Hong-Chih Kuo

Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 211 Comments

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Let’s quote the Random Preseason Commenter, “You don’t have Matt Thornton in your top 20 closers?  Hey, Grey, how does it feel to suck at life?  Oh, and while you’re sucking, blow me.  Thank you.”  This isn’t to point out I knew Thornton would be terrible, but to say again how fickle closers are.  He wasn’t in the top 20 because he had very little experience as a closer, and to say he was a lock as an elite closer was absurd.  The whole point with closers is the same as William Goldman’s famous quote regarding Hollywood, “No one knows anything.”  Soria has a 5+ ERA, Mariano’s blown two saves, Brian Wilson has a 9+ ERA and Fernando Rodney… Well, you knew he would suck and he did.  In the preseason, I also said that Ryan Franklin would lose the job.  I didn’t think it would happen that fast, but there ya go.  I have more faith in Mitchell Boggs keeping the job and his accounting firm above water until October than I have in Ryan Madson, but he’s a closer too so he too should be owned.  It’s all about SAGNOF, ya’ll.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 148 Comments

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Frank Francisco has a sore pectoral, Dotel has a sore hammy, I have a boo-boo on my finger.  Who’s going to close for the Jays?!  Rauch, and there’s no reason to scream.  Brian Wilson lost his Smile and may miss Opening Day.  Joe Nathan looks like he’s going to be the closer and also like he’ll be nothing like the Joe Nathan of old.  I’d handcapp him with Matt Cuffs… Uh, huh?  It makes me nauseous to write this but we got a hurt Putz.  He should be fine a week or two into the season, so, ya know, still draft him.  Fernando Rodney is going to be the closer and he’s going to be dreadful.  Andrew Bailey has a forearm strain and can never stay healthy.  Same could be said about Lidge, except his pain is in the biceps, or is it bicep?  Neftali wants to start, but I still think he closes.  Though I would love a decision on this.  Kevin Gregg sucks.  Storen may not even make the team the way he’s throwing.  And Franklin is firmly in the closing role which I don’t think lasts.  In other words, it’s the usual closer shizz.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 52 Comments

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Neftali Feliz is now a starter.  Or is he?  Emphasis on the ‘or.’  Or is it on the ‘is?’  You’ll never know!  Muahahahahaha… Yeah, I don’t think Feliz is going to be a starter.  They got to the World Series the way things were, you change that?  Ogando or O’Day or Oliver or… What’s with the O names?  Here’s a sneak peek of a post title for the first game one of these schmohawks blows a game, “Rangers Say O’Shit.”  Any the hoo!  Washington has said he likes Feliz getting the final three outs.  I think Washington gets what he wants, but I suppose anything’s possible.  For that reason, I’m dropping Feliz down the closer ranks.  The other big loser since the last closer look is Drew Storen.  I think he should be the closer, but the Nats are hesitating about calling him the closer.  If he secures the job, he’ll move back up the charts.  For now, he has some risk.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 54 Comments

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Aw, sookie.  Our first look at all the closers for the 2011 fantasy baseball season.  That is a bird on your window and it’s singing Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.  I went over Kevin Gregg signing with the O’s when it happened and Putz to the Diamondbacks.  I didn’t go over Frank2 signing with the Jays, but he’s the closer and that’s all I’m saying on that for now.  I have bigger fish to fry in this intro, The Rays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Middle Relievers for 2011 Fantasy Baseball

| 2011 Fantasy Baseball Draft, 2011 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 66 Comments

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The 2011 fantasy baseball rankings are just about in the bag, but first we look at the top 20 middle relievers for 2011 fantasy baseball.  No, next we’re not going to do the Top 20 Guys Who Will Have The Most Balks.  Chillax.  The only people that seem to pay attention to middle relievers are those that play in a Holds league.  That’s wrong, I tell ya.  A great way to balance out your ratios is by carrying a few middle relievers on your staff.  (BTW, Ron Jeremy can carry three middle relievers on his staff.)  Say you had Scott Baker last year and he mistook your team’s ERA for his toilet, but you also had Daniel Bard.  With just Baker, you had the 4.49 ERA dump to clean up.  With Bard and his brand new toilet brush, you had a 3.71 ERA.  If you also carried Matt Thornton, you had a combined 3.51 ERA.  Not to mention, you had 11 vulture saves.  Oh, and your WHIP went from Baker’s 1.34 to 1.20 and had an additional 157 Ks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Closers, 2010 Fantasy Baseball

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 71 Comments

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With the the top 20 closers for 2010 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished our recap of the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings.  Some will feel like it came too soon, others will think let’s get 2011 under way already!  Whichever camp you fall in, don’t eat cherimoya seeds, they are poisonous.  This is our final look back.  This is still a look back.  It is not how I’d rank them for 2011 aka next year.  As with the other rankings, the final rankings come from ESPN’s Player Rater.  I did this so I could objectively critique MY preseason rankings to THEIRS.  Their rankings for closers weigh wins when I’d just want saves, but whatevs.  At least it’s unbiased.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 closers for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Lost Smoak Monster Looks Found

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 37 Comments

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I told you two days ago to own Justin Smoak in his series in Texas.  Three straight games, three homers.  To paraphrase Young MC from We’re All In The Same Gang, “I try my best to set an example, talkin’ up hyped players over hip-hop samples.”  (BTW, the M’s lost yesterday when the catcher went to complete a strikeout by throwing the ball to first for the final out in the ninth but the ball sailed into right field and allowed the runner on first to score.  Ha-HA!)  Now the question is should you own Smoak the rest of the year… Sure, but that’s not the question.  Tricked you!  The question is about next year.  He hasn’t reached his potential yet, but he is only 23-years-old.  Some have compared him to Te(i)x.  He definitely slumped for half a season like him.  I think those ‘some’ were using that as a compliment though.  Next year, Smoak should have the starting job out of spring training and could provide 25 homers with a decent average.  In AL-Only keeper leagues and dynasty leagues, I’d make sure Smoak’s owned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chone Figgins – 4-for-4 as Chode tries to make his season numbers seem a whole lot better than they were.  Never trust a guy that spells Sean ‘Chone.’

David Murphy – Out with a strained groin.  Sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn actress.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Closer Look

| Closers | 108 Comments

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In September, closers either mean everything or they mean nothing.  You either really need closers to catch the next nearest guy in saves or you have too much ground to make up and you’re secure in your standings.  If you fall into the former category, I’d grab anyone I could to get saves.  Hello, Juan Gutierrez, would you like to dance?  If you fall into the latter category, you can either start dropping brain freezes –  Joel Hanarahananananan, we had a terrible time together and now I will drop you.  Goodbye.  –  or just bench your lower tier closers to avoid getting Kazaam’d.  I’d only drop a closer if I knew no one could catch me in saves or if it were strategic.  For instance, I’ve been known to drop a closer because I know the guy with the high waiver claim can get him and catch the guy in front of him in saves, which will help me in the overall standings.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Mets Put Air Quotes Around Latest Reyes Injury

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 55 Comments

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The longest journey begins with a single step then, of course, an oblique injury.  Can we get a team of crack scientists working on a cure for the obliques?  The other day someone asked me for money for Doctors Without Borders so they could help people in The Congo.  Why isn’t there a guy in front of Whole Foods asking me to donate to find a cure for Jose Reyes‘ oblique?  It might be an everyday item that could fix this.  Maybe a steady diet of cucumbers is all he needs.  How do we know if no one’s doing the leg work?  Film a PSA with Chipper Jones and Julie Andrews and show that shizz before movies.  We need money to stop the spread of oblique injuries.  Now!  The Mets are saying Jose Reyes’ newest flare up is mild.  They said the same stupid thing with their same stupid mouths two months ago when he missed three weeks.  I’m hoping for the best; I’m expecting the worst.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jon Niese – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I’m probably give him more of a benefit of the doubt than maybe I should, but Niese was done in by a bloop ground rule double that was barely fair and Dessens allowing inherited runners to score.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Dude, That’s Some Really Nice Bud

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 126 Comments

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Hello, new readers.  No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post.  Hey, don’t skip ahead.  You have to read the post first.  Yes, the computer is talking to you.  Aw, I’m just messing with you.  The computer’s not talking to you.  You’re just reading, silly!  So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour.  Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4.  In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside.  For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness.  The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings.  There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that.  That’s one starter for every finger.  Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this.  The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April.  I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game.  Can you believe this game, fellas?!

Please, blog, may I have some more?