Fantasy Baseball Advice

Matt Cain had a no-hitter through eight innings until an infield single by Jay Payton (who I believe runs with a cane, ironically enough) broke it up.  Final line for Cain was 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks to bring his season ERA to 2.95.  (Fancy metric alert!)  Last year, Cain’s xFIP was almost a run and a half greater than his ERA.  Or if Joe Morgan’s reading, gibberish gobbledygook > meaningful stat.  This year, more of the same.  So my question to you is, does Matt Cain want the Fangraphs Database to commit seppuku?  Leave FD alone, it’s still trying to figure out Austin Jackson’s BABIP!  Personally, I’m done fighting Matt Cain and his lucky ways.  I’ve overthought enough.  (Overthinked?  Overthunked?  Am I overthinking this?)  He’s in a pitchers’ park and he doesn’t give up homers.  Are they associated?  Probably.  He strikes out a fair amount and his walks have been in check this year.  Looks like a number #2 starter.  Wrap it up, I’ll take it.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Freddy Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs.  Now hitting over .400 in the last week with homers in back-to-back games.  If it wasn’t the last week, I wouldn’t even mention him.  But right now, it’s not a bad time to ride Dirty Sanchez.

Cody Ross – 2-for-4 and 3 homers this week.  Andres Torres returned for a second and pushed Ross to the bench, but now the Giants think Torres might’ve been rushed, so Ross could see time.

Melvin Mora – Hit his third homer in the last 8 days (which is a week if you count Muesday).  Mora’s family has a hard time speaking positive about him, so let’s leave it at he’s hot.

David Aardsma – DA has been charged with an oblique strain.  As soon as they find out where and what the oblique is Aardsma should return.  I’m thinking next year, the M’s say in a few days.  Makes no sense to me.  Why run your not-at-hundred-percent closer out there?  To avoid loss number 100?  I grabbed Brandon League in, uh, leagues where I needed saves.  My suggestion is you do the same then when you ring me up in the offseason we’ll have something to talk about.

Miguel Cabrera – Hit his 38th homer and, according to ESPN, he got an MVP chant.  This is news?  They were in Detroit.  They ain’t chanting “Ford was a Nazi,” that’s for sure.

Rick Porcello – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Twins B squad.  Porcello gets the Suckie-O’s next.  Not a huge fan of Porcello, but that’s not a terrible matchup.

Jose Valverde – Pitched an inning on Sunday and should be safe for the final week.  I’d lose Coke.  Ron Washington, “What are you losing?!”

Brian Duensing – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  The music finally skipped a beat on The Duensing Machine.  I’d lose him in all leagues.  It was smoke and mirrors before and that went poof.  You don’t want to run him out there again.

Delmon Young – Hit his 19th homer.  I’m still on board with Delmon in keepers, but I’m wondering if he might be overrated next year like Sandoval and Butler were this year.  Doode’s definitely got girth, but I like 30+ homer potential from my outfielders.  December Grey will have to examine this Rubik’s moobs.

Jason Frasor – Recorded the four out save as Gregg sat on the bench.  *shrugs*  Honestly, not sure why.  If you’re totally desperate for saves, I’d grab Frasor.

Alfredo Simon – Got thrown out the game for throwing at Bautista.  Unsurprisingly, the ball plunked off Bautista’s forearm and went for a homer.

Mike Aviles – 2-for-5 with a slam & legs.  Jeff Feenuttle who?!  Actually, that’s a made-up name, but Aviles has been good even if you compare him to someone who’s real.  Aviles has 4 homers in the last ten games and is batting over .300.

Billy Butler – 3-for-3, raising his average to .320.  Butler has always been terrific in Spring Training to earn the nickname, Mr. Grapefruit.  He’s now proving he just hits well when there’s nothing on the line.  Assuming that’s not a buffet line.

James Shields – 6 IP, 5 ER vs. the M’s.  Here’s what I said in February (!) when I was mocking ESPN’s mock draft, “(The pick of Shields at 152) is not a pick I would make, but this isn’t so much about the time when Shields was drafted.  The real knee to the balls is in the comments where (ESPN) wrote, “Becquey takes James Shields with pick No. 152, and many lament that Shields is off the board.”  Why? Because of his mediocre K-rate?  Is it his increasing walk rate?  Is it his inability to pitch in away games?  Is it his division?  Are they using a new definition of lament?  Seriously, I have to stop before I get an aneurysm.”  Schadenfreude, snitches!

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Astros, who he owns.  Don’t press your luck with Maholm for another start and get whammied.

Pedro Alvarez – 3-for-5, hitting over .300 in the last week with 2 homers.  As I said last week (or think I said), Alvarez has been very streaky in his short career, right now it’s the good kind of streaky.

J.A. Happ – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Though there were some unearned runs for the ticker shock.  He gets the Cubs for his final start, which isn’t terrible.

Brandon Beachy – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Beachy is shore doing well.  (Clever with a capital K!)  Might be an interesting name to look at next year, but I wouldn’t mess with him in his final start vs. the Phils.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 24th and 25th homers.  I don’t care when they come, just get to 30.  Stats!

Carlos Beltran – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  As long as none of my direct competitors this final week have Beltran, I kinda hope he hits 25 homers in the last week so some ESPN rubes draft him crazy early next year.  ESPN, you are my fodder!

Chase Utley – 1-for-4 with his 16th homer.  What’s that, Martin Prado had a better season?  I will now eat an apple laced with cyanide.

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 6 ER.  Holy heffin’ hey, is this the most runs ever given up in Petco?  Did they play with the Rock ‘n Jock short fences?  What are you doing to me, Richard?  It’s the final effin’ week.  You better look over your shoulder next time you’re alone in the Gaslamp, you schmohawk.

Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks.  Sonavabench!  (BTW, of course he didn’t get the win.  If he were throwing a perfect game, they’d still be playing because no pitchers I own can get a win.  I’m cursed.  Stupid Zoltar!)

Danny Espinosa – 2-for-3.  Another streaky youngster who has 3 homers in the last week.  (Look at me, I’m an oldster, saying things like youngster.  Now get off my lawn!)

Matt Thornton – Got the 2 inning save yesterday.  Chris Sale was used on Saturday but he only threw 9 pitches so he couldn’t have been tired.  Ozzie probably just forgot he said Sale was the closer.  Between alleged racism and Twitter, it’s a lot for Ozzie to keep straight.

Trevor Cahill – 4 IP, 7 ER.  I told you he was getting lucky (probably three months too early)!

Mitch Moreland – 3-for-6, 5 RBIs with 2 homers.  Moreland was hitting below .100 in the last week before this game, so I’m not sure yet if this is a sign or a freak occurrence.  BTW,  yesterday there were 5 homers in Petco and 6 homers in the Oakland Coliseum… Speaking of freak occurrences, Lincecum would’ve sent those juiced balls back.

Jeff Francoeur – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer in the last three games.  With Hamilton out and Vlad resting his Ron Kovic knees, I’d see if Frenchy can hit a few more freedom flies.

Chris Perez – The mulleted closer was out Sunday as his wife was giving birth.  Here’s a Razzball exclusive look at the baby boy.

Wouldn’t say this is crunch time as much as this is “Your nuts are in a cracker and the season’s closing in and squeezing tight so you better just throw any pitchers that are available because you need stats — stat!” time.  The line for last week was 3.52 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 74 Ks and 9 wins in 110 IP.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 24th

Joe Blanton – Goes against the Mets, who I’m sure would like to be spoilers though I’m not sure if they’re up to the task.  More accurately, the Mets are probably hoping they don’t have any injuries in the final week-plus that ruins their next season too.

Jhoulys Chacin – He’s only given up 4 earned runs in his last 38 IP.  Um, that’s good.  Why is he not owned?  Is it because no one can pronounce his name?  It’s Yo-lease.  Easy enough.  Now own him.

James McDonald – Has a 0.90 ERA in his last three starts and goes against the Astros.  That’s a yes and please. With a side order of crispy bacon.

Chris Young – Not without it’s caveats but, if you have caveats, brush your teeth more, Young’s in Petco.

Saturday, September 25th

Jeremy Bonderman – Starting him here has a lot to do with how much the Twins are rolling over in the last week. So far, it doesn’t look like they are.

Derek Holland – If the Rangers have clinched by this point, I’d skip this start.

Bud Norris – I’ve been recommending him in every borderline starter post and he hasn’t failed me yet with three straight wins.  He gets the Pirates here.

Travis Wood – All bets are off for this start if the Reds have clinched, which they probably will.  As Communism proved, Reds are nothing without motivation.

Sunday, September 26th

Homer Bailey – See Wood, Travis or 1/8th of an inch above.

Fausto Carmona – He hasn’t been blown up since mid-August (though that was against the Royals who he gets in this start, so tread carefully).

J.A. Happ – Gets the Pirates.  You need more?

Paul Maholm – Gets the Astros.  Can we get a 1-0 game here?  That would be pretty flippin’ suh-weet.

Clayton Richard – Hodgepadre in Petco and he gets a team that will probably already be in the playoffs.  That’s about as tasty as they come.

Monday, September 27th

Carlos Carrasco – Has a 2-something ERA in September and goes against a guy (Armando G.) who has an 6-something ERA in the same time frame.

Marc Rzepcynski – Goes against the Yankees so this is only a possibility if the Yanks have clinch by this point.

Tim Stauffer – In Petco and the Padres are battling for a playoff spot going against a team that packed it in four months ago.

Tuesday, September 28th

Edinson Volquez – There’s a case to be made to not start a pitcher on a team that will have probably clinched.  In fact, I’ve made that case.  But Volquez has been great, goes against the Astros and is battling to be a part of the playoff rotation.

Randy Wolf – Goes to Metco and has a 0.78 ERA in his last three starts.  Ah, ooooooh….

Wednesday, September 29th

Joe Blanton – If the Phils have clinched by this point, I’d try and look elsewhere.

Madison Bumgarner – Giants should still be battling for a playoff spot, so this start vs. the Diamondbacks is fair.

Jhoulys Chacin – See recommendation above about what Jhoulys has done recently.

Ian Kennedy – This could be a tough matchup if the Giants are fighting for their playoff lives.

James McDonald – Goes against Wainwright, which isn’t terrific, but McDonald’s been solid as mentioned about 27 lines ago.

Thursday, September 30th

Jeremy Bonderman – I really dislike Bonderman so it must be the final week to recommend him twice.  Or not.  Your call!

Chris Volstad – Against the Pirates seems like an easy matchup, but Volstad’s pretty iffy, or it’s ugly iffy since he’s not always pretty.

So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs.  This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN!  All the way across the sky!  OH.  MY.  GOD.  A double home run.  Wait, is this a triple home run?  No, it’s a double home run.  It’s beautiful.  *cries*  The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health.  If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average.  Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27.  Yum with a double shot of gimme.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, still got love for him and am still willing to go to PTA meetings for Eric Young Jr. Jr., but it’s worth noting that he now has three errors in the last two games.  Barmes may see more time in the 2nd half of games as a defensive replacement.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks and his line looked even better before he left two men on for Beimel to let score.  He gets the Diamondbacks next and I’d start him there sans hesitation.  Or sansitation, for those that enjoy a good portmanteau.

Adrian Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  Now hit ten more homers before the end of the season and we’ll be cool.

Chris Young – Will start on Saturday vs. the Cards in The Lou.  Would like this start better if it was in Petco.  Young had a 7.82 ERA in Away games last year and 5.27 in 2008.  Both years his home ERA was below 3.  Unless you’re desperate, I’d let him pitch from my bench.  Remember though, if he’s on your bench, don’t sit anyone short behind him.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’m not a huge fan of Big Z, but he hasn’t thrown a bad start since he returned to the rotation on August 9th.  Really should be owned in every league.

J.A. Happ – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He obviously wasn’t a sub-3 ERA pitcher.  His luck was bound to run out in the landmark case of Sooner vs. Later.

Brandon Lyon – Well, the closer role in Houston got murkier yesterday.  Lyon gave up a run and blew the save then Lindstrom came into the 10th and gave up two runs.  Houston, we have a shituation.

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-5 with his 27th homer.  Weeks has more RBI than Fielder and more homers than Braun.  If I’d known that going into the year, I’d have put my life savings on the Brewers not making the playoffs.

Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He was in last week’s borderline starters and next week’s is coming this afternoon.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I would’ve loved to watch him, but my Direct TV cut out during the pregame (which is not pronounced like edamame).  So going on the box score, looks like Drabek wasn’t fooling anyone.  He’s young, doesn’t change how I feel about him for keepers or next year.  To gaze at my Kyle Drabek fantasy, go there.

Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Even a broken clock is right a few times a season.

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 baserunner, 7 Ks.  More incredibly, he actually got run support.  A’la Vicki Lawrence as Mama, “Well, I’ll be!”

Russell Branyan – 1-for-3 with his 25th homer.  All he does is hit home runs!  No, really, that’s all he does.

Homer Bailey – Left the game with dizziness after allowing 3 earned runs and 5 walks.  Hey, maybe Oliver Perez is dizzy.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer.  You may want to put away sharp objects when you read this next line.  According to ESPN’s Player Rater, Stubbs has been as valuable as Matt Kemp.

Jason Bay – Said he’s feeling great and free of any post-concussion symptoms, but he’s still not coming back this year.  Canadians — Bay and Morneau — had a bad year for concussions.  What’s it called when a Canadian misses extended time from work?  A maple leaf of absence.  *sad trombone*

Jenrry Mejia – Left yesterday’s game with a strain in his shoulder.  Likely shutdown for the year.  No word if the injury happened when he was trying to roll the R’s in his first name.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 2nd straight game with a homer.  Yes, you should pick him up.  Yes, now.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Really was just a victim of an ill-timed grand slam to Maxwell, who is one sexy piece of chocolate… Wait, wrong Maxwell.  I’m still going to like Minor next year.  I know, up the down staircase, Sandy Dennis, but that’s how rookies do.

Phil Hughes – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I’ve been saying this for about a month now.  You can do better than Hughes off waivers.  Duensing, for instance.  He’s been better.

James Shields – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees.  I was about to write how no one got sonavabenched because no one owns him but then I looked and saw he’s owned in 93% of leagues.  Are you people crazy?  He has a 1.41 WHIP and 4.86 ERA after this solid start.  Even after this start, I’d drop him.

Dan Johnson – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  The Pride of Coon Rapids!  (BTW, there was discussion in Minnesota about changing the name of this city.  Some felt it was derogatory.  I think it’s too vague.  Change it to Coon Rabids.)

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 as he continued his hot hitting.  Own players when they are hot.  That’s my mottofacio.

Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer.  Not doing a whole lot, but now has two homers in the week, i.e., two more than Prince Fielder.

Brad Lidge – 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Kazaam, as he generated a save for Jose Contreras.  Manuel changes his underwear more than he changes closers and that’s not a whole lot.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5, 2 Runs and 2 RBIs.  Hitting well over his last ten games and worth riding while hot.

Gavin Floyd – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After the game, he tweeted, “I pitched.  #sucky”

Chris Sale – 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  Of course down 6 runs Ozzie pitches the guy who he just said was his closer.  Of course he does!  Why wouldn’t he?  I will now don a potato sack and walk into traffic.

Jaime Garcia – Early yesterday, the Cards announced that Garcia would be shutdown for the year.  Later in the day, the Cards announced he would be skipped one turn and be reevaluated.  Much later in the day, I wrote this.  Today, you’re reading it.  Tomorrow is Friday.  Yay!

Ryan Franklin – Heading home to deal with some personal issues.  I know what it meant when a girl in high school would go home with ‘personal issues,’ so I’m guessing Franklin has cramps and/or is pregnant.

J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks.  Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled.  Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts.  So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh?  Eh, indeed.  Or more like crapp.  Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks.  His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle.  If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky.  His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros.  And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday.  His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’

Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 20th homer.  He has 434 ABs, 92 hits, 62 Ks and 20 homers.  You don’t have to be Professor Frink to know that Aaron Hill should be hitting better than .212.  He’ll go from overrated in the 2010 preseason to a sleeper for 2011 as I practice Saberhagenmetrics.

Wade Davis – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks.  All you streamer harpies out there should take notice that Davis gets the O’s next.  You know what happens when you see a pitcher on waivers that is getting the Orioles?  You get the O’s face.

C.J. Wilson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  There should be a glossary term for a closer/middle reliever that is mediocre in a relief role then becomes a reliable starter.  Think Dempster and Wilson.

Nelson Cruz – The good news is he returned from the DL.  The bad news is he’s one day closer to his next DL stint.

Bobby Jenks – 1 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  Hey, maybe he can become a starter.  I know what you’re about to ask.  My answer is Thornton should be back Thursday.

Alex Rios – 5-for-6, 4 RBIs and the slam & legs.  You got him for the price of a Honda and he’s driving like Alexis.

Gordon Beckham – Hit on the wrist by a pitch and was immediately taken out.  X-rays showed no breaks, which is oddly enough a good break.  He’ll still miss a few games while the pain dissipates.

Roger Bernadina – 2-for-4, 3 Runs and his 13th steal.  He also has 10 homers on the year.  It’s a Bernadina bounty!  He’s managed to put up Big FraGu’s numbers in 150 less ABs.

Travis Hafner – 8 for his last 12 and has his average up to .282.  Imagine if he wasn’t hitting for power like a Sparky Anklebiter (10 HRs).

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s what I said 2 weeks ago, “Is it me or does it feel like he has a triumphant return to the majors every other month?  Seems to go like this for Bailey.  First start in the majors and he blows away the opposition.  Starts four more times and gets rocked or injured.  Then he’s DL’d or demoted.  A month later, he returns triumphantly.  Rinse and repeat.”  And that’s me quoting me!

Peter Bourjos – 2-for-3 with the slam & legs.  Bunch of games yesterday for a Monday so I had to bench one hitter in all my leagues.  Guess who it was.  Sonavabench!

Carlos Zambrano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Brenly pointed out something interesting that was obviously fed to him by a producer.  If you throw out Big Z’s first start of the year, his ERA is around 3.75 as a starter.  Take that, Gatorade cooler!

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 2 homers.  A double donk night for Mini-Donkey.  All brays to the Mini-Donkey.

Justin Upton – Hurt his shoulder after striking out.  Maybe a fantasy owner went overboard with his voodoo doll.  Hopefully he doesn’t need a DL stint.  You have my promise that as soon as someone else reads about it, they will update me in the comments and then I will put a pithy spin on it in tomorrow’s roundup.

Rod Barajas – 3rd homer this week.  Before you know it, he’ll be the hero of Los Angeles then he’ll be unceremoniously dropped to waivers in 18 months.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks.  Kuroda’s been good for a while now, but the Phillies are a mess right now.  I haven’t seen a whole lineup slump this bad since NBC post-Friends.

Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Jorge de la Rosa’s 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks.  How did I have the cojones to start both of these guys in multiple leagues and not get rewarded with at least one win?  How?!

Ian Stewart – Mini-Mini Donkey is headed to the DL with… Go ahead, guess.  If you guessed strained oblique, you are a genius.  Take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself.  This is apropos of nothing but I found it funny.  PETA was protesting a basketball game where the players would ride donkeys.  Someone responded in opposition to PETA’s opposition saying, “You can’t hurt a donkey unless you REALLY try, hard.  They will also bite or kick if somebody mistreats them.  (They’re) perfectly capable of looking after themselves without the intervention of PETA.”  It would be awesome if PETA agreed and went with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (except, ya know, donkeys.  They’re self-sufficient.)

The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract.  No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series.  Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn.  Say goodbye to Mannywood?  Could be.  If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER).  Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him.  If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save.  Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo.  Of course not, why would Kuo be used?  He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out.  Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon.

Russell Branyan – In his last ten games, he has 6 homers in only 6 hits.  It’s like he’s playing Intellivision.

Madison Bumgarner – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  After the Giants beat up on the Reds lefty rookie pitcher (Wood), the Reds returned the favor on the Giants’ Bumgarner.  If there was any team you think would go easy on a lefty, it’s the Reds but they’ve now hit two solid lefties in a row.

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-6 with a steal.  He’s also 10 for his last 17.  He’s much cuter when he’s hitting.

Juan Uribe – 3-for-6 with a homer in his 2nd straight game.  Uribe gets crazy hot at times; this could be one of those times.  Act like you know, MC Lyte.

Homer Bailey – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Wasn’t a great few days to be a pitcher in AT&T.  I’d continue to hold Bailey for now.

Joey Votto – 4-for-7 with 2 homers.  You know those mannequins that you put in your passenger seat so you can illegally ride in the carpool lane?  I have one of those outfitted in a Votto jersey.  Last week, we went to see Eat Pray Love at a drive-in, but we didn’t watch much of the movie.

Brandon League – Recorded the save in yesterday’s game even though Aardsma hadn’t been used in a few games.  Something could be going on with Aardsma; I grabbed League in a few, uh, leagues.

Kila Ka’aihue – Two games, two homers.  It’s on like Steve Wiebe from The King of Kong hitting a bong with some Vietcong.

Stephen Drew – 4-for-4 with 2 homers.  From a guy who hasn’t had an extended hot streak for almost two years, this game was long overdue.

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Nationals aren’t quite the pushover they have been in the past (partially because Nyjer Morgan will throw a ball at your head if you talk smack).  This was just a solid start from a guy who has become a very reliable fourth fantasy starter.  He’s like Ted Lilly-lite.

Adam Dunn – Made a cameo in last night’s Top Chef.  He ate all the cheftestants’ dishes and then sucked up the Potomac River to quench his thirst.  BTW, gray tuna?  What, was it wearing an away uniform?

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  Soriano hit his 21st homer in this game.  Are there two guys that got older overnight than these two?  Oh, wait, here’s one…

Todd Helton – 3-for-5, hitting around .350 in the last week.  SPOILER ALERT!  I already wrote my lukewarm recommendation for Helton in Friday’s Buy/Sell.

Huston Street – Was seen warming up (by me) in the bullpen, but Tracy stayed with Belisle since Street had worked a few days in a row.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with his 10th steal.  *Grey drools*

Dexter Fowler – 1-for-3 with a Paul O’Neill homer (triple + error).

Omar Infante – 1-for-5 with his 7th homer, third in the majors in hitting since the All-Star Break.  BTW, the Rockies and Giants both came back from 9 run deficits on the same day.  Somewhere Tim Kurkijan is making dolphin noises.

Logan Morrison – 3-for-5, has hit in nine of his last ten games (still with no power).  In 101 ABs, he has 14 BBs and only 19 Ks with a .391 OBP.  At 23 years old!  Yeah, I’ll be targeting him next year.

Cameron Maybin – 2-for-5 as he hit leadoff.  Every time I try to get out, Maybin sucks me back in.

Alex Sanabia – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K.  Could roofie you at any time, but he looks to be emerging as a decent spot starter.

J.A. Happ – Revenge is a dish best served over 6 1/3 innings while giving up only 2 earned runs.

Michael Bourn – Hit a home run.  I didn’t see it, but I’m assuming they let him hit from 2nd base.

Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4, hitting .245, Victorino hitting .254, Utley’s at .271.  Right now, the Phillies look pretty listless.

Marcus Thames – Two homers, two games.  Since Berkman’s out with old age, Thames has seen pretty frequent starts.   He’s also hitting over .300 over the last week and you know he has power.

Mike Napoli – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 21st homer.  I switched to a new blood pressure medicine, so I don’t want to even discuss how Napoli will probably be benched in the Angels’ next game.  Sciosciapath!

Howie Kendrick – 5-for-6 with a RBI and 2 Runs.  Since most of his fantasy value comes from his average, it’s good to see him finally get it up to .285.  I’d put Kendrick on a short list of the most overrated players in fantasy.  He’s owned in 100% of ESPN leagues.  Ian Desmond, who really hasn’t been far away from him in value, is at 35%.  Well, whatever.  Can’t solve the world’s problems.

Dan Haren – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Comatose Angels Fan, “Hey, been in this coma since March and just woke up yesterday.  Awesome that we got Haren and we’re scoring 12 runs a game!  We must be in first by what?  10 games?”   Off my head shake.  “Damn, those stupid Mariners are in front of us, aren’t they?”  You should sit down, Comatose Angels Fan.

Jake Westbrook – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Looks like the novelty of the new league might be wearing off.

Aaron Hill – Hit his 19th homer, too bad he’s hitting .208 on the year.  How does one even hit .208 over 414 at-bats?  That’s 42 points off Adam Dunn’s career average.

Trevor Cahill – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  It’s appropriate his last name starts with a hard C, not a K.

Jeff Niemann – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  Hopefully you forgot to activate him.  Personally, I’d forget to own him.

Jason Jaso – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer.  Doesn’t have much power, but Jaso hits leadoff and has a .391 OBP.

Brian Matusz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  It took to almost the point where he’s about to get shutdown, but he’s been dominant of late.  In his last 5 starts, he has an ERA of 2.32.  It’s hard to recommend him because of his team and division, but he really can be this good.

Koji Uehara – Great, now this schmohawk is the closer.  Earth to Buck Showalter, Mike Gonzalez has closer stuff!  Buck said he won’t name a closer so you can either lose all of them or hold one.  I’d hold Uehara simply because he’s recorded the last two saves.

Gordon Beckham – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Ozzie kills most of his value with the nine hole placement, but he has been hitting lately.

Dustin Pedroia – Francona arranged for Pedroia to talk to Michael Jordan because he suffered from a similar injury back in 1985.  I know how this story ends.  Jordan lures Pedroia to Vegas where his scrappiness and spunk are useless against the 15s and 16s he gets dealt at the blackjack table.  He gets out of town with only his stubble and a pair of Hanes he got from Jordan.

Josh Beckett – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Mariners.  According to Beckett, the Mariners offense is worth as much as an Alvin Davis rookie card.