Fantasy Baseball Advice

I watched Mat Latos yesterday.   Now I want an eye transplant with someone that watched Jamie Moyer pitch (not when he was first called up because that eye transplant would have cataracts).  I wish I could pinpoint what the problem is with Latos, besides looking terrible.  He was hitting 95 MPH on the maybe-a-tad-Reds-friendly radar gun for three straight pitches to Beltran.  Unfortunately, he threw all three friggin’ pitches in the exact same spot, so, of course, Beltran turned on one.  Then he made the next hitter, Holliday, look terrible with offspeed stuff.  Like a bachelorette order form, is there somewhere I can check for him to mix in the junk?  Does Mesoraco only have one finger on his pitch-calling hand?  Is Latos giving up early runs so Dusty can’t throw him into the 11th inning?  How do you even give up 5 earned runs in the first two innings on only 6 baserunners?  Is that even mathematically possible with only one two-run homer?  Why are you making me wrack my brain?  And why are you giving up a two out triples to the opposing pitcher?!  Latos gets the Giants next.  If he can’t make them look like a team that has only three hitters, and one of which they bench, then Latos is going to my bench for the foreseeable future.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Krispie Young – The MRI revealed a ligament tear and who wins this year’s Biggest Loser.  Damn you, MRI, and your spoilers!  Krispie’s headed to the 15-day DL and the Diamondbacks say he should be fine after a couple of weeks of rest.  With a ligament tear in his shoulder?  Sounds like they have a ligament tear in their silver lining.  This sounds like something that won’t only sideline Krispie for longer than 15 days but also leave him at less than 100% for the rest of the season until an offseason of rest.  It’s pretty terrible news.  Rico Suave should see the majority of the time in the outfield while Krispie gets himself right.  Parra’s pretty yawnstipating from a fantasy perspective for mixed leagues.  In NL-Only leagues, he should get you some counting stats.   (Wanna hear something that says so much?  I added yawnstipating to my computer dictionary.  It’s right there in my virtual dictionary next to dork.)

Justin Upton – Where is thumbkin?  Back from the MRI to say Upton needs a few days of rest with a bone bruise on his thumb.  He did get into yesterday’s game as a pinch runner.  Would be just wonderful if he had to slide head first.  Hope Kirk Gibson didn’t slo-mo arm pump that in-game move.

A.J. Pollock – 0-for-3 with a caught stealing.  How many players does it take to fill-in Krispie’s roster spot?  One Pollock.  He has good speed (36 SBs last year in the minors), but it’s not clear how much he’ll actually play.  Might just be a bat for a few days until Justin’s thumb stops being Upton no good.

Brett Gardner – To the DL with a strained elbow.  Huh?  What’s he running on his hands like Encino Man?  You don’t need an elbow to bunt and run.  Put your elbow in a sling and call it macaroni!  This kills my RCL team (well, Krispie’s loss kinda hurt that too), but how is there only one DL spot in the RCLs?  What were we thinking?  Guys (and 4 girls), talk some sense into me Charlotte sometimes, would cha please?

Hiroki Kuroda – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Starts like these in The House They Built Across The Street From The House Ruth Built is the reason why I told people to not draft him.

Lance Berkman – Puma reaggravated his calf injury and might hit the DL.  Coincidentally, my Cougar’s out for a day or two with shingles.

Carlos Beltran – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs.  That’s 5 homers and 3 steals.  Maybe he’s this year’s old player who comes out of nowhere and has a renaissance year.  How do we not have a term for this in the glossary?  Please suggest in the comments.  Thank you.

Brad Lidge – Davey Johnson revealed that Lidge suffers from vertigo.  Still waiting for Davey to choose a closer, or more accurately, to explain The Trouble With Henry.

Ivan Rodriguez – Announced his retirement.  Let’s remember the days when his nickname Pudge wasn’t ironic due to the banning of illegal substances that caused him to lose all muscle mass.  Pour some andro out for him.

Cliff Lee – 10 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I feel like a ten inning game is more rare than a no hitter. (I probably could find out if that was true at the ol’ Google.)  Through 10 innings, he threw 102 pitches and 81 of those were strikes.  Let’s just say, The Adverb was more than suffixient.

Bartolo Colon – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Lincecum who?

Matt Cain – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Bartolo Colon who?

Brian Wilson – Undergoing Tommy John surgery today.  They’re still evaluating whether they hairnet his beard or if they have to shave it.  If they shave it, the surgery is due to end on Sunday and the homeless family of Lilliputians will need to be relocated.

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Walks really got him in this game…and the hits…and the runs…and the lack of Ks.

Mark Buehrle – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Of course he pitched a gem.  Why wouldn’t he?!  Why would I want this kind of start from Latos?!  I must be crazy!  Yeah, still a little annoyed at Latos.  And another thing, if Latos didn’t seem so detestable of a personality, I might be able to let it go!

Joel Hanrahan – Tweaked his Hanrahammy.  Should be good to go by the weekend.  In his place…

Juan Cruz – Guess who has more saves than Jordan Walden and Heath Bell combined?  I grabbed Cruz in one league, then dropped him when I had to fill in for Gardner.  Cruz may not see another save all year.  If you’re very desperate, then specloselate.  (On a related note, I thought of what we can call a top closer’s set-up man, a side salad.)

Grady Sizemore – Cleared for baseball activities.  He’ll probably pull his groin scratching himself.  I’m only half-punning.

Juan Francisco – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games.  The Braves are committed to Glass Chipper like Aguilera should be committed for eliminating Jesse Campbell, but Francisco’s a good name to watch in deep leagues in case he can get more playing time.

Jair Jurrjens – 4 IP, 4 ER.  Can the editor who recut Star Wars take Jar-Jar out of the Braves rotation too?

Dan Uggla – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his first homer.  Still wanna sell him for Skip Schumaker and a bag of Fritos?

Luke Scott – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  Member I said last week to pick him up?  Yeah, nothing’s changed yet.

Matt Joyce – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 2nd game in a row with a homer.  If he’s gonna hit, it will be in the first half.  It’s Joyce to wit.

Justin Morneau – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 3rd and 4th homers.  Only cussword his fantasy owners are hearing this year is refocused.

Matt Capps – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save.  Could he save a game without giving up a run?  Just a question.

Kevin Youkilis – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs with his first homer.  Youuuuuuuk, speaking through his agent, said, “Tell Valentine there’s his motivation.  And Sugarhill Gang invented the rap.  So there!”

Lucas Harrell – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Anyone with a rotation spot, you own in NL- or AL-Only leagues, so I grabbed Harrell in an NL-Only league.  Never looked at his stats.  Just grabbed him.  Then he pitched well yesterday for the second time in three starts and I was like, “Hey, this guy’s awesome!  I wanna see his minor league stats.”  So I Googled his name to see his minor league stats, and Googled asked me, “Are you sure you want to see his minor league stats?”  Yes, Google!  Give ‘em to me!  “Oh.”  That was my reaction after seeing his stats.  Um, yeah, I wouldn’t touch him in mixed leagues.

Aramis Ramirez – 2-for-4 with his first homer.  He’s alive!  I think.

Omar Infante – Out until Friday with a groin strain.  It happened when he was running away from Hanley carrying a bottle of hair dye.

Pedro Alvarez – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer.  He’s batting .074 on the year.  To get results from Alvarez, the Pirates threatened him with a demotion to Triple-A or worse a trade to the Orioles.

Jake Peavy – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Yes, you should own him.  No, I’m not joking.

A.J. Pierzynski – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer.  When I say hot, you say schmotato.

Doug Fister – Felt renewed discomfort in his abdomen.  For Fister owners, that’s a punch to the gut.

Prince Fielder – 2-f0r-4, 2 RBIs and a steal as Major League Baseball tried to increase offense by moving 2nd base five feet from 1st.

Chase Headley – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and TWO HOMERS?  He had two homers the entire 1st half last year, and two homers the entire 2nd half for four (stutterer!) total.

Michael Cuddyer – Homered then left Wednesday’s game with a bruised toe.  If Cuddyer needs to miss time, guess who gets some time?  No, not Eric Young Jr.  Tyler Colvin.  Could be some pop there.  Keep your eyes peeled in deep leagues.

Juan Nicasio – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Eh, I’ve seen better starts.  Buehrle, for instance, that was better, but I’d continue to roll with Nicasio in most leagues.

Derek Holland – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Kinda wish I had Holland instead of Latos right now.  Okay, I’ll let it go.

Kirk Nieuwenhuis – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a steal.  I’ve seen some people in the comments ask if they should pick up Kirk.  Don’t cheat, Razzballers.  Ask if you should pick up Nieuwenhuis.  If I gotta spell that shizz, so do you.  And, yeah, you should pick him up.  Kinda like how I’ve been saying that in the last two weeks of Buys.  Yesterday, he hit leadoff.  That probably won’t hold, but Bay’s name is short for Sickbay, as in he hasn’t been good in years, and Duda hasn’t had much zippity, doo or dah recently.

R.A. Dickey – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER.  More like U.R.A. Dickey.

I usually like to wait a couple of months into the season to look at some of the catchers that couldn’t throw out your grandma even if she loses the tennis balls off her walker.  (What is the deal with those tennis balls?  I feel like that’s the kinda nonsense thing that would have a Facebook Fan Page.  Everyone who likes tennis balls on walkers!  Yay!  BTW, what did people do before Facebook?  Oh, yeah, Myspace.  BTW II, The Return of BTW, is there anything sadder than getting an email from Friendster.  Hey, come check out the new Friendster!  Sure, as soon as I get on the internet with this dial-up modem.)  Or some of the catchers that are quite agile — hey, it’s Italian!  I wait a few months because new catchers come into the league and I like to see a decent sample size — that’s what she said!  Anyway, here’s some of the best and worst catchers for fantasy baseball:

The Bad

Jonathan Lucroy – Has only thrown out 6 baserunners out of 33.  And he doesn’t even get to try and throw out Prince Fielder.  “Pretend 2nd base is a vegan muffin…Now run!”

John Jaso – 7 caught out of 35.  And John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt doesn’t have to try and throw out Upton.

Rod Barajas – He’s pretty tizzerrible, but Dioner, his backup, is less so.  And less Jaso, for that matter.

A.J. Pierzynski – The most runners have tried to go on A.J. outside of McCann.  From my two years in Kenya, I can tell you runners are total gossipers and they probably talk about how you can run on A.J.

Josh Thole – This post is an asset for short schedule days when you pick up a guy for one day to try and score a steal.  Thole, like Barajas, makes that hard because his backup is good at throwing out runners.

Jason Varitek/Jarrod Saltymochachino – The above comment for Thole doesn’t hold weight with this dynamic duo.  You, eating the Cheetos and scratching your underarm?  You could steal on these two.

Eli Whiteside – Eli doesn’t like to catch people stealing.  He likes to guilt them into not doing it.

The Good

Lou Marson – 13 caught, 14 allowed.  While Carlos Santana isn’t smooth at throwing out runners, you do not run on Lou Marson.  His last name anagrams to No Arms, but that shizz is a misnomer.

Ivan Rodriguez – 9 caught, 10 allowed.  Hey, maybe Boras can get him another $5 million now.

Wilson Ramos – Though Boras will have to try with another team, because Ramos is just as nasty — 12 caught, only 16 allowed.

Matt Wieters – 18-for-46.  Too bad that’s never his batting line over a week.

Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right? Well, obviously not. Stanton’s 35% K rate translates to a .235 AVG with an average (.300) BABIP. He’s still a valuable asset because of the power – but you’ll have to either compensate with a high batting AVG guy or absorb the AVG hit.

Danny Espinosa - The rookie 2B looked like the 2.0 version of 2009 Desmond by going 4 for 5 with 2 HR and 6 RBI against the Mets. Where’d this come from? Espinosa was a 3rd round pick out of Long Beach State – the baseball factory that brought you Troy Tulowitzki and Evan Longoria. Espinosa has shown 20/20 potential in AA and AAA over the past 2 years but his AVG has been in the .260 range. So it’s possible he maintains this streak for the rest of the month as an extended audition for a 2011 starting spot. Take a chance if you’ve got dead wood in your MI spot.

Jeff Niemann – The good news is he gave you less earned runs than his past two starts. The bad news is that he still got whomped – 6 ER in less than 2 innings after giving up 17 ER in 8.1 IP in his previous two starts. If he’s still on your team, I’d drop him like he bombed.

Jon Lester – Won with 10Ks over 6 IP – his 3rd straight game with a win and 10 Ks. Last Red Sox player to do that? How would I know – I don’t work for ELIAS. (I’d guess Pedro). I’d say it’s Sabathia’s Cy Young to lose but I think Lester will edge out Buchholz and F-Her if he stumbles. Unless Keith Law is the only voter – then I’d say Felix Hernandez.

Brian Matusz – Won his 4th straight game – this time at Yankee Stadium. This three starts were home against Boston and Texas and at the White Sox. All four were 6 IP and none more than 3 ER. So if you need a pitcher to stream, he’s your guy.

Don Kelly – The man two L’s away from donkey status had a HR/3 RBI game. He’s platooning with Ryan Raburn (Kelly gets righty pitchers) and he’s not that great. I’d stream him for a day if your OF isn’t playing – that’s about it.

Neil Walker – Another HR – making that 5 HRs in his past 9 games. Now hitting .312, this guy has been looking like the second coming of Freddy Sanchez. But Pirates are like people you meet at the Jersey Shore – don’t fall in love with them. His minor league stats and his .370+ BABIP suggest he’s hitting out of his mind right now. Enjoy the ride but drop him in shallower leagues should he struggle for the next hot-hitting MI.

Jim Thome - 2 HRs on Saturday. Took Sunday off. Hit another HR on Monday. The guy is hitting a HR now every 11AB or so. Trying to figure when this guy is going to play is infuriating – Kubel and Mauer DH as well – but he’s a must add now for daily leagues where you can swap him out if he’s sitting.

Jose Reyes – The Mets have been in complete minayal over Reyes’ oblique injury. They’ve been having hit batting practice and claim he might play but he’s been out for 7 days and will probably miss most of next week too. As someone who drafted Reyes hoping for a discount on his typical 60 SB with respectable AVG/R/HR/RBI, the only solace is that at least he hasn’t been completely useless like D’Ellsbury.

Ivan Rodriguez – Had 1 HR and 7 RBIs over the past two days. Congrats to the 3 people who own him in a league.

Carlos Marmol - It was clearly Piniella’s fault that the Cubs were underperforming because it feels like they’ve been streaking ever since. Marmol now has 4 saves in 6 days in September. Even better, he’s still K-ing guys and now has a ridiculous 118 Ks in 66.1 IP. Most relievers couldn’t get that many K’s if they faced a lineup of Ryan Howard, Adam Dunn, and Mark Reynolds.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Will miss a few games with back spasms. I think they’re sympathy spasms for Eric Chavez.

Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse.  In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats.  Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial.  If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders.  He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow.  In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good.  The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save.  Save vultures, commence vulturing.

Jair Jurrjens – Felt a pop in his hamstring.  Why don’t they call it soda?!  Oh, wait…   With no medical training, I can tell you the three things you want to avoid.  Take out a note pad.  These are kinda important.  1) Feeling a pop anywhere in your body  2) Pains in the chest  3) Being dead.  Medlen’s time in the rotation just got a bit longer.

Ryan Braun – He was removed after getting plunked on the elbow.  And someone has to pay Eric Plunk a nickel.  Not it!  Braun’s day-to-day, which is better than week-to-week and much better than minute-to-minute.  Fine line, friends.  Fine line.

Manny Corpas – 1 IP, 4 ER.  I’ve set some kind for record of picking up new closers only to watch them club me over the head with my trust.  It’s taken me longer to put together furniture from Ikea than for Corpas to suck.

Huston Street – Will begin rehab on Thursday.  Aw, maybe only two more weeks of Manny Corpas.  So sad. /sarcasm

Eric Young Jr. – Jim Tracy knows Clint Barmes.  He knows Melvin Mora.  Why doesn’t he know Eric Young Jr.?  Just send him back to the minors if you’re not going to play him.  I hate you, Jim Tracy.

Miguel Olivo – Only 4 hits in his last 34 at-bats.  The not so good Olivo that’s played in the majors for the last 7 years is starting to rear its ugly head.  Bring back Iannetta!

Troy Tulowitzki – MRI showed nothing major so Tulo should be back in the next couple of days.  Tulo legit 2 quit.

Tommy Hanson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, now has a 2.30 ERA on the year.  When I avoided him in the preseason, I said I might regret not owning him.  And that’s me paraphrasing my regret!

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper has an aggravated right groin.  That’ll teach him to pay so much attention to his left groin.  Stop neglecting your right groin, it’s aggravated!

Jason Heyward – Yesterday, he tested his groin.  Hey now!  Heyward hopes to play Tuesday, which is today for 98% of our readers.  Thanks, Google Analytics!

Carlos Gomez – To the DL with a left rotator cuff strain.  Jody Gerut should see starts, but Jim Edmonds probably will.  Why?  Because the Brewers want people time traveling from the year 2000 to feel at home when they see Edmonds.

John Jaso – 3-for-5 as John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt bats .350 on the year.

Chad Billingsley – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks.  Now has three decent starts in his last four.  Yes, it’s only three decent starts in his last 6, but I’m cherrypicking stats here, leave me alone.

Brandon Morrow – 1 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Damn those hodgepodjays and their sexy upside!

Aaron Hill – 0-for-4, batting .190 on the year with 2 homers.  Yup.

Brennan Boesch – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs as he bats near .400 in the last week.  Should be playing for at least another two weeks, until Guillen returns.  Worth a look in deep mixed leagues for a part-time replacement.

Ivan Rodriguez – 4-for-4 as he bats .393 on the year.  Yeah, that makes sense.

Luis Atilano – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has 12 walks to 11 strikeouts.  That’s an avoid.

Miguel Batista – The poet laureate of the major leagues notched a save in Capps’ stead.  Capps had pitched two consecutive days.  Don’t matter, just don’t bite on Batista.  And what’s a mention of Batista without Castro…

Starlin Castro – 0-for-2, 3 errors.  Cubs fans blamed the third one on Bartman.

It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started.  We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season.  You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.”  Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk.  Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad.  The regular season is done.  As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!”  There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our Preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2009. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2010.  Tell ‘em, B-Real, “How do you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  The top 20 lists are ranked according to ESPN Player Rater.  It may not be wholly accurate, but it’s wholly unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Joe Mauer – I was reading from The Book of Right-On by Joanna Newsom (<–reference for our two girl readers.  Hey, ladies!) about all of Mauer’s numbers, except the homers.  For his power, I was dead wrong.  If I could have E.G. Marshall come to my defense, he’d say no one predicted more than 15 homers for Mauer.  I was still wrong.  Dead.  Flippin’.  Wrong.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3, Final Numbers:  94/28/96/.365/4

2. Pablo Sandoval – He wasn’t ranked in ESPN’s Player Rater at catcher because of eligibility requirements, but I ranked him as a catcher in the preseason, so the Kung Fu Panda gets a bye.  In the preseason, I said, “I have his 2009 projections as 60/14/65/.300.  I think he can get to 17+ home runs without losing anything on the average side.  He’s not as appealing to me as a 3rd baseman or a swimsuit model.”  I was half right, he would’ve made a decent 3rd baseman too.  I’ll miss Sandoval in the catchers slot next year.  Preseason Rank #13, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

3. Victor Martinez – I know you’ve abused your body with booze and babes for the last six months, but if you can remember back to the preseason, Martinez was risky coming into 2009 after a fakakta 2008.  He put those fears behind him and, with a little help from a trade to Sam Horn Nation, had a productive 2009.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

4. Brian McCann -  He’ll probably be my number one catcher again next year.  How’s that for being obstinate?  How’s that for knowing what obstinate means?  Can I get a Roget’s up in this mug?  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295, Final Numbers: 63/21/94/.281/4

5. Kurt Suzuki – At number five, we enter a group of catchers that were probably passed around in your league like blow at an Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart clam bake.  I think the fact that Suzuki is ranked this high proves the point better than I could ever about not paying for catchers.  Also, most of these guys were unranked, because, frankly, they weren’t even drafted.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  74/15/88/.274/8

6. Jorge Posada – I didn’t think he had another productive season in him.  Obviously, The Jet Stream thought different.  If only Bobby Meacham had a chance to play in that wind tunnel, he could’ve broke double digits for his career.  Preseason Rank #12, 2009 Projections:  55/12/65/.270, Final Numbers:  55/22/81/.285/1

7. Miguel Montero – Probably the best waiver wire claim for any catcher this year.  In my mind, Montero was more valuable than Suzuki even though he ranks above him.  If you agree, then we may share a mind.  Weird!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  61/16/59/.294/1

8. A.J. Pierzynski – Jesus Colome, is Pierzynski really this high on the catchers list?  What a terrible year for catchers.  I’d prefer a bunch of names below A.J. — Napoli, Olivo, Inge and even a Flying Molina Brother.  Can we just allow steroids for catchers?  C’mon, it wouldn’t be that bad.  Put the squatters on equal footing with the rest of the league.  Pierzynski is also the number one reason why you don’t draft catchers until the end of your draft.  They’re all so similar you could have easily had any number of guys below in the final rounds of your draft or off waivers and you would’ve done just fine.  Preseason Rank #20, 2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280, Final Numbers:  57/13/49/.300/1

9. Mike Napoli – With the amount of questions I fielded this year about dropping Napoli, you would think he wouldn’t have even made the top 20, let alone the top 10.  He’s the number one example why you should Ron Popeil your catcher and, “Set it and Forget It.”  Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  55/23/65/.245/7, Final Numbers:  60/20/56/.272/3

10. Bengie Molina – I would’ve preferred this Flying Molina Brother a lot more than the one below.  Actually, I wouldn’t have owned the Yadier version.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  50/15/70/.275, Final Numbers:  52/20/80/.265

11. Yadier Molina – Here’s a good example of the poor catcher numbers this year.  I ranked Yadier 19th overall with numbers that aren’t that far off from where he ended up, but he ranks 11th here with terrible RBIs and Runs.  Preseason Rank #19, 2009 Projections:  35/7/50/.270, Final Numbers:  45/6/54/.293/9

12. Brandon Inge – In the first half of the season, Inge was on a binge.  In the 2nd half, Inge was on the fringe.   Sandoval knocks on my office window, “Did someone say open fridge?”  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  71/27/84/.230/2

13. Miguel Olivo – Two good months gets you 13th on the top 20 catcher rankings.  In an interesting aside to me and maybe three other readers, Olivo and John Buck combined for 31 homers and 101 RBIs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  51/23/65/.249/5

14. Russell Martin – Kinda shows you how awful Martin’s season was with the company he’s keeping on this list.  Here’s a juicy nugget I said back in February, “I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10, Final Numbers:  63/7/53/.250/11

15. John Baker – I have a feeling that Baker might be overrated next year.  Not sure why, just a gut call. (<–helpful, but less provocative than a booty call) Baker was decent for stretches of the season, but he still has very little power, no speed and not a great average.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  59/9/50/.271

16. Matt Wieters - In fairness to me, I projected Wieters’s 2009 stats in January way before I had any clue when he’d be called up.  He disappointed for most of the year, but his September (13/3/14/.362) gives hope that the hype should indeed be believed.  I’m a little giddy to draft him next year, which probably means others are a lot giddy and I won’t get him.  Preseason Rank #21, 2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the minors, Final Numbers:  35/9/43/.288

17. Rod Barajas – An August when he hit 7 homers and batted .225 pushed him onto this list.  Yes, that was his good month.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  43/19/71/.226/1

18. Ivan Rodriguez – Man, the catchers are terrible this year.  This stunod I wouldn’t have owned in a 20 team league that only used catchers that were traded from the Astros to the Rangers mid-season. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  55/10/47/.249/1

19. Chris Iannetta – Here’s one of the problems with the ESPN Player Rater.  Iannetta wasn’t that terrible.  Okay, he wasn’t that good either.  But his average drags him down a lot.  A terrible average on a catcher is bearable because of how few ABs they get.  See Miguel Olivo for further illustration of this point.  Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265, Final Numbers:  41/16/52/.228

20. Carlos Ruiz – He had 11 April ABs and he made the top 20.  Yikes.  Guess that’s the perfect way to end a terrible year at the catching position.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 20th ranked catcher, Carlos Ruiz.  Belch.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  Do you care?  Final Numbers:  Not good, friends.