Fantasy Baseball Advice

Ryan Garko was traded to the Aints for Scott Barnes, no relation to Priscilla.  Not sure why the Indians traded a cheap guy with 11 homers and a .285/.362/.464 line.  Maybe the Giants offered some trinkets to the Indians.  Besides his season line, Garko has been hot recently (.429 in his last seven games with two homers).  Pac Bell/AT&T/The Fridge That Sandoval Raids is not a hitter’s haven, but Garko should hit in the heart of the order and see every day playing time.  Definitely worth pursuing in NL-Only leagues and 12 team leagues, if you’re hurting at corner. The other name worth mentioning is Andy Marte, who was called up by the Indians yesterday.  In Triple-A this year, Marte has a .329/.366/.590 line with 17 homers in just under 300 ABs.  Not too long ago, Marte was a blue chip prospect in the minors.  But Marte’s middle name may as well be Prospect-Shmespect.  As in, show it in the majors, Prospect-Shmespect.  Marte may get that chance again, but outside of very deep mixed leagues (15+ teams) and AL-Only leagues, you need to take a wait and see approach.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Hamilton – Dropped to 7th in the order. We may need to start calling him Josh 20081stHalfilton.  Where’s Brokeback Hamilton?

Daric Barton – Headed to the DL.  I’ve already talked too much about this schmohawk.

Bronson Arroyo – The Yankees denied interest in Arroyo.  Nice neg.

Jonny Gomes – 2 HRs yesterday vs. two righties. Will be harder for Dusty to bungle The Gomes Situation™ with Dickerson on the DL.  Gomes should get the majority of starts… Oh, who am I kidding, Dusty will still find a way.

Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 1 ER.  He could’ve pitched a shutout and I’d be saying the same thing here.  Don’t go near him.  His minor league stats are yawnstipating.  He will leave you crying in the corner of your cubicle.

Billy Butler – 5-for-5, Voice from the future, “Next year Grey will be excited about him in the preseason.”

James Shields – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  He’s gonna need a freakin’ shield if I ever run into him on the street.  Can’t start him away, can’t start him at home… How does he have a 3.87 ERA on the year?  When did he ever pitch good?  I don’t remember that.  Yesterday, I said to Rudy over IM, “Shields is getting rocked again. What else is knew (sic)?”  Rudy, “He usually waits until the 6th or 7th inning.”

Pat Burrell – HR yesterday.  Hasn’t gotten hot like I would’ve thought, but there’s still time.

Nick Swisher – 2 HRs.  He dedicated both homers to his fallen comrades (his sideburns).

Robinson Cano – I never watch the Yankees because everyone knows about them and ESPN does a fine job of covering every one of their moves/non-moves/possible moves, but I watched them yesterday (cause of freakin’ Shields).  Anyway, Cano tried to steal 2nd.  He was out by five steps.  I have a new contest for next year’s All-Star game festivities, Guys Who Look Fast But Are Remarkably Slow Race Against Guys Who Look Slow But Are Fast.  First heat, Cano vs. Pablo Sandoval.  Like you wouldn’t watch this.

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 2 ER.  Of course he got no run support.  Unlucky like a Wolf.

Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 Ks and his 12th win.  My AL Cy Young prediction doesn’t look too bad so far.  Will depend on how much imagination capturing Greinke’s still doing.

Adam LaRoche – 2-for-4, with two half-homers.  Has now started three days in a row.  Meanwhile, Lowell trimmed his goatee.

Everth Cabrera – HR yesterday, while Kyle Blanks stole a base.  That was nice of Homer Bailey to let Everth hit from second and give Blanks a 59 foot lead off first.

Homer Bailey – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  He’s trying to sucker you in.  Don’t fall for it.

Ryan Zimmerman – HR yesterday.  Might be finally getting hot again.  Took about 2 months.  Maybe it was my snide comparison of him to Kouzmanoff yesterday (who also homered).

Josh Willingham – Two grand slams yesterday and 4 homers in the last 7 games. When they’re hot, and this even goes for Nationals players, they’re worth owning everywhere.  BTW, with 8 RBIs yesterday, guess how many RBIs Willingham has on the season?  39.  He recorded a fourth of his RBI total in one game… In almost August.  That’s incredible, and not the good kind of incredible.

Garrett Atkins – Started at first, and since Helton usually bats third, Atkins batted third.  Jim Tracy must be a disciple of Leyland.

Corey Hart – He gets sizzling.  Why do I tell you this?  Because he has two homers in the past two games.

Jeff Francoeur – 3 homers and batting .429 in the last seven games.  I fully expect him to fall on his face again, but maybe Frenchy’s not toast.

Alfonso Soriano – Grand slam yesterday.  He also gets scalding hot for extended periods of time.  Or see Hart, Corey, or two above.

Carlos Lee – And another guy who’s finally picking up the pace with 3 homers in his last 7 games.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  He deserved more offense.  He also deserves the award for Even His Owners Can’t Believe He Has a 2.65 ERA.

Kendry Morales – 2 HRs yesterday.  As someone in the comments pointed out the other day, April Grey had Kendry as a sleeper, July Grey had Kendry as a Sell.  April Grey says to July Grey, “You’re a moron.”

Brian Fuentes – 4 earned and no outs recorded.  Ow…  Wait, what?  Ouch…

Gordon Beckham – Now has two homers in the past two games.  C’mon, Ozzie, move him up in the order!

Garrett Jones – When I saw he had one RBI, I thought for sure he hit a homer and Yahoo just hadn’t scored it.  Alas…

Tim Lincecum – 9 IP, 0 ER, 15 Ks.  He would’ve had 18 Ks, but Adam LaRoche was in Boston.

Adam Lind – The Jays scored 11 runs, Lind went 0-for-4 — Ticker Tease!

Nolan Reimold – 2-for-3 as he stole his sixth base yesterday.  I get it, Michael Bourn is Fred Savage and he’s Judge Reimold.

So how was your weekend?  Mine included news that Jake Peavy could be out for as long as 12 weeks with a tear in his ankle.  Could’ve been worse, he could’ve hurt his ankle kicking me in the groin.  He was fitted for a cast the other day.  I’d like to sign his cast, “But your FIP’s a 3.00!”  Wasn’t it the flu stopping him from pitching last week?  What’s this, the influenzankle?  That’s some Nomar shizz right there.  As of right now, I’ve DL’d Peavy in all leagues where I own him, hoping for news that he’ll only be out the shortest possible time of 4 weeks or I’ll drop him if news comes out that he will miss the rest of the season.  Now begins the part of our program where I jump from matchup to matchup waiting for someone to stick.  Obviously it depends on the league, but, as of right now, I’m giving Dallas Braden a whirly-bird.  Braden gets the Dodgers and Padres this week.  If he’s good and his matchups are decent, I’ll hold him.  If not, I’ll move onto the schmohawk starter behind door number three.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Roy Halladay – His right groin is hurt.  He has two groins?!  The Blue Jays are hoping he can make his next start against the Nats.  I’m sure the Jays are not the only ones holding out hope.

Johan Santana – 3 IP, 9 ER.  Rumors are he prepped for this start with Livan Hernandez.

Mark Teixeira/Alex Rodriguez – Yanks scored 15 runs, these two went for 1-for-8 with one run scored.  Ticker Tease!

Brad Bergesen – Complete game, 2 ER.  Here’s one those guys I wouldn’t try and force onto my team just because Peavy was hurt.  Bergesen is just as likely to give up 5 in four innings next time out.

Derek Lowe – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Didn’t I just say he was about as reliable as they get?  Lowe obviously let my praise go to his head.  This start was so egregious, I’d think about sitting him next time out.

David Ross – Hit two homers yesterday.  Is it me or does it feel like David Ross has more two homer games than one home run games?

Yunel Escobar – Was pulled from the game after he botched a rundown.  After the game, Bobby Cox said, “Grrr.”

Ty Wigginton – 2 HRs yesterday.  Deep league spoiler alert!  Wigginton gets crazy hot at least once a year.  Maybe this is the start of one of those streaks.  He isn’t guaranteed playing time, so don’t try and jam him into your lineup in 12 team leagues just yet.

J.A. Happ – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Told you to loss him after his previous start.

Rocco Baldelli/Nick Green/Josh Beckett – All homered yesterday for the Sawx.  If you picked them in some kind of depraved, baseball home run challenge trifecta, you deserve the loot.

Corey Hart – 2 HRs yesterday.  Now 6 for his last 12 with two homers and one steal.  Helped that this was a day game, but he was still wearing his sunglasses.

Casey McGehee – HR yesterday.  Now 9 for his last 16 and occasionally batting leadoff for the Brewers.  He has no speed, but some light power.  Think 10 homers.

Miguel Olivo – 4 homers in his last 6 games.  He’s a liability on average, but while he’s hot it’s worth taking a flier for some pop.

Coco Crisp – Heads to the DL.  To take his place, the Royals called up Franken Berry.

Kosuke Fukudome – After batting .277 with one homer in May, he’s batting .135 in June with no homers and no steals.  On May 1st, I said to sell him.  Now, I’m saying why are you still holding him?

Jason Hammel – He was a one week flier to fill-in for Peavy last week.  He went 11 1/3 innings with 3 ER.  He gets the Pirates at home and the A’s in Oakland next so I’m going to press my luck.  Though I’m benching him for the Pirates game to avoid the whammy, then will start him against the A’s.

Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 2 ER and his 9th win.  Oh, and he got stronger as the season went on last year.  Zoinks!

Nelson Cruz – On June 5th, I said, “…he’s just about at .300, that’s when the patented Cruz Stall takes over and he ends up back at .265 by June 20th.”  He’s at .278 and batting .200 in June.  Cust kayin’.

Frank Francisco – To the DL.  Is it me or does it seem like Frank² goes to the 15-day DL every 16th day?  C.J. Wilson will take over closing duties.  Or I should say he’ll continue closer duties.  Francisco is dealing with shoulder tendinitis, which is obviously not a great thing for a closer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this is an ongoing issue for the rest of the season.  Obviously there’s safer closers out there than C.J. Wilson, but he could rack up some saves for the rest of the season.  SAGNOF!

James Shields – 6 1/3 4 ER.  Should’ve been a gimme today vs. the Nats.  Now sits at a 3.52 ERA on the year, so it’s not like he’s been terrible, but I was expecting more.

Dan Wheeler – Got the vulture Win yesterday, which is nice, but he’s not the guy the Rays are going to for saves.  At this point, I’d hold Howell for saves and no one else.  I’m currently holding Wheeler as an MR, but my leagues are hella deep.  He will be the first one to go if there’s a need to drop someone.

Scott Kazmir – Should be back soon.  If he was dropped by an impatient owner, I’d grab him just in case he gets his shizz together.

Jered Weaver – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks.  The Padres had five hits, surprisingly three by Adrian Gonzalez.  I say surprisingly because why is anyone even pitching to him?  Challenging themselves?

Juan Rivera – Coming off the heels of making Friday’s Buy/Sell, he hit 2 HRs yesterday.  I told you!  Then again, Kendry Morales hit two over the weekend and he was a sell. *sighs*

Sean Rodriguez – Kendrick got sent down and Rodriguez was recalled.  So what does Scioscia do?  He doesn’t start Rodriguez.  Brilliant!  I’d hold Rodriguez for a few more days to a week to see how or if he’s used.  Because if he’s used and starts hitting homers, you’ll want to be the one owning him.

Jose Lopez – With a 4 HR / 12 RBI June, he’s somehow on pace for 24 HR / 102 RBI, albeit with an Ugglay .247 average.

Ian Kinsler/Aaron Hill – Proof that if you’re going to take a 100 AB vacation, you’d best do it right after a hot start.  Last 102 AB for Kinsler:  .176/13/4/13/3.  Last 101 AB for Hill:  .248/6/3/11/0.

Garrett Atkins - Proof that if you’re going to take a 200 AB vacation, you’d best get used to sitting on the bench.  He hit 3 for 4 on Sunday for his ONLY start in the week.  Yikes.

Cliff Lee - A 3 H / 2 BB shutout against the Cards with a no-hitter bid broken up in the 8th inning by the youngest Flying Molina brother.  Only 4 wins this year but the biggest regression for him has been in his run support vs. his ERA (2.88 ERA).

Josh Johnson – Complete game win giving up 3 earned.  The box score doesn’t show it, but this start was a bit of a nail-biter.  More of a nail-biter than the Lakers clinching win.  Speaking of which, the Lakers didn’t even seem to care.  Pile on someone.  Dump a Gatorade jug over Phil Jackson’s yellow Malcolm X hat.  Fog up Stuart Scott’s coke bottle glasses.  Something!  What a bore.  Then again, I don’t like basketball at all.  How hard is it for any of these guys to dunk?  About the same as me throwing a piece of paper in the trash.  You know what I want to see?  A basketball league of five-seven and under guys.  Now that would be interesting.  Where’s the skill?  He made a layup… He better, he’s six-seven!  /tangent

With 2 HRs yesterday, Adam Lind now has 36/11/43/.313 on the year.  I know, Cody Ross has looked good for stretches.   Even Aaron Rowand has had a week or two here and there.  But why are people asking me if Adam Lind should be sold off or worse dropped?  You don’t want 85/27/100/.285?  I know he was as boring as dog balls for the month of May.  Well, he’s batting near-.500 in June.  He’s shoved into the middle of the Blue Jays lineup like a Jenga piece no one will touch.  Heart. Of. The. Lineup.  Dear Razzball reader, let’s look at his OBP, shall we?  He had a .380 OBP in 1500+ ABs in the minors and a .377 OBP so far this year.  In the minors, he had a .318 average, he has a .313 average this year.  He has power potential AND can hit for average.  (Caps for emphasis and the hyperopic.)  Fastballs?  He likes them.  Breaking balls?  Don’t bother him.  Sure, it took him until 25 to develop into a major leaguer, but so what?  What were you doing at 25?  I was trying to figure what I wanted to do at 26.  Lind’s biggest drawback, he can’t field.  Holy heffin’ hey in the screw hole, that doesn’t matter to us.  Lind’s good, don’t be scared.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Hamilton – Out 4-6 weeks with an abdominal tear.  His owners out 4-6 weeks with tears.

Jose Valverde – Fist pumps could be back as early as this weekend.  Trade Hawkins!  Joking.  Unless you can… No, that’s wrong.  But really what is right without someone doing wrong?  Nietzsche!

C.J. Wilson – I was remiss in leaving him off yesterday’s roundup.  Frank² could be headed to the DL again with shoulder soreness.  Wilson should be owned in all leagues.

Brandon McCarthy – Headed to the DL with a stress fracture of shoulder.  Votto feels for him, he has a stress fracture of his melon.

Chris Davis – 0-for-3, 3 Ks yesterday.  Has 87 Ks in 191 ABs.  Wow.  Listen to this from Matthew Berry, “I’m sticking with Davis.  Look, you didn’t draft him for his batting average anyway, and he is hitting for power with 12 home runs…. Keep in mind he was a career .302 hitter in the minors.”  Oh, okay.  Luckily, he only has two sides of his mouth.  If that is indeed his mouth he’s using.

Jason Marquis – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER.  Leads the NL in Wins.  Yup, makes sense.

Torii Hunter – Sidelined with a nagging groin.  I had one of those when I was 19.  I almost went blind because of it.  Sorry, I hate to work blue.  Pun intended.

Chris Iannetta – Due back on Tuesday.  If you’re nursing some schmohawk catcher and Iannetta’s on waivers, act like ya know, MC Lyte.

Clint Barmes – Similar to Hamilton, he’s on a tear.  Only the good kind.  He’s 13-for-31 with a homer and 7 RBIs in his last 7 games.

Garrett Atkins – He’s not even starting anymore.

Randy Johnson - Didn’t he just pitch?  Nice, Giants.  Throw your 45-year-old on short rest.  What, are they trying to get out of an innings clause or something?

Armando Galarraga – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners vs. the White Sox, a team that has a .247 average against righties.  I’m not sure if anyone’s holding out hope Galarraga’s going to be good again like last year, well, he’s not.

Jeremy Bonderman – 4 IP, 6 ER and now the White Sox are .250 against righties.

Miguel Cabrera – Returned and went 0-for-7 in the doubleheader.  Hey, at least he’s back.  I have Jose Reyes and Carlos Quentin playing spades on my DL.

Alexei Ramirez - 5-for-9 with one homer in the doubleheader and now batting .261.  BTW, Alfonso Soriano hit .284 in April, Alexei hit .214.  Soriano hit .216 in May, Alexei hit .281.  Who will have the conch shell in June?

Gordon Beckham – 0 for his first 13 ABs.  Beckham, you’re proving Ozzie right.

Jose Contretras – One hit over eight innings as he returned from the minors, though for him it should be called the seniors.  He could very well get shelled in his next start.

Chipper Jones – HR yesterday, three in two days.  So this is why people own him… Cool, now when do I trade him?  When he sneezes?  Hiccups?  Someone, throw me a bone.

Nick Stavinoha – Went 0-for-4 wearing Pujols’s jersey.

Andy Sonnanstine – 7 IP, 5 ER.  Jeff Niemann stole his juice.

Sean West – 8 IP, 0 ER. I know, woo-hoo.  I looked at his 60 walks in 100 2/3 innings in Double A, his 22 walks in 42 2/3 innings in Triple A and I vomited on my wall and it spelled out, “Don’t pickup.”

Johnny Damon – 12th homer yesterday.  What’s his over/under set at for homers?  24?  I’m taking the over.  By 2.  Who wants some action?

Randy Choate – Maddon brought Choate into the 8th inning of a 4-3 game yesterday.  A game the Rays were losing.

Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-7 with 2 triples, batting leadoff as the unknown soldyjer’s light burns in the two hole.  McCutchen’s batting .400; somebody reach behind the Häagen-Dazs and take Ted Williams’s brain out of the freezer, he’s gonna wanna see this!  I’d sell McCutchen right now if you don’t need speed.

Josh Outman – 6 IP, 3 ER and has an ERA of 3.17.  I swear to you, he’s not this good, but he gets the Giants next time out.  All aboard!

Andrew Bailey – 2 days, 2 saves.  He’s the closer, guys.  Stop owning Ziegler, people in your league are starting to wonder if you’ve abandoned your team.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – 2-for-4 yesterday with 4 RBIs.  A homer the day before.  I’m not saying he’s God’s gift to cornermen, but as teams pitch around A-Gonz, Kouz could pick up some scraps.

David Ortiz – His doctor prescribed eyedrops to hopefully help with his hitting.  Who’s his optometrist, Victor Conte?

Well you came and you gave without taking but I sent you away, oh Wandy….Wandy Rodriguez yesterday gave up four homers in five innings.  That was one way to correct an abnormal home run rate.  This is three starts now that he’s been rocked.  His owners got a bye on the first one because they were called unearned runs. His 2nd one was some kind of marvel with the Pirates getting eight singles in 4 and two-thirds.  Yesterday’s, well, that was an explosion.  If anyone out there had the impression Wandy was going to be an under 2 ERA pitcher, that was a mistake.  In April, I said, “(Wandy’s) not going to finish the year under a 3 ERA, so he will take some lumps at some point.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I mean, c’mon, it’s Wandy Rodriguez.  He’s great.  I love him.  He’s my imaginary friend’s godfather.  But, for Christmas sake, he’s 30 years old and his home run rate before last night was 1.4% (It should be near 11%).  I’m still on the Wandwagon, but he’s a 3.75 pitcher.  Remember, he’s also a 8 K/9 pitcher, which is still good.  Even last night he K’d 7 guys between gopher balls.  So, the wheels are wobbling on the Wandwagon, but they’re not off.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jose Reyes – Torn hamstring tendon.  The Mets are saying he can still come back next week.  The Mets are not lying at all.  Reyes will be back next week.  (<– Grey being unrealistically optimistic because he just traded Dunn for him in one league.)  If Tim Roth reads Razzball, he could’ve told you I just lied.  This is bad news.  All of his value is in his legs.  A torn hamstring tendon?  Honestly, I’m praying he’s back right after the All-Star Break.  That’s my most realistic prediction.

J.J. Putz – For those holding out hope, Putz is headed to the Disgraceful List.  Stop pulling your pud and release the Putz.

Andrew McCutchen – He batted leadoff and went 2-for-4, 3 Runs, 1 RBI, 1 steal and 1 incredibly difficult last name to spell.  We might need Razzball Nation to come up with a decent nickname for him.

Miguel Cabrera – Hamstring injury forced him out of the game.  Maybe he can get Miguel Olivo to rub it down with some hot oil. (<– It’s a hunch!)

Jeff Larish – Will see time if Miggy’s down for any amount of time.  I’m assuming Leyland will bat Larish cleanup, because he locked the lineup card on Opening Day.

Nelson Cruz – Hit his 16th homer yesterday.   But he’s just about at .300, that’s when the patented Cruz Stall takes over and he ends up back at .265 by June 20th.

Josh Hamilton – Looks like he’s headed for surgery, but will seek a 2nd opinion.  Yesterday, he said it hurts when he’s “…turning over in bed. Or coughing. Or sneezing.” There’s no turning over in bed, coughing or sneezing in baseball!

Ricky Nolasco – The guy that made you cry is coming back.  There’s talk he will take Anibal Sanchez’s spot in the rotation on Sunday as Sanchez hits the DL.

Garrett Atkins – 2 HRs yesterday and now with 5.  Now he’s one off the Subaru pace car that Teahen’s driving.

B.J. Upton – Hit a two-run homer.  I didn’t see it, but my money’s on the scorer giving one of Zobrist’s bombs to Upton.

J.P Howell – Faced two righties as he got the save yesterday.  Maddon may figure if it ain’t broke don’t fix it and go with Howell as the closer.  Howell has a 2.28 ERA on the year, so it’s not broke.

Scott Baker – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks.  See what happens when there’s no one on when you give up homers?

Jason Kubel – 2 HRs yesterday as he doubled his entire of month of May’s homer total.  He’ll get to 22 homers this year, but it would be slow and tedious like watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Shane Victorino – The Flying Hawaiian’s takeoff has been delayed for a day with a sore hip.  The Phils hope to have liftoff tomorrow.

Kyle Lohse – Headed to the DL.  Tough break for leagues that only use pitchers whose last names are Lohse.

Jason Bartlett – Supposed to come back next Wednesday.  If anyone dropped him when he went down, then stash him.

Alex Rios – 0-for-5 with 5 Ks.  Rios refuses to let people get too excited about him.  I don’t know, maybe it’s a fear of failure.

Adam Lind – 5-for-5, or the inverse of Rios.  This 5-for-5 game comes on the heels of a week when he raised his average from .283 to .313.  He’s a whole lot more interesting to me than Kubel, even if their numbers may end up being about the same come October.

Kevin Youkilis – Left the game with a tight right calf.  Yesterday it was an ankle injury.  He’s the Greek God of Limps.

Brett Anderson – 7 IP, 0 ER.  Sorry, Brett, I’m still not picking you up in any league.  Speaking of Bretts, there’s this guy where my girlfriend works named Brett who missed two days of work because he cut his gums on a tortilla chip and needed three stitches.  Not even joking.   I think my girlfriend works with Chipper Jones.

Chien-Ming Wang – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Picking up right where he left off…

Dontrelle Willis – Threw a no-hitter…and still gave up 5 runs.  According to Elias Sports Bureau, this was the worst no-hitter since 2003 when Sidney Ponson blanked the Phillies for one batter then gave up 8 runs.  Actually, they didn’t say that.  Though overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “Jim, from Accounting, paged himself to the front desk three times in one day for a new record.  The third time he got to the front desk, he was fired.”

Randy Johnson – Hey, boys and 2 girls, it’s personal ancedote time!  Rudy and I were in Vegas for New Year’s Eve about seven years ago.  So we’re discussing keepers, not fantasy baseball ones, but this girl I was dating.  She was NOT a keeper.  Between our third and fourth Red Bull and Vodkas, I head off to the bathroom.  I have the bladder of an 8th grader.  (No, I wasn’t a donor recipient.  I’m saying, I pee frequently.)  So I’m at the urinal and guess who walks up to the urinal next to me?  Randy Johnson.  Stoked, I blurt out, “Hey, it’s the Big Unit!”  Probably wrong place, wrong time.

Carlos Delgado might as well enjoy a Cocktail or two as he’s the latest member of the new hip injury (double entendre) – the torn labrum.  It took A-Rod two months to come back from this and he’s younger, in better shape, and a bigger poser (not sure how the 3rd point is relevant, just felt like saying it).  If you drafted Delgado, you’ve got to just let him go.  No use clogging up a DL slot except if you’re in a real deep league.  Forget the Mets replacements for now – Tatis, Murphy, Kranepool, etc – as none of them have 1B eligibility.  Hopefully you have another player for the 1B slot and can just grab the best 1B/3B available for cornerman.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rickie Weeks – Weeks’s out-for-the-seasony is epidemic, ya’ll.  Hardy likes to hit 2nd and Hart or Counsell would make sense in the leadoff spot.  If Gamel plays 3rd, Counsell or Hall would be play 2nd.  Hall would get a nice boost in value if he gains 2nd base eligibility, which is to say he would go from no value to some value in deep leagues.  This Weeks injury should be a wake up call for all Blalock owners.  One day he’s hitting homers, the next day he has a root canal that sidelines him indefinitely.  Okay, Weeks, Nomar and Baldelli offer you a ride, but the catch is you can’t wear your seatbelt, do you accept the ride?

Mat Gamel – HR and error yesterday.  In 2007, Milwaukeeans called that The Braun Exacta.  Defense be damned!  Gamel got the start at 3rd.  I propose the Brewers correct Gamel’s defensive problems like how the Rockies went to the humidor.  They should put The Vacuum in Miller Park.  Whenever the visiting team is hitting, you turn The Vacuum to suck and watch as everything is hit to the right side.  The Vacuum sucks so Gamel doesn’t blow.

Kyle Lohse – 4 IP, 4 ER.  He’s not good.  Wait, do I hear an echo?  Oh, no, that’s just me the last five times he’s pitched.

Scott Richmond – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  Was a good match-up, still not a fan of his going forward.

Ross Detwiler – Was 0-3 with a 2.98 ERA in Double-A.  Sounds like he should be a starter for the Nats!  I wouldn’t go after him outside of NL-Only leagues and even there, I’d want to see more… On someone else’s team.

Joel Hanrahan – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Hanrahanahanananan got Kazaamahamahammed!

Glen Perkins – 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Got flapjacked by the Yanks and now is being sent to the Disgraceful List with elbow inflammation.  I don’t know who the Twins end up replacing him with, but two guarantees:  1) over/under on K/start will be 1.5 and 2) you don’t need to pick him up.

Carl Crawford/B.J. Upton – Rays scored a kajillion runs and they went a combined 0-for-6.  What a bunch of ticker teases!

Ross Ohlendorf – 5 IP, 5 ER.  The only thing standing in the way of The Dorf is his lackluster pitching.

Carlos Gomez – 4-for-8 in the last two games with a steal.  He’s starting for about a week with Young out.  Those desperate for steals may be able to sneak in a few for the next couple of days.

Mark Teixeira – 2 HRs yesterday with 4 RBIs.  Almost June?  Yup, makes sense.

Jason Marquis – 8 IP, 1 ER.  The Marquis de Sad did it to the Braves royally.

Bobby Abreu – 0-for-2, zero home runs and 14 steals on the year.  The Angels ended up with the 2nd coming of Reggie Willits.

Kendry Morales – 2 home runs yesterday to bring his total to 8 on the year while batting .289.  I realize he’s been yawnstipating in his career, but he’s having a solid year and could end up with 25/100/.280.

Russell Branyan – Hit his 10th homer on the year.  Hey, cheap power, say hello to your mother for me.

Vladimir Guerrero – Coming back from his torn pectoral to be the Angels’ Designated Hacker.  You have to think the pectoral plays some role in swinging.  Wouldn’t bet that Stitch Tits is going to deliver much more than an empty .280 average.

John Lackey – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Aren’t you glad you held onto him for two months?  His owners probably wish he would’ve just pegged Ichiro to start the game (Ichiro’s owners probably wish that too).  I think this was just rust with Lackey, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Brandon Morrow – Pitched the 6th and 7th, giving up 2 earned runs.  The way he’s going he’s going to be pitching the 3rd inning soon.

Randy Wolf – Is he Randy for a win or Hungry for a win?  Either way, 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER should buy a brotha a win.  To give you a glimpse into my soul, I own Wolf in three leagues and I haven’t been disappointed at all.  56 1/3 IP, 46 Ks, 1.07 WHIP and a 2.72 ERA.  If someone was willing to give you Wolf for say the random rookie nookie you have (Zimmermann, Gamel, Parra), I’d do it.  I think it’s possible too, because Wolf gets no love.  In fact, I grabbed him off waivers in one of my ‘pert 15 team leagues.

Garrett Atkins – Getting benched by Hurdle.  Mrs. Garrett’s Atkins diet was more successful than Atkins this year.

Phil Coke – Got the save as Mo needed rest after pitching on Sat and Sun.  The last time Coke got credit for a Yankee save was when Steve Howe donned the pinstripes.

Joey Votto – Votto’s in the Scripps Clinic for an examination… E-X-A-M-I-N-A-T-I-O-N… Examination.