I swear that box score turning blue to alert people there’s something historic going on is the mother of all jinxes. Not to mention, all the people talking about the perfect game. Member when that was a jinx? Since we’re currently living in the Age of Opinion (which is not the Scorsese movie, though if it gets the green-light, Gary Oldman could play the lead), everyone talks about the perfect game while it’s going on. Whether it’s Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Twitbook, PinkedIn. In my day, we never mentioned a perfect game on Friendster! And on my General Gist band page on Myspace? Nary a whisper! Well, Jake Arrieta still pitched outstanding yesterday — 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.05 — even if the bid for a perfect game came up short. Like Altuve short. Like Kershaw looks at Arrieta’s perfect game bid and giggles. Still, this is about where Arrieta’s been and where he can go. What I said the other day still remains true — his swings and misses are going up, his control is getting better and he’s using his cutter more — a pitch he can dominant with. I’d still look at him in every league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I never got into boxing. I think the last time it was huge was during the Rocky heydays and maybe during Mike Tyson’s reign of terror on the industry before he was a mere caricature in that one funny movie. Though I do appreciate he brought me Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. Now THAT’S a classic. Loved beating King Hippo. Screw Mr. Sandman, though. Don’t think I ever beat him with my pre-teen thumbs. But what were we talking about? Oh yeah, boxing…wait, why we talking about boxing? I never really got into boxing. *looks back at Wei-Yin Chen page*. Ohhhhh, I get it. ‘Weigh In’ = ‘Wei-Yin’. Seriously, who writes this crap? Oh right…neverthewho! Chen has a nice match up on a day where there are slim-pickins for cheap arms. So why Chen you ask? Valid question and here’s my valid answer: it’s all about the K’s, baby! Sorry, don’t know where my Dick Vitale impersonation came from but it’s true: The Chi-Sox are at the bottom of the league for team K% and it’s no different against LHP as they hold a 23.5% K-rate and a middling .301 wOBA against them. Trust me when I say, the DraftKings choices for cheap arms is a little thin. You could almost say…featherweight? Yeah, I’m done trying to tie back into Boxing. Let’s get this thing going. Here are the other picks for DK contests for today…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I know, I know.  Terrible title pun and Vance Worley isn’t exactly the most exciting Pitcher Profile.  CALL UP ANDREW HEANEY ALREADY!  Just needed to get that out of my system…

I thought about a Danny Duffy.  Maybe Daisuke Matsuzaka. Mostly because that would be an inning-long Pitcher Profile and I could play more Call of Duty.  He shoulda laid off the Steak “n Shake!  Over/under on amount of times you see that joke today…

But back to Worley.  I think it’s easily forgotten just how good a run he had for the 2011 Phillies.  3.01 ERA?  119 Ks in 131.2 IP?  11 Wins?  Really surprising looking back on those… Then he was terrible in his follow-up with the Phils, followed by getting absolutely crushed in 10 starts for the Twins last year.  Starting 2014 in AAA, Worley was meh in 7 starts with a 4.30 ERA, but an encouraging 43 Ks in 46 innings.  Which nobody would ever care about, except he had as good a debut anyone could’ve expected yesterday at Miami.  And actually – and I didn’t even think to look until the broadcast showed his Minors numbers – 43:4 K:BB in AAA.  Wowzer!  So I decided to take a look at the spectacled SP and if there’s anything there for you to care about in your fantasy leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I feel I need to have a moment of honesty with you all. It’s been a tough go of late. Don’t worry, I don’t need to be institutionalized (note the sweet Pirates hat in the video). I think I need to retire the Hit of the Week. I messed with the Razzball gods, and have been burned by the flames that surround that animated baseball. I’m a creepy guy who should stick to writing about Creeper’s. That is what the universe wants and that’s what it gets. Don’t get me wrong, unfortunate managerial decisions have killed some of my calls. Cameron Maybin got benched for three games that week in favor of Quentin! *shakes fist* Kole Calhoun was sucked into the abyss of the Sciosciapath’s path. I really wanted to suggest C.J. Cron this week, but I fear the folly of Big Mike and his managerial circus. Maybe Jack Clark and Chili Davis should of hit him harder? Last week Mitch Moreland did a lite version of the Full Loney, a Cuarenta Uno? I would of been happy with a Forty Twenty all week from him. Thanks for the new term OTS! What am I to do? My “others to consider” have actually done better than my main calls. Mark Reynolds, Chris Carter and Kolten Wong all out hit Mitch Moreland this week, and the week before, Garrett Jones and Adam Dunn both killed it, while Kole Calhoun sucked it. So you can take this one of two ways. Either only pay attention to the others under consideration because they will be useful, while the focus player won’t, or there is no other choice. I’m kidding, this isn’t a perfect science. In one of my leagues, the FCL, the quality batty calls are amazing. Those dudes are on fire with their adds *tips cap*. Speaking of the FCL, I would like to send a shout out to my new favorite commenter de Nachos. Dude looks like Brett Favre, owns a fungo bat, bought a championship belt for our league, and got a concussion the other day. I lit a prayer candle for you homeboy…..Life’s a risk, carnal!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Since returning from the disabled list, Chris Sale ($11,600) has pitched nine scoreless innings with 14 strikeouts and only one walk. He tops the Stream-o-Nator this morning at a $29 value and faces a Padres lineup that is dead last in team batting average and also in the top ten for team strikeout percentage (21.9%). He’s the most expensive option at DraftKings today, but he still comes in at under $12K so it doesn’t completely handcuff your hitters. I’m building around him and counting on 25 points from the 25-year-old southpaw.

If you are new to DraftKings, use our promo link to get started. New players that click on that link will get a free contest ticket with a first time deposit (only new users eligible). The winner of the contest gets entry into our $500k Showcase with a $100k top prize. Also, if you haven’t tried the DFSBot via Rudy, check it out: it compares projected values to actual DFS prices for the day. Here are some of today’s other picks for DraftKings contests on 6/1/2014…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It was May of 2001, Beyoncé was the lead singer of Destiny’s Child, people still listened to Limp Bizkit, I was huddled in some college dorm room taking gravity bong hits, and Barry Bonds was hitting steroid fueled dongs at an alarming rate. Bonds hit 17 that month, numbers we were never supposed to see again in the post-steroid era. Then Edwin Encarnacion woke up from his early season slumber and started rounding the bases at Bondsian rates, imaginary parrot in tow. Unfortunately I didn’t draft E5 on a single team and after watching his recent tear this pains me deeply. It’s not that I didn’t like Encarnacion, I just preferred his teammate Jose Bautista in the second round of my drafts. This my friends is what makes DraftKings such a beautiful thing. Every night I can make up for the mistakes of March and own players like Encarnacion or Nelson Cruz, but wait it gets even better! If you haven’t played daily fantasy on DraftKings before you can play for free by joining.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One of the main reasons I enjoy writing for Razzball is that I haven’t encountered another fantasy baseball site where the commenters are this active and generally friendly with each other. Another great thing is that even the comments are worth reading because there tends to be some nice insight. Example A is Principal Blackman, likely a pseudonym for Charlie Blackmon, who said this last week, “How about a little love for Shin-Soo Choo’s .432 OBP & .929 OPS? Both would be career highs (the Arlington effect?), but they are not wildly (unbelievably) out of line with his career averages (.391/.858), and they are right in line with the advances he made last year… ZiPS and Steamer both foresee some regression on the way for him, and indeed a .392 average on balls in play would blow his career BABIP (.352) out of the water. And at the same time, his K% has dipped below the league average, but, on the other hand, he has maintained the improvements he made last year to his already stellar walk rate, and since the beginning of the 2013 season he only has one infield popup (none this year).” Since then, Choo has slumped a bit and had his OPS dip below .900. I expect to see him around that level all year, while maintaining his ~.420 OBP. Anyway, here are some other players on my mind in OBP leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s that time of year again when your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru digs out his star-spangled turban, the seersucker suit, and attempts to pull the ol’ “hotdog” trick on the unsuspecting ladies at the annual Razzball cookout. Johnny Manziel’s got nothin’ on me! Welcome once again to the Razzball Lounge where your favorite fake baseball scribes gather to crunch the numbers, drink the grog, and avoid the Tehol – hey, the kid gets all handsy after a few! We raise our glasses this Memorial Day weekend to all those that served and we pour out a little to all those boys of summer that never made it home. Let’s lower the Razzball flag to half-mast in horror honor of the latest fantasy casualties: Prince Fielder broke his cervix (who knew?), Ryan Braun strained his oblique (‘roids help with healin’, cust kayin’), Nolan Arenado broke a finger sliding (here’s a finger for you Nolan) and Mike Moustakas burned the roof of his mouth on the Hot Pocket Mama Mous made for him. Fielder looks done for the year, Braun was done the minute his medicine cabinet contained nothing but baby aspirin and Ben-Gay, Arenado is down a digit and good ol’ Moosetacos will be spending the summer in Omaha – oh, no, he just fell into the thresher. RIP Moosetacos. Yes, we’re grieving our fake baseball teams in the lounge this long weekend. At the bar we find Sky crying in his Islay, “I’m an organ donor and Arenado can have one of my fingers.”  Sky, NO!!!! *raises machete, cuts off pinky* Over at the jukebox is our resident jukebox hero Jay(Wrong) playing “Candle in the Wind” for the 23rd time.  “This one’s for you my sweet Prince.”  *bottle smashes above head* Sauntering out of the ladies room, zipping up his fly, arm around his latest conquest, is international man of mystery Tehol Beddict, “Why the long faces, gang? I’ve been in last place since April.”  *gets punched in the face by J-Foh, breaks nose* Here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-dejected Guru. *closes eye, takes aim, fires cue ball through window*  “All is lost, I’m going to start playing fantasy cricket.”  And, with the Razzball crew at an all-time low, who should suddenly grace us all with his presence? The one and only Grey Albright, looking all Gatsby as he exits his convertible amidst a plume of sweet smelling vapor, a coug on each arm, mustache glistening in the summer sun. “Gentleman, don’t lose faith, it’s a long season, and even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Yahoo because they’ve got all the money! It just doesn’t matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! Now, Guru, fire up your jammer crammer machine and someone get me a goddamn umbrella drink!”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nolan Arenado left last night’s game with a left mallet finger fracture. Despite how it sounds, he suffered the injury sliding head first into second base, and not from a giant sledge hammer. That’s a broken middle finger for the laymans. The team is saying Arenado could be sidelined for 4-6 weeks, but likely more if he opts for surgery. Oh Nolan, you could really use that middle finger right about now. Arenado has been every bit the dream Coors third baseman we all thought he could be this year, triple slashing a mean .305/.333/.489, with six home runs and 28 RBI. This is just bad news. The good news? Razzball favorite and general disappointment to fantasy owners, Josh Rutledge will be called up to replace Arenado on the roster. I like to think anyone playing in Colorado is worth a look and JR is no exception, especially if you’re hurting at the hot corner. Rutledge did well in limited time with the Rockies in April, batting .318 with a home run in 22 ABs. He played 88 games in 2013, but struggled to hit for average despite flashing some speed and power, and was eventually sent down. In 12 team leagues, I might hold off on grabbing Rutledge until he shows us something, but I’ll be watching him as intensely as the last three episodes of Breaking Bad. Here’s hoping he can fill the Nolan Arenado-sized hole in our hearts until that finger fully heals.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s about that time, prematurely balding men and four girl readers. Gregory Polanco is nearing his call-up date. He is basically a young version of Starling Marte. As of this writing, he’s 22 years old. I’m hoping he’s still 22 years old when I’m done writing this post otherwise I spent way too much time on it. He can be a superstar, which has me excited. He won’t be a superstar this year, which takes the wind out of my sails for redraft leagues. Usually when I’m talking about wind in my sails, I’m wearing only my boxers and just ate a can of beans, so maybe it’s best if we ignore how much wind is in my sails. Polanco can hit 12 homers and steal 40 bags without killing you in average. Yes, I know, you love him too now. It’s okay, just because your father never loved you doesn’t mean you can’t love another man. In Single-A, Polanco had 16 homers and 40 steals. In Single-A, Marte had 3 homers and 24 steals. Granted, Polanco had 200 extra at-bats in his Single-A year. Granted, Part II: Granted Lives; Polanco was two years younger in his Single-A year. Marte doesn’t have anywhere near the plate discipline of Polanco, so, if anything, Marte will become a poor man’s Polanco. Polanco has the kind of pedigree right now that could mean he’s a top three rounder and one day supplanting The Dread Pirate as the best outfielder in Pittsburgh. I.e., The Sexy Dish That Ate Pittsburgh. Yes, I’m really excited for him. This past year between the two levels, he hit 12 homers and 37 steals while hitting .286. Christian Yelich went from Double-A to the majors and hit fine. Lots of players do. The Pirates weren’t that aggressive. If they were, then Polanco would’ve shot up my preseason rankings and I would’ve told everyone to draft him in every single league. Instead, Polanco went to Triple-A and continued to bash like your 12-year-old self idealizing Jose Canseco. As with rookies, you need to keep expectations in check. To misquote the immortal words of John Popper, “Nobody should think or expect too much while everyone is calling for the movie rights. Singing, ‘Hey, babe, let’s keep in touch. Hey, baby, let’s keep in touch.” He will be up in early June and now is the time to stash him. For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 32/8/36/.250/15 in 300 ABs. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?