Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings. He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells. (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife. Don’t shoot the messenger!) So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted? The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May? Come on, this is baseball. It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level. Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL. So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability. Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down. So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday. Can you hear that? It’s my heart going pitter patter. Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On short rest, Randy Wells went five innings, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Oh, and I’m drunk. Don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I thought you should know for the following. I love Randy Wells! There, I said it. He’s striking out hitters and keeping walks to a minimum. His FIP is saying he’s been unlucky, even if he was outpitched by Ohlendorf. Will the person with the license plate “O Da Dorf,” please move their car? Hmm… Maybe I should sleep off my buzz before doing the roundup? Nah…If Hemingway can write The Sun Also Rises drunk, I can write a roundup. The EL Camino with the license plate “O Da Dorf” is parked on the front lawn with its engine running. We’re gonna have to ask you to move that… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Andrew Cashner – The Cubs called him up. Stephen literally just went over him in a Scouting the Unknown. You heard stick and move. Try click and skim.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Strasburg watch has gone into DEFCON 3. Every expert who calls themselves one, knows the date he is coming up and who he will face and how he will throw exactly 85 pitches with 75 of them being fastballs. Enough already, all this speculation is annoying.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Nats will probably bring Stephen Strasburg into Washington in the bubble car with the albino John Lannan charged with throwing rose petals at his feet. This was recently overheard in the Nats bathroom sometime in the near future, “Um, John, do you think you can stop with the petals?” “Stephen, it’s my duty.” “Yeah, well, this is my doodie and I’m going to be about 20 minutes.” “Fair enough, sire!” I went over Strasburg for fantasy already. Been there, drunkenly wrote that. I’m not changing my projections from that post. A three and a half ERA seems optimistic enough. Could he do a 2.75 ERA? Sure, but I’m not counting on that. I’m already giving him what I think we can get from Greinke. So a 3.50 ERA… Let’s see, who else could bring such luster to our fantasy El Camino. In 303 and a third 2nd half innings over the last three years, Bronson Arroyo has a 3.06 ERA. Would anyone in their right mind trade Strasburg for Arroyo? Not right now. The hype is way too strong with the young Austrian. Today, I think you can sell Strasburg for someone’s kidney. I’m not sure what you’d do with three kidneys. Maybe a bookend. Think about how you felt owning Matusz, Smoak, Ike Davis, etc.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hisanori Takahashi had a nearly identical line last night as his last start; 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. A) I’m chalking it up to his histrionic delivery. All of it. You baffle people who haven’t seen you when you throw the ball between your legs and shake your tukis afterwards. B) Did I just say tukis? Hey, I’m Eli Whiteside! C) He could continue to baffle people for a good couple of months. D) He plays in Metco. E) I can’t believe there was a D let alone an E. F) A long long way to run. G) He gets the Padres next. H) He’s in the NL on a team that can win some games. Why not own him? Seriously, grab him now. I) Am writing this. J) Buhner. K) There’s no K, there’s never a K. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and a home run. Thank you, Lord.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In an unprecedented move, I’m making Aramis Ramirez a Buy after labeling him a schmohawk in the preseason. Crazy, right? Get me a constituency and a mistress, I’m a flip-flopping politician? I’ll run on the “No more new tuxes” campaign. Then when people elect me and say they thought it was a typo or a weird lisp, I’ll tell them, “No, I’m just not buying a new tuxedo.” I don’t want to talk up Aramis too much because I don’t think he’s a surefire stud. He is what he is. A 25 homer, 90+ RBI, .280 guy. This past April was his worst month ever. The next closest month of the last six years was when he hit .197 in April of 2006. In the last six years, he never had more than two months under .250 in the same year. Right now, his BABIP is the unrealistic .160. His career mark is .288. That’s obviously a far way off. I wouldn’t give my dead grandma’s broach to get Aramis, but right now his owners don’t even want him or your nana’s forget-me-not. You can probably trade a Brain Freeze and a schmohawk and get him. Check raise the bettor, cause you have alligator’s blood. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Kris Medlen – In the minors, he averaged a 9+ K/9. Last year in 67+ innings with the Braves, he had a 9+ K/9. I don’t think he’s just going to walk away with Jurrjens’ rotation spot, but if Jurrjens has a setback (that’s a lilliputian “if”), Medlen could stick around for a month or so, giving a mid-3 ERA, a manageable WHIP and great Ks. I <3 Medlen.Please, blog, may I have some more?