The average for caught stealing percentage in the Major Leagues is 28% so there’s not a whole lot of clubs that believe keeping the guy at first base is of much importance. Of course, some pitchers and catchers are just much easier than others. I remember watching one game where John Popper stole 2nd, 3rd and home on Chris Young while Run Around was playing on the stadium’s PA. Or maybe I just made that up. Either way, Chris Young’s terrible but he’s also a seven foot stick of injury proneness, which is a “u” and some fiber short of pruneness. So let’s look at some guys who are actually playing and how easy they are to steal on for fantasy baseball:
Gil Meche – Leads the league in steals allowed at 13. That’s also more than a third of the bases stolen against Kendall. So Kendall sucks, but Meche is making the most of his suckiness. Or the least. Not sure, lost myself there. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Upton left yesterday’s game with a sprained ankle. It’s obviously not easy carrying around millions of fantasy baseballers’ hopes and dreams. He hurt his ankle while stealing second, then he advanced to third and scored one batter later. I liked Upton 1.0 better, which came with customizable speed and power but no hustle. The good news is Upton wasn’t removed until after scoring, so it doesn’t sound serious. Just precautionary. It’s an exhibition, after all. You know, like when Kenny Mayne ran Daisy Fuentes for Jerry O’Connell in the 2005 Celebrity Softball game. Anyway, here’s some more news in fantasy baseball:
Dustin Pedroia – Left wrist sprain. It’s spraining, men! That’ll teach Pedroia to try and open the pickle jar all by himself. This actually worries me more than the Upton sprain. Injured wrists are tricky for, ya know, hitting. He’s scheduled to take BP on Thursday so hopefully it’s very minor and the pain doesn’t have to, doesn’t have to, doesn’t have to let it linger. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chad Billingsley was a fave on mine coming into the year, and he pitched great for maybe a third of a season, passable for a third and pretty forgettable for the other third. It’s with great regret I tell you to sell him for fifty cents on the dollar in one year leagues. He wasn’t pitching all that well for a while now and now he’s dealing with a hamstring injury. (This injury may actually save his arm from falling off.) In one year leagues, you need guys that are going to help you right now. It’s August, ya’ll — thanks, Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Adrian Beltre hits the DL with Jockular Sphincteritis as a grounder clipped one of his testicles. It’s the best contact he’s made all season. When reached for comment, Beltre said, “Aw, nuts!” After being badgered, he yelled, “Stop busting my balls!” Turns out, Beltre doesn’t wear a protective cup. He claims it’s uncomfortable. You know what else is uncomfortable? A bleeding testicle. Beltre could be out for the season, but he hasn’t really been much use this year so his owners shouldn’t worry. On a related note, I wonder if he’ll let his teammates sign his cast. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonny Gomes – 3 HRs. Half of me (the Lily Tomlin half) wishes Dusty would start benching Gomes again for no good reason, because I don’t own him anywhere. – Quote from Grey after he picked up Wladimir Balentien for Thursday’s short schedule day. Please, blog, may I have some more?
CC Sabathia left his start with biceps tightness. Or is it bicep? Hmm… Either way, it’s not great to hear about an arm issue with your fantasy ace. Right now they’re saying no tests are even necessary. Give me two hundred CCs of a White Russian and I’m asking this, you pay one hundred trillion dollars for a player and then you don’t send him for tests when he hurts his bicep(s)? Are they joking? Seriously, is this Candid Camera? I thought I saw my Adam Lambert poster’s eyes move. Is there a camera behind there? Send me a signal, throw me a line. Hopefully, tests aren’t necessary because it’s so obviously not a problem. They don’t need to administer tests for how Sabathia feels about his new home park, The Jetstream. To the left, to the left… Now, up, baby, up… He has a 3.99 ERA at home and 3.35 away. His 6 K/9 is more troubling. That would be the lowest mark of his career. Even last year in April when he was struggling, he was K’ing more than one batter per inning. Hopefully in the 2nd half of the year he can rearrange the girth and makes things right. (Fun with anagrams!) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Daisuke Matsuzaka – Disgraceful List just got one more as the Sawx made room for Smoltz. Neither funny nor that insightful, but you’d think there would be some kind of rule by the MLB that teams can’t just DL someone because they’re ineffective. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a tie game, Cito Gaston brought in his closer, Scott Downs, to work the bottom of the ninth. Downs did that, then the Blue Jays scored five runs in the top of the 10th. So with the game in the bag, Gaston removed Downs for a pinch hitter, right? Nah, that’s what a normal person operating heavy machinery would’ve done. Gaston let Downs hit. Okay, so he told Downs to take three strikes, right? No point in swinging up by five, right? Nah, you’re thinking too logical here. Downs grounded out to shortstop, injurying himself on the way to first. If I were Downs, I’d rip Gaston a new one on his LinkedIn profile. Jason Frasor or B.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Morrow has changed his mind once again, deciding that his decision in the offseason to be a starter after relieving last year was a better idea than his decision in April to return to closing. It’s already June and it’ll take him at least a month or so to stretch out his arm. Could he put together a great 10 game stretch to finish the year? Potentially, but maybe he’ll decide he wants to play shortstop instead. We’re so tired of him changing his mind that we’re going to pretend like we’re monologue writers for The Tonight Show rather than debate his merits…. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Carpenter/Gallardo duel reminded me of Landon and Brittini taking on Mark and Rachel as they competed to see who could slide the furthest on giant blocks of ice while wearing nothing but speedos. (BTW, Nice to see Mark battling the ageism of MTV. Stick it to man! Wait, he is a man. Show those rapscallions, gramps!) Chris Carpenter went 8 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 10 Ks, then Yovani Gallardo removed his fey white gloves and went 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, i.e., the other end of the duel. Going forward, I’d trade Carpenter away and trade for Gallardo. You may be right, I may be crazy. Gallardo can throw 200 Ks and a sub-4 ERA. While Carpenter will be tremendous if healthy, but that if is supersized. Now, no one’s saying to trade him for a Circuit City gift card, but I’d see what kind of deals you can broker. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Capps – He fell to the ground in pain like he was just, um, capped as a line drive hit him in the arm. It looked as if it could lead to a DL stint. I grabbed John Grabow in every league. Jesse Chavez might see some chances, but I’m not intoxicated enough to own two Pirate relievers. Please, blog, may I have some more?
(Note from Rudy: I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.” Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits? This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear. Your pectoral is in your chest. Sorry none of you could bask in my preferred title. Now, carry on, Grey — lamer!) Vladimir Guerrero is due back on Monday from a torn pectoral. I’m not a doctor, but occasionally I played one in my preteen years. All I know of the pectoral is it’s somewhere in Vlad’s body. Do I have one? Maybe. No idea. So let’s go with what I do know. Scioscia lies; he lies when he cries that Vlad can’t play the outfield, but can DH, which he said on April 7th, right before Vlad missed six weeks. When Vlad did finally hit the DL, some source that Jayson Stark won’t reveal (because this is just so damning I suppose) said, “When those offensive linemen get (the same injury as Vlad) in the NFL, they’re out for the year.” So, assuming Vlad doesn’t need to block Jose Guillen from trying to tackle Scioscia, will Vlad be in the clear come Monday? Not likely. The injury that was only supposed to effect him when he throws has already sidelined him for 6 weeks from hitting. I’m assuming the Angels brass got together and decided half of a Vlad (or Vl) was a lot more intimidating hitting in the middle of the lineup than sitting on the sidelines doing Sudoku. This does not mean you need to have him in your fantasy lineup. Remember last year from June on, Vlad only hit 20 homers, or about what Raul Ibanez has done already (Raul!). Then you throw in the risk of having a player who is a Latin 34 with deteriorating skills and knees and he’s a sell. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brian Anderson – Could have some slight value in AL-Only leagues. Though if you have a erection for longer than 4 hours after picking up Brian Anderson, you should seek advice from a doctor. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The walks weren’t really an issue when Francisco Liriano was striking out twenty-seven guys a game. He walked to the mound and you knew you were getting 10 Ks. Maybe nothing else. But you got ten Ks. Even if he faced only nine batters. The scorer would give him an extra one just because he was Francisco Liriano. His numbers since Frank Jobe surgery are disturbing. Disturbing like one of those Discovery Channel shows where they show plastic surgery gone wrong. Liriano’s throwing his slider less (his old strikeout pitch) and chucking up salamis, pitch after pitch. Could he be laying off the slider because of the surgery? My guess is yes. *pointing my index finger at you* That is my guess. He looked like he turned a corner when we hit May and K’d nine Tigers. Could it be the old Liriano, you pondered while nestled in your woobie. Alas, it was not. The old Liriano’s in a medical waste bin outside Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?