Mike Napoli hit his 27th homer yesterday.  He now has five straight games with a home run.  On the year, he is top 30 for fantasy value on our Player Rater.  Dude is such butter right now brioche buns be jumping up on his back.  (Why am I not writing rap lyrics?)  Uh-oh, Napoli’s so hot, he’s bringing out my rap alter ego, B-Fire.  Napoli is such butter right now brioche buns be jumping up on his back!  Yo, he’s not whack like some homeboy going to a strip club with a quarter stack!  In fact!  Grey’s got more indoors, then you got outdoors, and technically there’s more room outdoors for you to have more but nope, my room’s got floors!  *dance, prance, romance off your pants*  My action lines got asterisks, smooth.  Your action lines got an asterisk with an excuse down below why you can’t move.  *said while bowing sushi chef-style*  Napoli.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Stashed Orlando Arcia in a few of my deepest leagues back in March.  What a waste.  Well, 59 games left — guess that’s something.  If he Lindors.  No idea why he hadn’t been called up until now.  Milwaukee’s 3rd base position has been bratwurst casings all year and Jonathan Villar plays shortstop like the guy who hacks the meat to fill those casings.  Were the Brewers afraid Arcia would’ve been too confused by the fact Will Smith was white?  Did they need to first move Jeffress due to language stipulations?  “Wait until we trade Jeffress — he might hurt his tongue saying the R’s in Orlando Arcia’s name.  Remember Higuera hit the DL when he yelled Robin Yount.”  If the Brewers didn’t drag their heels worse than the kielbasa in the sausage race after he bet five-large on the chorizo, I would’ve had Arcia months ago!  *takes deep breath*  Okay, I’m good.  So, what can we expect from Arcia?  A little pop and solid speed — think Jean Segura or Villar over the course of the final two months.  Yes, I’d grab him if I were hurting at shortstop.  Speaking of hurting at shortstop (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!), Trevor Story hit the DL with a torn UCL in his thumb, and will be out for the season.  Colorado already has DL forms with SS written in.  Just have to cross out Tulo for Story.  Save that piece of paper for rolling!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The White Sox were due to wear throwback jerseys on Saturday, and Chris Sale didn’t want to wear them.  The White Sox refused to relent, so Sale took it upon himself to do something.  Cut to, ahem, ten minutes later and Sale was sent home for throwing a temper tantrum and cutting up all the throwback uniforms.  The most surprising thing in this story:  the White Sox clubhouse had a pair of lefty scissors.  After Sale cut up the White Sox 1976 uniforms, Chet Lemon weighed in, saying, “It was a tough uniform to rock.  The guys on the 1983 team thought they had a reviled uniform.  At least in 1983, you could strut around like a peacock, which they called Paciorek’ing, due to the grace of teammate Tom Paciorek.  In 1976, they dressed me up like a lawn jockey.  That shizz was offensive!”  For his antics, Chris Sale was suspended for five games by the White Sox.  That’s the last time he tries to introduce a cutter without talking to the pitching coach.  Now, if the Red Sox trade for Sale, their top two starters could help win back the casual Jewish Red Sox fan who checked out after Youk and Theo left. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Naquin the Chef looks determined without being ruthless.  Something heroic in his manner.  There’s a courage about him.  Comes across so calm.  Acts like he has a dream.  Full of passion.  Well, you know why.  Knock homers out of the box all the time.  Pitches know his repertoire, big fly.  Yeah, straight up, Naquin mess your whole team up.  It’s for real though, ball connect with stick, ditto.  We could trade places, ball lifted run around the bases.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.”  I almost didn’t write the title of the Naquin the Chef song, Infatuated Redfaces, but then I was like, “There’s a team named Redskins and a mascot named Chief Wahoo, I think I’m all right.”  Yesterday, Tyler Naquin kept it going with the insane run he’s been on — 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with two homers (11, 12).  He now has six homers in the last ten games.  That’s six homers in July to go with his six homers in June.  As I said back in spring training when I saw Naquin play, he had a nice stroke against righties, but looked kinda gnarly vs. lefties.  Looks like a 17/17 player that needs to platoon.  Right now, his power’s way above that, but will likely come down to earth at some point.  Of course, I’d still own him now.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Have you ever had one of those pineapple upside down cakes? Those things are weird, I can’t get over the fact that it looks like the cake is staring at me. It’s like some sort of creature from the deep I wouldn’t want to bump into while out for a snorkel (Snorkeling? Snork?). Weird is also a great way to describe Michael Pineda’s season thus far. April and May saw him post around a 7 ERA while June has provided a 2.75 ERA. What will July bring? Well, the K rate has increased from 10 to 12 and the walk rate has dipped slightly from 2.5 to 2. Both are good signs. The best sign of all though is the number of hits he’s allowed. April/May’s hit rate was over 12 per 9 IP. June’s hit rate is about half that, at 6.75 H/9. So what happened here? Well, even though it FEELS like Pineda’s been around forever, he’s only 27 and maybe he just hit a rough spell. The metrics weren’t really that out of whack and we could have is a classic case of a guy getting unlucky, pressing, having some control issues and things snowball before something clicks. I’m guilty of hitting the panic button, perhaps a bit too early, in my season long leagues. In the daily game, it’s time to hop back on board thanks to the strikeout upside Pineda can provide. With any luck, the masses will still be scared off by the ugly overall numbers. Ugly like a pineapple upside down cake. Here’s some more picks for the night’s DraftKings slate:

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 11th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Noah Syndergaard admitted to having an elbow bone spur after denying it multiple times.  Terry Collins said, “No one would know our business if it wasn’t for giving the PR job to a puppy dog!  Ruff ruff!  Come here, Fido, I wanna spank you with a rolled up newspaper!”  This is the 2nd Mets’ starter in two days with elbow spurs.  I look forward to the opening round of the playoffs when all of the Mets’ starters are wearing Iron Mike Sharpe elbow pads to hold their arms together.  Or they hire John Cusack to marionette their starters.  So, this is obviously not good news from Syndergaard, but it’s also not the end of his season.  He could opt for surgery if he’s in pain, but he says he’s not in pain (though, he also said he didn’t have elbow spurs up until yesterday).  Jon Lester has pitched through elbow spurs for the last five years.  It’s not uncommon for starters to power through.  Would I look to sell Syndergaard low?  No.  If you can get a healthy, similar starter, then sure, why not?  No reason to panic.  Unless Syndergaard starts wearing cowboy boots on his elbow.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Some things are easy to pinpoint when it comes to DFS. Overall, chalk plays tend to annoy me. More often than not, they don’t pan out the way they should. With that said, Nelson Cruz is chalk on Tuesday and he’s going to be in all of my lineups. Cruz is a lefty killer and faces off against Jon Niese and the Pittsburgh Pirates. On the season, Cruz has 19 homers, 10 of which have come against left-handed pitching. When you set your lineup, start with Cruz and build from there; you will not regret your decision….we interrupt this broadcast for a special announcement. *Makes the static-like noise knowing full well you can’t hear them*. Hey you. Yes you. What other you it would it be? You’re the one reading…anyhoo, if you’re just used to cruising by the italics, you might not want to today and moving forward. If you’ve reading these like a wallflower at the dance, now’s the time to sign up. For the rest of the year, you can get a free subscription to the DFSBot if you sign up through us through DraftKings. ‘But how do I do that’, you ask timidly, tears welling in your eyes all while clutching your Adventure Time lunch box. First off, you gotta be of age so either you’re kinda weird or you’re kinda not gonna be able to do this. Secondly, we’re ok with kinda weird; it’s our brand, after all. A, B, C’edly, you can click on the link in the italics below here to sign up which will give you access to one of the best projection tools in the entire industry. Anyways, the clicky-pops are just below here so don’t miss out on this great offer. And just so it’s clear as mud, here’s some legalese on how to make things go right from the Razzball Subscriptions page: Make a first-time deposit of at least $5 at DraftKings and open a free Cointent account (click here) with the same e-mail address to activate your subscription. This will provide access to the DFS Premium Package which is all the tools EXCEPT the lineup optimizers which will require a $50/season upgrade. This is the DFS Premium package. Please allow for up to 24 hours of activation of your account. This is the editor’s note signing off!

New to DraftKings? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday July 4th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It feels like only yesterday J.D. Martinez injured himself, and it was yesterday if you were roofied.  In his place, Steven Moya is filling in admirably.  Yesterday, he went Yardo Montalban as he Tattooed the ball two times.  Da plane, da plane…is flying right next to Moya’s homers!  My dear guests!  I am Mr. Albright, your host.  Welcome… to Fantasy Baseball!  Smiles, everyone, smiles!  No, seriously, smile, you paid a lot of money for those caps.  Moya now has three homers in his last three games, and if baseball is a game of inches, Moya’s got a lot of ’em.  79 inches to be exact.  Not saying he’s John Holmes, he’s six-seven and looks like an easy 35-homer hitter.  I watched him hit a ball the other way and he was like, “Yeah, okay, I guess I’ll hit this one out.”  He looks like the kind of guy that could twelve homers in a month.  If you’re power-starved, or just bored and wanna pick up a new player, I’d grab Moya.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s June! That means Orange Is the New Black is back and Max Scherzer is dominating batters. If you haven’t seen the show, don’t worry. This write up contains no spoilers. All you need to know is that there is character named Crazy Eyes and Max has crazy eyes. Like the Orange Is the New Black fan base, Max loves June. Throughout his career, hitters only have a .284 wOBA in June. His first complete game came in June 2014 when he shut out the White Sox. His first no-hitter came in June 2015 against the Pirates at Nationals Park. It was nearly a perfect game, but was spoiled by Jose Tabata. BOLD PREDICTION ALERT: Scherzer will throw a perfect game today! It’s the only logical outcome. Sorry Padres fans, but the Padres are the team most likely for Max to achieve a perfect game against. They have a league low .278 wOBA and 75 wRC+ vs RHP. They also have the lowest BB/K ratio at .26 vs RHP. Max has been throwing close to 55% fourseamers this season, which the Padres have been hitting only .222 and slugging a league low .377 against. While Max has struggled against lefties this season, Jon Jay is the Padres best lefty… I’m not too concerned. Padres hitters are going to feel like they are in prison when the dig in to face off against Max. I now sentence to read the rest of my picks for this Saturday DK slate.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday June 20th to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh my God, Drew Smyly is more like Smyly Corleone.  Every time you think you’re out, he pulls you right back in.  Fredo, you went against the family, and we can’t have that.  “Smyly, is that you?  Why do you keep calling me?”  That’s Alfredo Griffin getting annoyed with Smyly Corleone.  “I made them offer at a pitch they couldn’t refuse.”  Seriously, stop Smyly Corleone!  So, there’s always one pitcher (sometimes more than one) that befuddles and seduces, seduces and befuddles.  Justin Masterson carried the torch for a while when he was Justin Masterson:  Passive Aggressive Starter.  Now, Drew Smyly seems to be carrying that same damned if you do, damned if you don’t torch.  Yesterday, his line was 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners with 12 Ks.  On the year, his K-rate and walk rate are 10.3 and 2.2.  Those are ace numbers.  Unlike a lot of other big strikeout guys and actual aces, Smyly doesn’t throw very hard and seems to tire after about two starts in a row.  His ERA on the year is 4.75, but that’s absurd, as in I will absurd you while you’re on waivers.  But, ugh, that K-rate, that walk rate, it’s hard for me to resist and if he was dropped in your league, I could see giving him another chance, but I’d be wary of matchups because I just don’t see him overpowering most teams when he’s not working on ten days rest.  He just doesn’t throw hard enough.  I.e., leave the speed gun, take the cannoli.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?