theprince
You know who I’d really love to punch in the face? Justin Upton. When did he become B.J. Upton. I’m sorry, I mean the artist formerly known as B.J. Upton. Justin has more strikeouts than Chris Davis, George Springer and Miguel Sano. Heck, the only hitter with more strikeouts is Trevor Story. At least Story has 8 home runs. Upton has only one! Even Melvin has more homers. Seriously, WTF! Eight points? J-Up. More like J-Down.

And how about Prince. Mr. Fielder has just 23 points! I know it’s early, but that puts him safely outside the top 100 hitters. Can you believe that those 23 points are four more than Joey Votto’s total. Seriously, I’d like to take Upton, Votto and Fielder, put them in a little red Corvette and drive it off a cliff. As bad as these three have been it’s Khris Davis that takes the cake. Through 13 games and 49 plate appearances this pile of dung has amassed negative four points. That’s correct, you read that right. He has less than zero points on the season. Pathetic does not even come close to describing this sh*t show.

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Everyone knows the Houston Astros can hit. The top three in their order is probably the best top three in all of baseball, featuring Jose Altuve, George Springer, and Carlos Correa. No one will be mistaking them for the Oakland A’s anytime soon; admittedly, Oakland and Houston are not the same place, so that would be a difficult thing to do. Regardless, Thursday’s matchup pits them against A.J. Griffin, in Arlington. Not to wet your appetite too much, but there is one thing that A.J. Griffin and Arlington have in common, and it rhymes with poem puns. Yes, dome buns… Oh what, that’s not right? Maybe you got it right… Ignoring my ignorance, feel free to play as many Astros as you want on Thursday; the away column on the board in Arlington will prove that it can show double digit runs.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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Where do you hide your stash? Over the years I have used such hiding places as my original Nintendo Entertainment System (where you put the cartridge in), inside one of my Bauer ice hockey gloves (masks any odors) and in the back pocket of the pants of my homemade Cobra Kai outfit. However, the most important part about hiding your stash isn’t necessarily where you actually hide it, but instead, actually remembering where you hid it. And the key to remembering is based on your “state of mind” when you hid it. I’m pretty sure I just blew through my allotment of commas. If you’ve never spent hours searching for a stash, or stumbled upon a stash weeks later, you’re a better man than I. As for Grey, he hides his stache in plain sight, right on his face. That’s how cool he is!

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Philly fans are often singled out for their rude, obnoxious behavior, but yesterday, as the Mets hit six home runs, the Philly fans were attempting to be on their best behavior.  Here’s a few of the more polite things heard, “Excuse me, sir, are you using the batteries in your portable radio?  I’d like to throw them at someone’s shoulder.  No, not their head.  That would be rude.”  Also heard, “I hate to waste a cheesesteak, but I’d like to vomit on an unsuspecting Mets fan.”  “Jimmy, no, vomit on a suspecting Mets fan.”  “Yeah, you’re right, Marge.”  Finally, “These Mets are fun to watch, I get to try out new curse words — screw you, nut sock!”  Then, with a pleased smile, “See, it’s like sack, but sock.  Catchy, no?”  Philly fans had all kinds of reasons to be annoyed yesterday as the Mets did damage.  Yoenis Cespedes hit his 4th homer (1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs).  Driving to the park in a limited edition car made of guano and Play-Doh must be his good luck charm!  Michael Conforto hit his 2nd homer (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) as he hit third until he was pinch hit for against a lefty later in the game.  I get that Conforto’s a lefty and it’s a matchup thing, but there’s gotta be some kind of unspoken rule.  The guy you bat third in your lineup is not a platoon player.  That’s Connie Mack to Earl Weaver to Coach Taylor rock solid coach stuff.  You don’t pinch hit your three hole hitter!  Then Neil Walker hit his 5th and 6th homers (2-for-5), with two homers in the past two days, and, honestly, truthfully, interruptingly, when you have six homers in 13 games, there weren’t a whole lot of games where you didn’t homer.   Finally, Lucas Duda hit his 2nd homer (1-for-5, 2 RBIs), and 2nd in as many days.  The Phillies starters really aren’t that bad.  Dot dot dot.  Compared to their relievers.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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As George Bush Jr. once said, “Fool me once, shame on you, you can’t fool me again because we won’t get fooled again,” then he was joined by Pete Townshend in a duet that made sense at the time, but now seems inconceivable.  GB was right on, and that’s how I initially felt about Matt Moore.  How many times could we be fooled by this guy?  What’s that?  Twelve?  I was asking that rhetorically, I didn’t want a number.  Why did you just say thirteen?  I don’t want a number!  Whether it is twelve, thirteen or one time fooled, it doesn’t *pinkie to mouth* Matt-er.  Yesterday, Moore went 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners with 10 Ks.  He now has a 10.3 K/9 and a 1.5 BB/9.  That walk rate, I mean muah.  That with a 8 K/9 would have me interested.  With a 10+ K/9?  Yes, please and thank you, to get politely excited.  On a related note, not sure how this happened, but I have an abundance of AL East pitchers in different leagues.  Great, terrific, adjective, except when they face New York, Boston and Toronto, which is basically every game.  FMFBBL!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Yesterday, Shawn Tolleson went zero innings and gave up five earned for the blown save.  Why is there blood dripping down the back of my leg?  OH GOD, TOLLESON, WHAT HAVE YAO REEKED?!  Yao is totally a medieval word for you, by the way.  Yao Ming was medieval for “You mean?”  Rather popular question in the olden days.  Any hoo!  Jesus, Tolleson, I wish I owned Jesus Tolleson, the Dominican League 2nd baseman from the Punta Cana Putas, instead of you.  That was egregious, my man.  At least buy me dinner before touching up my nethers with an iron maiden.   Someone tase me so I forget about it.  I immediately grabbed Sam Dyson and Keone Kela, wherever I could.  It’s not completely clear who would be next, but Dyson has been used as the 8th inning setup man recently, so he’d be my first choice.  If Tolleson looks wonky in one more game, he might no longer be the closer.  Or as Elvis Costello would say, “Tolleson, I know the M’s are killing you, but my aim for SAGNOF is true.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Hey guys!  Today, I’ll be looking at outfielders that I think are currently overvalued and undervalued in dynasty leagues.  I’ll be referencing their overall rank and rank among outfielders based on the expert consensus at Fantasy Pros.  I’ve selected some guys that are currently going at the top of the draft, a few rounds after the top and then in the middle.  Let’s get right to it!

Andrew McCutchen (#6 overall, #3 OF) – This isn’t at all to say I don’t like McCutchen.  He’s an amazing player who has a long track record of staying healthy.  My problem is that if I was starting a 12-15 man dynasty league today, there’s no chance that I’m taking McCutchen in the first round, let alone at 6th overall.  This is because of the steep dropoff he’s had in the stolen base department.  After years of getting 20+ steals, he had 18 in 2014 and 11 in 2015. From 2010 to 2015, here are his attempted steal totals: 43 (33 SB + 10 CS), 33 (23+10), 32 (20+12), 37, (27+10), 21 (18+3), 16 (11+5).  He’s going to be 29 this year so it makes logical sense for his steals to start declining.  His counting stats are going to be strong, his average will be around .300 and Cutch should hit 20-25 bombs, but if he only gets 10-15 steals, that’s not a first rounder in normal leagues.  In dynasties, that pushes him even further down the totem pole because McCutchen’s decline is approaching us.

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What goes through J-FOH’s head when he does these ranks? I’m glad you asked. Wait… you didn’t ask? Are you sure? No? Not at all? Sheesh, thanks guys… and four girls. I’m going to be my usually contrarian self and tell you anyway. I’m looking at players from their floor to their ceilings over the next 3-5 years (and beyond). I’m looking at games played over the previous few seasons, projecting risk going forward, and predicting how they will age based on their skill set. A player whose value is heavily dependent upon speed will usually lose that speed going into the 30’s and players with power will usually keep that a little bit longer. There are always guys who defy the odds like David “I never juiced” Ortiz or Adrian Beltre. They are a special breed that should never be slept on ’til the day they retire. There is science, stats, and anecdotal B.S., and then there are “those guys”. Joey Bats and those sweet bat throws would fall into that class for me. Excuse me while I preach for a second. I love bat flips. I think they should be mandatory for any home run after the 7th, 6th for the Yankees. This is a kids game that is suppose to be fun and guys like Mad Bum need to either throw the punch or shut the front door. Any a-hole can stand there shouting with a team behind him. At least Robin Ventura had the cojones to try and fight. (I want that shirt!) Now that we have my major side track out of the way, let’s move down to some words about the list before we get to the list. Note to self, take an english class at the local adult education center next year.

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One word about this top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words.  I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2016– Ah, I almost got you.  This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other.  Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from.  400 or so, to be inexact.  Next up, there will be a top 500.  Then after that there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April.  Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel.  Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2016 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.”  Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters.  Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball:

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All of the infield has been done for the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  Where it says 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, that’s a link, and that link goes to the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings where there are more links to all of the positions that have been ranked for 2016 fantasy.  Seamless linking!  The top 20 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball is going to go into the top 40, top 60, top 80 and finally top 100.  I love a lot of outfielders this year, and will go over this more at a later time, but I could see myself leaving the top 100 overall with three outfielders while wanting, like, twenty-five of them.  Shoot (not you, Dick Cheney!), I desperately want five of the top ten outfielders and I’m not even counting the top four that are a given.  McCutchen is the only outfielder in the top ten I’m kinda whatevs on.  The last time I was this excited for an outfielder Ryan Klesko was delicately connecting his sideburns to his mustache.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?