Today, it’s the final Buy of the year. Next week, we’ll be doing one last roundup on Monday and recaps the rest of the month until I start on 2015 rookies that could make an impact. In other words, where the hell did the summer go? And does this mean I have to go back to spending time with Cougs? To paraphrase the Broadway musical Rent (or maybe it was Abe Lincoln), eight thousand, two hundred million seconds, five hundred trillion milliseconds and three fortnights ago, our forefathers had a full head of hair and began on a journey to win their fantasy league. Today, I sit in front of you, a changed man, if we were to count my underwear. No longer do I love unconditionally any man (in redraft leagues). Now I simply like hot schmotatoes. And today’s hot schmotato is Ender Inciarte. So, sneaky good, he’s got CIA in the middle of his name. Ender has six steals this month and is hitting .400 in the last week. There’s no time to worry about the future, only the present. I call this Ender’s Game. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Like the end of anything that was good, there is only one thing left to do as the MLB regular season comes to a close: lay it down really hard. Finish strong, as they say. Earn your season-long awards. Kershaw is possibly making his last case for a seemingly deserved MVP as a starting pitcher tonight and he has the added motivation to embarrass his team’s greatest rival and clinch the NL West. After spending the majority of the year avoiding writing about my beloved Dodgers, I can no longer avoid the allure. Tonight offers a matchup as sexy as anything to come out of San Fernando Valley in the last 20 years. Let’s start with the NL Cy Young and MVP probable, Clayton Kershaw, P: $14,800. Considering that the best starting hitter on the Giants BvP line is held by Pablo Sandoval who has a growing trend of being incapable of hitting from the right side, Kershaw is a no-brainer today. The NL MVP should have no problem punishing the shrinking Giants’ bats into submission. Sandoval’s leading BvP by the way is 14-54 with 3 2Bs equaling a .596 OPS… the best they have to offer.
I got ideas and the DFSBot has finely honed predictions. You have ideas and the DFSBot has finely honed predictions. The DFSBot is critically acclaimed on the internets. I sleep at night and the DFSBot never stops working. You and I have a lot in common. I hope you sleep too. Listen to the DFSBot.
New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Braun revealed he doesn’t have a thumb issue, he has a whole hand issue. Unfortch, he’s also proving to have a ‘can’t stay on the field without steroids’ issue, which is the result of a ‘steroids has broken down his ability to stay healthy’ issue that’s brought up a ‘is he really trying to get on the field’ issue that all came about when he was ‘wearing scrubs, watching his wife spit out a kid and his wife was squeezing his hand too tightly’ issue that leaves the issue, ‘will he return and do anything this season?’ Basically, Braun’s got more men’s health issues than Ricky Martin. Whether or not you drop him or just bench him comes down to who you have to replace him, but, in September, he’s hitting .200 with zero homers, and he hit .240 in August with four homers, so chances are good you can find someone better than him for the final two and a half weeks. This will definitely muddy waters on if Braun is a mannish boy or what to expect from him in 2015 fantasy baseball. Unless Lame-Ass-Busta Excuses is a category in your league, then Braun has it on lock. (Also, applies if the category is spelled Lame-Ass-Buster Excuses or simply Lame Excuses.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I love the Aussie people; they have goofy words for a barbecue and even goofier animals — koalas and kangaroos? Is Australia animated? Those things are goofy! Why not just get a duck-billed platypus and anteater and call it a day, you wacky-animal-having country! How about baseball there? Did all the fans in attendance win a Bowie knife if a player hit a home run into the big marsupial pouch? Did Crocodile Dundee throw out the first pitch? Did the batters hit with a fraternity hazing paddle? I don’t know, because it was at four in the morning! Selig really needs to stop doing this to Opening Day. The players will be exhausted from traveling and won’t be able to get their usual reps in during the spring. The first pitch of the season should be at a time when 7-year-old North American boys and girls can watch it. Not at 4 AM EST. What if the first game went extra innings or someone got hurt? Can they just call up someone from the minors for the next game? No, so then you’ll have a team playing short. Do these stunts in December as a goodwill trip. Don’t make major league baseball teams into the Harlem Globetrotters for a regular season game. Eh, whatevs, baseball is back, who cares if it comes with a big helping of Vegemite. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you want to see the worst video you can imagine, here’s Aroldis getting hit in the face by a line drive. I say it’s the worst video, not because of the graphic content, but because it looks it was shot by a blind man who has really large fingers. Which has me thinking, does braille come in different sizes? Things that make you go hmm… So, Aroldis Chapman got hit in the face by a comebacker off of Salvador Perez’s bat and needed to get carted off the field and taken straight to the hospital. No amount of weird stories about Aroldis coming home to find women tied to his bed, claiming they were kidnapped, makes what happened to Aroldis right. No amount of stories of him doing 150 MPH in a school zone, drag racing against Puig, makes this right. Aroldis can throw puppies in the air and say he’s making it rain for pussycats and it doesn’t make it okay. Though, I did rush to the waiver wire looking for J.J. Hoover just in case Aroldis would be out for a while, then I went looking for Jonathon Broxton. Fantasy baseball, you make me a bad person! I’d add Hoover and Broxton, just in case Aroldis is out for a while. Right now, I’d guess he misses a month with a fractured nose and a fracture above his eye. Anyway, here’s what else I’ve seen in Spring Training for 2014 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As spring training takes off, we, the wonderful people of Razzball, thought it would be a good idea to look into some intra-team rivalries. What positions are a lock? What positions are being fought over? What positions will they hire me to fill-in for (second base Blue Jays, I’m looking at you)? Find out as the start of this series will focus on NL East…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Say it’s not so News Report! News Report, “I’m sorry, Grey, your handsomeness and mustache make me want to lie to you, but Edwin Encarnacion is probably being shut down for the year.” Is it because anything I did? “No, you’ve gone above and beyond anything I could’ve hoped for. Thanks for the $10 marathon donation too. A real mensch, you are!” I could’ve done without the second reminder to donate on Facebook. “Can we discuss this privately?” So, players are dropping like flies. Not those African tsetse flies that have been known to live for six months after they burrow into your skull. They’re dropping like fruit flies near your backyard bug zapper. In most leagues, I’d lose Encarnacion immediately. Blue Jays Manager said Edwin’s probably done for the year, and even if he returns, he’s dealing with a sore wrist, which is, ya know, not good for hitting. Comatose Blue Jays Fan, “At least he’ll be ready for the playoffs! Right?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Colby Rasmus took the Miller Park crowd and said, “How ya like me now?!” Then they said, “We don’t really know you, because the Blue Jays/Brewers rivalry extends only about an hour or so, unless you count that time Rance Mulliniks said this town was nothing but a bunch of Lenny and Squiggys. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
We all need a little wonder, so let me pose a question to you after this clunky intro. Was Matt Cain‘s perfect game the best one game pitching performance in major league history? I pose that question to you, young prematurely balding man, not to answer. Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna be out at a family BBQ for Memorial Day. Your weird uncle that has coke bottle glasses is going to ask your girlfriend if she’ll pass the potato salad just so he can get a glimpse of her bra when she moves her arm, and then your friend is going to text you, “Anthony Rizzo called up! Please, blog, may I have some more?Please, blog, may I have some more?