Or will he?  Dun, dun, DUNNNNNN…ok, I don’t think he will.  What, you thought I’d drop a hot beat and a fresh rhyme on you a la Grey?  Psssh, I ain’t about that life, son.  I’ll belt out some Cornell for you live and in person, but you won’t catch me getting lyrical up in this wordpress.  Ok, ok, supply and demand so here’s a hot track.  I’m not sure what the equivalent of being rick rolled is in this day and age, but consider yourself as such.  You got served!  But now that I’ve served you in a way you didn’t like, let me serve you in a way you should: JC Ramirez at $14,400 is middling in terms of price on this slate and ripe for K opportunity facing the surging Rays.  Surging, I say?  Yes, I do.  Sadly, the Rays are a weird bunch so far this year.  Though their K% against righties leads the league, they’re 2nd in the league in wRC+ against them as well.  If you want some further schism, Rays are also 1st in K% on the year but 4th in wRC+.  All this to say that Ramirez isn’t a slam dunk, but I think the Ks will give him a nice baseline.  I’ll tentatively give him the green light as an SP2 in cash, but will definitely be in on him as either a 1 or 2 for tourneys on today.

Speaking on Chris Cornell a bit more, if you’ll permit me…we’ve had some great sounds come out of Seattle and it’s a sad trend that lots of those lungs lend themselves towards ending early.  Cornell was a voice you heard above the fray, whether you wanted to or not.  He had a long and amazing career.  People who thought he sold out with Euphoria Morning and beyond have no clue what it means to be an artist who wants to challenge themselves.  The man could sing anything he wanted…and he wanted to be a lot of different artists.  You metalheads who needed the hard edge couldn’t appreciate that his love of Beatles and Otis Redding brought you Superunknown.  In kind, you all who couldn’t appreciate his time with Soundgarden who thought it was just screeching noise, don’t actually understand that soul comes in many forms.  I’m gonna drop one of those in between tunes that seemingly few heard here called Sweet Euphoria and going on with my picks for this slate…right after I drop the Razzball Listener’s League that goes down with tomorrow’s slate.  Reserve your spot now, win money tomorrow.  It’s almost like investing!

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jose Bautista is such a douche canoe.  He bat-flipped after a home run that cut the Braves lead to 8-4.  That’s like “Pimp my Ride” with a Hyundai.  That’s like moonwalking at a bar mitzvah with toilet paper on your shoe.  That’s like screaming at your recently ex-girlfriend, “I’ll never be alone, because I will always have my mom!”  He’s hitting .208, and hasn’t looked right since Odor ended him like Drago ended Apollo.  Any hoo!  This has nothing to do with Bautista.  Well, kinda.  Freddie Freeman was hit on the wrist, and then all hell broke out for the better part of the Jays/Braves games.   Freeman looked like he was in serious pain and he’s headed for an MRI and CT scan today.  I don’t own him, but I will join your prayer hexagon if you need me.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, on the holiest of Hallmark-created holidays and celebrated most of all by Bill Hall, mothers from all different backgrounds came together to put up their feet, sip mimosas and talk about how “The Handmaid’s Tale” could totally happen now with Trump.  I’d contend that Hallmark should get a little credit for women’s rights.  Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Secretary’s Day, “Buy a card just because you love her” Day… Before this, it was, “Do you wanna make this pelt I skinned into a rug or a sweater for little Kevin?  What?  You’re tired from churning butter?  Okay, you can have the afternoon after you make beef and kidney pie.”  In honor of Mother’s Day, one of the great lovers of women (who are handcuffed to his bedpost), Aroldis Chapman was diagnosed with rotator cuff inflammation, and will be sidelined for a month.  If Dellin Betances is available in your league, can I get into your league?  If there’s an entry fee, all the better.  You pay it, and we’ll split the cash prizes.  I even grabbed Tyler Clippard in one league just in case Betances gets all Cuddle Boy on us.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

George Springer ($3,600) has always had power. He can do things with a baseball that few can do. He’s hit balls over 115 mph, hits balls over 460 feet and averages 31 homers per 162. He’s pretty good. The best ball he’s probably ever hit, however, is probably one just a few people have seen. He was 18, and it was on a June day in 2008 for his summer travel team at Baseball Heaven in Yaphank, NY. The pitcher (and I won’t name names, to protect the innocent) threw him a pitch and he hit a tank to dead center, over the trees and onto the entrance way of the facility. According to Google Earth the bomb Springer hit, and the picture is below, was ~526 feet. A scout who was in attendance said, “I’ve scouted many thousands of baseball games in the past many years and I’ve never seen a home run hit harder or farther.” Springer gets to face Jordan Montgomery, who is a fly ball pitcher (40.5% GB rate) who doesn’t miss that many bats (7.68 projected K/9) and walks guys (projected 3.77 BB/9). Oh yeah, Springer is also likely to bat leadoff.

On to the picks as soon as that Springer bomb lands…

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings my fellow dweebs.  I know, I know, my Staind fanatics…it’s been a while.  You think that reference is old?  I’m writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst simultaneously dropping a 2001 Zoolander on you.   The kicker to all of this?  You got all three references, which means we’re both a little closer to pushing daisies than either of us thought, though not that any of it matters as we’re all hurtling towards the end of days with an ever dying sun at the middle of our solar system.  Eat at Arby’s…Now that I’ve done my job of setting a jolly mood, let’s talk about Ariel!  Or better yet, let’s talk about the Phillies.  I’m not gonna lie and say this is a bottom five team like we’ve seen in recent history but really, they’re not spectacular either and their bats can be exploited.  The Phils tread water against lefties on the year, sitting middle of the pack in some key DFS categories such as 99 wRC+ and a 22.1% K percentage.  Miranda has been pitching a bit over his FIP for the year, but I don’t think these Phillies bats are gonna be the ones to set him straight and with a near 8 K per 9 and miniscule 2.18 BB/9, he’s doing plenty to help his cause as it is.  Is this a cash nod?  Nah, man, but as an SP2 in tourneys, I’m definitely willing to go with this banded, bulbous snarfblat.  Speaking of tourneys…we got ourselves some featured fun via FantasyDraft with a exclusive Razzball Listener’s league contest.  Why listener’s league?  Because you’ll have heard about it earlier today first on the Razzball Podcast.  So if you want in on the Razz family fun, hop on in.  But with that out of the way, let’s move on.  Here’s my hottah unduh dee watah taeks for this Tuesday DFS slate…

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?




I apologize in advance for the rushed post this week, but due to natural circumstances, I’ve got about ten minutes to put this puppy together. That’s not including the hour or so it takes to calculate all the numbers I need to figure everything out. In week 4 Ryan Zimmerman scored a total of 51 points. Ryan Zimmerman? That’s right. Zimmerman hasn’t been fantasy relevant since 2013, but his best year was back in 2009. I wrote about him yesterday, and today I’m going to plagiarize myself.

“Among players with at least 40 plate appearances, Ryan Zimmerman has the best points per plate appearances (1.18). This number will vary from league to league based on its scoring system, but regardless, he’s up there. If I said I saw this coming I’d be lying. And even though I’m comfortable with lying, I still can’t say I saw this coming. If it were me I’d sell high. He’s bound to find his way onto the gloriously overused 10-day DL. But as Grey would say, I wouldn’t sell him for a used Squatty Potty and a pack of wet wipes, but I’d certainly explore my options.” -malamoney

Ten people picked Zimmerman, including the winner. After Zimmerman, Trea Turner posted 48 points. And then Daniel Murphy and Hernan Perez each scored 39. Seven people, including the winner, picked Turner. Twenty-one people, once again including the winner, picked Murphy. That means that the winner picked the top three players for the week. That’s a perfect score. There isn’t, but there should probably be a bonus for doing so. I guess winning will have to suffice. No one picked Perez.

The unanimous winner of week four was Denhusk with 138 points. Congratulations on an awesome week and welcome to the playoffs. Out of curiosity, did you happen to get your hands on a legit copy of Grays Sports Almanac?

Here are the top five finishers from Week 4:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m picturing Clint Eastwood in Escape from Alcatraz, coiffing his hair (gorgeous hair) chipping away with his pickaxe.  I’m seeing Andy Dufresne also beautiful hair and a pickaxe.  Now that I think about it, you don’t need jail cells, just take away all prisoners’ blow dryers.  Any hoo!  Why am I seeing these great prison movies?  Because they are about breakouts.  Breakouts come in different shapes and sizes.  Some would say Cameron Diaz’s complexion is a breakout.  For a baseball breakout:  James Paxton.  Yesterday, Paxton went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.39.  His K/9 and BB/9 are now 10.7 and 1.8, respectively.  That’s about as ace-like as you’re gonna find.  Okay, now for one small step back from the ledge of crazy excited.  In his last start, he did give up five earned in four innings and I don’t think he’s going to avoid all wonkiness, but there’s no one throwing as well as him right now.  Okay, maybe Kershaw and Ervin Santana.  Someone get these guys blow dryers.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What if we’re all living inside a Boston masshole’s dream?  This is Inception, and we all fell asleep sometime after Tom Brady was drafted, but before the Patriots won their first Super Bowl.  Then, due to some plantains you ate before you went to sleep, the Red Sox grabbed David Ortiz from Minnesota for nothing, and you got a kidney stone and were peeing blood but it all came out on Curt Schilling’s sock, and the Red Sox won the World Series, and then, because you fell asleep to The Apprentice, Trump became president, and now Andrew Benintendi goes 5-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .347.  This has to be possible, doesn’t it?  What if our world is like Herman’s Head, but we’re inside Prospector Ralph’s head?  Is Somalia in a famine because Prospector Ralph is too worried about Rick Porcello and forgot to eat?  Eat, Ralph!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Such a weird week of Jodie Foster references at Razzball, and we’re only to Wednesday.  What will be tomorrow?  Joe Panik Room?  Okay, raise your hand if you saw Starling Marte being suspended for Nandrolone.  The one person raising his or her hand is the person supplying Marte with Nandrolone.  Take ’em away, boys!  I just made my 2nd imaginary arrest.  My first was when I imagined arresting Ben Carson for driving with his eyes closed.  This is like Pollock 2016 all over again, except instead of breaking his elbow; Marte broke our trust.  As punishment, Starling Marte should get an 80-game suspension or a “We were all rooting for you” Tyra GIF tattooed on his back.  I think Gregory Popolanco turned him in, with help from Freese.  Adam Frazier will get a regular job in the outfield since the Pirates said Austin Meadows isn’t ready yet.  Bee oh oh.  Boo.  I grabbed Meadows in all mixed leagues for the sheer excitement, but within about an hour I realized Meadows is unlikely coming up until at least June and dropped him.  As for Marte, you can likely lose him in most redraft leagues, and, for some of us, we’re having a “Don’t have Marte” party!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Who won week one? Before I answer that question let’s talk about the top batters from the week. Paul Goldschmidt and J.T. Realmuto led the way with 32 points. Goldschmidt is an Unpickable. Despite this fact, he was picked by one competitor, turning 32 points into zero. Realmuto was not picked by anyone. The next top hitter was Brandon Belt, who totaled 31 points. Belt was selected by four people. One of these people was the winner. In addition to Belt, the winner also chose Ian Kinsler and Justin Turner. The winner from week one, with a total of 70 points, was Chris Montgomery. Congratulations Chris on earning a bid into the playoffs in just the first week.

Here are the top five finishers from Week 1…

Please, blog, may I have some more?