This year Doug Fister has been a revelation like a Dorito in the shape of the Virgin Mary telling you it’s time to change your underwear. Mystically, making something out of nothing and turning it into a little something-something. 13 strikeouts yesterday?!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Gregg was handed his 6th blown save yesterday. He’s tizzerrible. I won’t defend him. Your honor, no questions at this time. I just don’t see the Orioles bothering to switch things up. They’re defeated. Look into their eyes and you see the shadow of Cal Ripken Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
David Ortiz must not have fed the meter yesterday because he was fitted with a boot. Southie police officer, “You ahr naht above the lah! Now sign my badge for my boy, Tommy.” Turns out Big Papi has right heel bursitis, which is a fancy word that eHow has seven useless articles about that is essentially inflammation.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live and let’s change the Twins closer. Joe Nathan is now the closer with two saves this weekend. As I kinda said last week, Matt Capps was pitching so bad, he picked up Joe Nathan in his fantasy league.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Uggla has now homered in two straight games, but, more importantly, he has two other hits in those games, making him hotter than a junebug on a duck’s back or some other yokelism they say in The South. That’s at least compared to how he looked like Rocky Dennis on all his swings prior to this week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wilson Betemit collided with Albert Pujols and… Why is Wilson Betemit playing?! He never plays. Doesn’t your Quad-A Beer Pong Tournament partner, Shelley Duncan, need you for a tourney? Manzo! (Which is my new favorite exclamation that means nothing.) Another tough break (strain?) for a high draft pick.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jair Jurrjens has a xFIP of 3.64 and a K-rate of 5.23. Sounds like you should brave the trade winds with Jar-Jar. Or maybe I should say, “Wash that Jurrjens right outta your Jair!” Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns, I get it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last month we went over some pitchers that were getting lucky. You remember back a month ago, right? You were 15 pounds lighter and still had a few hairs to brush over your head. The pitchers that I said would regress last month were Moseley, Ogando, Tomlin, Britton, Correia, Masterson, Gorzelanny, Guthrie, Wolf and Cahill.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Moustakas was called up! No, he wasn’t! Yeah, he was, random italicized voice, why are you giving me a hard time? Keeping you honest. Since nothing’s changed since last time I went over him but the date, here’s what I said in the offseason, “Last year, he spent time at Double and Triple-A.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jorge de la Rosa left the third inning because of elbow soreness. I thought it sounded ominous at the time, but I also thought it might’ve been the older, Hispanic lady riding her bicycle passed my window chanting, “Flores para los muertos.” It turned out it was a combination of both.Please, blog, may I have some more?