Achilles (Tennessee Mash – RCL 25) held on to the lead in the overall standings with 108 points, but things have tightened up. Big Magoo (Matthew Berry is a Tool) moved up a couple of spots to 2nd, just 1 point back. Trini (Psychic Friends Network – RCL 22) holds down 3rd with 105, while Playin’ The Field (Beef SAGNOF!) and Team Birdis (RCL 3) round out the top 5 with 104 points each. Got Heem (RCL 9) made the biggest move this week, gaining 17 points and jumping from 384th to 159th place in the standings. RCL 9 and the ECFBL have the top competitive index of 104.
There was mention this week in RCL 40 of Josh Hamilton or Adam Jones possibly being “steal of the draft.” Number 1 ranked Hamilton had an average draft position of 35.2 while Jones was at 71.8. Then there’s #2 Carlos Beltran (122.4) and #5 Edwin Encarnacion (207.4). How about Lance Lynn, who was drafted in just 6 leagues and is now ranked #7? According to the Razzball Player Rater, Hamilton has gained over $44 in value, and is now worth $24 more than anyone else. Lynn has gained over $33, followed by Beltran ($32.4) and undrafted Fernando Rodney ($30.3). Since Lynn and Rodney were valued at $1 in the preseason, that probably makes them the top pick and pickup, respectively, so far.
Expert League: Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) bounced back and retook first place from RotoWire Del Don. Meanwhile Rudy and Grey went in opposite directions. Even Grey’s pitching let him down this week, finishing with just 1 win and ratios of 4.25 and 1.30. On the other hand, Rudy’s team moved up to 3rd place with 84 points and just missed earning top pitching honors, collecting 7 wins and 8 saves, with an ERA of 1.86 and 0.97 WHIP.
Trades: After last week’s 19 trades, the wheeler-dealers rested. Just 6 exchanges involving 18 players this week, highlighted by Uncle Robbies Daffiness Boys dumping the slumping Howie Kendrick in the ECFBL for the excitement of Eric Hosmer! In Ones are GOOD, right?, the Amazing Ocelots traded Felix Hernandez and Mike Adams to NYC Matthole for Brandon Morrow and Jake Peavy. Krispie Young and Yu Darvish were also among the players changing teams. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums. Look for the RCL under “Everything Else.”
Weekly Leaders
Fastballs At Ridgemont High (Schmohawk in Training) was the top hitting team this week. They hit .298 with 18 home runs and 59 RBI, 55 runs, and 14 steals.JonathanLucroy (.375/8 RBI/2 SB), Ryan Braun (.444/7 RBI/3 SB), Mike Trout (.444/2 HR/4 SB), and Ian Desmond (.344/2 HR/6 RBI/2 SB) all provided speed and power.
Average: .329 (Afghani Buzkashi – Fausto or Roberto?) Runs: 61 (Thunder Muscle – Fantasy Master Lotharios) HR: 18 (Fastballs At Ridgemont High, Big Magoo, Votto-erotic Asphyxiation, We’ve got the runs, Barking Basset Hounds, Coach McGuirk, Juicin Aint EZ- The A-Rod Story) RBI: 59 (Sclerotic Whips – Yu Ain’t Goldschmidt, Fastballs At Ridgemont High) SB: 20 (Super Tecmo Magic Rabbits – Myrtle’s Acres)
Urine Sample (RCL 44) took pitching honors with an ERA of 3.39 and 1.17 WHIP with 80 Ks, 6 wins, and 13 saves. Jim Johnson (4 Saves/2.25/1.00), J.J. Putz (3 Saves/0.00/1.25), and Alfredo Aceves (2 Saves/0.00/1.07) led their relief corps, while Yovani Gallardo and Gio Gonzalez anchored the starting rotation.
Ks: 99 (Dueling Beaver Traps – RCL 44) Wins: 9 (Rank Railheads – RCL #40) Saves: 13 (Pliny the Elder – Myrtle’s Acres, NYC Matthole – Ones are GOOD right?, Urine Sample – RCL 44) ERA: 0.95 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?) WHIP: 0.89 (Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?)
TEAM OF THE WEEK – May 14 – 20
Rank Railheads (RCL #40)
101/333 (.303)
50 R/17 HR/52 RBI/9 SB
108.2 IP
84 K/9 W/2.98/1.25/4 S
Andrew McCutchen and Martin Prado paced the Railheads’ offense this week. McCutchen hit 4 home runs and drove in 7, scored 6, and stole a base. Prado added a homer while hitting .519. Buster Posey (.381/5 RBI) and Carlos Ruiz (.476/6 Runs/1 HR/7 RBI/2 SB) made carrying 2 catchers seem like a good idea. Josh Reddick had only 4 hits, but 3 were dingers. 9 different pitchers picked up wins, with Ervin Santana putting up the best numbers: 15 strikeouts/1.32 ERA/1.10 WHIP. David Price (Win/13 K), Jason Motte (1 Win/1 Save), and Joel Hanrahan (3 Saves) were also key contributors.
When Heath Bell looked like garbage on Sunday, Frank Francisco returned serve with three of his own runs. It was like watching a tennis match between Jon Lovitz and that guy from Felicity. Rather than getting the hook by his manager, Frank-Frank was ejected for arguing balls and strikes. The ump should’ve told him, “With your stuff, I wouldn’t have the balls to throw strikes either.” Jon Rauch is next in line here, but, before the ink can dry on his neck, he could lose the job too. Though, I would grab him, in the non-sexual way. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ike Davis – Sat out yesterday with flu-like symptoms. Like. Oh. My. Gahd. I hopes it’s not Valley Fever.
Heath Bell – Ozzie Guillen has come to the conclusion that Edward Mujica and Steve Cishek are simply just as awful at closing games as Bell has been, so they might as well go with the guy with the bad contract. So, once again, Bell is officially unofficially your Marlins closer and, as previously mentioned, he gave up two runs on Sunday. I’d continue to hold Cishek and Mujica. Bell needs to either go to the Disgraceful List or do some mop-up duty. Despite the closer craziness, the past week the Marlins have got it done, winning 10 of their last 12 games. A rational person might say to me, “The Marlins have played the Giants, Padres and Astros as of late, don’t get too excited.” I am an irrational person, so it must be their new uniforms!
Giancarlo Stanton – 3-for-5 with a grand slam. Is it just me or are you waiting for him to announce his name is actually Giancarlos Tanton?
Brian Fuentes – Was named the new A’s closer. I literally wrote everything else in this post then came back to this to make sure he was still the closer. If I wake up at 3 AM tonight and stumble back to my office, he may no longer be the closer. He’s on a short leash with a cone and muzzle. If he gets too far off the leash, he doesn’t give his owners rabies, he gives them ERAbies.
Brandon McCarthy – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks. Look at him K’ing people with reckless a-Brandon. McCarthy feels like one of those guys that you can get for cheap in a trade, but could be way more valuable. He’s literally in every fifth comment as a guy people want to drop, and I use the word ‘literally’ metaphorically.
Jarrod Parker – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks. I doubt anyone’s actually buying (as in trading for), but you should be careful with Parker. He’s due for some Liquid Paper getting dropped on his stats.
Bud Norris – Got the win on Friday with 6.0 IP, 1 ER and 8Ks. Old James MacDonald pitched 8 innings and also struck out 8 in a pitchers’ duel. And a Bud at McDonald’s is a combo meal in The Bootheel of Missouri.
Bryce Harper – On Friday, he threw his bat at the wall in frustration and needed 10 stitches as it bounced back and hit him in the head. ESPN is auctioning off the bat with the proceeds going to TD (Teenaged Dipshits).
Wilson Ramos – Torn ACL and out for the year. On the positive side, he’s now way too gimpy for kidnappers to lug around.
Danny Espinosa – Got a couple of hits on Sunday, homered Friday and Saturday while adding in two steals. If it’s not obvious and you need me to spell it out, he’s H-O-T.
Henry Rodriguez – 2/3 IP, 4 ER with a massive blown save on Sunday. I shut the game off before the Votto grand slam, knowing it was coming. Then after it happened, I refreshed the box score a few times hoping it would change. It’s a soul-crushing defeat when you know it’s gonna happen, then don’t believe it when it does. Must’ve been what it felt like when Dewey tried to move his stuff into the White House with only a copy of the Dewey Defeats Truman newspaper.
Brian Dozier - 2-for-5 with his first homer. I wouldn’t expect much here; he’s pretty yawnstipating. It’s no coincidence that his last name is French for sleep (not true).
Scott Diamond – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has back-to-back 7 inning scoreless starts. In AL-Only leagues, he could provide some value if he can continue his low walk-rate and so-so K-rate. But in AL-Only leagues, Bruce Chen is valuable, so take that with a grain of salt, which is a crystal as is a diamond. How’s that for circular reasoning?
Andy Pettitte – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the M’s. Against a major league offense, that’s 5 IP, 5 ER. That’s not exactly a comeback on par with Lance Armstrong returning less nutso.
Carlos Ruiz – 6th HR on Friday. Ruiz is batting .330 and leads the Phillies offense along with Juan Pierre. Or JuanCarlos if Stanton’s renaming them.
Jimmy Rollins – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer. Only one more to catch Chone Figgins!
Jesus Montero - Hit a home run on Friday against his old team as he punishes New York for trading him to the Mariners. You could taste the bad blood. Mmm… Iron.
Justin Smoak – Hit a homer yesterday and is 6 for his last 12 as he got to hit away from Safeco. Gets Fenway and Coors this week and could be a short term play. Seriously, no kindling with Smoak.
Addison Reed – Robin Ventura is planning on splitting his save chances between Thornton, Reed and Santiago. I think it’s appropriate to call Ventura by his cartoon onomatopoeia name: VenturARGH. And, because Reed seemed like the guy to own, he gave up 6 earned runs in a third of an inning yesterday. To give up 6 earned in a third of an inning is, like a bowling alley that doesn’t cater to dwarfs will tell ya, no small feat. At this rate, I don’t think I’d pick up any White Sox relievers in any shallow mixed league. I need this ulcer? No, no I don’t. If you really need the saves, I’d grab Santiago, Reed or Thornton, in that order.
Chris Sale – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. When you go for a ‘precautionary’ MRI (something I get all the time!), and you’re moved around to help ‘save’ your elbow, then throw a pretty mediocre start, I think something is wrong and you’d be wise to sell him quickly. But I’m not a doctor, though I did fall asleep while watching a Scrubs rerun last night.
Carlos Beltran – 4-for-5 with 2 home runs and 4 RBIs on Friday and hit his 13th homer on Sunday. He’s doing his best Albert Pujols impression, the pre-Angels Pujols. Yes, it took Pujols to go to the Angels to become mortal. The irony!
Allen Craig – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer on Sunday, after homering on Friday. Bad enough that he double-dipped on first names when there’s people without one — R. Kelly, “Tell me about it!” But now there’s people out there who can’t buy a homer in their leagues (me!) and this guy now has 5.
Rafael Furcal – 3-for-3 with his 7th steal, while batting .383 on the year. Still think he’s more of an Early Bird Special than a Zombino. You get two Facebook Likes if you understood that.
Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. If you’ve owned him all year, you know this is less spectacular than he’s been. Or spectaculess, if you like portmanteaus.
Josh Hamilton – Homerton was 3-for-4 with two more home runs on Friday to bring his total to 17. The first player since Albert Pujols (who?) in 2006 to hit that many home runs in only 33 games. Then he hit his 18th homer on Saturday. 18 homers? I have 31 homers in one of my NL-Only leagues.
Mike Trout – Got his first slam & legs on Friday. In related rookie news, ESPN ran a feature on Bryce Harper’s TD telethon.
C.J. Wilson - Got roughed up in his Texas homecoming by Hamilton and the boys 1/3 IP, 3 H, 4 ER. Then Matthew Modine started screaming “You wanna have another go at it” and Wilson agreed. So, on Saturday, he went 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Then on Sunday, he rested. Geez, with the God complex.
Mark Reynolds – Lands on the DL after throwing batting practice on Friday. He said, “I got carried away with what I was trying to do. It just looks so easy to strike me out.”
Xavier Avery – O’s called up their outfield prospect and played him in left field yesterday as he went 0-for-4. Now for the Mystique behind X-Man. He has some speed (and very light power), and will struggle to hit for much of an average in the majors. In AL-Only leagues, he’s SAGNOF.
Jake Arrieta – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER vs. the Rays. He’s been absolutely clobbered in his last two starts. I’d definitely look elsewhere, since I’m not a huge fan of O’s starters to begin with. My O’s starter face is a straight line for my lips and a slow blink of the eyes. It looks like ‘meh.’
Nick Johnson – Homered in back-to-back games that he started (Friday and Sunday). He was in good spirits after the game, smiling in the locker room.
Danny Duffy – Left yesterday’s game with what is being described as “medial left elbow tightness.” Sounds like medial up a different starter.
Alcides Escobar – 3-for-3, 2 runs and 1 RBI. He’s been on and off my teams so many times the elastic is completely shot.
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs with his first Frenchy fly of the season, or Freedom Fly if you’re still harboring shizz.
Desmond Jennings – Has now missed six games with a sore knee. Instead of day-to-day, they could’ve told us day-to-week. Might’ve been helpful.
Ben Zobrist – Slam and legs with a side of mash (3 hits!) and Elliot Johnson also slammed, legged and mashed. Johnson is 7 for his last 13 with two steals and a homer. Could be a nice pickup if you’re struggling at MI. BTW, if someone asks you if you’re struggling at MI, your answer is IM.
Carlos Marmol – Since the start this year, he looked like Apollo vs. Ivan Drago in the exhibition match. Finally, the Cubs threw in the towel with Marmol’s head landing on top of it and on the Disgraceful List.
Bryan LaHair – Since Friday’s Sell, he’s 1-for-14 with 6 Ks. Cust kayin’.
Jeff Samardzija – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. The best thing I can say about Samardetc. is I wish I owned him on all my teams.
Rickie Weeks – His wrist showed no breaks and his bat showed no hits.
Kevin Youkilis – Cleared to swing a bat. Sounds like positive news for a guy at Hedonism after a cliff diving accident.
Will Middlebrooks – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. If Youk pushes Middlebrooks to Triple-A, there’s gonna be a letter written to Jimmy Breslin from a Son of Sam Horn.
Matt Kemp – Left yesterday’s game aggravating his tight hamstring. Said he’s going for an MRI, but will only miss a game. Um, well, guess we can hope. How do we get this hammy cured? Because those are delicious.
Juan Rivera – Could miss two months with a ruptured hamstring tendon. Dude, c’mon, the day of rupture isn’t until December 21st.
It would be great if we can attach each team to a Razzball Commenter handle. Please fill out the below form so we can add your handle to the Master Standings page (note: you can also enter this for a leaguemate if you like).
Tennessee Mash (RCL 25) is our early leader with 110 points, followed by Playin’ The Field (Beef SAGNOF!) and The Fredsies (ECFBL). The Mash have been led offensively by Josh Hamilton, who has been a steal so far at pick #40. Earlier they had picked Joey Votto, Carlos Gonzalez, and Jay Bruce. Those 4 have hit .320 with 22 home runs and 73 RBI, and added 10 steals. After drafting Chase Utley in round 5, TM selected their first pitcher, David Price. 9th-round pick Gio Gonzalez has been stellar, with an ERA of 1.82 and WHIP under 1. In the last 9 rounds the Mash added Kenley Jansen, Aroldis Chapman, and Jonny Venters, who have contributed 6 wins, 2 saves, and 62 strikeouts, with an ERA of 1.02. Congratulations, Tennessee Mash!
League Toughness: Also, congratulations to RCL 9, the top league with an LCI of 105. League Competitive Index is based on the total stats for the whole league. The index page can be found here. The points formula is: HR + SB + R/3 + RBI/3 + (H-.27*AB) + 2*W + 1.5 * SV + K / 5 + IP – (ER+H+BB/ 2).
Waiver Buzz: The Razzball nation was hopping Friday as everyone rushed to pick up new closer Scott Downs and freshly called up youngsters Mike Trout and Bryce Harper. Downs and Harper are 100% owned now, while Mike Trout is on waivers in 1 league.
Expert League: Mastersball Carey (Ryan Carey) continues to lead, but Rudy shot up to second place with a 19.5-point gain. Craig Kimbrel, Santiago Casilla, Zack Greinke and Brandon Morrow led Rudy to a pitching line of 65 K/6 wins/6 saves/2.08/1.20.
Trades: 9 more trades were processed this week, bringing the total to 51 involving 165 players. A 10-player swap in the ECFBL included Jose Reyes, Jose Bautista, Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday, Yovani Gallardo, and Jon Lester. Pujols was also traded in an 8-player deal in RCL 46. Hanley Ramirez and Clayton Kershaw were included in that transaction. Bryce Harper was used as a trade chip in The Dread Pirate Returns. He was dealt with Justin Morneau for Billy Butler. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums.
Weekly Leaders
All about The WHIP (RCL 43) hit .285 with 55 runs, 18 home runs, 55 RBI, and 4 steals to take offensive honors this week. PETER GAMMONS (RCL 24) had a great pitching line with 16 decisions (11 wins/5 saves) and ratios of 1.80 and 1.09.
Average: .332 (Broth’s Baseball Stars – Fausto or Roberto?)
Runs: 58 (PublicEnemy #1 – Ones are GOOD right?)
HR: 19 (The Otters – RCL 24)
RBI: 57 (Das Haycist – RCL 20)
SB: 15 (All I Do is Nguyen – RCL 25, Worldwide Suicide – Ones are GOOD right?, Moody Broodies – Sphinctory Staff Inflection )
Carlos Gonzalez and Jay Bruce powered Tennessee Mash to the top of the standings with a total of 8 home runs and 21 RBI this week. They also scored 14 runs and stole 4 bases while hitting .432. Tennessee’s pitching was even better, with David Price (2 wins/12 K/1.17/0.85), Brandon Morrow (2 wins/12 K/0.71/1.03), and Gio Gonzalez (1 win/13 K/1.50/1.00) pacing the staff.
There’s a saying in Arizona, “Just when you get really good at your job, your career hits a wall and a Mexican comes along and takes the job from you.” The only difference in Krispie Young‘s case is that Gerardo Parra is Venezuelan. Krispie was literally the only one hitting on one of my teams and now… I’m crying into my soup, because the soup was bland and my tears are salty. I’m resourceful. But that’s one sonavawrench thrown into my team’s plans! As of press (post? blog? this shizz?) time, details were scant and info was un-nigh and far between. The D-Backs are saying it’s a shoulder bruise, but he’s going for an MRI. Hopefully, the MRI doesn’t reveal any structural damage or structurel demega on a typewriter with keys transposed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
SIKE! Before we get into today’s roundup, we have a double SIKE! First, “SIKE” is for a huge announcement we have coming later today. The second “SIKE!” is the podcast is up for download. The announcement is actually talked about a bit on the podcast. So you get a sneak peek (a sneak listen?) if you so choose to… It’s something I’m proud of that isn’t mustache related. I think you guys (4 girls) are gonna love it too. Anyway II, here’s the roundup and podcast:
Justin Upton – Has no home runs and no RBIs and is batting .212. Don’t worry though, it’s only a jammed thumb he’s been nursing. Nursing a thumb? Thumb sucker! The injury to his thumb was rumored to happen when Kirk Gibson missed a meeting and a substitute coach let Justin lead a rousing game of 7-up. Little did he realize the strength of Paul Goldschmidt would injure his thumb. Upton sat yesterday and he’s going for an MRI today, too. Hey, if Diamondbacks send a pitcher for an MRI, they can get a pickup game in the waiting room! I’m sure one day of rest will fix something that’s been bothering Upton for a week. For those without the sarcasm gene — or sanscasm — I’m concerned about Upton. Too soon to panic. Sit tight. Simon didn’t say sit tight. Gotcha.
Santiago Casilla – Got the save yesterday and backing up what Bochy had said earlier about Casilla being first in line, which backs up what I said last week when I grabbed Casilla only to drop him the next day and watch Rudy pick him up. FMFBBL.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. Yum-yum.
Brad Lidge – Got the save yesterday as Johnson keeps Eeny Meeny Miney and Moe’ing his closers. So friggin’ stupid. HanK-Rod has a zero ERA and strikes out everyone; Lidge puts runners on every game and it gets harrowing! (Gets harrowing? It sounds like I’m writing crappy Buffy fan-fiction.)
Colby Lewis – Mr. Popular on Razzball’s 2012 expert leagues overcame a Sparky Anklebiter 2-run HR in the 1st inning to deliver a very solid win in Boston (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). The jeers in Boston started with “Hey Colby — you stink like cheese” and “Hey Colby — go back to your college in Maine with your frigin’ liberal ahtsy fahtsies” to “Hold me, Colby” by the fat drunk girl in the Nomah jersey.
Josh Hamilton – 3-for-5 with a HR and 5 RBIs. Now at 5 HRs and 11 RBIs with a .413 AVG. Someone’s got his eye on the MVNK award (Most Valuable Non-Kemp).
Mike Napoli – 3 for 5, 4 RBIs, 3 runs, 2 homers and a 1B with catcher eligibility.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-3 as he was moved to 6th in the order. This is what Ozzie was thinking about for the last 5 games during his exile. So that means Stanton’s gonna have to hit, like, 40 homers in a game to convince Ozzie he was wrong. You gotta better chance of Ozzie being named Little Havana’s Man of the Year. Andy Garcia’s got that shizz on lock for a decade anyway.
Heath Bell – Throws a scoreless 9th for his first save. Now down to a 9.00 ERA. It says something when that’s actually pretty good considering all the drafted closers this year.
Hanley Ramirez – Game winning 3-run HR at Crayola Canyon. No es mal contente!
Starlin Castro – 2-for-4 with his 7th steal. You know who loves Castro (the non-killing people one)? This guy with two thumbs, a mustache, two eyes, a terrible Jersey accent and a cougar girlfriend. That’s who! (But doesn’t own him anywhere. Sad trombone.)
Ryan Dempster – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Whenever I see his name I can’t help singing, “Demps and a bump, Demps and a bump, we like the starters that go Demps and a bump!” Maybe it’s just me.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Could miss a few days with a death in his family. It wasn’t Miggy or Melky. Anyone hear from Everth Cabrera recently?
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Mr. April throws another beaut. His ERA is sub-1.00. Maybe he can give some pointers to Lincecum.
Austin Jackson – Just when you want to believe he’s turned a corner, he goes 0-for-4 with 3 Ks…..against the Royals….with Bruce Chen pitching (for the first 2 Ks).
Adam Lind – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs with his 1st homer. I’m not going to mention how you wanted to drop him so bad because he had 9 bad games in a 162 game season, but I’m warning you now. If he goes on a tear, I’m gonna take off the gloves and not only mention it by saying I’m not mentioning it, but I’m going to actually mention it.
Jose Bautista – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Maybe he doesn’t want to spite me by having his first bad season after it took two years for me to like him.
Brett Lawrie – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer. #outofthe7hole
Javy Guerra – Blew yesterday’s save. Over/under that Jansen is the closer by July moves to June.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-4 with his 4th steal. Did someone buy him for Christmas a ticket to the Davey Lopes SAGNOF seminar?
Drew Smyly – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Royals. Obviously a solid start, but I haven’t changed my opinion on him from last time. Outside of deep leagues, it’s tough to own him.
Yovani Gallardo – Nice home start against Dodgers (7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks). Even better — just one BB after 7 BBs in his first two starts. Then K-Rod comes in and lets Ethier go-yardo to blow the lead. At least he got the quality start, right QSers!
Mat Gamel – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a slam & legs. 1st homer of the year, but his 3rd steal. Guess if you’re trying to replace Prince, it’s best to start at steals and work your way up from there.
Brett Gardner – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 1 RBI and a steal. Here’s an idea for those that lost Ellsbury. After Gardner is sitting out a game and his owners are frustrated, try to trade a small piece for him. I think he gets 50 steals.
Mark Teixeira – Out a few days with influenza. A-Rod said, “Don’t look at me. I only have herpes. No flu.”
Johan Santana – 1 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners. Left after having throwing 55 pitches. He should have to donate this game’s salary to the victims of Bernie Madoff.
Wei-Yin Chen – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. First game: 5 2/3 IP; 2nd game: 5 1/3 IP, and by the 6th inning the Orioles are hungry again for another pitcher.
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. You’d take that start from Wandy every day and twice on Muesday.
Johnny Damon – Should be ready in a week. Those with a “Good Hair” category in their league should be pumped.
Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3. Now hitting .103. It’s getting so bad that they pinch hit Fukudome for him. Or maybe Fukudome thought he heard his name when Ventura realized that Beckham was coming up for a critical 9th inning AB.
Jesus Montero – 1-for-4 as the Mariners gave him the start at catcher (3rd of year!) and DH’d John Jaso. That’s how much they didn’t want to start Miguel Olivo.
Jamie Moyer – 7 IP with no ER at Coors. Granted, only 1 K and against the Padres but still. Hope they have tapioca pudding at the post-game buffet.
Jon Lester – 2 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners. Fickin’ ay. Give ‘em some chicken and beer if it’ll stop him from throwing a crappy start like this again.
Cincinnati Reds – Their 4th through 8th hitters last night (Rolen, Bruce, Ludwick, Stubbs, and Hanigan) are all hitting .200 or less. At least they’re not clogging up the bases right, Dusty?
Chase Utley – Phils’ GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” Last week the GM said Utley’s knee “seems to be improving.” So Utley isn’t the only thing that’s broken.
I hate guys that are injured before the season even starts. I should’ve emphasized that more in the preseason. I should’ve followed my gut on that with Stanton too. At least Stanton can play through the nagging pain (hopefully), on the other hand, Mike Morse is shut down for 6 weeks and he has a history of injuries. (Can you tell I’m still reeling a bit on the Stanton news? It’s like a teenage love…Don’t…Don’t hurt me again…) As for Morse, he was a former roider (RIP, Lyle Alzado, I don’t know football, but I enjoyed your random guest spots on bad 80′s TV shows) and they say that tends to break down a player’s body. It’s all very sad (actually, I’m still thinking about Stanton; don’t worry, I’ll move on by Monday). I don’t think this moves up Bryce Harper’s ETA. (Doesn’t ETA always make you think of business-speak by people who do jobs that you don’t understand even after they explain them? “I’m a marketing consultant for our foreign sales team.” You’re making up a job and you hide in a cubicle. Why don’t I have one of those jobs?) I think you should lower your expectations for Morse to 17 homers and 90 games played. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Sike! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to say you should sign up for the Draft Day freeroll. What’s a freeroll? Honestly, I have no clue. I think it’s, like, a season of fantasy baseball in one day. “But I want players to annoy me for 162 games!” I know, but it’s free and Rudy did it last week and had fun, so I guess there’s no harm in it. You can win some cold hard cash and get yourself a $12 salad! The cut off is Saturday at 1:05 PM EST. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Mat Latos – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K. He didn’t pitch incredibly well (1 K — belch), but he only had one bad inning, which was because Ryan Ludwick is playing the outfield instead of Heisey. Ludwick barely moved over to get a Gio Gonzalez blooper that started the inning where Latos gave up two earned. Get Ludwick out of there and play The Juice Box (Heisey — Hi-C — The Juice Box — what?). Juice Box! Juice Box! Juice Box!
Ryan Ludwick – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs. Why is he playing? He’s batting .133. We need to see more? Okay, .240 and 18 homers, that’s more if he plays the whole season. Who cares? Dusty, take the toothpick out of your mouth and bench him! (I’m only slightly annoyed at him because he drove in the two runs that cost me my Gio win, which was a whole nutter shizz show. Zimmerman should’ve had that Ludwick grounder. Get off your heels and dive! How do I not get the win from Gio…Wait, not even there yet…)
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 Hits, no walks, 7 Ks. How do you not get this win? Pick a closer — or just pick Henry Rodriguez — and let him close games! Dive, Zimmerman! Juice Box! Juice Box! Juice– Okay, Grey, breath… Being completely objective, the home plate ump had a nice strike zone and the Reds get pretty neutralized by lefties. Gio still pitched a great game. Though the no walks thing will be a rarity.
Anthony Rendon – Nats prospect fractured his left ankle and will miss a few months. He was fitted for a walking boot, which Bryce Harper signed in pine tar, writing “wuz” instead of “was.”
David Wright – Was cleared to return to game action (if his finger doesn’t hurt him). I put that second part in parentheses because that’s the part you leave off when you try to sell Wright to someone in your league. It’s April. If you’re the Mets, do you let your star 3rd baseman play with a broken finger or do you sit him for a month? Okay, try and think about that again, but this time don’t pretend you’re the Mets. Still same answer? I had a different one.
Madison Bumgarner – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. Great game from the Bum, but why was he brought back out for the 8th inning? He was over 100 pitches and he hit 3rd the previous inning. He needed to face Tyler Colvin for 13 foul tips? Colvin — singer/songwriter/fouler. You’d think if anyone would be a fouler on that team, it’d be Dexter.
Brian Wilson – 1 IP, 1 ER. Was far uglier than that, and I’m not talking about the beard. Wilson loaded the bases, walked in a run, needed the trainer to come out because it looked like his arm was bothering him (was hard to see around Bochy’s head) and could barely find the plate even when he was getting hitters out. I grabbed Casilla while the trainer was still on the mound. Romo is the better arm, but Bochy seems to favor Casilla for saves. Looking for the next big closer to go down, here ya go.
Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks. Giving up 10 baserunners in 5 innings is bad enough, but the Liriano-Mauer battery ended up giving up 5 SBs in 5 innings to the Angels (whose team speed is not to be confused with the ’85 Cardinals). In 134 IP last year, Liriano only was stolen on 9 times. Is there any other part of his game that Liriano can regress for us — maybe bite his tongue when chewing on sunflower seeds?
Matt Capps – 1 IP, 2 ER and the save. Almost had a Cappsizing.
Denard Span – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and a steal. Here’s a fun thing for Topps baseball cards. They should do one of those novelty dual cards with Span and Billy Butler. Have it titled, “Spanning the Globes,” and Span stands behind Butler cupping his moobs.
Joe Mauer/Justin Morneau – The M&M boys both homered in yesterday’s game against the Angels in Target Field. The odds on that exacta were so tiny that, if anyone bought it, Scott Downs would’ve been bankrupted. Just in case Downs got any ideas, someone made sure he couldn’t walk off the field.
Josh Willingham – 3-for-5 with his 4th homer of the year. The Other White Meat is red hot. That is all.
Lance Berkman – Has a small tear in his left calf. A small tear on a calf? That sounds like a Guatemalan harbinger of doom. Berkman says he can return on Tuesday. Not sure how someone of his age is going to be playing in less than a week with a muscle tear in his calf, and I don’t mean that like, “Hey, he’s going to be playing next Tuesday at 100% and I’m gonna be surprised.” No, I meant it like, “He’s going to be at 75% and then need the DL at some point.”
Dan Haren – 5 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 3 ER, 7 Ks against the Twinkies in Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome with all the runs scoring on a 3-run HR by Mauer. As Rudy mentioned on the Risky Pitcher post, Haren was heavily dependent on his cutter last year — wouldn’t be surprised if his April struggles (6.97 ERA) are a harbinger of Haren’s first non-borderline ace year in a long time.
Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with a slam & legs. He’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. It’s gonna be a doozie to end all doozies!
Carlos Pena - 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer. Remember, he won’t stop hitting homers until around Monday, when he’ll go so ice cold you’ll be looking to chuck Pena.
Jeff Keppinger – 0-for-5 batting cleanup yet again for the Rays. The Rays are so against giving Longoria any protection that they’ve disabled his home alarm system and are poking holes in his condoms.
Kyle Seager – 1-for-4, and a homer. He’ll also be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. I told you it’s got doozie written all over it.
Matt Garza – 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s an ExtravaGarza!
Drew Smyly - 4 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. He has very little experience as a professional, which doesn’t seem to stand in the way of the Tigers (see Porcello). He looks like he has strikeout stuff, but as I tell my girlfriends, beware the small sample size. I wouldn’t go near him outside of AL-Only leagues for the time being. For now, Drew’s a consolation prize SP on his dad Guy’s game show.
Jed Lowrie – Should return from the DL on Friday. Watch out rusty Astros lineup, here comes your booster shot!
Zack Greinke – 3.2 IP, 8 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. We love Greinke, but this gave us bad flashbacks to his infamous “Greink’d” moments prior to his Cy Young year. Hopefully next outing he’ll be able to put away batters when he gets to 2 strikes. If I were the type to calculate xFIP and not just read it at other sites, I’d say Greinke was hella unlucky yesterday. Then I’d fist bump someone and explode my fist, or something equally douchey that is done by people that say hella.
Jamie Moyer – The last remaining Leftosaurus threw about as good a start as you can hope for him @COL (5.2 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners). Pitching Moyer in the mile high air is like pitching Justin Verlander on the moon.
