Thankfully, I no longer do 4th of July like I used to, because when you have a holiday weekend that lasts five days, you will get alcohol poisoning if you go too hard, and the 4th is especially dangerous because:  day drinking.  At least with New Year’s Eve, it’s at night.  The Fourth is lying on a discarded sofa on the side of a highway at 3 PM and being like, “The hum of 75 MPH cars is so peaceful, I go to sleep now,” and waking up with a flashlight you mistake for a fleshlight and now you’re a registered sex offender.  Hopefully, none of that happened to any of you, well, maybe the fleshlight part, and you all had a safe holiday.  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Andrew McCutchen went 3-for-4 and his 15th and 16th homers as he hits .288.  He found the Fountain of Youth sometime in May and has been a Zombino eating brain custard ever since.  I’m still half expecting — cting? — McCutchen will resort to blah in the 2nd half, but it looks like I wrote off McCutchen before his sell-by date.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I think you’ll agree (because Would I Lie To You?) that it’s been an up-and-down couple of weeks for us Saturday FanDuel devotees when it comes to pitchers. But I’m pleased to report that this week, we’re swimming in them (so to speak). Yes, you could, of course, play Clayton Kershaw, but TBH I’m leery of starting anyone against the Rockies right now, and ClayKer does have his worst ERA at home (that’s 3.11, mind you, but still), and given he costs $12,300, I’m going to steer clear and look to some other, more affordable pitching options. And there are a few, as you shall see. My very favorite is Robbie Ray: yes, his start today takes place in the somewhat terrifying Chase (The Ball Across The) Field in Arizona, but it’s versus the Phillies, who hit .233 against lefties and now have the least wins in the entirety of MLB. (Sorry to remind you of that, Phillies Fans.) Let’s check out some more options after the jump.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let me know if you can tell what song I’m listening to while I write this.  Scott Schebler hit his 13th home run; it was the third straight game with a homer.  Whoa, make me sweaty (Bam-ba-Lam)!  I’ve mentioned before (numerous times) that Schebler was always loved by Razzball/Steamer projections, but why?  He’s so rock steady (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Whoa, Dave Righetti (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Schebler took a while to catch on, but he’s still only 26, and, as a 23-year-old in the minors, he hit 28 HRs and stole 10 bases while hitting .280 in Double-A, and continued that in Triple-A, always hitting for power and getting some steals.  He’s not from Birmingham (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Way down in Alabam’ (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Well, he’s shakin’ that thing (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Boy, he makes me sing (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Whoa, drop confetti (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Across the board now, ROS projections are singing Schebler’s praises and I’m done fighting him.  If you combine his ROS projections and what he’s done so far, they have him down for a 30 HR, 10 SBs, .255 guy.  Whoa, pot of neti, (Bam-ba-Lam)!  At this point, there’s no reason to not own Schebler until further notice.  Whoa, sometimes I dress my dog up like a yeti, (Bam-ba-Lam)!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The fantasy baseball roster you could make out of the current disabled list would easily be in first place in many rotisserie leagues. If you left your draft with all of these players healthy you would probably be pretty confident of your trophy chances. Granted, if you left your draft with these players I’d question the skills of your league mates.

Fun story, I once joined a friend’s new fantasy baseball league and one of the members had never done fantasy sports before. He drafted every offensive position in order starting with catcher in round 1. This was my actual reaction when I realized what was going on in about the 3rd or 4th round… Needless to say his pitching was a disaster.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday was a bad day to quit being young with A.J. Pollock and Carlos Gomez both hitting the DL.  Together!  In a non-gay way.  But it would’ve been totally cool with me if it was in a gay way.  Let’s start with Pollock since he is the less ethnically sensitive of the two.  Pollock has a Grade 1 groin strain.  When the strain happened, Pollock was reading Groin Strains for Dummies.  Chapter 1:  Don’t Move Your Leg In A Normal Manner.  “Go to a trampoline, but don’t jump on it with your feet, fall on it sitting criss-cross apple sauce.”  Pollock will likely be out for two to three weeks, and in his place the Russian Game of Thrones character, Gregor Blanco, and Reymond “You Can’t Not Think Of Daisy” Fuentes.  Fuentes is the more interesting of two, since he should be on the stronger side of a platoon, and has speed.  Outside of NL-Only and deep mixed leagues, I’m passing on both.  As for CarGomez, he will miss four to six weeks.  That’s too bad, he used to be good three years ago.  Replacing him on the roster will be Jared Hoying, who looks like a Motter-fodder.  Then, we have Carlos Carrasco, who is affectionately known as Cookie, and I am a Cookie Monster for him, so this one hurts me.  In yesterday’s game, Carrasco had a huge lead, when he squandered that and left the game with a trainer.  All you had to do with cruise to the W on the Ivictory Coast!  Apparently, that’s the way the Cookie crumbles.  He was diagnosed with left pectoral tightness, which doesn’t sound bad.  Which, Part 2:  The Return of the Which, will still likely mean a DL stint.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, on the holiest of Hallmark-created holidays and celebrated most of all by Bill Hall, mothers from all different backgrounds came together to put up their feet, sip mimosas and talk about how “The Handmaid’s Tale” could totally happen now with Trump.  I’d contend that Hallmark should get a little credit for women’s rights.  Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Secretary’s Day, “Buy a card just because you love her” Day… Before this, it was, “Do you wanna make this pelt I skinned into a rug or a sweater for little Kevin?  What?  You’re tired from churning butter?  Okay, you can have the afternoon after you make beef and kidney pie.”  In honor of Mother’s Day, one of the great lovers of women (who are handcuffed to his bedpost), Aroldis Chapman was diagnosed with rotator cuff inflammation, and will be sidelined for a month.  If Dellin Betances is available in your league, can I get into your league?  If there’s an entry fee, all the better.  You pay it, and we’ll split the cash prizes.  I even grabbed Tyler Clippard in one league just in case Betances gets all Cuddle Boy on us.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jameson Taillon was sidelined indefinitely as he’s being treated for testicular cancer.  *everyone but five girl readers cross their legs*  As a man, this is up there with the scariest things that could happen.  1. Ball cancer.  2.  Someone scratches my ride.  3.  Hearing “Are you in yet?” when you’re in.  That’s ranked in order, but they’re close.  This reminds me of the time I neutered my dog.  I asked the doctor if I could take home in a formaldehyde jar my boys’ ‘berries.’  I told the doctor no dog would ever misbehave with a constant reminder nearby that I could hold up to show what I was capable of.   They didn’t give the jar to me.  Hopefully Taillon’s okay, and back soon.  I will say I would’ve liked to be there when his replacement, Trevor Williams, was asked to take the ball.  Williams gulps, “Can we clarify which ball you mean?”   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Josh Harrison hit two homers (3, 4), raising his average to .313 and hitting near-.350 in the last week.  He’s hitting like two-thousand against lefties, so the Hitter-Tron was all over him yesterday, like it’s all over grease spots with its dipstick.  Hitter-Tron is a horny robot!  You think the Hitter-Tron will ever meet up with the lonely AF Stream-o-Nator?  They seem like a match made in heaven like popcorn and chicken, Kim and Kanye or Oprah and Gayle.  On a larger, more general note, on our Hitter-Tron (and Stream-o-Nator) we have the ownership numbers for our RCL leagues (12-team mixed), and Harrison is owned in 89% of leagues, so, this brings me to my long-drawn-out question, how in Jane Goodall’s understated-sexiness is Harrison only owned in 25% of ESPN leagues?  Honestly, seriously, awkward sentence introly, I don’t think ESPN updates their ownership numbers on the reg (not short for Reginald).  Guys and five gals, this is exposing some large widespread conspiracy.  Maybe we should check in with Gregory in ESPN’s “Fantasy Ownership” Department.  Gregory, what do you think? “Mike Trout just fell to 99.3% owned.”  All righty then.  If Harrison is unowned in your league, you should fix that, if for no other reason, so we can see if Gregory updates the numbers.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m with Streamonator: Carlos Carrasco is your No-Brainer O’ the Day. (Not to be confused with your Darren O’ the Day, which is a fish submarine sandwich.) The last time Carrasco faced the White Sox, at home, it was to the tune of 1 ER over 7 innings, and this matchup is in the more pitcher-friendly Sox park. (Mind you, his last start versus the Tigers was a tad more worrying — still only 2 ER, but he struggled with command.) But today on FanDuel, he’s $10,300. And at the same time, the Giants are in Coors. I’ve set myself a silly challenge: to play Carlos Carrasco AND stack as many Coors bats as possible, all while plugging the remaining holes as cheaply (and well? Ha) as I can. And you’ll see that through my own stubbornness, I’ve created possibly the most lopsided FanDuel lineup ever, one that will need complete rejigging if any one of my players doesn’t actually start. Like George Michael, I may come to be filled with regret and (totally logical consequence to cheating on someone!) never dance again, but it’s not for nothing that my mother calls me Victoria Mary Quite Contrary. So here goes!

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over my life playing fantasy sports, it’s that you need to be patient in the early going. We’re two weeks into the season with teams playing 10-12 games. Would you be worried about a fantasy football player if he had a bad week one? I certainly wouldn’t be so give your team some time. When it comes to hockey, I suggest waiting at least a month to consider any major moves to your roster. I feel the same way in baseball, perhaps even more so. For the most part, variance when it comes to BABIP, park factors, etc. swamps everything in a two week sample. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t make any moves; you should always be looking to upgrade the bottom of your roster through the waiver wire and should use the Buy/Sell columns linked below to help. If you have a team at the bottom of your standings, like I do in an RCL, all we need is a little patience. Mm, yeah. Here’s a look at what everyone posted on Razzball over the last week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?