Jake Arrieta

Scott Evans

Two-Startapalooza — Week 3

| Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 95 Comments

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I begin with this:

Foul Ball Chug

The scene above is from Wednesday’s Mariners v. Astros game, and I realize that the clip has made the rounds by now. Still, I’m compelled to bring it up because it is truly wonderful. From the leaning grab, to the triumphant hoist and subsequent chug, this man wins the week. It always seems like the most brilliant moments happen at crappy games in empty stadiums, and this is no exception. What a hero.

Oh yeah, two-starters… Week three’s look-ahead is below. As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Having Mottrimony Issues? Call Mitchell Boggs, Attorney at SAGNOF

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 539 Comments

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If you’re like me, once you finish your fantasy draft, you have a photographer take a picture of you with your team. You pull up your team page on your laptop, and the both of you sit next to a flower bed. The setting is similar to your mother’s yearbook picture. The cameraman even uses the filter that blurs out everything around you. As you wait for the makeup person to dab cover-up on your nose pimple, you reach into the flower bed and pull out a hydrangea. Then you speak directly to the SAGNOF Gods and recite his prayer, “He loves me, he loves me Motte, he loves me, he loves me Motte, he loves….” And the last petal ends on “He loves me Motte.” And you weep. Motte has an elbow strain and you’re stuck with his litigious brother-in-law, Mitchell Boggs. The Cardinals are currently saying all the right things, “Motte will be fine,” “Mitchell will temporarily fill-in,” “We had no idea McGwire was on steroids.” An elbow strain sounds like a thing that’s going to take Motte from his 40-save potential to an eight-save season with a 5.00+ ERA, which will be interrupted by surgery. Grab Boggs in every league, he could easily be a top five closer for this year. If you own Motte, you obviously DL him and hope for the best. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Smokey

SP/RP: The Duality of Man

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 21 Comments

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Ah Flexibility. It’s like when you were a kid, (or still are a kid) and you have to do that v-sit reach test. You stretch and stretch and in your mind you are awesome, but in reality there is some Romanian chick in your class name Nadia who can eat spaghetti-o’s one at a time with her naval and makes everyone look horrible. This, my friends, is all about the fake baseball flexibility, the laid back one where you pick Cheetos’s one by one out of your belly button, and that to me is grandiose. First lint and now artificially flavored cheese snacks — the world will never cease to amaze me, next thing you know we will put a man on the moon. So last week I gave a preemptive strike into the flexibility thing covering RP that will or may be starting come regular season and are only eligible at RP. Now I am covering some guys that will have both RP and SP, it’s like a fluffer and porn star all rolled into one. So with out the frills and more annoying hullabaloo here are some cats that have dual eligibility. Keep in mind that everyone plays with different settings, so I am only giving guys with 5 starts/5 relief appearances or more to be considered.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sky

2013 Orioles Fantasy Baseball Preview

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball, 2013 Fantasy Baseball Team Preview | 29 Comments

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We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Orioles Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy Mike Petriello from Camden Crazies.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Lincecum Has Hand In Perfecto, Updates Wikipedia For Cain

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 476 Comments

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We all need a little wonder, so let me pose a question to you after this clunky intro.  Was Matt Cain‘s perfect game the best one game pitching performance in major league history?  I pose that question to you, young prematurely balding man, not to answer.  Remember, I can’t hear you, unless you scream louder than 200 decibels.  I pose this to you to put awe in your heart.  A piece of childhood shoved right into your aorta.  I’m saying, remove your short-sleeved button down shirt, and let me touch your heart with my question.  A 14 K perfect game is kinda hard to top.  I mean, I liked Pedro Martinez body slamming Don Zimmer as much as the next man, but the only pitcher to have 14 Ks in a perfect game was Sandy Koufax and he was coming off a Shabbos.   Yesterday, was pure shock and “Aw crap, why don’t I have him on one single team?!  I love Matt Cain!  Bumgarner, you better throw a 15 K perfecto next time out!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Belt – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer in as many games.  There’s gonna be some hot schmotatos mentioned further down this post, even a hot thotato, but Belt is an immediate pick up.  If he’s clicking, he could be a top twelve 1st baseman, like fo’ reals fo’ reals.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Frank-Frank Leaves Mets Saying Blankety Blank

| 2012 Fantasy Baseball | 568 Comments

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When Heath Bell looked like garbage on Sunday, Frank Francisco returned serve with three of his own runs.  It was like watching a tennis match between Jon Lovitz and that guy from Felicity.  Rather than getting the hook by his manager, Frank-Frank was ejected for arguing balls and strikes.  The ump should’ve told him, “With your stuff, I wouldn’t have the balls to throw strikes either.”  Jon Rauch is next in line here, but, before the ink can dry on his neck, he could lose the job too.  Though, I would grab him, in the non-sexual way.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ike Davis – Sat out yesterday with flu-like symptoms.  Like.  Oh.  My.  Gahd.  I hopes it’s not Valley Fever.

Please, blog, may I have some more?