I don’t usually mention pitchers in Coors. Even rarer still that I mention pitchers filled with Coors. Most pitchers with Coors are piss-poor. That’s for every definition of Coors and pitchers. Now, let’s look at the definition of belch. To eject gas spasmodically, to eruct. If erect is good, Coors definitely makes me eruct. A pitcher that throws gas in Coors usually has spastic eructions. Talk about slightly off sexy talk. A phone sex operator should mess with a customer and say, “I want your spastic eruction all over me.” “Did you just say you want me to belch on you?” Yesterday, Tyler Anderson went 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, moving his ERA to 3.04. His peripherals agree, he’s not getting by on smoke and mirrors like some children’s magician. He has a 7.5 K/9, 2.0 BB/9 and a 3.41 xFIP. Not an ace, but a safe number two, similar numbers to, say, Kyle Hendricks. We need to put aside our aversion to Rockies pitchers and throw our hat in the ring for Merry Tyler Coors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Manny Machado put up his right hand yesterday to measure it against a hand drawing every clubhouse has posted on its wall. The drawing is of Mark Whiten’s hand that once held four baseballs in it. Four baseballs for the four homers he hit in one game. In the Padres’ clubhouse, this hand has been removed because it’s just a not-so-subtle reminder of what will never be. In the Indians’ clubhouse, the hand is made into a turkey to celebrate the first Thanksgiving. In the Astros’ clubhouse, the hand has been cut out and fashioned into a t-shirt for Altuve. Imagine if Donald Trump wins the presidency and throws out a first pitch. He may never make it to the field, too distracted in the clubhouse by measuring his hands against Whiten. Yesterday, Machado came a fingernail short of the hand, hitting three homers with seven RBIs. Now has 25 homers on the year with a .307 average. Terrific, stupendous, adjective! What’s more remarkable is he does not have one steal all year. Almost as crazy, he’s only attempted three. Did he have a knee transplant this offseason with McCutchen as the donor? Machado stole 20 bases last year. To go to none? Wow, his feet definitely don’t measure up to the Rickey Henderson foot drawings in each clubhouse. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I swear every time I write it seems like Steven Wright is on the mound and every time I’m here touting him. Despite an 8-4 record and an AL best 2.01 ERA, Mr. Wright remains the Rodney Dangerfield of pitchers, getting no respect. Just look at his DraftKings pricing over his past three starts, $12,200 two starts ago, $11,100 last time out and now tonight, he’s at $10,600. This in spite of having thrown 9 innings of 5 hit shutout baseball against the White Sox in Fenway Park last time out. I get the match-up is a little tougher and it’s on the road against the Rangers, but good grief, hasn’t the man earned it to this point? Clearly, someone at DraftKings HQ is a knuckle-ist. They hate all things knuckles, brass knuckles, knuckle heads and moose knuckles. He’s priced at the bottom of the ace pile, right before all the scrubs when he should be priced near the top. No matter, I hope his price keeps dropping and I’ll just keep on rostering him every chance I get. I suggest you do the same, or are you a knuckle-ist too? Let’s take a look at a few more bargains for the Saturday DraftKings slate:
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 27th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You have Eugenio Suarez as your middle infielder and are growing bored, so you check out The Replacements, and there’s so many possibilities. Anything you want, dear, is fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Everything you say, dear, I’ll buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, goodbye Eugenio. He was merely a steward to better things. Sorry, too formal, he was a waiter in the sky. He played/was fair, don’t wanna complain. Don’t want to treat him like a bum, don’t wanna ask Cougs and Ted who I should pick up in case of a tie. Now, I like what I hear about Tim Anderson. If bein’ wrong’s a crime, I’m waiver wiring forever. If bein’ strong’s your kind of pick up, then I need help here this Tim’s got power like a feather. If bein’ afraid is a crime, put the two players side by side. Cause Tim’s at the SAGNOF party down the line. So, Tim Anderson is just steals? Well, not entirely, but that’s what he mostly is. He can also hit for a solid average. In the minors the last three years, he hit .364, .312 and .304. The Honkey Sox seem happy to try him at leadoff, and, with his batting average skills, he should stick there. The speed is real — stealing 49 bases last year in the minors. I’d absolutely take a flyer on him for speed alone. South Park isn’t the only place that has a Tim A. with wheels. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh my God, Drew Smyly is more like Smyly Corleone. Every time you think you’re out, he pulls you right back in. Fredo, you went against the family, and we can’t have that. “Smyly, is that you? Why do you keep calling me?” That’s Alfredo Griffin getting annoyed with Smyly Corleone. “I made them offer at a pitch they couldn’t refuse.” Seriously, stop Smyly Corleone! So, there’s always one pitcher (sometimes more than one) that befuddles and seduces, seduces and befuddles. Justin Masterson carried the torch for a while when he was Justin Masterson: Passive Aggressive Starter. Now, Drew Smyly seems to be carrying that same damned if you do, damned if you don’t torch. Yesterday, his line was 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners with 12 Ks. On the year, his K-rate and walk rate are 10.3 and 2.2. Those are ace numbers. Unlike a lot of other big strikeout guys and actual aces, Smyly doesn’t throw very hard and seems to tire after about two starts in a row. His ERA on the year is 4.75, but that’s absurd, as in I will absurd you while you’re on waivers. But, ugh, that K-rate, that walk rate, it’s hard for me to resist and if he was dropped in your league, I could see giving him another chance, but I’d be wary of matchups because I just don’t see him overpowering most teams when he’s not working on ten days rest. He just doesn’t throw hard enough. I.e., leave the speed gun, take the cannoli. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aw, man, now we’re left with the ominous team updates of “Giancarlo Stanton is not in lineup, no other news available.” I think I need to have a talk with him. Maybe I’ll hide in the trunk of his car and get out when he parks in his four-car garage, then go in through the kitchen that’s got the espresso machine on the left; not the kitchen with the soft-serve machine. What? I memorized his Cribs episode, I never snuck in his house. So, times are rough for Giancarlo. The Marlins score 13 runs and he’s not even playing. Holy sit! Giancarlo has the lowest batting average for a qualified hitter. Things are so bad, the other day he hit the hardest recorded ball in StatCast history, 123.9 MPH, and it was a double play. Digging through his numbers is a little bit encouraging. His BABIP is way below his career mark; he’s hitting .192, but could hit .250 the rest of the way. You don’t get him for average; it’s homers you desire like I desire him. His ground balls are through the roof. Not literally, unless we’re talking about roofs of ant farms. All he’s hitting is fly balls and ground balls. His line drive rate is poor. He usually kills fastballs. So far, he’s a negative on them. That was his bread and butter, and right now he’s toast. He’s 26 years old; this should be the prime of his beef. Instead, he’s been getting a steady diet of sliders. That’s not real beef! What I think is going on, he’s dealing with some health issues after his collision with OZUNA, he’s not spitting on sliders and waiting for fastballs. Then when he gets a fastball, he hits it hard, but gets unlucky. Can all of this be changed with me appearing mysteriously in his Snuggie? I’m not sure. The health is an unknown question mark. Eventually, he should get luckier and do damage on some fastballs, assuming he’s healthy. I wouldn’t count him out, but health has been an issue for him in the past. If I were able to get a tasty offer for someone buying him, I could see letting him be someone else’s problem. For now, I will wait in his bathroom wearing a shirt that matches his wallpaper, and try to ‘talk’ some encouragement into him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings! Back at it again with the fresh Disgrace/Delight posts. Naaaaaaasty! We are here, my goodmen, to discuss the downfalls and risings of some of the most skilled athletes on this planet. I shall do my utmost to lock the derogatory comments in my cranium and not bestow them on the good readers of Razzball, for I am not here to offend, but to teach. I am not here to decry these talented young men, only to track their progress as professional athletes and root them on towards future glory and the type of massive wealth that peasants such as ourselves could truly never comprehend. Buuuuuuuuut, you’ve got to be realistic about these things. For I, favorite son of the Elder Gods, just can’t pass up an opportunity to roast a slap-dick hitting, noodle-armed throwing, ass shaving pansy, that would be better served mowing the lawn at Beddict manor, than being rostered in our fantasy lineups.
I am Tehol Beddict, and this Disgrace/Delight. Take heed!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything, folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpees, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Well, that’s a lie. That’s what Jay had last year sitting in front of him. This year? Um…a little less lube? Take that as you will. But hey, we’ve got teams to preview and questions to ask, so let’s hop to it. We a very special guest for this post…Scott Gelman, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. Now enough rambling, let’s see what 2016 holds for the Miami Marlins!Please, blog, may I have some more?
After the first two homer-game, I was like, “Yo, Grey, stop twirling your mustache and trying to squeeze into your Z. Cavariccis from high school and check out Travis Shaw.” And I did. Only, I wasn’t that impressed. He had five homers in 77 games in Triple-A. Then, a week or so later, he had his 2nd two-homer game and I was like, “Yo, Sir Hairlip-A-Lot, those Zubaz look awful on you, and maybe you look at Shaw’s numbers again.” And I did. His ‘big’ year in Double-A saw him hit 16 homers with a .221 average and again I came away yawnstipated; must be he’s showing some Maas appeal. Then, yesterday, he went 4-for-4 with two runs and is hitting .371 in 22 games, and I was like, “Yo, Fantasy Master Lothario, just let Cougs clean out your closet for you and really delve into Shaw’s numbers!” No, I don’t know what delve means but it sounds smart when I’m talking to myself. I’ve said it before, but Shaw feels exactly like a Maas appeal-type player. I bet after September he never even plays regularly on the Sawx again. But now suddenly you’re worried about the future? You weren’t when you were writing to the National Institute of Health about having nacho cheese classified as a vegetable. Get a 401K and grab Shaw until he stops hitting. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tuesday night, there was much action piling into the DFS Volkswagen that was the Toronto Blue Jays hitting. Many saw the matchup against rookie LHP Adam Morgan and stacked their rosters full of Jays accordingly. Not an inexpensive stack, the Jays proceeded to roll up runs in the first two innings, including a dinger from freshly minted leadoff man Devon Travis. The rout was on, yes?
No. The Jays scored exactly zero runs after the second inning, landing at a total of two runs. Six hits, two runs. Chris Young almost did that himself for the Yankees in Texas.
Looking at the docket for tonight, there are the Blue Jays again, like Lucy and the football, inviting you to run up on them again and try to kick that football through the posts and take down all the tourneys.
But you are weary from landing flat on your back Tuesday night. Two runs. Six hits. And that was against a rookie LHP at the Rogers Centre. Optimal situation and they laid down. You begin talking yourself into Jose Reyes being the key to the whole thing and that chemistry will be irrevocably switched like what happened to the Oakland A’s last season when the hot A’s dealt Yoenis Cespedes to the Red Sox and suddenly the Swingin’ A’s swung no more.
It’s understandable to be wary of going all in on Toronto just one day after you felt used and ashamed from striking out with them last night. Surely the Yankees look like a good place to lay all my monies, right? Well, yes, that’s a good place, too, but you shouldn’t take your red pen and cross off the Jays.
Jerome Williams is not good either and the situation is good again for the home-roosting Jays, so as we’ve said many times in this space, put on your anti-memory hat and make sure you have some exposure to this game and its players. And since fewer players, still highly owned I’m sure but less than Tuesday for sure, will be willing to dive into a less optimal scenario again so soon, you may have a better edge than if you had done this the night before.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?