some more?
SAT Question: Albert Pujols is to a fractured forearm as Justin Morneau is to playing every day in 2011 and you can’t take him out of your lineup. Only thing worse for Cardinal fans is if Don Denkinger announced Pujols’s fractured forearm while wearing a Wilson Betemit jersey. We never get Pujols in any leagues. I mean, never. This year, we thought we’d go against common practice and pay for him in one league. It’ll take away some money we have for the rest of our team, but at least we’ll have Pujols. *standing in the pouring rain, shaking fist at the sky* Come get some, Fantasy Overlord! So, unfortunately, the slap on Albert’s forearm was harder than the law gave to Tony La Russa when he DUI’d and Pujols will be out for at least 6 weeks. Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I was sipping from my high-priced stemware that also happens to feature Star Wars characters, I got to thinking about how lucky I was to grab Eric Hosmer in one league. I patted myself on the back and took a dive onto my water bed. As the posturepedic waves crashed over me, I slept. A few hours later, I woke in a panic. Water was dripping from my forehead. Was there a leak in my bed? No. I was sweating, worried I fell for the hype machine like when I bought 10 Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for the incredibly low price of $9. (On a baseball card side note, I was one of those schmohawks thinking baseball cards are only going to appreciate in value. They are going to be so rare! Ooh, a Mark McGwire 1987 card! Better hold on to that one! Wally Joyner has some pop! Stock up! Randy Velarde is the next Bucky Dent! Put that one in a sleeve! Now you can buy 200 cards for a nickel. Alas…) Is Hosmer going to be great with a side order of splendiferous? Probably, friend, assuming splendiferous is a word. But he’s a rookie. A 2007 Ryan Braun rookie season is crazy rare. Most rookie seasons are pretty just a’ight. Some solid streaks, some funky streaks where it looks like they’re playing in a burlap sack. In ESPN, Hosmer went from 1% to over 90% owned in a week. Since 40% of ESPN leagues are filled with abandoned owners, that tells me 130% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term) are excited about Hosmer. That’s your chance to sell high, you savvy fantasy owner you. Obviously, in keepers, you hold tight. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Justin Turner – I’d have no interest in him if he didn’t have 2nd base eligibility. How’s that for a hard sell? Or is it a hard Buy? Or maybe it’s a soft Buy…
Elliot Johnson – He sounds like a Vice President candidate from the early 1900s. Elliot Johnson is a firm believer in woman suffrage. Hopefully Nucky backs him. It feels like the middle of the Rays infield is a black hole for upside. Hey, is that Reid Brignac floating past the Russian space station? Way to reach your potential! Johnson has decent speed (~25 speed potential over a full season) and some light power. Please, blog, may I have some more?
A whale of a prospect plus a bad oblique leads to a a closed Beachy. Enter Julio Teheran. Well, reenter Julio Teheran. Teheranasaurus Rex! First, let’s see what Stephen said about him, “Easily the best story of the 2010 minor league year. Teheran throws a 92 to 96 MPH fastball, an above-average changeup, and a more consistent breaking pitch. Teheran is considered a top 5 pitching prospect in the minors, if not top three. Finally, I hope Grey gets his mustache caught in the gears of a car.” Hmm… Maybe I should’ve read what he wrote before quoting him. Anyhoo! Don’t judge Teheran on his messy first start in the bigs. He should be grabbed in most competitive leagues. Should have a 7+ K/9 and a high 3 ERA with a chance for a lot more. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chris Carpenter – 6 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks as he was handily beat by Wood (6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks). In honor of the Carpenter/Wood matchup, everyone in attendance received a bill for $5000 for a picket fence that wasn’t completed correctly. Please, blog, may I have some more?
With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see? With the 6 steals, he’s still running. If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season. If extrapolate is the right word. From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me! Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson? Last yeario, Phife Dawg. That’s not happening this year though. This is what currently is happening. His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down. If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate. His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases. His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible. That’s better than the current perception of him. If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Week 6 is here, subtle rejoice. Some top minor league guys are getting the call, the closer situations on some teams are still an enigma wrapped in a TLR sandwich and some elite pitching has returned. Now is the time to start gambling on guys that have either underperformed or you have a hunch about. Please, blog, may I have some more?