The Braves had the 5th best ERA last year in the major leagues. That’s with a down year by Mike Minor, and injuries to Brandon Beachy and Kris Medlen. Their runs scored were second to last in the majors. Only the Padres’ offense was worse. So, naturally, they trade away Jason Heyward and Jordan Walden for Shelby Miller and Tyrell Jenkins, who had a sub-5 K/9 in High-A last year. Oh…*pounds out a chicken cutlet, fills it with spinach and ricotta cheese, rolls it up, ties it with twine, bakes it on 450 for 18-22 minutes, pulls it out and breathes in the aroma* …kay. That’s the Chicken Florentine pause. Practiced by many, only able to be pulled off by a few. I rarely pull out the Chicken Florentine pause, but trading a top hitting prospect that is only 25 years old, when your team is hurting for offense, is straight up baffling with a pickleback. Are the Braves trying to bring the entire organization down to Fredi’s level of intelligence? Did Fredi tell management that they had too many top of the order hitters (they have none) and they needed another arm (they don’t)? Are the Braves trying to get featured in the third sequel to Major League? I got questions, y’all! From a fantasy perspective, Heyward’s value goes up simply because the Cardinals are a better offensive team. Like someone doing yoga, Heyward will now be surrounded by Matts, Carpenter and Holliday. What will Heyward produce? Go ask the Sphinx. One year he looks like a 30-homer hitter, another year he looks like a middle infielder with 20 steal speed. He could be anywhere from a 15-homer guy to a 30-homer guy. The 20 steals, now in two of five seasons, looks possible, until you see he has a year of only 2 steals. His .271 average last year is around his career average (.262), so that seems repeatable, until you see his .227 average in 2011. At some point, he could have a 30-homer, 20-steal top 20 fantasy season, but to say it’s definitely coming is you lying to yourself. You already lie to yourself in other areas of your life, let’s not start with Heyward too. For 2015, I’ll give him the projections of 91/20/75/.274/15. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2015 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In Fantasy Baseball, it doesn’t matter if it’s daily or redraft, strikeouts hand out nerd boners. Don’t worry, straight fantasy baseball players, it’s not a gay thing (not that there’s anything wrong with that). It comes down to playing a sport that is built for strikeouts dominating your pitching desires and in fact, I’d say in daily fantasy a 10 K day would have you bordering on priapism. So pardon me while I go back to the Trevor Bauer well with you. Yes, we’ve done this before and with success. For some reason, Trevor at home feels…well, at home as he has a 3.32 ERA, 9.11 K/9 and a .309 wOBA against at Progressive Field. Obviously he’s not perfect at home – he does have a 1.34 WHIP and a 3.6 BB/9 ratio there – but for the price of $6,500, you could have yourself 10 K. Oh, I see that got you all flushed. So go light some candles, sprinkle rose petals around the laptop you build your DK lineups on and put on some appropriate music to anoint the mood while you anoint yourself with other things…ahhhh yeah. Maybe his start will be so successful, you can afford the plumber to fix your wife’s leaky pipes and order an extra large italian sausage pizza like she’s always asked for. Bet she’d like that. But before our ‘innuendo’ turns into ‘in your end hole’, let’s get this show rolling. Here’s Razzball’s picks for today’s slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going to be completely honest with you……. bear with me I’ve spent the past 8 years in sales this isn’t something I’m used to. I loathe John Lackey. I hate his voice, I hate his face, I hate the way his mouth is always open as if it was some 24 hour 7-11, but most of all I hated the way he was overvalued in fantasy and reality during his time with the Angels. After posting a 6.47 ERA in 2011 I figured the man I mockingly call The Muppet was done, off to the land of Dontrelle Willis. Then after sitting out 2012 for the now mandatory Tommy John surgery he came back a different player. Keeping hitters off balance with great sequencing, Lackey was one of the big surprises for the World Champions last season. Thus far this season it’s been more of the same (if not better). He enters tonight’s game against the Tigers with a 5-2 record, a 3.57 era, and an 8.83 k rate, the highest of his career. In fact, outside of two rough outings back to back against the Yankees and the Orioles back in mid-April, he’s provided a quality start each time he’s taken the mound for the Sawx. The only thing that could derail his season is inappropriate text messages from a member of the media. Well that and Ian Kinsler and the Tigers. Over the years, several members of the Tigers (some of which will be covered later on!) have owned Lackey but none quite like Kinsler. In 39 PA’s Kinsler has a 1.345 OPS with 4 hr’s, 9 steaks, and a couple of steals. That sample size ain’t small folks (that’s what she said) and that OPS is huge! (that’s what Bill James said…?) Kinsler is a must own at 2b in all lineups over at DraftKings. With a cost of $4,900 he’s not cheap but I think based on his history he’s well worth the premium price.

B-T-Dubs guys (and 4… maybe 5 girl readers) if you haven’t played daily fantasy over at Draftkings you should. In fact just for signing up you’ll get a free entry into a contest….so click here and do it now…….I’m waiting….are you going to click? I don’t have all day folks, I got poopy diapers to change and 10 minute bathroom trips to check my fantasy teams to make…..Perfect, now let’s move on.

Dubba B-T-Dubs if you don’t trust me, the genius Rudy Gamble has put together another amazing tool in the DFSBot to aid you in finding value in your Daily Fantasy persuits.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I mustache you a question, when you drafted, were you Axfording a hard time from your closer? Then you got it. John Axford finally was removed from the closer role. Francona said, “I’ve seen crap before, but Assford demonstrated a whole new level of excrement.” Or something to that effect. I’m not one for details. Axford was replaced by the committee of author Bryan Shaw, Nick at Nite star Cody Allen and The RZE. That’s also the order I’d pick them up. There’s prolly no reason to mess with The RZE, especially after he was treated like Jodie Foster in The Accused yesterday. Speaking of The RZE, Method Man and Raekwon forgot one way to torture their opponents when they talk about rusty screwdrivers and whatnot. “I’ll hack your fantasy team and pick up John Axford and leave him in your active lineup and let him keep feeding you terrible stats, and feeding you, and feeding you and feeding you.” Now, that’s gangster. There’s a good chance Axford never sees another save this year. Collective wisdom says Cody Allen will be the closer, but collective wisdom also said Obama was going to make a difference. Yesterday, the Indians set up the game so Shaw would be the closer, whereas Allen’s one save came when Axford was garbage and Shaw had already been used. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Try not to act so jealous, Frank Thomas. A new superstar has arrived in Chicago. After Evan Longoria hit a go ahead 2-run home run in the ninth inning last night against the Chicago White Sox, most thought the game was all but over. But not Jose Abreu. People have been telling him “No Way, Jose!” all his life. A real defector at heart, he was ready to prove them wrong the only way he knew how– with his bat. The crowd was slowly filtering out, the concessions employees were removing the hot dogs from the rollers and placing them back in the warm stagnant water for the next day, and Adam Dunn was already in the locker room, eating his post-game bucket of oats. But White Sox rookie slugger Abreu aka the Grande Dolor aka or is it el Gran Dolor? aka “I guess it doesn’t really matter, he’s just a monster” Abreu had a different idea. Chicago loaded the bases for the phenom and he promptly sent it into the stands with the grand slam and the walk off win. He finished the day 3-for-5, with two home runs and six RBI. Ay carumba! The final home run was Jose’s league-leading ninth jack of the year, and he also tied for the lead with 27 RBI and his .632 SLG% and .968 OPS are among the league’s best as well. He set the rookie record for April home runs too, and counting. Abreu is making those who gambled on him early in drafts look like geniuses, jacking homers every 10.6 at bats and rocking a sick and a 26.9% HR/FB ratio. That means he’s going to hit more home runs. Like, a lot more. And if he’s as fun to own in fantasy as he is to watch in actual real-life-not- in-a-box score-but-on-the-field baseball, then Abreu could likely find himself in the upper echelon of the fantasy elite as soon as this year.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First off, I would like to say Eric Sogard should be the Face of the MLB; that vote was rigged in David Wright’s favor.  Baseball needs more nerdy-looking, glasses-touting, Bernie-leanin’, jive-walking players.  But without further ado, here is the AL West Spring Training Showdown. (You can check out the AL Central Spring Training Preview here and NL East Spring Training Preview here.)

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Yasiel Puig was scratched yesterday with a strained shoulder, suffering the injury during batting practice. Look at him, making himself feel right at home with the Dodgers. Next thing you know, he’s going to say Brandon League is their best reliever, run at 40% and leave before the eighth inning to beat the traffic. Let’s recap quickly, Puig took a fastball off his nose, wiped blood from his face and took first base. Then The Cuban did an interpretative dance with Kennedy’s whole team that he called “The Bay of Puig.” Finally, the next day, he hurts himself in batting practice. It’s like when Jean-Claude Van Damme beat the crap out of 47 bad guys, but stopped production on Timecop because the production assistant forget to bring his hair gel to set. “Van Damme be Van Damned if his hair isn’t coifed.” As of right now, there’s no word on how long Puig will be out, but hopefully this Puiggy doesn’t go wee, wee, wee all the way home. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks.  No wonder why he returned.  He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12.  “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?”  That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?