Fantasy Baseball Advice

Logan Morrison was optioned to Triple-A New Orleans.  Easy to say he was demoted because of his struggles since the All-Star break, but what fun would that be?  He just started to hit again — 4 for his last 11 with a homer and steal.  As Fredi Gonzalez and Dan Uggla before him, Logan’s run out of town by the Han-Man.  Easily having his worst season, it’s pretty incredible the nerve Hanley has putting his full 5-hour energy drink towards getting rid of Morrison.  Billy the Marlin would like to demonstrate the size of Hanley’s cojones.  I imagine Logan won’t be down in New Orleans longer than a couple of weeks so don’t do anything rash in deep keeper leagues.  Hopefully Morrison doesn’t take a bath in that French-influenced city.    Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Brian Wilson – Out with a back pain.  A back issue sent him to the DL in April, so if this a recurrence it could be trouble with a capital beard.  Romo would be the first option out of the bullpen but he has a tender elbow — I always prefer al dente.  Next up, Affeldt, who’s voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but he’s a lefty so the Giants might just go with matchups as they did yesterday turning to Ramon Ramirez aka Ram-Ram.

Brandon Belt – 2-for-4 with two homers as he returned from the minors.  Now he’ll be A) Sent down again. B) Played regularly. C) There’s no C.

Ryan Vogelsong – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA now sits at 2.47.  This comes after his last start when he was hit hard by the pennant-contending Pirates, who are now 13 games out of 1st.

Doug Fister – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 13 baserunners, 5 Ks.  A Twisted Fister got rocked.

Nick Markakis – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer.  Sparkakis!   I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this was his best game in three years.

Kevin Gregg – 0 IP, 4 ER.  Kazaam!

Eric Thames – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in the last three games against Ervin and Haren.  Worth giving Thames a look if you’re power starved.  Or parved, if you’re into portmanteaus or flattened bread.

Jose Reyes – No timetable for his return, i.e., no ticky; no tocky.  The only reason for Reyes to play is to prove to the free agent market that he’s healthy, which is a pretty sizable reason so I imagine he’ll try to get out there for September.  Or Boras might put on Dan Aykroyd’s Jamaican costume from Trading Places to play in Reyes’s place.

Freddy Garcia - Scratched from his start after he cut his finger during a kitchen accident.  He said he was making his Choochie lunch and the recipe called for fingerling potatoes.

Edwin Jackson – Left yesterday’s start with a hamstring injury.  No word yet how long he’ll be out.  We’ll wait to see if we get an up or down on the Jackson pollex.

Johnny Giavotella – 1-for-4 with his third steal in the last three games.  If you need steals, I’d take him into the smush room.

Dan Uggla – Had his hitting streak snapped.  Was this the longest hitting streak ever for someone who started their streak with a sub-.200 average?  Where’s Tim Kurkjian’s crack team of voice-cracking interns when you need them?

Tommy Hanson – To the DL with what the Braves are calling “We should’ve listened to Grey last week when he said to place Hanson on the DL.”  Hanson will probably return at the beginning of September and have another three weeks of starts in his arm, just in time to break down in the H2H playoffs.

Carlos Guillen – To the DL with a wrist injury.  His wrist said, “Oblique, hip, back, hamstring, tonsils… They’ve all taken turns DL’ing us.  It was my turn.”

Jason Marquis – Out for the year with a fractured fibula.  No lie.

David Hernandez – Got the save yesterday because of an overworked Putz.  Hehe.

Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, hitting near .450 over the last week.  Not sure how long he’ll last on my team, but I just grabbed The Big FraGu in one league.

Jesus Guzman – Out for last two days with an injured elbow.  He should be proud that even a minor injury would warrant (RIP) a mention.

Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 with his 31st steal.  Here’s a sneak peek of next year’s February Grey, “Maybin went 10/40, which is better than dozens of outfielders that were taken before him, and the year before Andres Torres and Angel Pagan were similarly valuable only to flame out in 2011.  So don’t throw out the outfielder with the bath water, but keep your expectations in check.”  And that’s me foreseeing me!

Dontrelle Willis – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  Left the game with pain in his forearm.  Seems a lot more like a pain in the neck.

Jay Bruce – Hit his fifth homer in the last week.  Pray to your deity of choice that Bruce stays hot from now until the end of September.

Brandon Allen – 3-for-4, 2 runs and a RBI after being recalled on Saturday.  Not sure why he wouldn’t play every day, but I don’t think he will.  Instead, he’ll probably share time with CoJack which will hurt both of their values in AL-Only leagues.  Though I guess it could be said they were hurting their own values with this shizzy hitting.

Carlos Zambrano – Threw at Chipper on Friday, which got him ejected, then he went into the locker room and retired from baseball.  Not sure how this hasn’t happened yet, but Big Z needs to be in the WWE.  He can go by the name, The Big Loco.  His finishing move can be The Locomotion.  His ringside manager Ozzie Guillen distracts the ref and The Big Loco pulls a baseball out of his tights, yells out “Choo-choo… Locomotion!” and skulls his opponents’ head.  After he gets the three count, The Big Loco stands up to jeers and flashes his green tongue.  The only thing that can stop him is when an opponent brings a Gatorade cooler ringside which totally distracts The Big Loco, throwing him off his game.  Or if the opponent shows up ringside with Michael Barrett.  Please, WWE, make this happen.  On a side sidenote, you know how when a female is in the news for all the wrong reasons, she’ll then get a call from Hustler to pose nude?  I imagine it’s like that for men and the WWE.  So, if you ever get a call from the WWE or Hustler, I don’t know what you did but it’s ridiculous and not in a good way.

The week before the MLB trade deadline is upon us. This is why we keep a few extra FAAB bucks available. Wish they were good for a happy meal, because those toys always come in handy. With about 6 weeks to the fake playoffs, there is still time to make that last move to steal a few points in categories that your team may be lacking. So stocking up on some starts if you’re behind in innings isn’t always a bad idea.  Enjoy the week to come and good luck. (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)

ONE START OPTIONS:
7/27
Cory Luebke vs. Ari – Kennedy
Bruce Chen @ Bos – Lackey
Ervin Santana @ Cle – Carrasco

7/28
Chris Capuano @ Cin – Bailey
John Lannan vs. Fla – Volstad
Kevin Correia @ Atl – Lowe

7/29
Josh Collmenter @ LAD – Lilly
Gillon Gee @ Was – Gorzellany
Tim Stauffer vs. Col – Hammel

Freddy Garcia (Sea vs. Vargas, Bal vs. TBD) What year is it? 2001? I don’t get it, no one predicted it. This is why overpaying for pitchers is what drives us all crazy. Yankee lineup makes him sexier.

Brandon McCarthy (TB vs. Price, Min vs. Pavano) Still building innings since return. Home ERA is tiny — 2.33. Good buy low guy, as he was prolly forgotten about for awhile.

Chris Narveson (CHC vs. Dempster, Hou vs. Myers) A Smokey fave, guess all my trashing is starting to get to him. 5-2 with a 3.80 ERA at home this year. Second half stunner last year, maybe it’s the start of something magical. Yeah, I said magical.

Rubby de la Rosa (Col vs. Nicasio, Ari vs. Saunders) K’s are nice, but anyone actually seen the Dodgers offense lately. Yeah, they score as much as the US women’s soccer team do on penalty kicks. What, too soon?

Andrew Miller (KC vs. Duffy, @Chw vs. Humber) Match-up with Duffy, first one to 6 BBs wins. Still like the chances of that lineup thwarting anything, peripherals be damned. We want wins. WINS, I say.

Dustin Moseley (Ari vs. Saunders, Col vs. Nicasio) Insert random Padre home start colloquialism. Still gets garbage run support. May not have a bullpen by Sunday to back him up.

Nick Blackburn (@Tex vs. Holland, @Oak vs. Moscoso) Lack of K’s makes him very unattractive. Only allowed one ER in last 2 starts. Name still sounds like a rash you contract on spring break.

R.A. Dickey (@Cin vs. Leake, @Was vs. Marquis) I thought first name initialed guys only wrote books. Only 1 win in last 8 starts, with a 3.38 ERA. Better pitcher on the road by a whole run.

Joe Saunders (@SD vs. Moseley, @LAD vs. De La Rosa) If effectively mediocre was a tier for starting pitchers, he would be the Sy Sperling of it. Hasn’t allowed more than 3 ER in last 7 starts. ERA just a tick above 3 on the road.

Mike Leake (NYM vs. Dickey, SF vs. Bumgarner) The much anticipated Leake-Dickey matchup. Who will win? Depends.

Stephen Drew to postpone all ballroom dancing classes for six to nine months with a fractured ankle.  His wife Nancy isn’t gonna be happy.  More time for mystery solving!  If you haven’t seen the video of Stephen Drew, I’d wait for it on the big screen in Faces of Death:  The Drew Edition, which will also feature J.D. throwing out his back, knee, shoulder, back again and ‘pulling up short.’  We probably won’t see Stephen again this year, so it’s fine to drop him.  In his place, Cody Ransom, Quad-A/futility infielder.  He has 25 homers in Triple-A this year, and 9 homers in about ten years of on again/off again major league service.  You can probably do better.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wilson Betemit – Castaway Wilson got volleyed to the Tigers yesterday.  Betemit has never received any modicum of respect in his major league career, if I’m using the word modicum correctly.  For the longest time, the Royals would drop the boom with prospect after prospect and Betemit would be MOS — ‘Mit Out Starting job — but now Betemit will take over 3rd base.  Brandon Inge must feel Blind Sided by this.  Maybe he should call Sandra Bullock or Big Mike to campaign for him.  Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones?  Is that some voodoo shizz?  If you’re struggling with your corner infidel in deep mixed leagues, Betemit could provide some pop and average.  Of course, don’t drop anyone too worthwhile for him.  Still no respect!

Casper Wells – This was what Leyland said when he sent Wells down, “It’s a crying shame.  He doesn’t deserve to go down.  This one hurts because the kid has done a hell of a job.”  Apparently, the only thing harder than giving up Casper is giving up tobacco.  If only there was a Casper Wells patch!

Duane Below – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He’s a pretty mediocre AL-Only option with a bleh K-rate in the minors.  Plus, Duane Below sounds like a What’s Happening episode where Raj and Rerun lost their friend’s hair pick.  Hey HEY….sob….hey.

Carlos Gomez – Broke his collar bone and will be out for a while.  Maybe Lastings Milledge can work “poppin’ collars like Carlos Gomez” into a song.

Dan Haren – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  I thought we had a deal that someone was going to sneak into Haren’s room and turn the calender back to June?

Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks.  He looked better than Lincecum, in both a straight and gay way.

Javy Guerra – Has six straight saves, an ERA of 2.18 and a perma-smile like the Joker.

Andre Ethier – Has 9 homers, zero steals and a .299 average.  Johnny Damon would be embarrassed by that line.

Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in 26 games since he’s been called up.  He’s almost surely going to be overrated next year.  Damn you, half empty glass.

Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Next, he gets the Cubs, then the Astros twice.  That’s a yes, please and thank you.

Jason Vargas – 3 IP, 5 ER.  How very JV of him.  Two straight bad starts, two reasons he should no longer be on your team.

Adam Dunn – Out with knee problems.  Ironically, this year his fantasy owners were forced to take a knee.

John Danks – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Solid start in his return from the Disabled List.  Or as Ozzie calls it, the Puta List.

Brad Lidge – Due back from rehab on Friday.  I’d make sure he comes with return postage for when he gets hurt again.  He won’t be the closer immediately, but the Phils merry-go-round closerousel could pick up in August.

Antonio Bastardo – Charlie Manuel hinted that Bastardo could remain the closer.  I hope Madson enjoyed screwing Charlie Manuel’s daughter (I imagine she looks like Cletus from The Simpsons with boobs) because for some reason he’s in the dog house again.  Or maybe Manuel was saying Madson would be the closer, but calling him a bastardo.

Vance Worley – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’d be cooler if his name was Van Swirley.  Last time Worley pitched well, I said he shouldn’t be pitching this well, but you should pick him up until he stops pitching this well.  Well, well, well…

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  The Cubs were mowed down by Philly — back again! — with a little east coast swing by the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, y’all!

Michael Martinez – 2-for-5 with 2 steals.  Probably won’t hit over .240 but he has some speed and is playing while Polanco receives an epidural.  Betcha Polanco wishes he chose natural childbirth.

Ryan Dempster – 3 IP, 6 ER as Dempster goes back to the dumpster.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-5, 4 runs, a home run and two steals.  Encarnacion goes through stretches where he gets crazy hot.  Right now, hitting near .450 in the last week with three steals and a homer and 17 for his last 40.  He’s a hot schmotato, ya’ll.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a home run.  Really shouldn’t be on waivers in any leagues at this point.

Jayson Werth – 3-for-5, and his 11th home run.  According to RCL updater, VinWins, Duffy’s Irish Pub in Washington, D.C. is matching beer prices to Jayson Werth’s average.  3 hits yesterday raised the price to $2.18.  For where I live (Los Angeles), a bar could match Ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage and be a good deal.

Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-4 and a home run.  Or as someone on Sportscenter probably said, Lonnie went gonnie.

Freddy Garcia – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  When I see Garcia’s season ERA at 3.21, I get as incredulous as De Niro when Spider talks back to Pesci.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-3 with 2 steals.  Now has 13 steals on the year (and 13 errors and 13 strikeouts and 13 times he’s name dropped Jeter to try and get laid).

Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 1 ER.  Still recorded the save, but it’s worth noting he gave up a run.  And noted.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a season ERA of 1.98 as he went against Jeff Karstens (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K) and his 2.28 ERA.  To think we paid 20-something dollars for Gallardo in March… Cust frustrated.

Chase D’Arnaud – Now has 7 errors in 21 games played.  More like Chase D’Ball.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 14th and 15th home runs.  Member when I said in April Ellsbury and Gardner were the same player?  I kill myself sometimes.  Literally, I’m sticking my head in the oven.

Ricky Nolasco – 1 1/3 IP, 9 ER vs. the Padres.  San Diego bats haven’t been used this much since Cinco de Mayo.  Not sure if candy came out of Nolasco.

Will Venable – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer as every hitter on the Padres got into the action.  San Diego’s offense yesterday was like Ralphie beating up Farkus.  Months of futility boiling up into an uncontrollable rage.  I just picture Jason Bartlett kicking and screaming, “Fickin’, shmikin…”

Yesterday was Juan Rivera’s birthday.  *giggles like a schoolgirl*  Wait, I wanna think about how the Blue Jays cut Juan Rivera on his birthday.  *giggles again*  It was his birthday!  Man, that is rich.  The Blue Jays should’ve had someone tell Juan a passage from Ezekiel 25:17.  Not someone important just to rub it in further.  Someone like the guy who cleans the jock straps.  “Juan, there’s this passage I got memorized… Hold on, I have to put extra bleach on these underpants.”  So in Juan Rivera’s place is Travis Snider.  My love runs deep for Mr. Snider.  Here’s what I said in the preseason, “In 82 games, Snider hit 14 homers.  I’m not one to prorate stats unless you just have to double something, so over 164 games (assuming a four way tie for the playoffs and the Jays play two extra games and Snider plays in every single game a’la some Cal Gehrig Jr. shizz), Snider’s going to hit 28 homers!”  And that’s me quoting me!  I only go to that to give you an idea as to what he can do in half a year.  I’d grab him in every league where you need power.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jose Bautista – 2-for-4 and his 27th home run.  The real crazy thing (to me at least) is Bautista’s a first round pick next year, unless A-Rod’s cousin comes forward and says he’s related to Bautista too.

Eric Thames – Hit two home runs this weekend.  Well, la di–No, actually that’s good.  Grab him if you need power.

Cliff Lee – 7 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Yesterday, The Adverb got modified.

Ryan Braun – Left Saturday’s game with a 22-game hitting streak and a calf strain.  He’s day-to-day as of right now (around 6:15 PM PST on Sunday).  On the hierarchy of players who get injured a lot, there’s three categories.  First category is players who are always getting hurt and missing significant time.  The category has a committee leader:  Josh Hamilton, “Ask not what your oblique can do for you, but ask what is an oblique and why can’t I stop straining it.”  Next category is players that always have at least one 15-day DL stint per year.  Heading up this category is Ryan Zimmerman, “There’s coffee and donuts in the back of the room.  Clint Barmes asked that the coffee be served lukewarm.”  Finally, there’s the category of players that are always dealing with nagging injuries, but try to play through them.  This category’s spokesman is Ryan Braun, “If anyone’s looking for Albert Pujols, he’s no longer in this category.  Also, let’s keep this brief, a lot of us are day-to-day and need to ice something.”

Brennan Boesch – Two games this weekend with a Boesch ‘n bomb.

Chris Heisey – 2-for-4 and a homer, but has only started twice in the last week.  You like him, I like him, but what did he do to get on Dusty’s bad side?  Did he steal his toothpick?  “What do you mean, you thought it was a splinter?  My best man, Don Baylor, gave me that toothpick at my wedding.”

Mark Reynolds – Hit three homers in the last two games.  All brays to Mini Donkey!

Nick Markakis – 5-for-5 yesterday and a home run on Saturday.  I am Sparkakis!  Honestly, if I owned him, I’d consider moving him in a trade.  He’s on pace for a 15/15 season.  I give that a small yay.

Chase D’Arnaud – 2-for-6 with a steal and has 4 steals in 10 games.  For those with a solar calculator on a cloudy day, which sounds like 1st draft lyrics from Alanis, 4 steals in 10 games is a lot.  If it was Eric Young Jr., you’d be so excited you’d be doing some Cirque du Soleil shizz wearing flaming leotards.  Yes, that clothing choice is a bit redundant.

Mark Melancon – 1 IP, 1 ER. Kazaam!  He’s also given up 8 runs in his last 5 appearances.  Pick up Wilton Lopez, he might be the closer by this time next week.

Josh Reddick – Did nothing yesterday but ever since Mike Cameron was designated for the assignment to stop sucking, Reddick’s been playing and hitting well (over .400 in the last week).

Ivan Nova – That bright star Nova is off to a galaxy far, far away in Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, which either can’t make up its mind which city it’s in or the stadium is mobile.  Why do you care about Ivan Nova, you ask.  I answer, it means Yanks are about to *wink, wink* Phil up their pitching staff.

Freddy Garcia – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners and a K.  Having a better season than Zack Greinke.  Fantasy baseball:  helping prematurely balding men lose their hair faster.

Rodrigo Lopez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I have one word to describe Rodrigo Lopez — notverygood.

Johnny Damon – 7 for his last 9.  Plus, girls tend to like Johnny Damon, so if you pick him up, you and your lady friend will have something to talk about.

Hanley Ramirez – If I had known the reaction Hanley would’ve had to me writing a Buy post on him, I would’ve wrote it two months ago.  If only I had fed Morneau’s ego rather than continuing to knock him…

Mark Ellis – 2 homers and 8-for-15 since the trade.  Someone’s enjoying their new environs.  If you’re hurting at middle infidel, there’s no reason to not take the flyer.  BTW, environs is such a douchey word it wears Affliction.

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 with a homer and 6 RBIs, but was carted off the field after he crashed into the wall.  Oh, no, CartGo.  Gasp!  Shudder.  Yikes City, Colo-ruh-oh.  However, the x-rays came back negative and he shouldn’t need a DL stint.

Jose Reyes – Day-to-day with a Grade 1 strain of his hammy.  He’s on the cusp of moving into Zimmerman’s category of injured players.

Matt Capps – He simultaneously sucked and blew on Saturday; his 6th Capps-sizing of the year.  Then on Sunday, he was removed after one out and the Twins went with Glen Perkins and his orchestra of pitches for the save.  Yet, Gardy said that Capps is his closer for now.  Pretty sure the emphasis was on “for now” and not “closer.”  If you’re save digging, Nathan’s a potential nugget.

Jayson Werth – Was hit by a pitch on his wrist and left the game, but didn’t want to get X-rays, saying, “X-rays are for people who want to make sure they’re healthy so they can play well and earn a big contract.”

Melky Cabrera – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and 2 homers.  The only way Melky’s season could be going any better is if his last name was Furbush.

Eric Hosmer – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer.  At 21, he’s actually doing really well so far.  If he takes a step forward next year, he should be a top 10 1st baseman which is nothing to sneeze at, unless you’re allergic to that sorta thing.

Max Scherzer – 2 IP, 6 ER.  He’s now been rocked by the far-from-intimidating Giants, Dodgers and Twins.  Does he feel bad for these weak offenses and he’s being an ubermensch?  Doesn’t seem uber possible.  I’d lose him in shallower mixed leagues and bench him in deeper ones.  He’s unstartable right now everywhere.

Fausto Carmona – To the 15-day DL with a strained right quad.  His left quad said this, “Get better, I’m sick of supporting his ass!”

Sounds like Ike Davis is done for the year.  He could be facing microfracture ankle surgery.  Man, will the Mets ever catch a big break?  First, Beltran had microfracture surgery on his knee, and now Davis.  What’s with the Mets and tiny surgery?  Can’t the Mets find a normal-sized doctor?  Microsurgery is the 101 class if you’re going to be a surgeon.  Macrosurgery is the 102 class.  That’s a little known fact — literally!   For fantasy purposes, just think, now you have more room on your DL.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  That’s one for the Brandon Beachy Memoirs.  Now if only he’d stop looking up his cousin’s dress.

Dan Uggla – 1-for-4 with his 10th home run.  I’ll take bets that he gets to 25 home runs, but not that he gets to .230.  Anyone want some action?  I’m not talking betting action.  Come here and sit on Uncle Grey’s lap.

Jose Bautista – Hit his 22nd home run.  See, my gentle prodding of his miserable June paid off for his owners.  Now I will return to my Bautista dormancy where I am an RA.

Jo-Jo Reyes – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  He’s such a peg boy!

Shaun Marcum – Left the game after reaggravating his hip and his owners.  He says he’ll be fine for his next start.  We’ll see.  Or not.  Your choice.

Travis Wood – Sent down to Triple-A.  All they have to do is send down Votto and Bruce and their AAA club will be the better team.

Joel Hanrahan – Got his 20th save yesterday, which is a feat because he pitches for the Pirates.  It usually takes until end of August before they have 20 saves as a team.  Hanrahanananananan’s ERA/WHIP is 1.31/0.96 and he has 30 Ks in 34 IP.   Sorry, Mr. Peralta, but you’re looking at the best reliever named Joel in the majors!

Kevin Correia – Got his 9th win of the year – making him the most successful Pirate this year outside of the Somali coast.

Neftali Feliz – 2/3 IP, 4 ER and his 4th blown save.  Now has 19 Ks to 15 walks in 28 innings.  He’s not getting replaced any time soon, but something is up with him.  Wouldn’t be surprised to see another DL stint from him this summer.

Adrian Gonzalez – Hitting .359 on the year and he went 4-for-4 against his old team.  Who’s your Padre, San Diego!?

Clayton Richard – 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks in Fenway.  That’s exactly what Vegas projected for Richard.  Oh, wait, they projected 1 inning, 5 runs, 10 baserunners.

Albert Pujols – Love this ESPN title yesterday, “Pujols Feels Healthy Aside From Fracture.”  Yeah, and Willie McGee felt beautiful except for his face.

Jorge Posada – Hit his 7th home run– Psych!  I’m not talking about him because then I’ll gonna get inundated with catcher questions.  “No, thank you,” says Grey as he splashes on his Drakkar.

Freddy Garcia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Here’s something bonkers.  On Rudy’s AL-Only team, his staff is Hellickson, Hughes, Garcia, Coke, Britton, Fister and Baker.  Has a 3.58 ERA / 1.27 WHIP.  If you drafted that staff in the beginning of the year with high hopes, I’d say you were just high.  Goes to show you, no one knows anything, William Goldman.

Torii Hunter – Double I left yesterday’s game after crashing into the wall.  He has bruised ribs.  The wall has a strained oblique.

Ryan Vogelsong – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Now has a 1.73 ERA.  Last year Colby Lewis returned from Japan with great results.  This year it’s Vogelsong.  Konichiwa, Fausto Carmona!

Ty Wigginton – On Monday morning, I said Wigginton hit a home run on Sunday and now his over/under for the week is 3.  Yesterday, he hit two home runs.  Still taking the under?

Erik Bedard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  I have no doubts of his ability if he stays healthy.  However, that ‘if’ is the size of the car that was used to take Shirley Hemphill and Fred Berry to the set.

Jonny Gomes – Hit a home run yesterday.  That’s all you need to know.  He gets about as crazy hot as Wigginton when he’s going right.  Has 9 homers now.  Might have 16 before he goes cold again.  I added him in any daily leagues where I could (can’t trust him to play every day for weekly leagues).

Chris Heisey – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and 3 home runs as he became the 207th player this year to hit 3 homers in a game.  Only a slight exaggeration.  Before this game, he was one for the last week.  I really like Heisey, but in Dusty Baker’s book titled, “OBP Stands For Oh B**** Please,” his 3rd chapter is, “Why Play Three Outfielders When Five Will Do?” says all you need to know about Hesiey.  So unless Dusty goes with a short center fielder it’s hard to own Heisey outside of deep daily leagues where you can move him in and out of the lineup.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Sonavabench!

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks in Metco.  After the game, Gio said he’d love to pitch for the Mets one day or against them every day.

Jake Peavy – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  But at least he wasn’t injured.  Baby steps, Bob, baby steps.

Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Don’t need to see the Zapruder film of all of Kennedy starts to know that he’s not a 2.90 ERA pitcher.  He shouldn’t completely collapse, but c’mon.

Ted Lilly – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  One of the more disappointing guys we own.  In Dodgers Stadium, this guy should have a 3.20-ish ERA.  Then he gets 8 Ks and only walks one yesterday, which isn’t bad…Ugh, he’s pretty unstartable right now.  Lilly, you’ve gilded me for the last time!

Matt Kemp – 3-for-3 and he’s already at 20/20.  Now I see what Rihanna saw in him.  He’s damn sexy!

Jonathan Broxton – Mattingly said Broxton will be the loser when he returns.  Oops, Freudian slip!  Mattingly must be looking through the rear view mirror to see the Broxton of the 1st half of 2010.  I guess it’s true — objects in the rear view mirror are better Closers than they appear.