Fantasy Baseball Advice

I usually like to wait a couple of months into the season to look at some of the catchers that couldn’t throw out your grandma even if she loses the tennis balls off her walker.  (What is the deal with those tennis balls?  I feel like that’s the kinda nonsense thing that would have a Facebook Fan Page.  Everyone who likes tennis balls on walkers!  Yay!  BTW, what did people do before Facebook?  Oh, yeah, Myspace.  BTW II, The Return of BTW, is there anything sadder than getting an email from Friendster.  Hey, come check out the new Friendster!  Sure, as soon as I get on the internet with this dial-up modem.)  Or some of the catchers that are quite agile — hey, it’s Italian!  I wait a few months because new catchers come into the league and I like to see a decent sample size — that’s what she said!  Anyway, here’s some of the best and worst catchers for fantasy baseball:

The Bad

Jonathan Lucroy – Has only thrown out 6 baserunners out of 33.  And he doesn’t even get to try and throw out Prince Fielder.  “Pretend 2nd base is a vegan muffin…Now run!”

John Jaso – 7 caught out of 35.  And John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt doesn’t have to try and throw out Upton.

Rod Barajas – He’s pretty tizzerrible, but Dioner, his backup, is less so.  And less Jaso, for that matter.

A.J. Pierzynski – The most runners have tried to go on A.J. outside of McCann.  From my two years in Kenya, I can tell you runners are total gossipers and they probably talk about how you can run on A.J.

Josh Thole – This post is an asset for short schedule days when you pick up a guy for one day to try and score a steal.  Thole, like Barajas, makes that hard because his backup is good at throwing out runners.

Jason Varitek/Jarrod Saltymochachino – The above comment for Thole doesn’t hold weight with this dynamic duo.  You, eating the Cheetos and scratching your underarm?  You could steal on these two.

Eli Whiteside – Eli doesn’t like to catch people stealing.  He likes to guilt them into not doing it.

The Good

Lou Marson – 13 caught, 14 allowed.  While Carlos Santana isn’t smooth at throwing out runners, you do not run on Lou Marson.  His last name anagrams to No Arms, but that shizz is a misnomer.

Ivan Rodriguez – 9 caught, 10 allowed.  Hey, maybe Boras can get him another $5 million now.

Wilson Ramos – Though Boras will have to try with another team, because Ramos is just as nasty — 12 caught, only 16 allowed.

Matt Wieters – 18-for-46.  Too bad that’s never his batting line over a week.

Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right? Well, obviously not. Stanton’s 35% K rate translates to a .235 AVG with an average (.300) BABIP. He’s still a valuable asset because of the power – but you’ll have to either compensate with a high batting AVG guy or absorb the AVG hit.

Danny Espinosa - The rookie 2B looked like the 2.0 version of 2009 Desmond by going 4 for 5 with 2 HR and 6 RBI against the Mets. Where’d this come from? Espinosa was a 3rd round pick out of Long Beach State – the baseball factory that brought you Troy Tulowitzki and Evan Longoria. Espinosa has shown 20/20 potential in AA and AAA over the past 2 years but his AVG has been in the .260 range. So it’s possible he maintains this streak for the rest of the month as an extended audition for a 2011 starting spot. Take a chance if you’ve got dead wood in your MI spot.

Jeff Niemann – The good news is he gave you less earned runs than his past two starts. The bad news is that he still got whomped – 6 ER in less than 2 innings after giving up 17 ER in 8.1 IP in his previous two starts. If he’s still on your team, I’d drop him like he bombed.

Jon Lester – Won with 10Ks over 6 IP – his 3rd straight game with a win and 10 Ks. Last Red Sox player to do that? How would I know – I don’t work for ELIAS. (I’d guess Pedro). I’d say it’s Sabathia’s Cy Young to lose but I think Lester will edge out Buchholz and F-Her if he stumbles. Unless Keith Law is the only voter – then I’d say Felix Hernandez.

Brian Matusz – Won his 4th straight game – this time at Yankee Stadium. This three starts were home against Boston and Texas and at the White Sox. All four were 6 IP and none more than 3 ER. So if you need a pitcher to stream, he’s your guy.

Don Kelly – The man two L’s away from donkey status had a HR/3 RBI game. He’s platooning with Ryan Raburn (Kelly gets righty pitchers) and he’s not that great. I’d stream him for a day if your OF isn’t playing – that’s about it.

Neil Walker – Another HR – making that 5 HRs in his past 9 games. Now hitting .312, this guy has been looking like the second coming of Freddy Sanchez. But Pirates are like people you meet at the Jersey Shore – don’t fall in love with them. His minor league stats and his .370+ BABIP suggest he’s hitting out of his mind right now. Enjoy the ride but drop him in shallower leagues should he struggle for the next hot-hitting MI.

Jim Thome - 2 HRs on Saturday. Took Sunday off. Hit another HR on Monday. The guy is hitting a HR now every 11AB or so. Trying to figure when this guy is going to play is infuriating – Kubel and Mauer DH as well – but he’s a must add now for daily leagues where you can swap him out if he’s sitting.

Jose Reyes – The Mets have been in complete minayal over Reyes’ oblique injury. They’ve been having hit batting practice and claim he might play but he’s been out for 7 days and will probably miss most of next week too. As someone who drafted Reyes hoping for a discount on his typical 60 SB with respectable AVG/R/HR/RBI, the only solace is that at least he hasn’t been completely useless like D’Ellsbury.

Ivan Rodriguez – Had 1 HR and 7 RBIs over the past two days. Congrats to the 3 people who own him in a league.

Carlos Marmol - It was clearly Piniella’s fault that the Cubs were underperforming because it feels like they’ve been streaking ever since. Marmol now has 4 saves in 6 days in September. Even better, he’s still K-ing guys and now has a ridiculous 118 Ks in 66.1 IP. Most relievers couldn’t get that many K’s if they faced a lineup of Ryan Howard, Adam Dunn, and Mark Reynolds.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Will miss a few games with back spasms. I think they’re sympathy spasms for Eric Chavez.

Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse.  In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats.  Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial.  If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders.  He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow.  In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good.  The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save.  Save vultures, commence vulturing.

Jair Jurrjens – Felt a pop in his hamstring.  Why don’t they call it soda?!  Oh, wait…   With no medical training, I can tell you the three things you want to avoid.  Take out a note pad.  These are kinda important.  1) Feeling a pop anywhere in your body  2) Pains in the chest  3) Being dead.  Medlen’s time in the rotation just got a bit longer.

Ryan Braun – He was removed after getting plunked on the elbow.  And someone has to pay Eric Plunk a nickel.  Not it!  Braun’s day-to-day, which is better than week-to-week and much better than minute-to-minute.  Fine line, friends.  Fine line.

Manny Corpas – 1 IP, 4 ER.  I’ve set some kind for record of picking up new closers only to watch them club me over the head with my trust.  It’s taken me longer to put together furniture from Ikea than for Corpas to suck.

Huston Street – Will begin rehab on Thursday.  Aw, maybe only two more weeks of Manny Corpas.  So sad. /sarcasm

Eric Young Jr. – Jim Tracy knows Clint Barmes.  He knows Melvin Mora.  Why doesn’t he know Eric Young Jr.?  Just send him back to the minors if you’re not going to play him.  I hate you, Jim Tracy.

Miguel Olivo – Only 4 hits in his last 34 at-bats.  The not so good Olivo that’s played in the majors for the last 7 years is starting to rear its ugly head.  Bring back Iannetta!

Troy Tulowitzki – MRI showed nothing major so Tulo should be back in the next couple of days.  Tulo legit 2 quit.

Tommy Hanson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, now has a 2.30 ERA on the year.  When I avoided him in the preseason, I said I might regret not owning him.  And that’s me paraphrasing my regret!

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper has an aggravated right groin.  That’ll teach him to pay so much attention to his left groin.  Stop neglecting your right groin, it’s aggravated!

Jason Heyward – Yesterday, he tested his groin.  Hey now!  Heyward hopes to play Tuesday, which is today for 98% of our readers.  Thanks, Google Analytics!

Carlos Gomez – To the DL with a left rotator cuff strain.  Jody Gerut should see starts, but Jim Edmonds probably will.  Why?  Because the Brewers want people time traveling from the year 2000 to feel at home when they see Edmonds.

John Jaso – 3-for-5 as John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt bats .350 on the year.

Chad Billingsley – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks.  Now has three decent starts in his last four.  Yes, it’s only three decent starts in his last 6, but I’m cherrypicking stats here, leave me alone.

Brandon Morrow – 1 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Damn those hodgepodjays and their sexy upside!

Aaron Hill – 0-for-4, batting .190 on the year with 2 homers.  Yup.

Brennan Boesch – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs as he bats near .400 in the last week.  Should be playing for at least another two weeks, until Guillen returns.  Worth a look in deep mixed leagues for a part-time replacement.

Ivan Rodriguez – 4-for-4 as he bats .393 on the year.  Yeah, that makes sense.

Luis Atilano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has 12 walks to 11 strikeouts.  That’s an avoid.

Miguel Batista – The poet laureate of the major leagues notched a save in Capps’ stead.  Capps had pitched two consecutive days.  Don’t matter, just don’t bite on Batista.  And what’s a mention of Batista without Castro…

Starlin Castro – 0-for-2, 3 errors.  Cubs fans blamed the third one on Bartman.

It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started.  We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season.  You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.”  Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk.  Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad.  The regular season is done.  As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!”  There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2009. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2010.  Tell ‘em, B-Real, “How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  The top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I was reading from The Book of Right-On by Joanna Newsom (<–reference for our two girl readers.  Hey, ladies!) about all of Mauer’s numbers, except the homers.  For his power, I was dead wrong.  If I could have E.G. Marshall come to my defense, he’d say no one predicted more than 15 homers for Mauer.  I was still wrong.  Dead.  Flippin’.  Wrong.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3, Final Numbers:  94/28/96/.365/4

2. Pablo Sandoval – He wasn’t ranked in ESPN’s Player Rater at catcher because of eligibility requirements, but I ranked him as a catcher in the preseason, so the Kung Fu Panda gets a bye.  In the preseason, I said, “I have his 2009 projections as 60/14/65/.300.  I think he can get to 17+ home runs without losing anything on the average side.  He’s not as appealing to me as a 3rd baseman or a swimsuit model.”  I was half right, he would’ve made a decent 3rd baseman too.  I’ll miss Sandoval in the catchers slot next year.  Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

3. Victor Martinez – I know you’ve abused your body with booze and babes for the last six months, but if you can remember back to the preseason, Martinez was risky coming into 2009 after a fakakta 2008.  He put those fears behind him and, with a little help from a trade to Sam Horn Nation, had a productive 2009.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

4. Brian McCann -  He’ll probably be my number one catcher again next year.  How’s that for being obstinate?  How’s that for knowing what obstinate means?  Can I get a Roget’s up in this mug?  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295, Final Numbers: 63/21/94/.281/4

5. Kurt Suzuki – At number five, we enter a group of catchers that were probably passed around in your league like blow at an Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart clam bake.  I think the fact that Suzuki is ranked this high proves the point better than I could ever about not paying for catchers.  Also, most of these guys were unranked, because, frankly, they weren’t even drafted.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/15/88/.274/8

6. Jorge Posada – I didn’t think he had another productive season in him.  Obviously, The Jet Stream thought different.  If only Bobby Meacham had a chance to play in that wind tunnel, he could’ve broke double digits for his career.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  55/12/65/.270, Final Numbers:  55/22/81/.285/1

7. Miguel Montero – Probably the best waiver wire claim for any catcher this year.  In my mind, Montero was more valuable than Suzuki even though he ranks above him.  If you agree, then we may share a mind.  Weird!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  61/16/59/.294/1

8. A.J. Pierzynski – Jesus Colome, is Pierzynski really this high on the catchers list?  What a terrible year for catchers.  I’d prefer a bunch of names below A.J. — Napoli, Olivo, Inge and even a Flying Molina Brother.  Can we just allow steroids for catchers?  C’mon, it wouldn’t be that bad.  Put the squatters on equal footing with the rest of the league.  Pierzynski is also the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers until the end of your draft.  They’re all so similar you could have easily had any number of guys below in the final rounds of your draft or off waivers and you would’ve done just fine.  Preseason Rank #20, 2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280, Final Numbers:  57/13/49/.300/1

9. Mike Napoli – With the amount of questions I fielded this year about dropping Napoli, you would think he wouldn’t have even made the top 20, let alone the top 10.  He’s the number one example why you should Ron Popeil your catcher and, “Set it and Forget It.”  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  55/23/65/.245/7, Final Numbers:  60/20/56/.272/3

10. Bengie Molina – I would’ve preferred this Flying Molina Brother a lot more than the one below.  Actually, I wouldn’t have owned the Yadier version.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  50/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  52/20/80/.265

11. Yadier Molina – Here’s a good example of the poor catcher numbers this year.  I ranked Yadier 19th overall with numbers that aren’t that far off from where he ended up, but he ranks 11th here with terrible RBIs and Runs.  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  35/7/50/.270, Final Numbers:  45/6/54/.293/9

12. Brandon Inge – In the first half of the season, Inge was on a binge.  In the 2nd half, Inge was on the fringe.   Sandoval knocks on my office window, “Did someone say open fridge?”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  71/27/84/.230/2

13. Miguel Olivo – Two good months gets you 13th on the top 20 catcher rankings.  In an interesting aside to me and maybe three other readers, Olivo and John Buck combined for 31 homers and 101 RBIs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  51/23/65/.249/5

14. Russell Martin – Kinda shows you how awful Martin’s season was with the company he’s keeping on this list.  Here’s a juicy nugget I said back in February, “I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10, Final Numbers:  63/7/53/.250/11

15. John Baker – I have a feeling that Baker might be overrated next year.  Not sure why, just a gut call. (<–helpful, but less provocative than a booty call) Baker was decent for stretches of the season, but he still has very little power, no speed and not a great average.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  59/9/50/.271

16. Matt Wieters - In fairness to me, I projected Wieters’s 2009 stats in January way before I had any clue when he’d be called up.  He disappointed for most of the year, but his September (13/3/14/.362) gives hope that the hype should indeed be believed.  I’m a little giddy to draft him next year, which probably means others are a lot giddy and I won’t get him.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the minors, Final Numbers:  35/9/43/.288

17. Rod Barajas – An August when he hit 7 homers and batted .225 pushed him onto this list.  Yes, that was his good month.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  43/19/71/.226/1

18. Ivan Rodriguez – Man, the catchers are terrible this year.  This stunod I wouldn’t have owned in a 20 team league that only used catchers that were traded from the Astros to the Rangers mid-season. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  55/10/47/.249/1

19. Chris Iannetta – Here’s one of the problems with the ESPN Player Rater.  Iannetta wasn’t that terrible.  Okay, he wasn’t that good either.  But his average drags him down a lot.  A terrible average on a catcher is bearable because of how few ABs they get.  See Miguel Olivo for further illustration of this point.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265, Final Numbers:  41/16/52/.228

20. Carlos Ruiz – He had 11 April ABs and he made the top 20.  Yikes.  Guess that’s the perfect way to end a terrible year at the catching position.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 20th ranked catcher, Carlos Ruiz.  Belch.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  Do you care?  Final Numbers:  Not good, friends.

I’m sure even Kevin Gregg can’t believe he held the Cubs closer job as long as he did.  After witnessing Gregg’s sixth blown save and 12th gopher ball on Monday night, Piniella went into the locker room and flipped a table, screaming at a young, non-mustachioed Willie Randolph… Oh, wait, that was The Bronx is Burning.  Piniella says Carlos Marmol will take over the closer duties.  Carlos Marmol smiles, Kevin Gregg frowns and Angel Guzman shrugs.  John Grabow may also slide into the situational save picture when the Cubs face a lefty heavy ninth.  But, for now, Sweet Lou’s giving the ball to Marmol to save games.  As of today.  We shall see.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Travis Snider – Guess JP Ricciardi can’t swing a deal for Lincecum and the frozen body of Ted Williams, so Snider was called up.  Worth a flier in mixed leagues for the potential pop he can provide.  In one league, out of boredom, I dropped Ty Wigginton for Snider.  Oh, and Snider hit a homer yesterday.

Randy Ruiz – Hit his third homer in a week.  He’s 31-years-old.  You don’t get to be 31 and still a rookie without a giant pancake of mediocrity covering you.  Might continue to hit bombs for the rest of this season.  Or maybe just for the rest of this week.  My guess is he has a hot week in him, then he drops like a ton of 31-year-old rookie bricks.

Francisco Liriano – Headed to the Disgraceful List with Can’t Throw Effectivelyitis. I think he’s fallen to the point where he might actually be a solid sleeper in 2010 drafts.  We’ll have to wait for official word from February Grey as he rarely shares his info with August Grey.

Joe Mauer – 2 HRs yesterday as he bats .383 on the year.  After the game, he cured cancer.

Delmon Young – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs, his 2nd homer in the last three games and already has more homers this month than he had the entire 1st half of the year.

Ivan Rodriguez – The Rangers acquired Pudge (<–at one point this nickname wasn’t ironic).  Now the Rangers just need to acquire Jose Canseco and a bunch of syringes.  According to the Rangers, Pudge will be a backup.  I don’t see why they’d use him in that capacity.  I think most of Teagarden and Salty’s value is hurt with the addition of Pudge, not that they really had much value anyway.

Carlos Quentin – HR yesterday.  On one hand, I kinda want him to bomb the rest of this season so he goes quietly into next year’s draft.  On the other hand, I own him in a league and would like some production.  On the third hand, I want him to have surgery on his foot so there’s no problem next year.  He’s refusing surgery as of right now.  And, yes, I have three hands.

Freddy Garcia – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Right back where he left off!

Pedro Martinez/Jamie Moyer – Combined for a one run, 4 hitter.  If only Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau were around to see it.

Alex Gordon – Was optioned to Triple-A.  As frequent commenter, Mr. Baseball, pointed out, Gordon could be a nice October call up.

Carlos Gonzalez – HR yesterday, now has 5 homers in the last seven games.  Not sure what you’re waiting for, loyal Razzball reader.

Clint Barmes – HR yesterday.  Without looking it up, who has more homers, Barmes or Hawpe?  Obviously if I’m pointing it out, it’s Barmes.  But that’s crazy.  Though I’m not sure it’s crazy good for Barmes or crazy bad for Hawpe.  I think it’s the latter, as in what Hawpe walked under before the season.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 2 ER.  Now has a 3.41 ERA on the year and on his way to 180 Ks on the year.  Aren’t you glad you own him and didn’t worry about whether or not he’s a Rockies pitcher?  Or don’t you wish you owned him and stopped worrying about owning a Rockies pitcher?

Lastings Milledge – Hit his first homer of the year yesterday.   Could be the start of something…

Ross Ohlendorf – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks as he got his 11th win yesterday and has a 4.15 ERA on the year.  What the ‘dorf?!  If you own Ohlendorf, you’re teetering between brilliance and insanity like an abstract painter or an MMA fighter.

Alex Avila – Hit his third homer yesterday as he bats near .450 through 20 ABs.  Worth a flier in AL-Only leagues, but he’s seeing less time behind the plate than Nicole Richie.

Matt Wieters – Hit his fourth homer to stay in front of Alex Avila, who has 180 less at-bats than Wieters.

Rick Porcello – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks vs. the Mariners.  For a guy with a 4.5 K/9, the 8 Ks can only mean one thing.  Porcello was imagining facing Ichiro Youkilis, Russell Youkilis and Franklin Youkilis aka The Big F-You.

Derek Lowe – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER as he allowed the Mets to record ten hits in one inning, which was a new club record.  An offensive club record with Luis Castillo as your hitting star?  Lowe hadn’t looked that bad since Speidi’s wedding.  I know you wanna drop Lowe, but I wouldn’t.

Ricky Nolasco – 9 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks.  Good to see him bounce back after his last outing left you muttering to yourself as you ate a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip.

Julio Borbon – 3-for-4, 3 steals as the Rangers stole 6 bases vs. Mauer.  Hey, he was out curing cancer!

Pat Burrell – Returned from a stiff neck with a homer.  He still has 19 to go to save his season.  I think he pulls up ten short, so he still has… You do the math!

David Price – 5 IP, 2 ER.  Price was mentioned in the rookie pitchers who might get shutdown whatchamacallit.  Now I’m hearing murmurs that Price could go to the bullpen for the return of Sonnanstine.  Act like ya know, MC Lyte!

B.J. Upton – HR yesterday.  That’s right!  You’re not the Secretaryman, you’re not the Administrativeassistantman, you’re the Bossman!  Now take charge!

Kyle Blanks – Hit an inside-the-park-homer.  The only explanation for a 300 lbs guy getting an inside-the-park-homer is the Cubs pulled their team from the field because Padres fans were littering the field with empty bottles of White Zinfandel.