Fantasy Baseball Advice

All the final 2009 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters has been done. For those that skipped the title, today starts the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball. This is NOT for 2010 (caps for those still wearing their Final Destination 3-D glasses). This is a recap. Will these effect next year’s rankings, sure. But not entirely. (Note: These rankings are from ESPN’s Player Rater. It’s just an objective third party to fairly gauge my preseason rankings. Does this mean I think ESPN’s Player Rater is perfect? No. For one, it weighs Wins very heavily.) Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Zack Greinke – I’m sure Rudy will cover this at some point in the offseason, but let’s get it out of the way right off the bat.   Greinke showed up on the Risky pitcher post in the preseason.  I count 13 of the 20 pitchers Rudy flagged that did run into troubles in 2009, so I think we can agree it wasn’t an abomination.  The concern with the high pitch count in 2008 for Greinke turned out to be nothing.  Everything was roses.  Red luscious roses like Rip Taylor’s intern tosses at his feet.  Two months under a .55 ERA, more than a K/IP on the year, next to no walks and he didn’t need to talk to the ball between hitters.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  9-7/4.10/1.30/130, Final Numbers:  16-8/2.16/1.07/242

2. Tim Lincecum – A few weeks ago, someone in the comments said Tim Lincecum’s mullet makes him look like someone Ellen DeGeneres should be dating.  It’s funny because it’s true.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  17-8/3.00/1.18/210, Final Numbers:  15-7/2.48/1.05/261

3. Felix Hernandez – To stick with the Ellen theme, F-Her headed the preseason tier I named, “Guys I’m Kinda Gay For.”  Wainwright was also in that tier.  Luckily, I grabbed Hernandez in one league and Wainwright in just about every other league.  F-Her had one bad month (May; 4.34 ERA), topped 200 Ks, a 1.99 ERA in Away starts, a .603 OPS against and 19 wins.  This is about this year, but, I’ll say it, I love him for next year, too.  And, for some reason, I think he’s underrated.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  13-9/3.85/1.33/190, Final Numbers:  19-5/2.49/1.14/217

4. Javier Vazquez – In the preseason, CHONE drooled over Vazquez.  Lots of people disagreed.  CHONE 1, Lots of People Who Disagreed 0.  My abridged comments in the preseason were, “Besides having a last name that would be great for Scrabble, I like him.”  At 33, it was hard to imagine Vazquez having a career year, but that was exactly what he did.  Preseason Rank #34, 2009 Projections:  15-8/4.15/1.25/200, Final Numbers:  15-10/2.87/1.03/238

5. Dan Haren – In the preseason, I said, “Here’s the first pitcher (in the top ten) that I have a legitimate shot at owning in leagues in 2009.   Wins aside, guess who had more value in 2008, Haren or Webb?  Obviously I’m asking the question because it’s Haren.  He beat Webb in WHIP and Ks and practically tied him in ERA.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I did end owning him and he pitched predictably terrific in the 1st half and just-above mediocre in the 2nd half.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  16-7/3.40/1.15/195, Final Numbers:  14-10/3.14/1.00/223

6. Chris Carpenter – Not going to claim I saw this season coming at all.  I always thought Carpenter was a great pitcher, but, frankly, I was worried about him coming off the injury season.  I preached caution; I should’ve preached to ignore me.  Preseason Rank #59, 2009 Projections:  9-5/3.70/1.27/110, Final Numbers:  17-4/2.24/1.01/144

7. Roy Halladay – In 2008, Halladay had a 2.78 ERA and 206 Ks.  This year, 2.79 and 208.  If I had to boil down fantasy baseball success, I’d say you want predictability + upside.  Considering most starters are like shooting fish in a barrel that has no fish in it, Halladay brings a sense of predictability that isn’t easily found.  Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  16-6/3.50/1.10/165, Final Numbers:  17-10/2.79/1.13/208

8. Adam Wainwright – Had some control problems early in the season, but he straightened those out in a big way in the 2nd half (97/18 K/BB).  Yes, he made Rufus and me very happy this year.  Preseason Rank #23, 2009 Projections:  13-7/3.60/1.20/150, Final Numbers:  19-8/2.63/1.21/212

9. Justin Verlander – With his 2nd season in a row of poor April numbers, it’s fair to say Verlander takes some time to start cooking.  I guess when you rely on a 98 MPH fastball, the warm weather helps the, uh, heat.  Preseason Rank #41, 2009 Projections:  15-9/4.00/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  19-9/3.45/1.18/269

10. CC Sabathia – When you see his ERA went up in 2009 compared to 2008, it’s easy to say he couldn’t handle The Jetstream.  Alas, you’re wrong, doode.  He had a 3.17 ERA at home compared to 3.53 on the road.  It’s all about the home cooking (and eating).  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  18-7/3.20/1.10/200, Final Numbers:  19-8/3.37/1.15/197

11. Josh Johnson – Throw out his final start of the season when he may or may not have been suffering from an illness and his ERA would’ve been 3.03.  BTW, don’t you love how ESPN and Yahoo put a guy’s condition in parenthesis in their player card news?  I wish everyone had player cards.  “Last night, Grey grabbed a burger (hungry) then tried to have sex with his girlfriend (headache).”  Preseason Rank #39, 2009 Projections:  13-6/3.75/1.32/140, Final Numbers:  15-5/3.23/1.16/191

12. Matt Cain – Cain was a strange case for me.  (Prepare yourselves for the longest run-on sentence in history.  You may need an oxygen mask.)  I loved Cain coming into the season, ended up drafting him in a few leagues, he got off to an incredible start, I wrote repeatedly on the blog about how his numbers were supposed to regress, so no one would trade for him in any of my leagues because of what I wrote or because they read something similar elsewhere, the more I tried to trade him the better he pitched, then I stopped trying to trade him and he finally regressed in September (5.22 ERA).  Preseason Rank #32, 2009 Projections:  14-10/3.35/1.26/200, Final Numbers:  14-8/2.89/1.18/171

13. Jair Jurrjens – Not that I’m against Jar-Jar, but his K-rate does bore me a bit.  Preseason Rank #48, 2009 Projections:  12-8/3.75/1.35/150, Final Numbers:  14-10/2.60/1.21/152

14. Jon Lester – He had the tale of two seasons.  It (June on) was the best of times, it (April/May) was the worst of times…  If you jumped on his coattails in June when I advised you to, you did pretty good.  Preseason Rank #27, 2009 Projections:  15-7/4.00/1.30/150, Final Numbers:  15-8/3.41/1.23/225

15. Wandy Rodriguez – Hmm… What’s this, snitches? Yup.  Preseason Rank #42, 2009 Projections:  10-7/3.75/1.30/160, Final Numbers:  14-12/3.02/1.24/193

16. Ted Lilly – I avoided Lilly in all of my drafts to my detriment.  But, honestly, when you have F-Her, Haren, Cain, Wainwright, Wandy and Wolf in 90% of your starting spots on your teams, you’re doing okay.  I’ll repeat it ad nauseam in the preseason, but you don’t have to draft pitching early to compete.  The only league I drafted a top pitcher, I took Peavy.  And we know how that worked out.  Preseason Rank #44, 2009 Projections:  12-10/4.30/1.25/160, Final Numbers:  12-9/3.10/1.06/151

17. Randy Wolf – In a 15 team league (that’s deep, ya’ll), I grabbed Wolf off of waivers.  In my 16 team league, I took Wolf in one of my last picks.  Chances are Wolf was not drafted in your leagues, which makes me think Wolf was one of the best value pitching picks off of waivers.  I like Wolf and Wolf Like Me, TV on the Radio.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  11-7/3.23/1.10/160

18. Josh Beckett – My preseason AL Cy Young pick didn’t fair that terrible, but he’s definitely not winning the award.  The odd thing is my preseason predictions for his numbers weren’t very far off.  Just turned out there were a lot of great pitchers in 2009.  As Jessica Shaw would say, steroids out, pitching and speed in.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  16-10/3.75/1.20/175, Final Numbers:  17-6/3.86/1.19/199

19. Ubaldo Jimenez – Chances are if you owned Ubaldo, you picked him up sometime in May or June after his 7.58 ERA April.  So his numbers are even sweeter in your Active stats.  Preseason Rank #49, 2009 Projections:  10-8/4.20/1.40/165, Final Numbers:  15-12/3.47/1.23/198

20. Cliff Lee – The Adverb moved to the NL and his ERA went up.  Weird!  Guess it’s because the Phillies play in a stadium smaller than a jai lai fronton.  Somewhere in Aruba, J.P. Ricciardi dials his phone.  “Hey, Halladay… You’re welcome!”  Preseason Rank #17, 2009 Projections:  15-10/3.75/1.22/150, Final Numbers:  14-13/3.22/1.24/181

Yesterday, Andy LaRoche made a last ditch effort for some of his parents’ love.  He went 5-for-5, with 2 homers, 4 Runs and 6 RBIs.  He had his best month of the season in September and he’ll still be 26 next year.  I might actually own Pirate players next year.  Weird!  BTW, the Pirates were playing in their final home game of the year in what has been a miserable decade season.  With this last opportunity for the Pirates to give their fans something to cheer about, the 3rd base coach put the brakes on LaRoche as he rounded 2nd heading to third on a long double.  Who cares right?  LaRoche needed a triple for the cycle!  Wait, it gets better.  Zach Duke is cruising for the entire game.  Runs into slight trouble in the 9th inning, but the Pirates have an 11-1 lead.  So what does the manager do with two outs, the never fear-inducing Blake DeWitt at-bat and Duke dealing with a very reasonable 103 pitch count?  He lifts Duke rather than let him get the complete game.  The Pirates deserve contraction.  /rant  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Hiroki Kuroda – 4 IP, 10 baserunners, 3 ER and 7 runs total.  As he provided a Ticker Shock.

Garrett Jones – HR and steal yesterday as he went 2-for-5.  On the season, he’s sitting at 21 homers and 10 steals with a .305 average.  That’s in 292 at-bats.  I think Robot Jones might officially be overrated next year, unless everyone thinks he’ll be overrated which could make him underrated or just rated.  Hard to say.  If I had to guess, I think people will assume he’s a fluke and he’ll go later than he should.

Josh Beckett – Scratched from his start vs. the Jays.  I wouldn’t wait around to see if he starts again this season if you need starters.  Chances are the Sawx throw him for only a few innings as a tuneup for the playoffs, if they throw him at all.

Brett Gardner – Gardner, Melky, Hinske, Shelley “I Will High Five You So Hard Your Momma Feels It” Duncan, Miranda-Something-Or-Other, Ramiro Pena and Cervelli.  What is the Yankees lineup a day after clinching?  Yes, that’s right.  We would’ve also accepted, what the Yankees lineup would’ve l0oked like all year if they had the same injuries as the Mets?  For fantasy baseball purposes, this isn’t great that your Yanks are sitting, but I don’t think Girardi is going to want them rusty so the regulars should see at least 4 games this week.

Jair Jurrjens – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks.  With only one start left on the year, his ERA is 2.61.  Zoinks!  Of course, I’d love for him to strikeout more guys, but it’s hard to argue with his year.  Of course, he’s no Wandwagon.  But who is?

Anibal Sanchez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 walks and that’s why I wouldn’t ever start him.

John Danks – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  Every time I think I’m done with Danks (last game 6 IP, 7 ER), he pulls me back in with a start like this.  I’m warning you now, I’m going to like him again next year.

Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Damn you, Verducci Effect.

Miguel Tejada – 4-for-5 as he had his second 4 hit game in three days while batting over .500 in the last week.  At 13 homers, 5 steals and a .313 average, he’s been one of the biggest surprises this year for me.  Since those numbers aren’t that overwhelming, you can imagine how much I expected of him this year.

Gabe Kapler – HR yesterday.  Now that’s how you break a fast.

Grant Balfour – Got the save yesterday because when the bottle stopped spinning it was pointing at him.

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks as the Angels win the West.  Count on most of the Angels lineup sitting or phoning it in tomorrow.  That’s a slight endorsement for the Rangers starter tomorrow, Feldman.

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-3, 3 Runs and a RBI when he was replaced by Millar.  No word if he left because of a serious injury or just to emphasis how scary it is that I care what happened to him.

Colby Rasmus – This video was shot exactly 500 yards from Colby Rasmus.  If you think that is bad, you should see the one for Chris Davis.  It’s just a guy singing honkytonk at a Dallas bar and striking out with every woman he tries to serenade.

Taking his name from the Telemundo reruns of Kojak, Ubaldo Jimenez currently has a 3.86 ERA, a 3.33 FIP (Fielding Independent Pitching) and a 3.71 Away ERA.  Chuck in a 7.63 K/9 and a schedule right after the break of either away games or easy matchups.  In the 2nd half last year, Ubaldo had a 3.68 ERA and almost a K an inning.  I’d grab him (and not start him at home vs. the Braves or any other tough matchups at home).  Is Ubaldo going to win you a league?   Doode, I don’t even know your league.  Ubaldo is not just a cute name.  No, sir (or sire, if you’re a time traveler), he’s a matchups pitcher!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Jorge de la Rosa – Hey, it’s all about the Rockies pitchers.  Sweet, I always wanted to lose my fantasy baseball league!  What, no more Padres hitters? Cute, random italicized voice.  He has a 3.89 ERA Away from Coors and he strikes out more than one batter per inning.  If you’re in a daily league, he’s worth a spot for matchups.

Dexter Fowler – 4 steals in the last week.  SAGNOF!

Franklin Gutierrez – In a week that saw the actor that played The Big Ragoo wash ashore with a DUI, The Big FraGu hit 2 homers and batted .429.  He’ll hit for some power and run with some speed while singing & dancing.

Rafael Furcal – He’s been on fire lately.  If you’re hurting at SS (and who isn’t), you might see if you can get him for cheap.  Though at this point any Furcal owner is probably holding onto him for their dear life, praying they get some production for where they had to draft him.

Andruw Jones – Ah, he’s playing again with a smile.  Actually, he always played with a smile, which I think was part of the problem.  Too much, too soon and all of that.  He was kinda like a child actor for baseball players.  Hopefully he avoids the methadone clinic.  Then again, Hamilton’s done okay for himself.  Jones is worth a pickup in all leagues while he’s hitting to see how long it lasts.

Homer Bailey – Maybe, possibly, perhapsly Bailey’s finally, ultimately, in the endly showing the signs of his promising promise. (The preceding was written by a high school student who just discovered a thesaurus.)

Marc Rzepczynski – The consonant monger had a great K-rate in the minors and is worth a flier in AL-Only leagues.

Garrett Jones – I went over him in last week’s Buy/Sell.  I refuse to go over a Pirates prospect again.  I have me morals, argh!

David Price - You held him for so long and now you’re going to give up on him?  Do you remember why you were holding him?  Patience, grasshopper.

Ricky Romero – Why isn’t he owned in every league?  Just give me your password and I’ll pick him up for you.

Paul Maholm – Keeping with the theme of pitchers you never thought you’d want to own, Maholm’s ERA is 4.60 and his FIP is 3.52.  His career 2nd half ERA is 3.95.  He’s allergic to strikeouts and as exciting as corduroy pants, but he’s worth a flier if available.

Joel Pineiro – What would a post about pitchers who are valuable that you don’t want to own be without Pineiro?

Brandon Morrow – Don’t forget about domani!  He’s worth owning in every league, but I’d still play matchups for now.

SELL

Mark Buehrle – Objects on your fantasy baseball team are better than they appear.

Derrek Lee – Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game, Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers.  Ding, ding, ding… Bassoon… Triangle!  Triangle!  Triangle!  Cow bell!  More cow bell!  One last ding. Player A) 38/16/58/.304, Player B) 38/16/53/.279 Player C) 37/14/45/.283/1  Player A is Paul Konerko, B is Lee and C is Kendry Morales.  I’m not saying trade Derrek Lee for a cup of Beef Vegetable soup, but if you can get a worthwhile piece and can grab a Konerko or Morales-type off waivers, it’s worth exploring.  Remember, he’s Derrek Overbay to those in the know.

Russell Branyan – Wasn’t that long ago that I had him as a Buy.  Well, times change.  People, besides Joan Rivers, get older.  And Branyan’s hitting .161 in July.  Not saying to drop him, but you’re holding a 33-year-old who has a career .237 average in almost 2300 ABs.  His average will continue to slide.

Colby Rasmus – I’m a big fan.  He’ll probably be the Rookie of the Year.  But right now he’s on a week or two binge where everyone’s telling you to Buy him.  Let’s not lose sight of the big picture here.  He’s a 20 homer rookie who gets benched against lefties.  I told you to buy him in May because I knew he could do what he’s doing, but you don’t buy him now.  You sell him now.  As in trade him, don’t drop him.  You need alligator blood when the bettor check raises to you.

Jose Contreras – In May of last year, Contreras had a 2.09 ERA in over 43 innings.  In June, he had a 6.83 ERA.  In his last 43 and 2/3 innings, he has a 2.06 ERA.  Beware of a correction in the road.

Jair Jurrjens – On May 22nd, I said, “Jar-Jar’s a lot closer to a 3.75 ERA pitcher, instead of a 1.96 ERA.  His Ks are low and his luck is high.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Since that faithful day when my Sell post intersected with Jurrjens, he’s gone 2-5/3.86/1.42/43 in just over 53 innings.  That’s much closer to the pitcher he is.  Sorry, but at least I didn’t title this post, “Jar-Jar Sinks.”

Yesterday, Shane Victorino went 4-for-5, 4 RBIs, 5 Runs scored and his 6th homer.  For anyone who read the roundups last year, you’re probably wondering where my Victorino love went.  Last year, Victorino was my ‘09 Mark Reynolds.  I saw good value in Victorino last year and pushed him on everyone.  Unfortunately, he met expectations, performed well, his value skyrocketed and I don’t have him on any team this year.  This will be the story next year when I rarely mention Reynolds.  I won’t own him because he’ll be drafted too high in 2010.  Alas, the story of the fantasy baseball ‘pert.  Your loves are forever changing.  One year Jeremy Guthrie, the next year Wandy Rodriguez.  Behind the ’stache lies a fickle man!  But I still gots love for Victorino.  My only concern is how low his steals are this year.  Sitting — literally — on 13 steals.  So run.  You’re The Flying Hawaiian for a reason, not The Taro Masher, poi!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Howard – The Phils scored 22 runs.  Howard went 1-for-4, no Runs and one RBI.  Ticker Tease!

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-4, 1 RBI, 4 Runs scored.  Batting near .400 in July.  Let’s not call him fixed yet, but we’re heading in the right direction.

Jayson Werth – Hit his 17th homer yesterday and drove in his 46, 47, 48, 49 and 50th RBIs.  Have I mentioned the Phils scored a lot of runs yesterday?

Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 1 ER, only 2 Ks.  A start against a team that isn’t scoring many runs and is down ten runs after the first inning is a nice place to be pitching from.  This could be the confidence boost Hamels needs moving forward.

Johnny Cueto – 2/3 IP, 9 ER.  The pimple-faced teenager tried to warn you.  I’m thinking it might be hard to Sell him now.  I wouldn’t panic and drop him out of spite.  He won’t be this bad the rest of the year.  In fact, he gets the Mets in Metco next.

Paul Janish – In relief he went, one inning and gave up 6 runs.  He still pitched better than Cueto.

Jonny Gomes – HR yesterday.  Reds face four lefties this week.  Play the matchups, dear Razzball reader.

Randy Johnson – Hit the DL with a case of Old.

Kevin Slowey – He has a strained wrist.  This was the best case scenario.  No, that’s not right. Best case scenario would be he’s healthy… Actually, best case scenario is he was healthy and pitching well.  So the good news is Slowey received the 3rd best best case scenario.

Rick Porcello – Now his spot in the rotation is getting skipped.  Next thing, he’ll be pitching out of the bullpen in August.  Then shutdown in September.  Finally, buying Leyland Camels in March.  It’s the circle of life.

Randy Wells – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, no BBs.  Has a 2.48 ERA on the year.  I was worried after his start vs. the Twins when he went 3 2/3 IP and gave 4 runs.  I’m still hestitant about a young pitcher in Wrigley, but he’s done little to not trust him.  Fall backwards into his arms.  He’ll catch you.  At least for another start or two, then we’ll have to reevualate.

Aramis Ramirez – Returned and went 0-for-4.  This is unconfirmed, but Cubs fans are saying he would’ve had four hits, but Bradley forgot to run in front of him.

Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 4 ER, one K.  Meesa tinks Jar-Jar’s got a few more of these yawnstipating starts in him.

Willie Bloomquist – Hit his 2nd homer yesterday.  He dedicated the shot to Jay Buhner.

John Smoltz – 6 IP, 5 ER.  I don’t own Smoltz anywhere, because, well, there’s NL fish in the sea, but if I did own him, I’d be concerned.  These weren’t exactly the Gene Tenace A’s he was facing.  He gets the Willie Bloomquist Royals next time out, if that goes poorly, might be time to pull the ripcord.

Orlando Cabrera – Now here’s an exciting name!  He’s hit two homers in the last two games.  Do with that info what you must, but if you ask me if you should pick him up, I’m going to say, “Bleh.”

Brett Anderson – 9 IP, 9 Ks as he two-hit the Sawx.  I still wouldn’t pick him up, but you know what’s fun?  The first three months of any relationship.  Yes, but besides that, the way the A’s call up just about anyone.  Anderson would be pitching in Double-A right now for just about any other organization. No expectations is just another word for nothing left to lose.

Mike Hampton – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Took care of the Pirates yesterday, will get the Nats next time out.  That’s a decent spot start, assuming he doesn’t end up on the DL by this weekend.

Kevin Millwood – 5 IP, 9 ER.  Well, we both knew it was coming.  As my Polish neighbor from my childhood would say, “What can do?”

Josh Hamilton – Returned and went 2-for-4.  See, he does deserve to be in the All-Star Game!

Jarrod Washburn – Threw a one-hitter shutout yesterday vs. the Orioles.  On the positives, showing great command with only 26 walks in 105 1/3 IP and a spacious park.  On the flip side, not a lot of Ks and very little run support.  Potatoes to chips, Washburn is worth a flier if your team is struggling on WHIP.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu has been out of his mind lately batting nearly .500 over his last 7 games.   After hitting .304 in June with 4 homers and 3 steals.  Project that out over the entire season and you have numbers The Big FraGu won’t get.  But Schlemiel! Schlimazel!  He’s worth a pickup while he’s hot.

Justin Upton – 1-for-3, HR and steal yesterday.  Was good to see him do something after going into yesterday’s game 0 for his last 18.

Everth Cabrera – 0-for-3 with two steals.  To say he’s lighting the world on fire would be a lie, but SAGNOF!

Albert Pujols – Over at Rotoworld, they referred to Pujols as Prince Albert. (If you look up Prince Albert, it’s perhaps the only Wikipedia page not safe for work.)  Guess when your last name is Pujols, you get used to harsh nicknames.  With a two ball count, Prince Albert gets the head of the bat in the zone and pierces it up the middle.

(Note from Rudy:  I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.”  Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits?  This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear.  Your pectoral is in your chest.  Sorry none of you could bask in my preferred title.  Now, carry on, Grey — lamer!)  Vladimir Guerrero is due back on Monday from a torn pectoral.  I’m not a doctor, but occasionally I played one in my preteen years.  All I know of the pectoral is it’s somewhere in Vlad’s body.  Do I have one?  Maybe.  No idea.  So let’s go with what I do know.  Scioscia lies; he lies when he cries that Vlad can’t play the outfield, but can DH, which he said on April 7th, right before Vlad missed six weeks.  When Vlad did finally hit the DL, some source that Jayson Stark won’t reveal (because this is just so damning I suppose) said, “When those offensive linemen get (the same injury as Vlad) in the NFL, they’re out for the year.”  So, assuming Vlad doesn’t need to block Jose Guillen from trying to tackle Scioscia, will Vlad be in the clear come Monday?  Not likely.  The injury that was only supposed to effect him when he throws has already sidelined him for 6 weeks from hitting.  I’m assuming the Angels brass got together and decided half of a Vlad (or Vl) was a lot more intimidating hitting in the middle of the lineup than sitting on the sidelines doing Sudoku.  This does not mean you need to have him in your fantasy lineup.  Remember last year from June on, Vlad only hit 20 homers, or about what Raul Ibanez has done already (Raul!).  Then you throw in the risk of having a player who is a Latin 34 with deteriorating skills and knees and he’s a sell.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Brian Anderson – Could have some slight value in AL-Only leagues.  Though if you have a erection for longer than 4 hours after picking up Brian Anderson, you should seek advice from a doctor.

David Aardsma – He’s worked his way into the last two Buy/Sells going for the record of 4, which is currently held by last summer’s Cliff Lee when I kept telling people to sell him.  Hmm…

Jorge Posada – I’m not a huge fan of Jorge, but if he’s on waivers right now and you’re hurting for a catcher, I’d stash him in my DL spot.  He’s due back soon.  Act like you know, MC Lyte!

Paul Konerko – Not a thrilling name (he’s no Posada!) but he’s been hitting for average recently with power coming on.  He has 20 more homers in his bat.

Casey Blake – Keeping with the boring veteran theme, Blake’s good for 85/25/95/.270 and one alleged homicide.

Scott Hairston – Wait, where are the exciting names?  A hitter on the Padres?  This is the worst Buy/Sell ever! Thanks, random italicized voice.   Yeah, Hairston’s boring as dog balls and yawnstipating at best, but he’s hot right now and hitting in the middle of the Padres order.  I wouldn’t trade for him, but if you need a Hot Hitter Injection in your outfield, he’s worth a looksee.

Mat Gamel – Interleague is here and Gamel will see DH ABs.  Just hold him until the end of interleague because if he torches right handers this weekend, you’ll wish you gave him a few more days.  Oh, and if he hits righties like he’s capable of, he might platoon with H.A. double hockey sticks when they go back to those old school NL vs. NL match-ups.  Or Hall might move to 2nd.  All we need is just a little patience.

J.A. Happ – Will Happ be crapp?  PPotentially.  But he’s worth a pickup (don’t start him) in 12 team or deeper leagues.

Homer Bailey – Never trust a pitcher named Homer?  Well, not at first I wouldn’t.

Kris Medlen – Hmm… Let’s see if Grey can take out his magic stick on these schmohawks.  Happ, Medlen then Bailey, in that order.  But, guys, they’re all rookie pitchers.  You’re taking on a lot of risk.  As I’ve said before, a rookie hitter goes 0-for-16 and he does little damage to your team.  A rookie pitcher gives up 6 earned in 4 innings and it hurts.

Gil Meche - Like Meche much?  Yup.  Though not quite as much as this guy likes Brian Shouse.

Rafael Betancourt – Do I trust Betancourt at all?  No, but picking up cheap saves isn’t a trust exercise.

Jesus Guzman – He has Bugs Bunny numbers down in Triple-A, but he can’t field to the point where Gamel would be used as his defensive replacement.  Might just be up for the interleague series or he might relieve the Giants fans of having to watch Ishikawa bat.  In deep leagues and NL-Only ones, he’s worth a flier.  Oh, and in ESPN leagues, he’s eligible at shortstop.  Zoinks!

Jonny Gomes – Worth a flier in NL-Only leagues.  But Gomes is so AAAA.  So, in that way, he’s twice the player that Josh Hamilton is.

SELL

Jair Jurrjens – Jar-Jar’s a lot closer to a 3.75 ERA pitcher, instead of a 1.96 ERA.  His Ks are low and his luck is high.  But for those of you with Restless Trade Finger, don’t trade him for a bag of buttered popcorn and a postcard stamp.  He shouldn’t collapse.

Corey Hart – ’80s pop icon has been struggling, though hitting fine against righties.  (Fine’s obviously subjective here, but no worse than how he’s hitting against lefties.  But if the Brewers really wanted to mess with his mind, they could start Gerut against some righties.  You shouldn’t be dropping Hart, or selling him low, but it’s a situation to track.

Jose Lopez – Who are you, Lopez?  You’re not even a Sparky Anklebiter.  You suck.  Goodbye.

Adrian Beltre – A drain on my patience.  I’m done with you too.  Now don’t make me ever watch the Mariners again.  Frankly, I don’t ever even want to go to Seattle now.  You ruined it for me.  Are you happy?

Howie Kendrick – Batting 9th, but let’s assume that’s the 2nd number one hitter in the order.  Okay, so he’s batting in front of Figgins and Erick Aybar… He’s going to get bunted to third every time he gets on base?  Goodbye, hate you too.

Trevor Hoffman – Currently has a 0.00 ERA. That actually might have people believing he’s about to save 40 games.  Well, maybe he does, but if you can trade Hoffman for an every day hitter or a “go pitcher,” remember SAGNOF.

Roy Oswalt – Name value is all that’s carrying him at this point.  His Ks are down.  He’s not even being particularly unlucky.  His men left on base are about where they should be.  He’s looking like a 4.50 ERA pitcher right now.  Hold the sides of your head because I’m about to blow your mind.  Wandy’s better than Roy.

Conor Jackson – Gag me with a spoon!  Jackson contracted Valley Fever that turned into pneumonia which has given his owners the boogie woogie blues.  This pneumonia – which may drag on all year like Casey Kotchman’s mono – makes him droppable in all but NL-only formats.

Andruw Jones – Your laissez faire attitude was fine when you were in your twenties, but now you’re just fat and lazy and hope everything comes easy to you.  Me to Andruw, not my Mom to me.  I’m not fat.