I’m not sure what the L stands for, but Josh Hamilton obviously felt LAA was a good fit for him. What I’d like to know is how is California a bankrupt state? The Dodgers and Angels’ salaries combined are equal to the GDP of every country, except China and Switzerland. Mozambique couldn’t afford just Pujols and Hamilton. Forget Greinke, Hanley, Vernon Wells, Matt Kemp and Carl Crawford. Alone, Arte Moreno could sell the Angels and buy Africa. Africa Moreno, that’s what they would call it. Burundi would become Aybarundi, Djibouti would become Dbootyhole and Chad would stay the same name, because that’s a badass name for a country, but Arte would put a country-wide golf course there, because anything named Chad and golf go hand-in-hand. The Angels now have Trout, Aybar, Pujols and Hamilton at the top of their lineup. October 1st called and said Aybar just scored his 197th run. Batting fifth, Kendrys could hit .220 and drive in 100 RBIs. Howie Kendrick… Well, he’ll still disappoint, but this is slightly bizzonkers to have three of the top hitters in baseball all in the same lineup. Trout, Hamilton and Pujols alone hit 103 homers last year. The Astros whole team only hit 146. Specifically about Hamilton, I could throw a lot numbers at you about about how his June through September were well short of his April/May. How his BABIP in April/May buoyed his season average. How not quoting these exact numbers but saying how I could quote them is a lot easier. Honestly, none of these numbers matter. I’d take six months straight of 5 homers/month and a .280 average. I don’t need a .380 average month with 12 homers. The bigger issue for me is you have no idea what you’re going to get from Hamilton year-to-year. One year, he hits 10 homers; one year, he misses 30 games; one year, he misses 55 games. Last year, his K-rate wasn’t good and his homer/fly ball rate was obscene. His swinging strike rate was the worst in the majors. This wasn’t just bad for this year. He had the worst rate since 2002. Mark Reynolds set a strikeout record one year and had a better swinging strike rate. Oh, and he’s 32 years old as of May 21st. He could be in for a huge year, but he’ll probably be drafted before I’m willing to look at him. For 2013, I’ll give him the line of 92/29/109/.277/7. You think adding a top hitter to an already stacked lineup will make it exponentially better, but for fantasy it just spreads out the wealth, as the Angels and Dodgers should do. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Finally, an injury to an Angel that can clear up the awful logjam between OF/DH/3B. Oh wait, it’s to their catcher – Chris Iannetta – where their ‘depth’ involves Bobby Wilson, an injured Hank Conger and sub-Mathis scrubs. Maybe they should try Mark Trumbo at catcher. He’s gotta be better there than at 3B. Chris Iannetta anagrams to Neat Christian – how fitting for an Angel. I guess someone had to be the martyr to save Pujols’s soul from the fiery pits of replacement-level. For those of you in deep enough leagues to warrant a roster spot for Iannetta, just pick up whatever schmohawk catcher is on the waiver wire with the most ABs in the last 2 weeks. Nothing’s sweeter than a random HR from a FA scrub (shoutout to Cesar Izturis’s HR for our NL-only team). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks. “Wait until he hits twenty-seven years old and he can barely lift his arm to pack his bowl.” That’s Lincecum watching the Strasburg highlights.Please, blog, may I have some more?
No surprise that Johan Santana pitched well yesterday. Everyone pitched well yesterday (except relievers). Now I know what it was like to play fantasy baseball during the dead ball era. “Hey, Scoots, I got me a base hit from my second bagger! I’m so excited, but maybe that excitement is from this Coca-Cola that’s made from cocaine! I love me some fizzle! I’m gonna boil this Coca-Cola, then smoke the leftover brown soot. You want in, Scoots? Huh?!” Can’t everyone do the juice and then use FedEx? I miss the shrunken ball era! Did anyone even hit a ball out of the infield yesterday? Someone lower the mound six inches and use aluminum bats. Please! I need Justin Masterson looking like Bob Gibson like I need another hole in my head (I already have four; one of my ears closed up after listening to the Cleveland Indian announcers). Can’t say I wasn’t unpleasantly surprised to see Johan pitching. It would’ve been straight pleasantly, but I don’t own him anywhere. He’s not the pitcher he once was. He’s not going back to that, but he looked like he could be a fairly competent number three fantasy starter if — and this “if” is the size of Gilbert Grape’s mom — he can stay healthy. Though, after yesterday, every healthy pitcher may be a competent number three. Now go smoke some Coca-Cola soot! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Frank Francisco – A perfect inning save. It’s safe to drop Rauch and/or Parnell. If you want, pretend you’re going catch Rauch in a trust exercise, then let him drop. It’s more fun that way.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Big Donkey, Adam Dunn, was a big ass. Carlos Quentin’s status is TBD even when we know the ETA which we don’t right now. This leaves Dayan Viciedo playing. It’s addition by the subtraction of Ozzie’s choices. “Can Brent Lillibridge play first and third at the same time?” Things Ozzie has recently asked his bench coach. Viciedo was always a top Cuban raftee and, through his first four games, he has a homer, steal and is batting .538. Maybe we shouldn’t defrost Ted Williams’ head just yet, but you don’t need Mapquest to know he’s going in the right direction. Not to mention, I’m not even sure Mapquest still exists. Start a viable service and Google will take you over. I like your concept, Groupon, I will now do the exact same thing. With Viciedo’s 3rd base eligibility, he’s worth a flyer anywhere you need a corner infidel. That’s right, patch Dayan into your team for Golda Meir. (If you didn’t need to Google that last line, props to you.) Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jack Hannahan – Perennial Carson favorite hit three homers in two days this week and .420 (stoner!) in August. Didn’t hurt that he brought his liger to the clubhouse to scare Lonnie Chisenhall.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Gregg was handed his 6th blown save yesterday. He’s tizzerrible. I won’t defend him. Your honor, no questions at this time. I just don’t see the Orioles bothering to switch things up. They’re defeated. Look into their eyes and you see the shadow of Cal Ripken Jr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Youkilis, the Greek God of Back Pain, is off to the DL. Yesterday, Ortiz took a boot to the foot and today this. The Sawx are officially in rest up for the playoffs mode, which is great for all the pasty-faced Sawx fans, but it’s not great for fantasy. So far this year, Youuuuuuk has 17 homers in 395 at-bats while batting .266. So that means, if he were healthy in September, he’d give you some runs, RBIs and 3 homers. I just popped a zit into a mirror and the puss read, “Whatever.” You can find a replacement for Youk on waivers in most leagues. So put on your Burger King crown you stole from some kid, open up your fantasy waivers and replace him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Lavarnway – Was called up. Stephen just went over his Lavarnway fantasy. He wrote it while throwing darts at a picture of me. Lavarnway is worth noting because he hit 30 homers between Double- and Triple-A this year. Now, rookie catcher is a tough position to be in. Ask any recently incarcerated felon. But Ortiz and Youk are both out, so Lavarnway will see everyday time at DH for the time being. This is great news since he’s catcher eligible.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer. Hmph. The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week. Hmph. Hmph. Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a goatee and Broxton is still his closer, no committee. Hmph. Hmph. Hmph. Whatcha gonna do with all those hmphs? All those hmphs up in your trunk? Then Mattingly called Colletti a dwarf brain and shaved his goatee to reveal a cold sore. Got all that? Glad one of us does. I’d own Broxton and Kuo. Wouldn’t mess with this Padilla or this Padilla. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
James Loney – 4-for-4 with a steal. I almost wrote the other day how there’s no way Loney stays hitting .200, but then I grew bored and fell asleep… Snooze…
Phil Hughes – Underwent four hours of tests on his arm. Towards the end his arm just started answering C for everything.Please, blog, may I have some more?
ESPN tells me the Yankees and Red Sox seasons are about to begin. I’m gonna infer it’s Opening Day for the entire league since my six month egg timer is buzzing, my closet gimp is mumbling, “Baseball time…Baseball time…” and my desktop widget of Ron Jeremy shooting fireworks over Petco is exploding. At least I think those are fireworks shooting across my computer monitor. Spring has sprung, snitches! Bask in that for a moment. Okay, moment over. Brandon Belt is going to start at first for the Giants. Ain’t that the meow’s cat? I really thought the Giants would hold off until June with Belt. With this Belt news, everyone seems to be *pinkie to mouth* panting. He’s still pretty raw in terms of his time in the high minors. Though I wouldn’t let that stop me from adding him. You take the flyer for the upside because if he pans out, he’ll be worth a lot more in name value. To go with a current 1st baseman who is around his level, between Moreland and Belt, Moreland will have better stats but Belt will have better name appeal for now. I’d give Belt the line of 60/15/70/.270/8. There’s room for more, and there’s room for a lot less. A lot less would be Belt struggling for the first month, Ross returning and Belt being demoted. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:
Jake McGee – Rays kept him for their bullpen. This shituation should be a closerousel all year until McGee wins the job. Now whether he wins the job by May or August is the pickle. I think it’s by June/July to get all hedgy on you. My over/unders are Farnsworth with 20 and McGee with 15 saves.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Wakefield headed to the DL with a bad back (can’t he throw his knuckleball while sitting down?), Clay Buchholz will step into the Sawx rotation. In 99 innings of Triple-A, Buchholz had a line of 2.36/.98 and 89 Ks. His walks were down this year in the minors, though he did walk 3 in his only major league start this year vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jay Bruce owners got their first bit of good news from him as he fractured his wrist. This is like when you’re in a terrible relationship that you can’t get out of because you’re scared to be alone, then the other person comes home and says they’re leaving you. In 12 teams or shallower and non-keeper leagues, I’d remove Jay Bruce from the salamander and chuck him. Even if he comes back, he wasn’t hitting when his wrist bone was connected to his forearm bone. As for keepers, I thought Bruce would be a good sleeper candidate for next year. Now with the nature of his injury, I’m not so sure. If he needs surgery, it’ll be a much longer process.Please, blog, may I have some more?