The title of this post was nearly, “F*ck Luis Cruz.” If that guy gets in the way of my last round draft pick of Dee Gordon, I’m gonna be none too happy! Or is that “I’m gonna be some unhappy?” While Hanley Ramirez is out with a thumb injury, I want Dee Gordon to play for a month and for the Dodgers to say they won’t play Luis Cruz. I homophoned you! If anyone out there drafted Hanley already, I want to see your faces. Push them against your computer monitors or your handheld mobile devices. You are traitors to Razzball. I said specifically — or pacifically if you’re on a boat off the coast of California — not to draft Hanley. Word for word, “I’m done with Hanley until we see a return to his previous glory.” I didn’t even bury the lede. That’s the first freakin’ sentence of my Hanley blurb on the top 20 shortstops for 2013 fantasy baseball. I hope Hanley’s out for 3 months, returns to hit 7 homers with 12 steals and someone drafts him in the 3rd round of 2014, too. Know why? Because no matter how many times I tell people to ignore position scarcity, they don’t listen. You need to jam a cotton swab in your noggin like Lena Dunham and clean out your wax. (BTW, season two of Girls — meandering, pointless, adjective. Biggest drop in quality from season one to season two for a TV show since Heroes.) The Dodgers are saying Hanley could be out anywhere from two weeks to ten weeks. If you drafted him, you don’t read this so I’m talking to all the people who didn’t draft him. Send an email to the Hanley drafters. Subject: Trade Offer. Body of email: Any interest in trading for Yunel Escobar? I’ll take Paul Goldschmidt. Click send. Now unfriend them on Facebook. Done. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, if the Dodgers really do have the Magic touch, they better get Zack Greinke some aid. Greinke flew back to LA yesterday and, boy, is his elbow tired. I say, “Blame it on Harang,” but I say like I’m Milli Vanilli. Greinke’s MRI came back clean, and Dr. Neal ElAttrache diagnosed him with inflammation. Is it me or does Dr. Neal ElAttrache’s last name look like those sneaker/slippers Nike used to make in the 90′s? Any the hoo! Dr. Neal Air Huarache gave Greinke some anti-inflammatory medication and the news has been positive (after the negative news). I really to the third power dislike pitchers with elbow issues, but Greinke is supposed to be able to throw again in a few days. I haven’t moved him yet in my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, but I’m going to be watching this situation like I’m a cyclops with a monocle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gird your loins – we’re going to be navigating positions battles in each division. Today I’m talking about the NL Central, which loses the Astros this year, so you can basically knock off five wins from each team’s 2012 win total. It feels like this could be a close race for the first couple months until the Reds replace Dusty’s toothpick with bubblegum at the trade deadline. There’s also a good amount of both young and rebound pitchers spread out across the division, so this could be a boon for late round draft picks in mixed leagues. Am I telling you to draft a pitching staff solely from the NL Central? Those are your words, not mine. Although I kind of wish they had been my words (you quick thinker, you). You can also read about the position battles for the NL East and the AL Central. Anyway, here are some of the position battles to watch in the NL Central:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Cubs Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy Mike Petriello from Hire Jim Essian.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was jazzed to draft Phil Hughes this year like I was from New Orleans and I was smoking doobs with Kermit Ruffins. Then Hughes hurt his back and someone played the sad trombone. That’s yay upside down, which looks like a fire between two teepees. Hughes is now out with a bulging disk in his back. Hey, Hughes, is that a banana in your spine or you happy to see me? I’m not a doctor (no kidding!), but none of this sounds good for Hughes. I’m lowering my projections on him and dropping him out of my favorable tier. It’s early, and there’s still a lot of time, but I’d be lying if I said I was still drafting him with confidence. I’ll draft some players that are mildly injured, but the injury needs to sound a lot better than “may not be ready for the start of the season.” Then there’s Matt Garza, who will be starting the year on the DL. This news comes just days after we freakin’ drafted him. I will now call him Matt Grrza. Whenever I say his name, I will say it like I’m a frustrated Lisa Simpson. Well, if you wanna ride the Garza Strip, be prepared for some bombshells. I’ve updated the top 40 and top 60 starters to reflect Hughes and Grrza’s inability to keep me happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, we went over the top 20 shortstops for 2013 fantasy baseball and today we (hint: it’s in the title) go over the top 20 3rd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball. We should call all the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings where in the world is Marco Scutaro and Martin Prado? Marco…Prado! It’s like the Italian guy who went to Asia and brought back knockoff designer handbags. Now, this is not that we like them, and by “we” I mean me, but due to their flexibility on the chart of 2013 fantasy baseball position eligibility, we can compare and contrast where they are to get an idea of how shallow or deep positions are. Prado was 16th for the 2nd basemen, 12th for shortstops and 19th for 3rd basemen. Then Scutaro was 21st for 2nd basemen, 22nd for shortstops and 24th here. Quickly we could surmise, shortstops are light on top, but bigger in the middle and at the end. 3rd basemen are heavy on top and in the middle while light on the end. 2nd basemen are heavy on top, but light in the middle and at the end. Or shortstops are big-booty’d women, 2nd basemen are Playmates and 3rd basemen are the zaftig, voluptuous, BBW or simply Billy Butler. So, that all sounded much better in my head. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Twins said goodbye to Ben Revere, that troublemaker! (Not really accurate, but I’m trying to make the Winter Meetings seem exciting. Revere seems like anything but a troublemaker. Either way…) The Twins just couldn’t handle his gamesmanship and play-by-the-rules attitude. Makes them wish they could get back Delmon Young (they probably could; all they have to do is ask or simply put a cupcake near the entrance of their stadium and he’ll wonder back). If the world had a nickel for every time Revere caused a disagreement, the world would be in a deep recession. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Yo, Macro Economics Professor, I blame Ben Revere! So, Revere on the Phils is great for the Phils, finally finding that big bat to fill-in for Juan Pierre. If you graphed out Revere’s homers over the last five years side-by-side with Pierre’s, you’d have a big waste of graph paper. Revere’s over/under for power is 1 homer. His steals, runs and average are above-average, with the steals his biggest asset. His power is such a clusterfudgiethewhale that he’s nothing but SAGNOF and shouldn’t be owned for longer than a month or two if you’re lagging in speed, otherwise you will start to lag in power. For 2013, I’ll give him the line of 82/1/30/.291/45. Remember, my projections are a plus/minus two homers, so he could hit one foul pop 400 feet backwards behind home plate and get a negative homer. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don Mattingly said that Kenley Jansen is now his closer. His exact words were, “There was a time and a place to put a closer in the setup role and an inferior pitcher in the closer role and that time has past. I will know try to figure out why I ever shaved my mustache. Things were much easier when Joe Torre was in the dugout managing the team and not on speed dial. ‘Ooh, I’m Joe Torre, I take twenty minutes to return a text.’ C’mon, man, I can only ask for a replay review so many times! I wonder if I can get Paul Sorvino to be my bench coach. Or Joe Mantegna, he also kinda looks like Torre.” Jansen will be a $12 Salad in all leagues by July, if not sooner. Yes, he should be owned in all leagues, if he isn’t already. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jhoulys Chacin – Went to the Disgraceful List when he refused his assignment to Triple-A. If you are gonna suck in your first 5 MLB starts of the year, Jhoulys you can do is report to AAA.Please, blog, may I have some more?
First off, let me just state this post could be jumping the gun. Hell, I might be winning the 10K marathon because I started the week before everyone else did (which would explain why I had time for so much beer as I went). I know that, I own that. Now that we’ve clarified I’m trying to show the skill of clairvoyance, let’s review.
Chipper Jones has already announced he’ll retire after the end of the 2012 season and he just went on the DL to start the year due to…well whatever is ailing Chipper. Seriously, the dude hurt himself putting on a sock at one point in his career. A SOCK for all those who can only read capital letters. Though they could’ve put Martin Prado at 3rd to temporarily hold the spot, the Braves trade for a seldom used free swinger from Cincinatti named Juan Francisco. So the guy who should get the majority of starts at 3rd if and when Glass Chipper gets injured – which happens every other day – is currently less than 1% owned in yahoo, ESPN, and Fleaflicker leagues? While it’s true Jones will eventually come back and play 3rd again, in deeper leagues you have to ask yourself some important questions: ‘How long will Chipper play at age 40′, ‘will he play well if he comes back’, ‘if Juan plays well, does it delay Chipper’s return and does he come back at all at that point’ and ‘where are the question marks, I thought these were questions!!!’? It’s true, the trade for Francisco was due to the ’In case of Glass Chipper break, emergency’ sign above Jone’s locker but it’s clear the Braves don’t want Prado at 3rd in the future full time with this trade. Since 2004, Jones has averaged 122.75 games a season with his highest total coming in 2009 at 143. Chipper has always been a gamer but he’s never been confused with the Iron Man (though he has been confusing blue collar fans everywhere with his Larry the Cable Guy impersonation). The Braves will need a replacement after this season and what better way to do it then to work with the possible future one this year?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I hate these stupid beyotchabatukises too. No love lost here! Though I’m not sure if that means you love someone or you hate them. I’m trying to think the last time I heard someone say no love lost and if they were saying it happily or angrily. I think it was angrily, but they might have had no idea what they were talking about either. Well, with love lost or not, I still want a 3rd baseman earlier on. I’d prefer to not have to take a flyer from these schmohawks. Though they are different levels of schmo-ness. Some are definitely less schmo-y. As mentioned in my 2nd basemen to target or was it 1st basemen to target or catchers to target, in one of those I mentioned how if a position is deep I want a top guy unless it’s pitchers. Yeah, if the position is shallow, I don’t want a flyer. I’d prefer to have a flyer where most have flyers. This is contrary to popular opinion; maybe I’ll win a Pulitzer for this shizz. Speaking of Pulitzers, I had dinner recently with someone who won a Pulitzer. I can’t even spell Pulitzer without the spellchecker. Anyone who can spell it, should win it. They only mentioned their Pulitzer three times over the course of two hours. I would’ve been wearing the Pulitzer medallion around my neck (is it a medallion?). I would put my name in to a restaurant hostess as “Pulitzer.” When a waiter came by for our drink orders, I would ask for a whiskey with a splash of Pulitzer. The Pulitzer person was now working at US Weekly. I asked if they won the Pulitzer for their Octamom coverage. They weren’t amused. This list is 3rd basemen that can be had later in your drafts. Look at this as a supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen of 2012 fantasy baseball. Where applicable, click on the players name to read more about them or to see their 2012 projections. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Ian Stewart – Can you believe I didn’t write a sleeper post about Ian Stewart? Yes, I’ve written one about him for the last three years. I meant, can you believe I didn’t write one this year? You know what that means, right? This is the year he finally puts his shizz together and earns his Mini Mini Donkey brays.Please, blog, may I have some more?