I watched Mat Latos yesterday. Now I want an eye transplant with someone that watched Jamie Moyer pitch (not when he was first called up because that eye transplant would have cataracts). I wish I could pinpoint what the problem is with Latos, besides looking terrible. He was hitting 95 MPH on the maybe-a-tad-Reds-friendly radar gun for three straight pitches to Beltran. Unfortunately, he threw all three friggin’ pitches in the exact same spot, so, of course, Beltran turned on one. Then he made the next hitter, Holliday, look terrible with offspeed stuff. Like a bachelorette order form, is there somewhere I can check for him to mix in the junk? Does Mesoraco only have one finger on his pitch-calling hand? Is Latos giving up early runs so Dusty can’t throw him into the 11th inning? How do you even give up 5 earned runs in the first two innings on only 6 baserunners? Is that even mathematically possible with only one two-run homer? Why are you making me wrack my brain? And why are you giving up a two out triples to the opposing pitcher?! Latos gets the Giants next. If he can’t make them look like a team that has only three hitters, and one of which they bench, then Latos is going to my bench for the foreseeable future. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Krispie Young – The MRI revealed a ligament tear and who wins this year’s Biggest Loser. Damn you, MRI, and your spoilers! Krispie’s headed to the 15-day DL and the Diamondbacks say he should be fine after a couple of weeks of rest. With a ligament tear in his shoulder? Sounds like they have a ligament tear in their silver lining. This sounds like something that won’t only sideline Krispie for longer than 15 days but also leave him at less than 100% for the rest of the season until an offseason of rest. It’s pretty terrible news. Rico Suave should see the majority of the time in the outfield while Krispie gets himself right. Parra’s pretty yawnstipating from a fantasy perspective for mixed leagues. In NL-Only leagues, he should get you some counting stats. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I usually like to wait a couple of months into the season to look at some of the catchers that couldn’t throw out your grandma even if she loses the tennis balls off her walker. (What is the deal with those tennis balls? I feel like that’s the kinda nonsense thing that would have a Facebook Fan Page. Everyone who likes tennis balls on walkers! Yay! BTW, what did people do before Facebook? Oh, yeah, Myspace. BTW II, The Return of BTW, is there anything sadder than getting an email from Friendster. Hey, come check out the new Friendster! Sure, as soon as I get on the internet with this dial-up modem.) Or some of the catchers that are quite agile — hey, it’s Italian! I wait a few months because new catchers come into the league and I like to see a decent sample size — that’s what she said! Anyway, here’s some of the best and worst catchers for fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Lucroy – Has only thrown out 6 baserunners out of 33. And he doesn’t even get to try and throw out Prince Fielder. “Pretend 2nd base is a vegan muffin…Now run!”
John Jaso – 7 caught out of 35. And John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt doesn’t have to try and throw out Upton. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats. Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders. He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow. In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good. The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save. Save vultures, commence vulturing. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It feels like yesterday that the baseball regular season started. We frolicked, hand in hand, through the season. You stopped to pick a flower and I said, “That dandelion looks like a French impressionist painting that you can see up close.” Then we giggled and blew the parachute off its stalk. Today, the parachute lands and I’m sad. The regular season is done. As an action movie sidekick once said right before he was about to be killed, “NOOOO!!!” There’s a cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand fed Doritos. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m sure even Kevin Gregg can’t believe he held the Cubs closer job as long as he did. After witnessing Gregg’s sixth blown save and 12th gopher ball on Monday night, Piniella went into the locker room and flipped a table, screaming at a young, non-mustachioed Willie Randolph… Oh, wait, that was The Bronx is Burning. Piniella says Carlos Marmol will take over the closer duties. Carlos Marmol smiles, Kevin Gregg frowns and Angel Guzman shrugs. John Grabow may also slide into the situational save picture when the Cubs face a lefty heavy ninth. But, for now, Sweet Lou’s giving the ball to Marmol to save games. As of today. We shall see. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Travis Snider – Guess JP Ricciardi can’t swing a deal for Lincecum and the frozen body of Ted Williams, so Snider was called up. Worth a flier in mixed leagues for the potential pop he can provide. In one league, out of boredom, I dropped Ty Wigginton for Snider. Oh, and Snider hit a homer yesterday. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a tie game, Cito Gaston brought in his closer, Scott Downs, to work the bottom of the ninth. Downs did that, then the Blue Jays scored five runs in the top of the 10th. So with the game in the bag, Gaston removed Downs for a pinch hitter, right? Nah, that’s what a normal person operating heavy machinery would’ve done. Gaston let Downs hit. Okay, so he told Downs to take three strikes, right? No point in swinging up by five, right? Nah, you’re thinking too logical here. Downs grounded out to shortstop, injurying himself on the way to first. If I were Downs, I’d rip Gaston a new one on his LinkedIn profile. Jason Frasor or B.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know what burns me up? Fire? Yes, random italicized voice, but something else too. Three weeks ago, ESPN threw out trash like this, “Hamels could be one of the top-5 starters in most leagues now that questions about his durability and moxie have passed. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame (in conjunction with Razzball.com) is a new website dedicated to recognizing the accomplishments of Major League ballplayers during the “fantasy era” (1980-present). The greatest of these players will be elected to the Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame. Please, blog, may I have some more?