Well the Midsummer Classic has come and gone, but unlike Groundhog Day, we saw our shadow and there’s still over two more months of baseball.  Or is it if he doesn’t see his shadow there’s more winter?

I never understood Groundhog Day.  Some rodent comes out of his hole and then depending on its reaction there’s more winter?  I’d rather have Ancient Mayans calculate my seasons.  Oh wait, then we would’ve been out of seasons since last December…

After an All-Star Break and a Friday dedicated to the Classic, the RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest is back!  Entry fee is back down to $5 and we’re playing for tickets into DraftKings’ next biggie, the $100,000 Sweet Spot on August 23rd with a grand prize of $20,000.  35 spots will be open this week, 2 per user with spots 2-10 doubling up to $10, and yours truly will be back out there battling with the Nation.  I’ve finished in the money all but one week I’ve played, but still looking for that elusive 1st place!  I guess I’ve been seeing my shadow too much and can’t get out of the hole…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Do you remember those Will Smith albums?  Yikes – hard to believe he actually does serious movies.  As in, “seriously?”  Like Seven Pounds.  ”Oh I want to donate my heart to some chick with a heart problem that somehow got affected by my texting and driving accident.  So why don’t I hop into a bathtub with an extremely toxic jellyfish – that’ll make my heart just fine for a transplant, right?” Seriously this got greenlit! Oh – spoiler alert!  Wait, isn’t that supposed to be before you say what happened?  Work on your timing!

Well the Fresh Prince of Milwaukee (wait strike that, you can’t call another Brewer “Prince”…) Wily Peralta burst onto the scene last year with huge power stuff, then Sky went out and wrote a sleeper piece on the big guy before the season started, and it looked like Sky would be the butt of our jokes early this season.  And my, besides writing on Bartolo Colon, tough to get more butt.  Ok I kid – as a Brewers fan I can tell you Peralta is just an overall big dude – he’s not sporting a David Wells gut.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are always guys that you can grab for some extra speed if you need it, and this week we’ll look at a few more players who are not widely owned but who may be able to contribute some steals to your lineup. After batting .000 last week with my picks of Michael Saunders and Aaron Hicks, we’ll dig a little deeper in the waiver wire pile for some speed. Hicks can’t seem to hit the broad side of a barn, and Saunders, who was off to a great start, decided to play chicken with the right field wall and is now sidelined for about a month. Let’s take a look at this week’s speedsters and let’s hope for some better luck…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before you read this, I want you to go outside and look at the birds chirping. Smell the freshly-cut grass. Look up at the sun that your deity of choice made from a very large matchstick. Pat your kid on the head and tell them, “I don’t love you any more today than I did yesterday, but let’s act like I do because I won’t see you for a good six months because baseball’s back.” One more time with caps lock bringing the enthusiasm, BASEBALL IS BACK. As frequent commenter, Eric W. said, “I keep getting excited for opening night Sunday, then have to remind myself it is the Astros vs the Rangers. It’s kinda like getting to open one present on Xmas Eve and getting socks.” Yay — baseball! It’s the Astros vs. the Rangers. Okay, lowercase yay. But it’s a rivalry that dates back to Sam Houston! Don’t remember that? You should’ve rented a car at Alamo last night. Am I mixing up commercials? Eh, who cares? I’m excited! Texas is the largest state in the 48 contiguous states, it’s just too bad baseball is its third most popular sport behind football and “shootin’ empty Shiner cans.” Whatever. Baseball is back and even Selig’s badly-shorn toupee can’t change that. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This post is about 3000 words due to wanting to cover everyone. Stupid, OCD! OCD Voice, “Don’t forget to touch your elbow 75 times before ranking these guys, it’s good luck!” Due to its length, I’ll get right to the good stuff. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are there. All 2013 Fantasy Baseball Position Eligibility is there. All 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball rookies are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball dollar values are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball hitter projections are there. All 2013 fantasy baseball pitcher projections are there. And everything tangentially related to nonsense is there. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I announced yesterday after inferring things from elsewhere, it’s official.  Anthony Rizzo will be in tonight’s lineup vs. the Mets.  I’d continue to paint the walls of your brain with more praise, but I think we’ve heard enough.  If I effuse anymore, you Rizzo owners aren’t going to be able to get into your pants anymore. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?